Is this rude?

[artemis]

It's hard to know tone when you are just reading what is written. My preference is to be brief and to the point. I think that some can read a "just the facts" response as being harsh.

 

[Tammyfarms]

It's hard to know tone when you are just reading what is written. My preference is to be brief and to the point. I think that some can read a "just the facts" response as being harsh.

I’m smiling because I’m usually the same. Just get to the point. Writing out something that’s *nice* often takes me a long time.

 

[MelissaG]

I have seen rudeness but the offenders were removed some time ago. (Quick thank-you to the admins.) Sometimes I think we need to get a feel for the members here, their experience and desire to help before judging.
One thing for sure, if someone asks for help they will receive really solid and helpful advice. I am on a couple FB groups that I am thinking of leaving as the advice is often awful and/or rude.
Before getting offended because advice was not asked for or what one wanted to hear, perhaps consider the experience level of the responder, why it was offered and if it could be true/helpful. Just my thoughts, take ‘em or leave ‘em.

I've had people be rude to me here. They actually upset me quite badly and have been since removed.

 

[Prysm]

I haven’t seen any disparaging remarks here. People on Reddit are incredibly rude and I have encouraged new soap makers to join our forum

I'd love to see links to that. Reddit can be...not nice.

It's hard to know tone when you are just reading what is written. My preference is to be brief and to the point. I think that some can read a "just the facts" response as being harsh.

And there is the crux of the issue. I've been using forums so long I don't want to admit the actual time period, but more often than not misunderstandings are based in how they are read, not necessarily what was said. There are exceptions, but at the end of the day, FORUMS ARE FUN. If you're not having fun, step back, breathe, move on.

 

[justsomeguy]

I haven’t seen any disparaging remarks here.

I have. It was so bad I'm now ignoring the individual. It wasn't directed at me. But... Really bad

 

[Hope Elisabeth 68]

I don't know about everyone, but I am on here to learn and so advice, even if not specifically asked for, is always welcome.

 

[Nona'sFarm]

I've had people be rude to me here. They actually upset me quite badly and have been since removed.

I really appreciate that about this forum - people are banned if they are hurtful or attack others. I don't know the process, but hopefully, if the transgression is not too egregious, a person is given a warning first. I know of at least one instance where one member was verbally attacking another member and I complained to the administrators. The attacker is no longer contributing, so I am guessing she was banned.
I love this forum, I have learned so much. Having the SEARCH function has been so helpful to me, especially when I want to try something new or have an issue. Before asking the group I usually devour all that I can from previous entries. And that leads me to my only complaint about those asking for input, many times their question has already been answered in previous posts, but they haven't used the search function to try to find the answer. Sorry, guess I'm just venting now, but thanks for giving me the opportunity to do so. As grandma used to say, " don't criticize until you've walked a mile in their shoes."

 

[artemis]

Before asking the group I usually devour all that I can from previous entries. And that leads me to my only complaint about those asking for input, many times their question has already been answered in previous posts, but they haven't used the search function to try to find the answer. Sorry, guess I'm just venting now, but thanks for giving me the opportunity to do so. As grandma used to say, " don't criticize until you've walked a mile in their shoes."

Oh, I agree-- that's a minor pet-peeve of mine. It's often so much faster to search than to wait for a response to a post! But, I'm impatient and want my answers right away

 

[melinda48]

Everyone has a different mode of communication; some are extremely direct and to the point while others tend to dance around the edges insuring their comments may not be taken wrong. My husband is a “direct speaker” while I tend more toward how to frame suggestions in a way that won’t be misinterpreted. Both ways work and we have a variety of folks here (as with any large group). Fortunately, living with “Mr. Direct” for over to years has taught me to appreciate every manner of response. I simply look for the answer, not the tone. I cannot think of a better place to go for advice/assistance/experience-led words of wisdom. Directness is not rudeness. I ask myself, “Did this answer my question”? If yes, I embrace it. If no, I move on to another answer.

It was not you at all. I do know what ya mean.

You explained that perfectly!

 

[Sudds]

I think there are many troubled and lonely people who depend on social media as a way of interacting with others. Any comment other than something that's gentle, accepting, and supportive can be perceived as a threat.

People who are new to a particular group sometimes don't take the time to become familiar with the "personality" of the group before posting. They bounce right in and share, but then don't understand when the typical reactions from the group don't meet their expectations.

