Is this rude?

[artemis]

I was perusing the FB soaping groups this morning. Yesterday, someone shared her experience with a batch of soap and also a picture of the end result. When someone commented some advice, the OP seemed to feel like she was being criticized and that the commenter was "mean" and that it was rude to make such a comment when OP was just looking to "share the experience." To the OP, getting "unsolicited advice" was rude.

I have seen a similar reaction here (advice being perceived as rudeness or arrogance) on occasion, so, I'm curious about your opinion. If someone shares an experience but doesn't ask for help, is it rude to offer advice?

 

[Vicki C]

I think it depends on the delivery - I saw the same post and I did think the OP was being touchy - others might learn from the advice even if it was unsolicited. But unsolicited advice can come off as bossy or mean.

 

[artemis]

In some of these situations (like ones I've witnessed here), I often feel like they were looking for a very specific type of reaction to their post. Like, praise or approval for what they are doing. And when someone gives a different response, the poster responds with hurt feelings.

 

[DeeAnna]

I think there are many troubled and lonely people who depend on social media as a way of interacting with others. Any comment other than something that's gentle, accepting, and supportive can be perceived as a threat.

People who are new to a particular group sometimes don't take the time to become familiar with the "personality" of the group before posting. They bounce right in and share, but then don't understand when the typical reactions from the group don't meet their expectations.

An example of how the group personality can be at odds with newcomers' expectations was The Dish, a now-defunct soap making forum. Wowser, could people be crude and rude in that group! I don't recall seeing the mods doing much (if anything) to shut down the rough talk. I think many people stayed for a bit, posted a few times, and then left in a hurry.

The Dish had some great contributors, however. It was worth my while to lurk quietly and sift through all the manure to find their nuggets of wisdom.

 

[Vicki C]

If I have a question about soapmaking I am 1000 times more likely to come to this group for advice. Really appreciate the guidance I have received here, this group has helped me so much with soapmaking and with my business. Other platforms tend to be more reactive and sometimes off the wall - once people start bickering I just sigh and go away.

 

[Vicki C]

In some of these situations (like ones I've witnessed here), I often feel like they were looking for a very specific type of reaction to their post. Like, praise or approval for what they are doing. And when someone gives a different response, the poster responds with hurt feelings.

Yes I think you’re right. It’s a little sad really.

 

[Prysm]

I'm sorry that happened on the FB group. If you think it is an issue, you can report it and some mod or admin there could take a look.

 

[artemis]

I'm sorry that happened on the FB group. If you think it is an issue, you can report it and some mod or admin there could take a look.

I'm not sure what would be reported? It was a pretty tame interaction. The OP there did "flounce" a bit, but it's not like she was abusing the commenter or anything.

 

[KiwiMoose]

This happens in real life too - personally I hate getting unsolicited advice, but, that said, it's not like I'm going to 'flounce' about getting it. Some people are particularly sensitive ( in this case the OP) and some people are particularly annoying (the unsolicited advice commenter), and when the two interact - an explosion occurs.

 

[LynetteO]

If I have a question about soapmaking I am 1000 times more likely to come to this group for advice. Really appreciate the guidance I have received here, this group has helped me so much with soapmaking…”

Ditto

 

[cmzaha]

I find especially in the FB groups everyone wants to be praised, even if they ask a question they want it to fit the answer they want and no criticism. It is really bad in the Sourdough groups and not as prevalent in the Reptile groups. I find most in the reptile genuinely want help but some whine when they do not get the answers they are looking for. As most know here, I am not one to be very diplomatic and tend to say what I think whether the original will like it or not and I am sure I push the line at times, but darn it these people need to grow up if they come asking for opinions or help. LOL, of course here I have added, in my opinion, whether the question was asked directly or not. I get so tired of these babies don't ask for help if you do not like it.

When it comes to the Dish Forum I really miss that Forum, I was a new soapmaker when I joined there and learned to ignore the crankiness for the wealth of information I received and the wonderful help from the members on the dish. Several of The Dish members helped me with my lotion-making journey when I got to that point and I still miss The Dish.

 

[dmcgee5034]

I have seen a similar reaction here (advice being perceived as rudeness or arrogance) on occasion, so, I'm curious about your opinion. If someone shares an experience but doesn't ask for help, is it rude to offer advice?

I don’t think it’s rude to offer advice, especially if it’s going to save someone some heartache. I think about newbies posting photos of first soaps that are on metal racks.
I also think sometimes people don’t like getting advice at first, but then later have an insight about what was said and end up learning something.

