What to do?

[honor435]

I would show her how, esp how to use soap calc, so she can make up her own recipe, I would love to share my hobbie with someone, no one has asked!

 

[agriffin]

By having her purchase her supplies, she will see that it requires an investment of money as well as time running around town. If she is unwilling to at least take you out to lunch, well, you will learn about her character and decide if she's someone you want as a friend.

This is true. Have her purchase everything.

 

[Sunny]

My intention was not to be petty or mean spirited. This lady didn't have a soap shack when I declined. She is friends with my sister because the government pays her to take care of my handicapped niece. I have never met the lady and my sister only sees her when she cares for my niece.

After I got goats she wanted goats and when I got chickens she wanted me to give her chickens. I gave her a few. I have never made money on goats or chickens just a hobby but she looks at them as a money makers.

She is looking at making soap as a money maker. I feel like she needs to do a lot of research and trial and error before she starts selling soap. I felt like if I put her off she would research. I feel like I'm new at making soap after working at it for 3 years. I would hate to show her and her immediate start making soap and not learn all the in's and out's and it ending up hurting a person.

You should have posted this from the beginning. I KNOW people like this. And they are the worst and I'm sorry you're in this situation at all.

As we have seem a million times on this forum, even after you explain to some people, they do not get the idea that soaping takes a lot of work and research and will go ahead and try to sell their soap right away.

So, call me petty or mean-spirited, but if I had a friend or knew someone who was asking me to show them how to make soap because they seemed interested in selling it, I probably would not. I would have them figure it all out the hard way, by reading.
I agree that by putting off showing it to her, maybe she would do some of her own research instead.

 

[Tabitha]

@ campbell: It sounds like you are passing off a whole lot of judgement upon a woman whom you have never met.

@ Tasha, you certainly have never met her so how do you "know people like that?"

Is it jump-on-the-band-wagon-&-disrespect-people-we-have-never-met-day & someone forgot to tell me. :roll:

 

[Tabitha]

She is friends with my sister because the government pays her to take care of my handicapped niece.

I am not sure why it was neccessary to state that the 'government' paid her to take care of your neice. That sounded like a dig. The government pays our firemen, our police officers, out school teachers (in public school), our politicians, nurses & doctors (in public hospitals and clinics), military and much more. She must be a kind hearted person to be caring for a handicapped child.

 

[tespring]

I would say charge her what a soap maker charges to conduct a class and make her buy her own supplies including the scale, googles, oils, lye and all the NEEDED safety equipment FIRST.

I would also tell her how important it is to know how the soap is after 1 year and to READ all she can and LEARN as much as she can BEFORE she starts selling as MANY of you have said in here to the new soap makers. Explain to her that she doesn't want to be selling DOS prone soap because she would ruin her own business if people found out her soap was not good for that long.

If she is looking to make a quick buck, then you might want to tell her that to do that, she has a CREATE a good product and YOUR product is not HER product and to do that, she needs to experiment with a recipe and make it her own.

Good luck!

 

[Elly]

I am with you Honor I would love to share soapmaking with someone. I have offered to teach a few people but no takers, it might be that my soaps are that bad no one wants to learn how to make those ha ha

 

[newbie]

Hey Campbell,

It sounds like you feel like you're being used. I will grant you that you have put yourself out there as a potential, giving someone you don't know chickens and goat because they have a connection (your sister). You have to decide how much of this you LIKE to do for someone else, and how much you do it because it's hard to say no.

If you said no, at least temporarily, to this woman because you sense you're being used and it doesn't feel like you can do it with enthusiasm, then I'm with the others who say that she should show some initiative, read some, watch some tutorials, and pay for supplies. If she's not willing to do that, then she's not really that serious. But I also think that if you can't help her with a sense of excitement and sharing something you love, then it's not worth it, even if she pays you.

 

[Sunny]

post deleted by admin for breaking rule number 5.

We pride ourselves on being the friendliest soap making forum on the net. Please abide by the following rules to keep it that way.

