Is this rude?

[justsomeguy]

@DeeAnna is the BEST!!!

+1

 

[Obsidian]

I do feel that unsolicited advice is generally rude, even if given politely. If someone wants advice they will ask, anymore I don't offer advice unless I see something dangerous.

I use FB groups a lot, some are very toxic, some are really good, most fall in the middle. I often skip giving advice there though. When there are tons of incorrect answers, people won't listen to one or two answers that are different.

 

[Caz Omega]

I don’t think it’s rude to offer advice, especially if it’s going to save someone some heartache. I think about newbies posting photos of first soaps that are on metal racks.
I also think sometimes people don’t like getting advice at first, but then later have an insight about what was said and end up learning something.

I'm new - need to know more about the metal racks thing!! I have metal racks painted black - will it do something to the soap?

 

[dmcgee5034]

@

I'm new - need to know more about the metal racks thing!! I have metal racks painted black - will it do something to the soap?

You’ll want to put something (I use 2 sheets parchment paper) between your soap and the metal racks to avoid DOS. Even painted ones because paint can chip or get compromised. HTH

 

[janesathome]

When there are tons of incorrect answers, people won't listen to one or two answers that are different.

Very good point!

 

[melinda48]

I was perusing the FB soaping groups this morning. Yesterday, someone shared her experience with a batch of soap and also a picture of the end result. When someone commented some advice, the OP seemed to feel like she was being criticized and that the commenter was "mean" and that it was rude to make such a comment when OP was just looking to "share the experience." To the OP, getting "unsolicited advice" was rude.

I have seen a similar reaction here (advice being perceived as rudeness or arrogance) on occasion, so, I'm curious about your opinion. If someone shares an experience but doesn't ask for help, is it rude to offer advice?

I, personally, appreciate unsolicited advice. When I was a new member here, I posted something and got a response from a long-time member. At first I thought it was an unwarranted comment and then I realized that this person had far more experience and wider-ranging experience than I and re-considered the comment- she was making an excellent point. When we are learners (which, for me will be a long long time!), we should never consider comments from someone with vast experience to be rude. Look in the mirror - when I do, I see someone who is still learning - I need/want/appreciate all the help I can get!

@
You’ll want to put something (I use 2 sheets parchment paper) between your soap and the metal racks to avoid DOS. Even painted ones because paint can chip or get compromised. HTH

I use plastic cafeteria trays on my racks to protect my soaps from metal contact. They work great!

 

[Deb's mess]

Facebook drives me bonkers in general.

 

[MelissaG]

I, personally, appreciate unsolicited advice. When I was a new member here, I posted something and got a response from a long-time member. At first I thought it was an unwarranted comment and then I realized that this person had far more experience and wider-ranging experience than I and re-considered the comment- she was making an excellent point. When we are learners (which, for me will be a long long time!), we should never consider comments from someone with vast experience to be rude. Look in the mirror - when I do, I see someone who is still learning - I need/want/appreciate all the help I can get!

When you hear it for the millionth time online, it's not so friendly anymore. It's just someone thinking they know more than you and its arrogant to think they know better than you without bothering to ask you why you do what you do. Most people would never do such a thing face to face because it's rude.

 

[ScentimentallyYours]

I use plastic cafeteria trays on my racks to protect my soaps from metal contact. They work great!

I also use cafeteria tray @melinda48. Started with 4, but reordered 10 more a few weeks ago. I ordered mine from the Webstaurant Store.

 

[melinda48]

I also use cafeteria tray @melinda48. Started with 4, but reordered 10 more a few weeks ago. I ordered mine from the Webstaurant Store.

I bought my rack at our university’s surplus store. It came with 14 trays. I got lucky!

When you hear it for the millionth time online, it's not so friendly anymore. It's just someone thinking they know more than you and its arrogant to think they know better than you without bothering to ask you why you do what you do. Most people would never do such a thing face to face because it's rude.

They are easily handled. I am very nice and consider myself a kind person but I can dish the snark if called for.

 

[Firefly24]

I became a member here this year. Several people have been rude and/or condescending directed at me. I have even received personal direct messages from a few folks that were downright disrespectful. I like to read the advice of others. We all bring something to the table. I realized that some soapers can be jealous when a newer soaper has more creativity or knowledge than expected. At first, I was offended. However, at my age, I eventually laughed it off. I took the opinions for what they were worth. Some good and some not so good. Just another day, nothing to lose sleep over. So, oh well. Keep on soaping and learning, having fun & making some money. Life is too short to not enjoy what you are doing.

 

[Quilter99755]

I lurked here for a long time before posting. I don't think I have ever seen any condescending remarks....not ever. But then I think I have a pretty thick skin so maybe they just don't bother me.

At this point I almost feel like apologizing for anything I have ever said to someone that they may have taken wrong. I have taken any advice people have given me on this forum to be helpful to a beginner who didn't know squat when she started making soap. But then I knew I was the beginner and SHOULD listen to her elders (not going to get much elder than me but I'm talking about experience rather than age.)

I"m into plain jane soaps so I've never "showed off" by posting anything other than a "what happened here" type of question. Ages ago someone commented on my post about the rack I was using which had no bearing on the question I was asking. I just learned something new that day which was a bonus for me, even though it wasn't what I was asking.