 

[Zuleika]

I think many times, people don't realise that a lot of things on the internet lives on forever. Sometimes I type a reply then delete it. Sometimes I don't reply if I have nothing constructive to add or if I feel it could lead to potential arguments. I double check and triple search to find answers then post if I really don't see anything.

I don't like conflict and avoid it as much as I can. But then again, this is the general Asian pacifist speaking.

 

[Mommawolfe]

I was perusing the FB soaping groups this morning. Yesterday, someone shared her experience with a batch of soap and also a picture of the end result. When someone commented some advice, the OP seemed to feel like she was being criticized and that the commenter was "mean" and that it was rude to make such a comment when OP was just looking to "share the experience." To the OP, getting "unsolicited advice" was rude.

I have seen a similar reaction here (advice being perceived as rudeness or arrogance) on occasion, so, I'm curious about your opinion. If someone shares an experience but doesn't ask for help, is it rude to offer advice?

It all depends on the manner in which "advise" is offered. If it is condescending, it is rude. If it is truly kind and helpful, the person showing off her/his wares should say thank you, and move on with the same kindness. Facesh*t is full of nasty people looking for someone to pick on to make themselves feel relevant. (My opinion, of course)

 

[Marie_with_an_e]

I think there are many troubled and lonely people who depend on social media as a way of interacting with others. Any comment other than something that's gentle, accepting, and supportive can be perceived as a threat.

People who are new to a particular group sometimes don't take the time to become familiar with the "personality" of the group before posting. They bounce right in and share, but then don't understand when the typical reactions from the group don't meet their expectations.

An example of how the group personality can be at odds with newcomers' expectations was The Dish, a now-defunct soap making forum. Wowser, could people be crude and rude in that group! I don't recall seeing the mods doing much (if anything) to shut down the rough talk. I think many people stayed for a bit, posted a few times, and then left in a hurry.

The Dish had some great contributors, however. It was worth my while to lurk quietly and sift through all the manure to find their nuggets of wisdom.

The Dish overall was AWFUL when it came to helping out newbies. I was on there for a good while trying to learn more about soapmaking, but dang, if you asked a question they thought you should already know the answer to, they were some of the biggest bullies I’ve ever come across. Also if you didn’t believe exactly the same way way they did. By ‘they’ I mean the core group. There was amazing information for sure, but I don’t miss it one bit.

 

[Tammyfarms]

Just yesterday I was looking for some specific information on a FB group and I was thinking how much I love this group. I’m not sure why but FB is full of people who love to offer advice that either isn’t pertinent to the situation, is three - five words of criticism or direction with no explanation as to why or is incomplete advice. For soap advice this always my first stop.
On the other hand, there are lots of people who want nothing but praise and will get prickly if they get something other than what they are looking for.
I have seen a number of interactions here with new members who post a question, get lots of good advice, but maybe it’s more work than they want to put in or it’s overwhelming and they disappear.
I agree with @DeeAnna that there are a lot of troubled and lonely people on FB looking for something (validation, praise or maybe a fight). People have always fascinated me but I find them less and less tolerable on FB.

 

[Becky1024]

I saw the Facebook post too. IMHO, the OP overreacted a little. I think sometimes on social media it is easy to blurt out the first thing that comes to mind without thinking it through. If the comment upset the OP, she could have ignored it or replied politely.

I've reminded my ADHD son about that many times - once it's out there you can't get it back, and he's gotten into trouble several times over his texts and Snaps.

 

[janesathome]

This happens in real life too - personally I hate getting unsolicited advice, but, that said, it's not like I'm going to 'flounce' about getting it. Some people are particularly sensitive ( in this case the OP) and some people are particularly annoying (the unsolicited advice commenter), and when the two interact - an explosion occurs.

I find much of the “advice” on some FB groups comes from people who have made a few batches of soap and have no experience or knowledge to inform their advice. I frequently provide a link to one or more of @DeeAnna’s excellent Soapy Stuff articles.

I agree with others that this forum is where I come if I want good solid info or advice. I’m so grateful for the soapers who so generously share their knowledge here!

 

[Vicki C]

I find much of the “advice” on some FB groups comes from people who have made a few batches of soap and have no experience or knowledge to inform their advice. I frequently provide a link to one or more of @DeeAnna’s excellent Soapy Stuff articles.

I agree with others that this forum is where I come if I want good solid info or advice. I’m so grateful for the soapers who so generously share their knowledge here!

Moi aussi. And @DeeAnna please keep Soapy Stuff up forever and ever

 

[janesathome]

Moi aussi. And @DeeAnna please keep Soapy Stuff up forever and ever

@DeeAnna is the BEST!!!