Post your Gripe

[Zany_in_CO]

But how does one handle the elderly when they're like this?

One word: Drugs.

Bless her heart, if she isn't under a doctor's care, then I'd go the alternative medicine route. What little I know about dementia, there are supplements like Pregnenolone (the mother of all hormones) to balance her hormones. If she'll get in a tub, do a detox with Epsom Salts. There are many other things that can help but it's best to find someone there to advise you. Unfortunately, I don't have access to my notes due to a glitch in my iMac.

There's got to be a way to calm her down so you're able to do what needs to be done. Oh, and ice cream! If she likes ice cream, let her have all she can eat. The coldness does something that calms the nerves.

I should just hop on my broom and fly over to help you. I'm good at stompin' roaches! Did that a lot when we lived in Hong Kong. Got up in the middle of the night once -- went into the kitchen to get a drink of cold water from the fridge. When I flipped the light on, I saw the floor crawling with cockroaches of all sizes! ACK! I got a few of them before I realized I was barefoot! Double ACK!

 

[Mobjack Bay]

I know... It's a constant, conscious effort to remind myself that she's not herself... Since she's been pretty much a generally negative, mean person even when she was younger lol but yeah......

Phone calls n video chats have gotten me through so far, and I'm not gonna allow this to get me down. I still have my kids to get home to.

Me n my cousin have started calling all this negative energy "dark matter" lol

Our tickets are booked for October 2nd and I hope she peacefully comes with me. Her only other option is a home, and this being s third world country I don't wanna even imagine what they might be like. She can't stay alone that's for sure.

Thanks for the hug!

I’m sending you all the energy I can. Please take good care of yourself.

 

[Dawni]

Ouch @DKing that sounds very familiar.... I'm sorry you guys have to go through it. I wouldn't wish situations like this on anyone. It's enough to break a weak person's spirit. The stuff she calls us yknow.... Makes me wonder where she's learned it all haha. Curses worse than her grandkids lol and we're no angels haha

@Zany_in_CO I'm no stranger to cockroaches but ick, I've never had to live with this many in one place. They're not even like the ones I've seen home, that run when there's a giant foot close by..... These ones stare you in the face and dare you to cross into their territory lol

The thing is, this is one of the worst third world countries, and her area has become so bad compared to when I was a kid. She refuses to go get herself checked, and there are only a few good doctors (ehh, that's also now subjective lol) and most don't make house calls. Getting her drugs will be difficult right away, and see now, she's not even been diagnosed with anything other than diabetes and hypertension. We're trying our best though, checking here n there........ I can't have her throwing a fit on the plane lol

Thank you everyone for being here.... It's a big help, really.

 

[Zany_in_CO]

I’m sending you all the energy I can. Please take good care of yourself.

Me too. And lotsa love to guide you through this situation. You're a strong woman and if anyone can pull this off, I believe you can.

 

[jcandleattic]

Okay, today's gripe - work related: Sending a completed document via email only to have the recipients of said documents come back 3 hours later asking where the documents are. Ummm, per my last email please see attached. LOL

One of my most recent favorite sayings:

 

[Dawni]

One of my most recent favorite sayings:

Lol I used that a lot back in Abu Dhabi when I had a desk job... In a day I must have sent out at least 3-5 sheesh

 

[runnerchicki]

Okay, today's gripe - work related: Sending a completed document via email only to have the recipients of said documents come back 3 hours later asking where the documents are. Ummm, per my last email please see attached. LOL

One of my most recent favorite sayings:

I use delivery and read receipts for *those* kind of folks. or I’ll reply all so that my original email is below and say “as stated previously (see below...) the information you requested blah blah blah ...

 

[runnerchicki]

Gripe: I have been living in a tin can sized apartment surrounded by boxes containing all my belongings since the end of May because my house is under construction. I work from home so my kitchen island and living room have served as my office. My house is FINALLY nearing the end of construction and I’m visiting it weekly to take pictures of the progress. Today I walk in to a lovely, almost complete house. As I check out the laundry room I notice it’s much smaller than before the drywall went up and there’s a wall where there shouldn’t be one.

They walled in my storage room. I’m so irritated. I am hoping they don’t have to rip up the floors to fix it. I am hoping they don’t argue the mistake (I have copies of the plans). I am hoping they can fix it and make it look like it never happened. Also I hope it doesn’t delay completion. I really want to get settled. This has been a challenging relocation.

 

[sirtim100]

Snooty soapmakers.. Maybe Im spoiled here but generally speaking, we are all helpful and polite when people ask questions. Firm of course if its a safety question but we generally want to help each other right?
I belong to a few soaping groups and I watched someone post about being excited because her Amazon order had arrived and she was excited to try adding walnut oil as a soap ingredient..

