I've never introduced myself, I guess better late than never.

[dibbles]

Welcome to the forum Teresa. Thank you for letting us in. I can't write a completely adequate response on my mobile, and we're traveling for awhile (in fact just got to TN). But I'll admit to not being able to figure you out for a time at first, then you just worked your quirky, funny self into my heart. I'm glad you are here. You are a bright spot in my day.

 

[Judiraz]

Teresa, thanks for sharing. I haven't introduced myself, either. I'm a couple years older than you. Hope to retire in 3-4 years. I've had ups and downs. Ya gotta roll with it!

I love this group because of the diversity....male, female; younger, older; US and other countries; but still creative, supportive, and funny!

 

[TeresaT]

IrishLass, because I love this song and Monty Python is a genius...

Also, for the longest while, my signature line on my work email was, "When life hands me lemons, I use them for target practice!"

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2Wx230gYJw[/ame]

 

[penelopejane]

I finally had someone to unload all of my negative feelings onto without having to censure myself and apologize for feeling so bad toward someone that I "should" love. I care about my mother and sister and wish them well. But they are like strangers to me. I have nothing in common with them, other than genetics, and have no desire to see them.)

That ridiculous idea that all mothers are your best friend and Madonna like is not universal and often spin perpetuated by some to protect themselves from toxic mothers.

Some mothers did the best they could at the time with the skills they had at the time. Some were successful some weren't.

Don't beat yourself up over *should*s.

 

[houseofwool]

I saw this earlier today and your story is exactly what it means.

 

[navigator9]

Often, when we're going through a rough stretch in our lives, we tend to feel alone. This thread just goes to show how much more similar we all are, than different. My dark period was many years long, and all through it, when I would feel like giving up, I kept telling myself...what if something really wonderful is just around the corner, and you don't hang in there long enough to find out what it is? Well, there was no miraculous "something wonderful", but things did get better, slowly, but definitely better. And I'm glad I didn't give up.

And regarding your mom...I've discovered that when you're a person who enjoys helping people, that can be a wonderful thing, but...there are those people who will glom onto people like that and suck the life out of them if they can. In that case, you just have to shake them loose before they pull you under. Congrats to you for saving yourself. You can still love your mom...from afar.

I also tend to see the silver linings in life, and it's not because I'm any kind of Pollyanna, it's because I've seen much darker days, and most everything, in comparison, looks pretty damn good to me!

Retirement advice...start getting your ducks in a row now! You can't start too early. Talk to a financial advisor and get a plan in place. I'd suggest finding a woman FA, because women's financial needs/situation can be different than a mans, and who better to understand that than another woman? When you get things sorted out, you will be able to feel more optimistic about the future. I wish you a most wonderful retirement!

And one more thought on feeling broken...I love the line from the Leonard Cohen song, "there is a crack in everything...that's how the light gets in."

 

[TeresaT]

I saw this earlier today and your story is exactly what it means.

Thank you!! I've seen photos of some of these shattered pottery pieces that have been glued back together with gold. They are amazing. Each one is unique and has a story to tell.

Often, when we're going through a rough stretch in our lives, we tend to feel alone. This thread just goes to show how much more similar we all are, than different. My dark period was many years long, and all through it, when I would feel like giving up, I kept telling myself...what if something really wonderful is just around the corner, and you don't hang in there long enough to find out what it is? Well, there was no miraculous "something wonderful", but things did get better, slowly, but definitely better. And I'm glad I didn't give up.

And regarding your mom...I've discovered that when you're a person who enjoys helping people, that can be a wonderful thing, but...there are those people who will glom onto people like that and suck the life out of them if they can. In that case, you just have to shake them loose before they pull you under. Congrats to you for saving yourself. You can still love your mom...from afar.

I also tend to see the silver linings in life, and it's not because I'm any kind of Pollyanna, it's because I've seen much darker days, and most everything, in comparison, looks pretty damn good to me!

Retirement advice...start getting your ducks in a row now! You can't start too early. Talk to a financial advisor and get a plan in place. I'd suggest finding a woman FA, because women's financial needs/situation can be different than a mans, and who better to understand that than another woman? When you get things sorted out, you will be able to feel more optimistic about the future. I wish you a most wonderful retirement!

And one more thought on feeling broken...I love the line from the Leonard Cohen song, "there is a crack in everything...that's how the light gets in."

Thank you for the wonderful advice. Especially regarding the female financial advisor. I never would have thought of that.

 

[DeeAnna]

Just read your post, Teresa, about being in the USSS and followed the link leading to your intro here. Thank you for sharing your story.

My mom happens to be my best friend, but there were times when she let me and my brothers down -- the times when my dad got really angry and frustrated and took it out on us kids and her. Small wonder she "failed" at moments like those ... she was doing the best she could. I don't blame her for doing what seemed the right thing at the time. My dad was usually pretty decent and kind, but he had a temper that could snap in an instant and spray everyone around with angry, bitter shrapnel. I learned to be a vewy vewy vewy good girl in the hope of managing his temper and to duck and hide when I "failed" and he got mad again. These are not good strategies for living life as an adult, and that early education got me into some tough times.

Glossing quickly over the rest of my TMI, I eventually ended up at a dark moment where I had to choose to hold on tight to those old lesssons and stay stuck or to let go as best I could and move on. The decision to let go has led to a life I wasn't remotely expecting, but it's been much, much better (and much more interesting!) than staying stuck.

Berkeley Breathed in his Bloom County comic strip had the penguin Opus say one day, "My entire live in one sentence: It didn't go as hoped but that's okay."

Yeah.

 

[Susie]

My dad was usually pretty decent and kind, but he had a temper that could snap in an instant and spray everyone around with angry, bitter shrapnel. I learned to be a vewy vewy vewy good girl in the hope of managing his temper and to duck and hide when I "failed" and he got mad again.

Berkeley Breathed in his Bloom County comic strip had the penguin Opus say one day, "My entire live in one sentence: It didn't go as hoped but that's okay."

Yeah.

My mother was that person. I used to look out the front windows when she got home from work to see which mother got out of the car, so I could know whether to go hide or not.

I love that quote. I fully understand it.

 

[Guspuppy]

Wow, Teresa, I don't know how I missed this post 2 months ago but it's nice to find out more about you. I like you fine just the way you are. Thanks for sharing that with us.

 

[Soapmaker145]

Somehow, I missed this thread. Lots of hugs all the way around.

I've been feeling down lately watching a train wreck unfold slowly and I haven't been able to stop it despite repeated attempts. I know I'm going to be stuck with the clean up not to mention I'll have to live with the consequences. After this thread, I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself and just deal with it for the last time.

Teresa, you are one strong rational woman and an incredibly generous daughter. Hats off!

 

[TeresaT]

Somehow, I missed this thread. Lots of hugs all the way around.

I've been feeling down lately watching a train wreck unfold slowly and I haven't been able to stop it despite repeated attempts. I know I'm going to be stuck with the clean up not to mention I'll have to live with the consequences. After this thread, I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself and just deal with it for the last time.

Teresa, you are one strong rational woman and an incredibly generous daughter. Hats off!

Thank you. I'm glad you found inspiration in my story.

I was listening to a book while driving to Nashville Thursday (Don't Say a Word by Jennifer Jaynes) when the daughter recalled a piece of advice from her mother: "You teach people how to treat you." Wow! Strong words.

You teach people how to treat you. If you let them walk all over you, they'll have no problem treating you like a door mat.