I'm writing up a blurb

[Woodi]

for my salt bars. Ready to mail out for an order, they look like this individually:

and I'm making up a little card to put inside. It says something like this: (I have resisted for 10 years making medical claims of any kind for my soap....but I'm hoping this is less medical and more, well, aesthetiticious? (if that is a word...)

These salt bars are handmade soap which has been infused with plenty of sea salt, to provide you with an
oceanic feeling to your bathing experience.


Some research has found that salt water can eliminate toxins through open pores, and assist with decreasing inflammation and improve circulation, which may help heal sore muscles.

Salt bath bars do not lather as much as ordinary soap, but you may enjoy the feel of their smoothness, keeping in mind that
purification is working.

Although salt bath bars do not lather as much as ordinary soap, you may enjoy the feel of their smoothness, and mild exfoliating effect.

Please tell me what you think.

 

[judymoody]

I would join together your last two sentences like this to avoid repetition.

Salt bath bars do not lather as much as ordinary soap, but you may enjoy the feel of their smoothness and mild exfoliating effect.

I have no idea about whether it's a good idea to add claims regarding pores, inflammation, sore muscles, etc. I don't have any marketing experience.

The soap is really pretty!

 

[Woodi]

You are so right, Judy. I like your combined sentence, will use it. Thanks for your input.

 

[Sunny]

I would delete the third sentence, and delete the sentence that begins "Some research has found"....
.... at that point my mind shuts off and it sounds like bs to me. In my head I'd be going "what research? your research? where, can I get a copy?" ...... here in the US I've become very skeptical of phrases like that one!

 

[cmd439]

Some research has found that salt water can eliminate toxins through open pores, and assist with decreasing inflammation and improve circulation, which may help heal sore muscles.


These are medical claims you should stay away from.

 

[soapbuddy]

Some research has found that salt water can eliminate toxins through open pores, and assist with decreasing inflammation and improve circulation, which may help heal sore muscles.


These are medical claims you should stay away from.

I agree.

 

[paillo]

Some research has found that salt water can eliminate toxins through open pores, and assist with decreasing inflammation and improve circulation, which may help heal sore muscles.


These are medical claims you should stay away from.

I agree.

i second this, third this, wherever we are... 'some research' sounds really vague to me, and it is a medical claim...

 

[xyxoxy]

Maybe you can spin it a little differently... something like...

"Though we make no medical claims, we encourage you to do your own research on the benefits of including salt in your bath and body regimen.
In any event we think you will agree that a nice bath or shower with a great bar of soap is a healthy experience, for the soul at least as well as for the body."

 

[cmd439]

Maybe you can spin it a little differently... something like...

"Though we make no medical claims, we encourage you to do your own research on the benefits of including salt in your bath and body regimen.
In any event we think you will agree that a nice bath or shower with a great bar of soap is a healthy experience, for the soul at least as well as for the body."

I like this, but it is a bit lengthy. How about "We think you will enjoy this soap for a wonderful bathing experience for the mind, body, and soul."

 

[Bubbly Buddha]

How about "We think you will enjoy this soap for a wonderful bathing experience for the mind, body, and soul."

I like!

 

[glenolam]

These salt bars are handmade soap which has been infused with plenty of sea salt, to provide you with an
oceanic feeling to your bathing experience.


Some research has found that salt water can eliminate toxins through open pores, and assist with decreasing inflammation and improve circulation, which may help heal sore muscles.

Salt bath bars do not lather as much as ordinary soap, but you may enjoy the feel of their smoothness, keeping in mind that
purification is working.

Although salt bath bars do not lather as much as ordinary soap, you may enjoy the feel of their smoothness, and mild exfoliating effect.

To sum up what everyone has said (and I changed We think to We hope in the last sentance):

These salt bars are handmade soap which has been infused with plenty of sea salt, to provide you with an oceanic feeling to your bathing experience.

Salt bath bars do not lather as much as ordinary soap, but you may enjoy the feel of their smoothness and mild exfoliating effect.

We hope you will enjoy this soap for a wonderful bathing experience for the mind, body, and soul.

 

[carebear]

I don't like "infused". to me, that word means that the "goodness" of something is in there, but the particulates themselves are not.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/infuse

Like when I infuse oil with arnica.

I'd say "blended with" or "enriched with" or something like that.

And instead of "plenty of" I'd use a word like "generous amount" or something like that.

 

[carebear]

Maybe you can spin it a little differently... something like...

"Though we make no medical claims, we encourage you to do your own research on the benefits of including salt in your bath and body regimen.
In any event we think you will agree that a nice bath or shower with a great bar of soap is a healthy experience, for the soul at least as well as for the body."

I like this/

 

[Woodi]

Such great ideas, and good advice. Thanks, soapers! Will show you the final results when ready.

Carebear: I agree that infused doesn't sound great. Thanks!

Today I must pack for a(nother) 10-day retreat.

Just can't resist the benefits of silence!

Thank you all for your help!