Now, the feedback she received wasnt regarding the properties of the oil, or about shelf life etc.. The feedback she received was how these other soapmakers would NEVER use anything from Amazon instead of a reputable soap supply company... ummm apparently they arent aware that more than one reputable soap supply company also sell on Amazon. They even told her the soap she made with that oil should be for personal use only.

I wish I could say it's the first time Ive witnessed the high horsery, but it isnt. Still ticks me off though and I usually comment on it a positive manner.

It's also a tad unrealistic. You have to look at the broader picture. I can't buy many of the products for soap making from reputable soap supply companies in Spain because they simply don't exist, and the ones in other countries slap on shipping charges that convert soap making into a hobby with an economic outlay similar to restoring Rolls Royces. Shops and stores don't stock some of the materials I need, so I have to buy from Amazon, despite all the bad news about them. Don't much like doing it, but there you go.

There's a guy from Texas on Youtube ("The Superior Shave") who sells straight razors and shaving products in his shop, and in one of his videos he rips into the "old salts", as he calls them. People with a lot of knowledge who tend to use it as a way to browbeat new people. Exists in shaving, wine making, toy car collecting, you name it...

The point is to score points for your ego...

Happy soaping to all

 

[Marilyn Norgart]

dawni and Dking, sorry you both are dealing with elderly with these issues. I had someone in my life that wasn't near as bad as what you are describing and don't think I dealt with it near as well as you guys are but he wasn't like that his whole life. Stay strong!!!!
dawni I have wondered more than once how your flight is going to go on the way home--I don't have any advice whatsoever just know I will be thinking about and hoping things go well. hopefully her mind will be kept busy by everything going on around her.

 

[earlene]

Dear Dawni, I am so sorry to read how hard this is for you; you are an angel. Remember to tell your grandkids someday if you start to get old-lady saggy arms, that it's your angel wings starting to grow. (That's what I told my granddaugter and she loves the idea because my wings will be golden.)

Anyway, keeping your sense of humor and keeping contact with family and friends during this time is so important. I'm glad you have your cousin to joke with about the dark matter and whatnot. Keep that up because humor is a good thing. When you have a chance, put on something that makes your grandma laugh, be it tv, radio, records or even clothing. Anything to get her to laugh. Laughter feeds the soul, even in bitter and vicious people, laughter helps. Maybe it won't change her a whole lot, but any lightening of the mood relieves tension.

What activities does she like? Can you get her to dance (to burn off excess energy, including negative energy)?

With Alzheimers and some forms of dementia, it is best not to argue with the subject (grandma) when they say something that is not true or they mis-remember facts. It is far better to acknowledge in some small way and change the subject to distract from the mistaken thought process. You cannot change the mind that is not working properly due to malfunctioning neurons in the brain. Distraction is the best route.

If she is going to be living with you in your home, I highly suggest you find a support group to help you understand and cope with the stress you will be dealing with every day, and find ways to get your kids into some activities to help them as well. It is very stressful on the whole family when a family member declines both physically and mentally. Just remember it is not her fault and she is probably terribly uncomfortable inside herself. So find ways to give yourself, your kids and even your grandma some relief.

A doctor's care is really important, of course, and if you can get her into treatment once she is back in the Phillipines with you, that would be ideal. But even drugs are not the panacea some wish they were. They can help to a degree, but in some cases, not at all as much as we would wish.

Alzheimer's took my father-in-law, but it was a few years of deterioration before it did, so I have dealt with it as a daughter-in-law, but also as a nurse. Cancer took my mother, but before she died it had metastasized to her brain and the kinds of things she started doing and saying were heartbreaking from a daughter's perspective. And it was so very hard on my Dad and my brothers, too. But it was not my mom speaking; it was the cancer and the cancer was not my mother.

I knew that, of course, but it did not stop me from hurting when she said hurtful things. So being there for your dad is a good thing, too. I cannot tell you how hard it was to see how it affected my husband to see his father deteriorate into what Alzheimer's did to him. A child never thinks their parent is ever going to not recognize them or not remember their name or forget how to turn on the shower, etc. It has to be very hard on your dad to see his mother like this.

As for getting her to be calm while on the plane, that is a challenge and I hope you and your dad figure that out. If you know of anything that she can take (OTC drugs, or supplements or even food) that would make her sleepy and perhaps sedate her somewhat, by all means consider it, within safe limits. Even Tryptophan in turkey makes people sleepy so if she likes turkey, maybe a big turkey sandwich or something along those lines might help. Just a thought. But remember, some drugs (if you look into any over-the-counter drugs) have a paradoxical effect on the elderly, meaning the elderly don't respond in the same way as a youthful adult. Just be cautious if you consider drugs not prescribed by a medical professional.