An example of how the group personality can be at odds with newcomers' expectations was The Dish, a now-defunct soap making forum. Wowser, could people be crude and rude in that group! I don't recall seeing the mods doing much (if anything) to shut down the rough talk. I think many people stayed for a bit, posted a few times, and then left in a hurry.

The Dish had some great contributors, however. It was worth my while to lurk quietly and sift through all the manure to find their nuggets of wisdom.

I remember the Dish! That was a Rough &Tumble group to put it mildly, but you did get good info when you needed it!

 

[Marie_with_an_e]

I remember the Dish! That was a Rough &Tumble group to put it mildly, but you did get good info when you needed it!

Oh my gosh, I remember The Dish too! Fantastic info, but boy, if your opinions weren’t lined up with the bullies on there, watch out, they would come for you in the nastiest way! I much prefer SMF

 

[Montuckygirl]

I really see things on here from the point of view as a therapist (and trust me, not as a perfect person), because first and foremost, that is how my mind is oriented as I am a marriage and family therapist. I look at the intricacies of communication and if researchers are right, that 90% of our communication is non-verbal, then talking on forums or online/text/written formats presents a challenge. I read letters written hundreds of years ago and the language was descriptive and engaging, whereas now it seems we are all rushing to some kind of a finish line and don't have the capacity or the will to enjoy writing or reading the messages communicated to one another.

We oft times engage in assumptions and forget that many people have problems focusing or knowing what to type in to do a search well. I suffer from problems concentrating and honestly sifting through thread after thread sort of robs me of my mojo for making these bath and body goodies at times so I give in and ask a question, that to others may seem like it was already answered by others. I am not only looking for answers ya'll, but I enjoy the back and forth discourse that comes from having someone address my question. It is more than having a question answered, it is many times for me, the chance to have a special moment with another person who loves what I love and to make a human connection. If I just want questions answered, I'll forgo a forum and just stick to info seeking, but I ask questions for the joy of interacting with you about a thing I enjoy doing and I think rightly expect that if someone is going to answer it is because they love talking about the subject, too and don't just want to be condescending and act as though a gun was put to their head to answer my question. We can stop and think when we see a question asked, "Is what I am going to say going to further the education of, love of the craft, and the sense of community of the person I am going to answer?" If the answer is no, it will cause them to feel less than, rejected, and belittled, then pass and let someone who enjoys teaching and talking to answer. There are no rules that you have to answer questions even if you have the answer.

 

[janesathome]

I really see things on here from the point of view as a therapist (and trust me, not as a perfect person), because first and foremost, that is how my mind is oriented as I am a marriage and family therapist. I look at the intricacies of communication and if researchers are right, that 90% of our communication is non-verbal, then talking on forums or online/text/written formats presents a challenge. I read letters written hundreds of years ago and the language was descriptive and engaging, whereas now it seems we are all rushing to some kind of a finish line and don't have the capacity or the will to enjoy writing or reading the messages communicated to one another.

We oft times engage in assumptions and forget that many people have problems focusing or knowing what to type in to do a search well. I suffer from problems concentrating and honestly sifting through thread after thread sort of robs me of my mojo for making these bath and body goodies at times so I give in and ask a question, that to others may seem like it was already answered by others. I am not only looking for answers ya'll, but I enjoy the back and forth discourse that comes from having someone address my question. It is more than having a question answered, it is many times for me, the chance to have a special moment with another person who loves what I love and to make a human connection. If I just want questions answered, I'll forgo a forum and just stick to info seeking, but I ask questions for the joy of interacting with you about a thing I enjoy doing and I think rightly expect that if someone is going to answer it is because they love talking about the subject, too and don't just want to be condescending and act as though a gun was put to their head to answer my question. We can stop and think when we see a question asked, "Is what I am going to say going to further the education of, love of the craft, and the sense of community of the person I am going to answer?" If the answer is no, it will cause them to feel less than, rejected, and belittled, then pass and let someone who enjoys teaching and talking to answer. There are no rules that you have to answer questions even if you have the answer.

@Montuckygirl , I LOVE this response. What a positive and generous way to react to a question that none of us has an obligation to answer.
This was a perfect comment for me to read first thing on New Year’s Day, and I will try to carry its spirit forward with me through what I imagine will be a year with some challenges.
Thank you! And Happy New Year to the Soapmaking Forum Community!