1.For the purposes of this forum, ALL products commonly known as soap are handcrafted/handmade, regardless of whether it began as oils and lye or a base that may or may not contain detergents. BOTH products qualify as handcrafted/handmade soap in this forum.

2.Disrespect and criticism of another member, their practices or choices, will not be tolerated.

3.Disrespect of any member of the soaping community, whether they hold memberships on this forum or not, will not be tolerated.

4.Disrespect of suppliers will not be tolerated. While everyone have the right to post experiences with suppliers, both favorable & not, it shall be done in a professional manner free from insult.

5. Disrespect of any person, group, race, religion or people will not be tolerated.

Any negative, nasty, offensive or questionable comments regarding the above points will not be tolerated and will result in that thread/comment being deleted by the Moderating Team without further reference to the member.

Continued posting of negative, nasty or offensive comments will result in that member being banned from the board.

Thank you!- The mod team

 

[paillo]

My intention was not to be petty or mean spirited. This lady didn't have a soap shack when I declined. She is friends with my sister because the government pays her to take care of my handicapped niece. I have never met the lady and my sister only sees her when she cares for my niece.

After I got goats she wanted goats and when I got chickens she wanted me to give her chickens. I gave her a few. I have never made money on goats or chickens just a hobby but she looks at them as a money makers.

She is looking at making soap as a money maker. I feel like she needs to do a lot of research and trial and error before she starts selling soap. I felt like if I put her off she would research. I feel like I'm new at making soap after working at it for 3 years. I would hate to show her and her immediate start making soap and not learn all the in's and out's and it ending up hurting a person.

You should have posted this from the beginning. I KNOW people like this. And they are the worst and I'm sorry you're in this situation at all.

As we have seem a million times on this forum, even after you explain to some people, they do not get the idea that soaping takes a lot of work and research and will go ahead and try to sell their soap right away.

So, call me petty or mean-spirited, but if I had a friend or knew someone who was asking me to show them how to make soap because they seemed interested in selling it, I probably would not. I would have them figure it all out the hard way, by reading.
I agree that by putting off showing it to her, maybe she would do some of her own research instead.

i love this forum for its civility and willingness to help. although i admire candid and outspoken opinions, i wouldn't say petty or mean-spirited either, i think that's more than a little harsh.

a bit from my own experience... in the past i've said 'yes' in kind-hearted (or maybe just weak) moments, then realized i felt resentful and taken-advantage-of. i've steeled myself, then responded saying i feel uneasy with the request, and why (your recipes are your own hard-learned, or simply that i feel the request is beyond what's appropriate, comfortable or fair given the relationship). i've lost a couple of 'friends' that way over the years, but frankly, i'm better off without them.

i attribute this to waffling more than petty or mean-spirited. to ask for help with a difficult interpersonal relationship in our specific field is not, imho, asking too much.

if i felt kind, i would ask her over to your soaping area for an observation, and make her buy her own materials. if i didn't feel kind, i would just politely but definitely say no, and why. many of us have learned our craft from endless research and a whole lot of help from this forum and our own searches. i no longer have a whole lot of sympathy for demonstrated 'takers'.

 

[Bean13]

Everyone who makes soap loves to make soap. So your gonna soap whether shes there or not. So have her sit in and observe. Therefore she will find out what the soaping items look like and how quick or slow you have to be at times. How much time it takes, temps and so forth. Maybe get to know her a bit during that time.

Then if there is a next time then have her buy the oils and lye and butters and whatever else she wants to use, even though first time soap making should be plain I think.

I would show anyone who asks just so I get to soap.

Just point her in the right direction for research and let her make decisions on her own. If she does not get enough research under her belt and she fails then thats how one learns and thats not your problem.

So anyway up to you what it is that you wanna do. Soap or not!!!

At times I think I hope noone else in my family will make soap because who will I give all my soap to if someone else is stocking their shelves.

Good luck with your decision. You might just feel good about yourself teaching someone something. Whether she appreciates it or not.

Sorry for spelling or being all over the place. My mind is a mess.

 

[Sunny]

Just point her in the right direction for research and let her make decisions on her own. If she does not get enough research under her belt and she fails then thats how one learns and thats not your problem.

