Real soap does soften the beard, but there's "a process" like everything else. The reason it does soften the beard (and canned goo does not) is because the pH is higher like curling or straightening solution. Also, some guys have beards and faces that react better to hot water and some to cold. A guy needs to figure that out for himself. However if you go into a barber shop, you can expect a similar treatment:
Wash the face with warm/hot soap and water, leave wet. Covering with a hot damp towel for a few mins is a plus. Next, what I do is load a bit of soap on the brush, and just coat my WET face with it not working up a lather and let that sit. THEN I go about making my lather, and I apply it over the top of whats there.
These steps will help soften the beard if that's the issue.
A secondary issue is many people do not add enough water to the lather. You have to build then add more water till the stiff peaks become soft again. Shaving soap needs to hold a LOT of water next to the skin to be comfortable. This is where experimentation comes in: add water till the point it breaks down completely, then back it off a little nxt time.
Finally, I am not a fan of pure veggie soaps. If you must or prefer to make no animal fat soaps then finishing with a little shea in the superfat may help. I prefer a mix of shea and lanolin. If you will/can use animal fats, adding Tallow is like night and day. A fat profile like this is what I use:
50% Stearic Acid
25% Coconut Oil
20% Tallow
Good luck with it!