Hi lanafana, and welcome!
You've really gotten some great advice here, enjoyed reading it over to affirm what I've only recently learned as I'm a newbie too. This is such a great group of people!
I *guess* I would agree with the "start with water first before you try milk" but I have to admit that (not knowing any better at the time) I used goat milk in my very first soap. I have dairy goats too and it just seemed like the thing to do. It turned out beautifully! In fact, it was all snatched up by family and friends very quickly after cure. I've made 8 batches since I got started in this addiction in November, all goat milk. Hope I don't run out of goat milk that I froze in the fall before new kids arrive in the spring!
roblem: It sounds like you've got the procedure down for milk....I used frozen solid milk to which I started sprinkling the lye on a little at a time, going very very slowly as it melted so as not to raise the temperature too fast. I kept my lye pitcher in an ice water bath as I added and stirred and kept an eye out so that the temperature never exceeded 90. I added my 90 degree oil to 90 degree milk.
As for gel, I attempt to keep mine from gelling just because I feel like that's best for a milk soap. I put it outside in the cold for several hours after pouring. Even though I use a divided slab mold--which I think is better if you're trying to avoid gel--I still haven't escaped it completely. But it seems that the gelled part is only the very center of each bar, so it is only noticeable after the soap is halfway used up.
Good luck in your soapmaking and let us know how it turns out. And by the way, I'm a fellow Marylander!