I can definitely agree with this, Bean.

And I'm stepping away from this thread and not saying anything else, not because I am disagreed with (that's totally fine), but I do not want to FEEL like (whether it is the case or not) I am being personally attacked. I value this forum and would like to stay friendly with everyone.

To each their own.

 

[Deda]

The OP questioned whether or not it was mean to agree to help and then back out. The reason given was that she didn't want to share the recipe she worked on for 3 years. No problem with that, it's a personal decision to share or not. Then of course she tossed in the bit at the end about the soap shack.

Then we learn that she's never met this woman, still hasn't.
Of course we also learn that 'the woman' is going to try to sell the soaps. We all know that the meanies on this board will fume with righteous indignation at the thought of a newbie selling soap.

Me thinks there's a bit more to this story.

And I stand by my comment about petty and mean-spirited.

 

[tespring]

It might be wise to direct her to THIS post...by Tabitha, Site Admin. Very Informative!

http://www.soapmakingforum.com/forum/vi ... hp?t=17621

I know it sure made me think about getting my soaps in a row before I considered selling.

 

[paillo]

It might be wise to direct her to THIS post...by Tabitha, Site Admin. Very Informative!

http://www.soapmakingforum.com/forum/vi ... hp?t=17621

I know it sure made me think about getting my soaps in a row before I considered selling.

extremely informative, thanks for the reminder and all the great advice contained in it! EVERYONE making soap, and especially those who are selling / planning to sell / hoping to sell should read this and follow the directives!!! i know i've revised my labels, descriptions and discussions with retailers / customers based on what i've learned here. i can't begin to thank the experts who have learned the ropes and been generous enough to share their experiences / knowledge / wisdom with the rest of us. really, truly, THANK YOU!

 

[MrsFusion]

Seriously...are we all in high school again....

I think this whole thread is has gone way off. I come here to learn about soaping...not drama!

I think the OP got some very wise advice and I'm sure she will figure it out on her own.

 

[paillo]

post deleted by admin for breaking rule number 5.

We pride ourselves on being the friendliest soap making forum on the net. Please abide by the following rules to keep it that way.

1.For the purposes of this forum, ALL products commonly known as soap are handcrafted/handmade, regardless of whether it began as oils and lye or a base that may or may not contain detergents. BOTH products qualify as handcrafted/handmade soap in this forum.

2.Disrespect and criticism of another member, their practices or choices, will not be tolerated.

3.Disrespect of any member of the soaping community, whether they hold memberships on this forum or not, will not be tolerated.

4.Disrespect of suppliers will not be tolerated. While everyone have the right to post experiences with suppliers, both favorable & not, it shall be done in a professional manner free from insult.

5. Disrespect of any person, group, race, religion or people will not be tolerated.

Any negative, nasty, offensive or questionable comments regarding the above points will not be tolerated and will result in that thread/comment being deleted by the Moderating Team without further reference to the member.

Continued posting of negative, nasty or offensive comments will result in that member being banned from the board.

Thank you!- The mod team

thank you!!!!

 

[HenleyNatural]

How about showing her a simple soap recipe. We need more soap makers in the world. Not everyone learns the same way. Some people need to actually see someone do it before it all comes together for them. Plus, working with lye can be dangerous. They may have anxiety work with it.

Just my thoughts .....

 

[campbellsoap]

Thank you to those who gave advice without personal attacks. I appreciate your advice.

I AM SO SORRY I EVER posted anything. I'm sorry for those who were attacked and called judgemental. Even tho I feel like I was totally attacked and was judged.

I have nothing but respect for government paid employees. I was a teacher before I had to retire due health problems and am so thankful for teachers. It's not fair to say I have something against firefighters, policeman, teachers, military. It breaks my heart you would say that without knowing me.

I am sorry I came across so heartless, I'm really not a heartless. This post just makes me cry to think I am thought of being heartless.

 

[Tabitha]

I never said you had anything against firefighters, teachers, etc. I said I found it odd you mentioned she was 'govt paid' and then I pointed out they were also govt paid. I just did not see where you were going with that specific comment.