I need to vent... disclaimer attached

[Misschief]

Disclaimer - this post might be triggering - I'm not even sure how to describe the trigger without it being triggering. but I need to vent. Mods, if you think this post is beyond the scope of this forum, please let me know and delete. I understand.
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One week ago, I arrived at work and my co-worker (male, early 60's) wasn't there. He usually arrives half an hour before me and it was unusual. Another co-worker and I commented on it and our boss hadn't heard anything from Tim. He decided to check on Tim and drove by his house. He later reported that there was a police car and two other cars there. When he rang the doorbell, a police officer answered and let my boss know that Tim was fine but he wouldn't be at work due to an ongoing investigation.

Later that afternoon, after I'd already left (I work 5 hour-ish per day), Tim showed up to talk to our boss. The next day, we were told what he'd shared with Phil (my boss).

Here's where the trigger warning comes in.

Apparently, Tim was being investigated. His computer and all his electronics had been seized and he was being charged with possession of child ****ography. His wife immediately left him (she has 4 young grandchildren) and is staying with her daughter. Justifiable, no doubt. We were all in shock. I've known this man since 2007, longer than anyone else in our organization. The next day, Tim showed up again to talk with Phil. He explained that he'd been sexually abused and that he intended to seek counselling and that he had nothing left. My boss let him know that he could not, in all good conscience, keep him on as an employee. All of us there have children and/or granchildren. Tim understood and told Phil he would plead guilty to all charges. As far as any of us know, it was only for possession of child ****ography, not of abuse.

At dinner time tonight, my boss called.

Tim's stepson had called to let Phil know that Tim died today. No one is certain whether it was his heart (he'd had some very close calls and heart surgeries in the past) or whether he'd taken his own life.

Honestly, right now I don't know what I feel. I'm sad and I'm angry and I'm hurt... most of all, I'm so, so sad.

 

[AliOop]

@Misschief that is very, very sad. You are probably suffering from secondary trauma. Please do what you need to do to take good care of yourself.

 

[Misschief]

@Misschief that is very, very sad. You are probably suffering from secondary trauma. Please do what you need to do to take good care of yourself.

Thank you, @AliOop. I have a good support system but, wow, this is a tough one.

 

[Firefly24]

I am very sad for you @Misschief - I recently found out an old neighbor of mine was charged with not only the child **** on his computer, but also the abuse of a 7 year old little girl. He did a few years in prison. I totally freaked out because he had a daughter that I used to babysit. My daughter would play at his house. So mind boggling because we think we "know someone, our neighbors, our friends." It is most definitely a secondary trauma and a memory you will never forget.

I am thankful to know that you have a good support system. Letting your feelings out and talking to people is such a relief. Oddly, I just noticed your signature quote above. I say that all the time to people young & old. Tim made bad choices and his choices have affected so many people around him.

Today, I will pray for you, and Tim's family too. I just have to take a deep breath and know that we all have free will.

 

[Misschief]

I am very sad for you @Misschief - I recently found out an old neighbor of mine was charged with not only the child **** on his computer, but also the abuse of a 7 year old little girl. He did a few years in prison. I totally freaked out because he had a daughter that I used to babysit. My daughter would play at his house. So mind boggling because we think we "know someone, our neighbors, our friends." It is most definitely a secondary trauma and a memory you will never forget.

I am thankful to know that you have a good support system. Letting your feelings out and talking to people is such a relief. Oddly, I just noticed your signature quote above. I say that all the time to people young & old. Tim made bad choices and his choices have affected so many people around him.

Today, I will pray for you, and Tim's family too. I just have to take a deep breath and know that we all have free will.

Thank you, @Firefly24. Your prayers are welcomed. You never really do know anyone, do you?

 

[Ephemerella]

Praying for you, and his family. Its incredibly hard to process shocks like this, and hard to move past the notion of not actually knowing a person.

You have every right to feel all the emotions you're feeling, and then some.

About a year ago, I discovered that a man I was engaged to and had lived with for 4 years is currently serving a 20 year sentence for **** of two minors. I don't know the details, but from what I've come to understand, they were under the age of 12. I don't know what switch flipped in his head, and what had happened to bring him to this place in his life. We had a largely good relationship, and good times, and I never ever saw this tendency in him. Ending our relationship was mutual and peaceful. I haven't been in communication with his family, but I did know them well at one time, and they must be completely beside themselves, I feel terrible for them.