 

[Dawni]

@Marilyn Norgart, now that dad's here since yesterday, the dark matter has been kept at bay haha.... Me and my cousin are now joking that he's probably a null lol.. Those who have read or watched the Harry Potter movies would know what that is.

Everyone's "magic" isn't working. Not hers... She's actually been pretty decent all this while. And even my uncle's usual loud ways aren't as bad as they were when he hadn't arrived. Go figure.

She probably thinks he'll be on the plane with us and we haven't told her otherwise. Let's hope he's able to nullify the dark matter all the way to the Philippines lol I'm praying for an uneventful flight. She hates planes so although it sounds bad, we're hoping her fear, and therefore her constant praying, would keep her busy enough while she's awake.

I'm also dreading the 8hr layover in Bangkok......... There aren't any direct flights from here to home. I myself had a 23hr layover on the way here but that was ok coz I got to go out n meet some friends. This time that option won't be there. On the plus side, I'm flying business class for the first time ever and I hear I have a 30min free spa thing at the airport lounge. She wouldn't let anyone touch her so I'm hoping they'll let me take her 30mins hahaha

Thank you for thinking of us.... I'll need those positive vibes on Thursday (that's our 6.5hr + 8hr layover + 3.5hr trip).

@earlene we've all been trying our best to remember that it isn't her speaking n lashing out.......... But then in the back of your mind, it's always there that she's always been mean-spirited and a bit racist and elitist so it makes it hard to be patient with her. We try our best.

For sure she'll be getting a thorough checkup, physically and mentally, as soon as possible. Philippines might be a third world country but I know without a doubt that our doctors are world class over there (my sister being one of em) and they make most here seem like quacks haha.

Others have suggested stuff that worked on their elderly relatives but we're still trying to get someone prescribe something that's sure and safe for her. I still have a few more days. Let's see.....

Getting her to joke n laugh with us is difficult but we try. Getting her off the bed to at least catch some sun from the balcony is difficult but we try. Getting her to think positively is difficult but we try. Everything is difficult but we've all tried our best.

I'm really hoping she doesn't spread her negativity to my boys. One's already a handful now at 16.5 lol and the other one's too small to handle such negativity. However, one reason we collectively decided that our place is the best for her is because she'll be getting everything she couldn't here, and maybe that will give her some peace and things will be better for all. She'll have my kids and family around her, constant care, healthy food all day, kids and pets around her, fresh air (we have huge windows and she never opens hers) and sunlight, fresh smiley faces attached to people she can talk to (my mom always has one or the other of her prayer group over), a big garden to sit or walk in..

Eh? I seem to have taken over the gripe thread lol so thank you all for your patience.

 

[msunnerstood]

My Gripe: I finally get out of the hospital after liver surgery and go to walmart to fill my RX for Pain meds and they wont fill them because Walmart has a policy of allowing 6 tablets per day and my script was 1-2 tabs every 4 hours. And since my hospital was 60 miles away we couldnt really go back and you cant call in opioids so I have no pain meds tonight and my doc has to call in Tramadol in the morning. (Since Walmart Pharmacy is now closed)

 

[msunnerstood]

Okay, today's gripe - work related: Sending a completed document via email only to have the recipients of said documents come back 3 hours later asking where the documents are. Ummm, per my last email please see attached. LOL

One of my most recent favorite sayings:

We call it "That whole reading thing" at work when people do that. I feel your pain

 

[Marilyn Norgart]

I have no pain meds tonight

oh that's horrible

 

[msunnerstood]

oh that's horrible

itreally is. I have a pillow against my belly for when i have to cough or clear my throat. good thing im tough.

 

[Dawni]

itreally is. I have a pillow against my belly for when i have to cough or clear my throat. good thing im tough.

That you are

I'm sorry that had to happen...

 

[runnerchicki]

My Gripe: I finally get out of the hospital after liver surgery and go to walmart to fill my RX for Pain meds and they wont fill them because Walmart has a policy of allowing 6 tablets per day and my script was 1-2 tabs every 4 hours. And since my hospital was 60 miles away we couldnt really go back and you cant call in opioids so I have no pain meds tonight and my doc has to call in Tramadol in the morning. (Since Walmart Pharmacy is now closed)

Oh my goodness. I hope you have been able to manage your pain today. I'm so sorry to hear this.

 

[msunnerstood]

Oh my goodness. I hope you have been able to manage your pain today. I'm so sorry to hear this.

tylenol will have to do till morning, last real pain med was at 330. I get why places are careful with pain meds but when you have surgery, they shouldnt make it that hard

 

[Zany_in_CO]

I have no pain meds tonight

@msunnerstood