To me, if anyone is posting here, I feel they should be ready for all kinds of advice, not just the ones they want to hear. Not everyone who is giving advice has taken a class in Tactful BS 101 when they comment...including me! Take the little pearls of wisdom for what they are, I sincerely doubt that anyone on this site gives advice to be mean. As my momma would say: Don't get your panties in a wad!

 

[KimLynn]

I do feel that unsolicited advice is generally rude, even if given politely. If someone wants advice they will ask, anymore I don't offer advice unless I see something dangerous.

I use FB groups a lot, some are very toxic, some are really good, most fall in the middle. I often skip giving advice there though. When there are tons of incorrect answers, people won't listen to one or two answers that are different.

When I was brand-new to CP soapmaking, I asked for advice on another site about something in Soapcalc nd got what I thought was very condescending answer. Fortunately, I got others that were much more supportive. I'm at an age now where I just blow off the rude people. Life's too short and I've got better things to do than let jerks live rent-free in my head.

 

[KiwiMoose]

I became a member here this year. Several people have been rude and/or condescending directed at me. I have even received personal direct messages from a few folks that were downright disrespectful. I like to read the advice of others. We all bring something to the table. I realized that some soapers can be jealous when a newer soaper has more creativity or knowledge than expected. At first, I was offended. However, at my age, I eventually laughed it off. I took the opinions for what they were worth. Some good and some not so good. Just another day, nothing to lose sleep over. So, oh well. Keep on soaping and learning, having fun & making some money. Life is too short to not enjoy what you are doing.

Oh - I do hope it wasn't me Firefly. Let it be known far and wide that if I have ever said anything that seemed rude or condescending, it was certainly not my intention in the slightest. I think once you've been on this forum for a while you kind of get used to speaking in a certain way - the 'elders' will know what you mean and take your personality into account, but the newbies don't know what you are like and might not read your comment with the same 'voice'.

 

[paradisi]

I became a member here this year. Several people have been rude and/or condescending directed at me. I have even received personal direct messages from a few folks that were downright disrespectful. I like to read the advice of others. We all bring something to the table. I realized that some soapers can be jealous when a newer soaper has more creativity or knowledge than expected. At first, I was offended. However, at my age, I eventually laughed it off. I took the opinions for what they were worth. Some good and some not so good. Just another day, nothing to lose sleep over. So, oh well. Keep on soaping and learning, having fun & making some money. Life is too short to not enjoy what you are doing.

This sounds condescending and arrogant.

How do you know others' creativity or knowledge levels, or their motivations, when you don't know them?

Posters here are generous, kind, welcoming. I don't read every single post but I have never seen anyone post out of jealousy.

You might consider the possibility you misinterpreted those folks.

 

[KiwiMoose]

I lurked here for a long time before posting. I don't think I have ever seen any condescending remarks....not ever. But then I think I have a pretty thick skin so maybe they just don't bother me.

At this point I almost feel like apologizing for anything I have ever said to someone that they may have taken wrong. I have taken any advice people have given me on this forum to be helpful to a beginner who didn't know squat when she started making soap. But then I knew I was the beginner and SHOULD listen to her elders (not going to get much elder than me but I'm talking about experience rather than age.)

I"m into plain jane soaps so I've never "showed off" by posting anything other than a "what happened here" type of question. Ages ago someone commented on my post about the rack I was using which had no bearing on the question I was asking. I just learned something new that day which was a bonus for me, even though it wasn't what I was asking.

To me, if anyone is posting here, I feel they should be ready for all kinds of advice, not just the ones they want to hear. Not everyone who is giving advice has taken a class in Tactful BS 101 when they comment...including me! Take the little pearls of wisdom for what they are, I sincerely doubt that anyone on this site gives advice to be mean. As my momma would say: Don't get your panties in a wad!

I remember when I was in my first year of university and had written one of my first essays ready to be handed in. I gave it to my dad to read and he immediately started to 'proof read' it, and give me editing advice. I said "No, Dad - you just have to say how good it is. This is my final draft and I'm not editing it again. It's finished and I'm not changing it."

 

[Firefly24]

Oh - I do hope it wasn't me Firefly. Let it be known far and wide that if I have ever said anything that seemed rude or condescending, it was certainly not my intention in the slightest. I think once you've been on this forum for a while you kind of get used to speaking in a certain way - the 'elders' will know what you mean and take your personality into account, but the newbies don't know what you are like and might not read your comment with the same 'voice'.

It was not you at all. I do know what ya mean.

 

[Firefly24]

This sounds condescending and arrogant.

How do you know others' creativity or knowledge levels, or their motivations, when you don't know them?

Posters here are generous, kind, welcoming. I don't read every single post but I have never seen anyone post out of jealousy.

You might consider the possibility you misinterpreted those folks.

Thanks for your input. Take my comment as you like.

 

[Kaybrantley]

I haven’t seen any disparaging remarks here. People on Reddit are incredibly rude and I have encouraged new soap makers to join our forum

 

[Tammyfarms]

I have seen rudeness but the offenders were removed some time ago. (Quick thank-you to the admins.) Sometimes I think we need to get a feel for the members here, their experience and desire to help before judging.
One thing for sure, if someone asks for help they will receive really solid and helpful advice. I am on a couple FB groups that I am thinking of leaving as the advice is often awful and/or rude.
Before getting offended because advice was not asked for or what one wanted to hear, perhaps consider the experience level of the responder, why it was offered and if it could be true/helpful. Just my thoughts, take ‘em or leave ‘em.