When I read the news and saw his mugshot, it took the air out of my lungs. I find it all very confusing, sad, and try not to think about it because I can't make sense of it.

 

[Misschief]

Praying for you, and his family. Its incredibly hard to process shocks like this, and hard to move past the notion of not actually knowing a person.

You have every right to feel all the emotions you're feeling, and then some.

About a year ago, I discovered that a man I was engaged to and had lived with for 4 years is currently serving a 20 year sentence for **** of two minors. I don't know the details, but from what I've come to understand, they were under the age of 12. I don't know what switch flipped in his head, and what had happened to bring him to this place in his life. We had a largely good relationship, and good times, and I never ever saw this tendency in him. Ending our relationship was mutual and peaceful. I haven't been in communication with his family, but I did know them well at one time, and they must be completely beside themselves, I feel terrible for them.

When I read the news and saw his mugshot, it took the air out of my lungs. I find it all very confusing, sad, and try not to think about it because I can't make sense of it.

It's such a tough thing. I know I'm not done feeling all the emotions; I'm not at work today (hubby is having minor surgery) but I'm sure it will hit me even harder when I do go back to the shop tomorrow. Even just thinking about walking in the door at work gives me a chill. There were more than a few customers who thought Tim and I were married; he kind of was my work husband... 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, since 2007.

 

[not_ally]

This is so terrible and sad. Sorry that you, his family, and everyone who cared about him have to go through this. Thank God there are no IRR/physical victims.

 

[Mobjack Bay]

It's an awful situation and I'm sorry for all of you who have to deal with it. I'm sure it's helpful for your mental well being that you are able to share your feelings, even if they feel confusing to you at this time. I hope work is going okay today. {{{{hugs}}}}

 

[MelissaG]

This is so horrible, I'm not even sure what to say. Please be sure you talk to those who can help. This is one of those situations you can't do alone. I'm so sorry.

 

[Tammyfarms]

I am so sorry you are going through this. We can get really close to people we spend so much time with everyday and yet we don’t know everything about them. I can’t begin to know how you feel and I am very sorry for your loss.

 

[Kiti Williams]

It's such a tough thing. I know I'm not done feeling all the emotions; I'm not at work today (hubby is having minor surgery) but I'm sure it will hit me even harder when I do go back to the shop tomorrow. Even just thinking about walking in the door at work gives me a chill. There were more than a few customers who thought Tim and I were married; he kind of was my work husband... 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, since 2007.

I am one of those who would be triggered. You handled this appropriately. I was abused and my 2 daughters as well. We have healed as a family. We are no longer victims, but survivors.

 

[Misschief]

Thank you, all of you. Today was tough in some ways; I felt like I was teetering between being okay and losing it completely. One of the things I love about my workplace, though, is that we have a boss who's encouraging us to talk about Tim and the situation as needed. He'll never shut us down.

To those of you who have been abused, my heart, and my respect, goes out to you. When we bring darkness into the light, we start to heal. Again... thank you for allowing me to bring that darkness into the light.

 

[VikingChick]

I’m so sorry, @Misschief, for the shock and subsequent pain for your coworker. Reading this post just makes me hurt for those who have been abused, and those who have had to deal with the effects of it. I wish I had pretty words to say, but please know you’re in my prayers.

 

[cmzaha]

You deserve to rant Misschief. After so many years co-workers become family with all the hours spent together working and something like that is pure devastation. I cannot fathom what his family is going through and what you are going through. Talking about it certainly can help. Sadly we just cannot know what goes through people's minds when they do not let anyone know what is going on inside them. My son-in-law came from a very abusive childhood and he still deals with repercussions today which affects my daughter and granddaughter. After almost 20 years of marriage, she still does not know the extent of his abuse but it affects him to this day.

Take care of yourself Misschief, this will take quite a while to get over. These things are so hard to understand.

 

[melinda48]

It's such a tough thing. I know I'm not done feeling all the emotions; I'm not at work today (hubby is having minor surgery) but I'm sure it will hit me even harder when I do go back to the shop tomorrow. Even just thinking about walking in the door at work gives me a chill. There were more than a few customers who thought Tim and I were married; he kind of was my work husband... 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, since 2007.

Grateful that you have people with whom you can talk about this and that your boss is understanding as well. Prayers that you will come through this stronger but never lose your ability to trust - that is a hard one to manage. Hang in there; as it says in the Bible, “And it came to pass…” It never says and it came to stay.