A dear friend of mine...

[Catscankim]

I have an older friend who was probably the first friend that I had when I moved to Florida 14 years ago, and we have always been on the same pool teams since then. After covid (my new timeline reference for everything), I have been out of touch with so many people.

Out of the blue, Dean calls me just to chit chat. I was at work, so it ended up being text messages. He said that he had a stroke over the summer and is doing so-so.

Today he left me a voicemail asking for some help around the house a few times a week, or if I knew anybody to help. I called him back and told him that I would love to come over a few times a week if he needed help with anything, or to just hang out.

He is married, and while she's never been in great health, she is much better than he is at this time...still driving etc. Aside from the stroke, he has also been diagnosed with Lewy Body and Parkinson's.

He asks "what would you charge to come over for an hour or two twice a week?" I'm like beat it Dean, I wouldn't ask for money to hang out with one of my dearest friends (or even help out around the house a bit for that matter).

He is so excited and puts me on the phone with Linda (whom I also love dearly). She turns me down because what she is looking for is somebody to come over for some relief time (which I totally get) during the day or early morning so she can run errands and stuff. I work 7a-3p, so this doesn't work for her. I said that I normally have off on weekends and would be happy to come over then if they needed me, or even come straight from work, which I would be there around 4:00.

A little upset, because I am offering to help out for free and commit to a few days a week after work or weekends. And she flat out says that my hours do not work for her LOL.

I guess my next best thing to do is find out if there is a service out there like what she is asking for. I'm pretty sure they have Medicare, but I don't know anything about it or what kind of home care they might pay for.

It was kind of a bizarre conversation with her. She mentioned that she would like to find somebody to pay cash (because apparently FREE from a very close friend isn't good enough LOL). Then she rambled on about how she used to babysit years ago and would get paid cash to watch her dad's friend's kids (what like 50-60 years ago we are talking??)

Looking for ideas or avenues to research. You guys always have good ideas, although I think this one might be a tall order.

 

[AliOop]

I don't know what FL has, but CA has a program called In-Home Health Supportive Services (IHSS), and it's available to those on Medicare.

In the meantime, maybe you could drop by on Saturday or Sunday *just to chat.* While you are there, you could suggest that she go out and run some errands - or that you will take him out for an ice cream so she has some alone time. Maybe if she gives it a try, she will find that it does work. Or maybe she really does have some specific activities that only can be done on weekdays (doctor appointments, group activities, senior exercise classes, etc.). I guess you won't know unless you worm your way in there.

 

[gww]

Some people feel funny about gifts. I have never been thankful for gifts or surprise parties in my name as I should be cause it makes me feel funny (embarrassed) and in a position that I need to think of a way to get even. I do not think this is correct of me but know it to be true. Why a person should feel embarrassed when people show you love, I do not know but do understand the feeling. I am also not much of a giver if it takes planning to pull it off but do think it feels better to give then to receive which just feels funny to some people. It is perhaps a flaw in my character. I also hate it when my parents try and give me extra money more then what parts cost if I work on their tractor or house. Just feels funny to me and apparently feels funny to them which is why they try.
Does not relate to how much we love each other but proves love from both sides.
Perhaps some of this going on in the item of this thread.
Cheers
gww

 

[Michelle0803]

Perhaps you could see if the local vocational school, trade school or college has someone who is training in the medical field to be an STNA or nursing who could use a little extra money and would be willing to help out a few hours a week.

There are also home health care options. When FIL needed someone to stay with him after a hospitalization we hired a home health care company to come in. They stayed with him during the day, did some light cleaning (run the vacuum, sweep the floors, dishes, laundry), made breakfast and lunch, watched tv with FIL while they were here. They were willing to play cards, do puzzles, play board games, etc to help entertain him during the day.

You could also reach out to your local Area on Aging office and see if they have any resources available. Another option might be for them to reach out to their doctor and see what kind of suggestions they have.

As someone else suggested, you could pop in, maybe with lunch or dinner, and offer to stay with Dean while Linda runs errands or takes some time for herself.

You could also offer to run some errands for her, even if you ask if she needs anything because you are running to whatever store it might be.

When FIL could no longer stay alone scheduling to have someone with him 24/7 was difficult some days. We always appreciated anyone who offered to pick up something for us or come have lunch with him so we could run our errands. For us, the little things were a huge help.

 

[Iluminameluna]

This is an "old" thread but I want to add this here anyway because it might help someone who comes traipsing along.
Every state has an Agency on Ageing and Disability that can be reached by dialing 211. They will ask what you're looking for or how they can help, and they'll put you in touch with whatever Admin you might need or even local businesses or charities that can help with everything from food to furniture and clothing. I've even been supplied with a bed and linens because I literally had nothing but some blankets and was sleeping on the floor.
This couple could've been put in touch with an in-home care or respite company that would've been paid for by Medicare and/or Medicaid if they qualified. And they might've been visited by a home supervisor who might've determined that they could qualify for even more benefits depending on the State in which they lived, benefits under which they were covered, etc.
Lots of good things can happen if someone calls 211. (USA)