Hide me from my In-Laws

[MzMolly65]

So, anyone know how to make a shadow box?

I buy mine cheap at Micheal's but don't know if you have that store where you live.

 

[Ael]

I'm sounding the all clear. The In-Laws have left the building.

I hear ya about not putting up with things I shouldn't have to but hey, it's family. Whatchagonnado?

Call them on their sickening, rude and disrespectful behaviour? I'm sorry, but being family does not mean you blatantly put up with such disgusting behavour. If they are behaving like you-know-what's then call them on it, someone needs to. If they treat you and yours like that, how do you think they likely treat strangers? One wrong word said to someone who is feeling rotten, and God knows what could stem from it. My in-laws were almost responsible for my suicide; definitely a reason why I needed medication for the first time in a decade.

Don't let them get away with being nasty jerks.

 

[DeeAnna]

"...but being family does not mean you blatantly put up with such disgusting behavour...."

Um, hey.... Every person has a right to relate to their family and friends in a way that makes sense to that person. I suspect Derpina is fully aware of the issues that make her family system unhelpful to her, and she appears to be relating to her family members in a way that works for her. Maybe her choices wouldn't work for you, Ael, but they do for her.

I'd like to see this conversation head in a more supportive and less confrontational direction. Please?

 

[My Mountain Soaps]

Im glad you made it Derpina, and thank you for letting us take this ride with you, laughing all the way

 

[lenarenee]

"...but being family does not mean you blatantly put up with such disgusting behavour...."

Um, hey.... Every person has a right to relate to their family and friends in a way that makes sense to that person. I suspect Derpina is fully aware of the issues that make her family system unhelpful to her, and she appears to be relating to her family members in a way that works for her. Maybe her choices wouldn't work for you, Ael, but they do for her.

I'd like to see this conversation head in a more supportive and less confrontational direction. Please?

I'm confused by this: I don't find this "confrontational". (Perhaps you feel the OP is being pushed into something she doesn't want?)

Before I type this, let me say that I am not attempting to be confrontational here. I avoided responding to this thread because the OP's situation reminds me of my (former) method of relating " to their family and friends in a way that makes sense to that person". I lived in an abusive environment as a child, being a prisoner in my own home...hiding from people who were mistreating me.

I'm not saying Derpina is being abused.

But she and her children are hiding in their house, avoiding their "guests", feeling insulted, and most importantly....repressed - as in not free express who they are.

Home should be the safest place on earth.

If Derpina feels its best to put up with this way of dealing with the situation, then I encourage her to do so and applaud the daydreaming about displaying those 32 bars of soap.

This is a way of life I lived for decades. Then someone told me, "You have the right to defend yourself, and to be treated with respect." With that statement came the knowledge that I could choose to fight back with confrontation and "teach" people how to treat me. And that I could also choose which battles to fight and which not to fight, but ride out.

I'm very disturbed that Derpina (or any living creature on this earth) has to suffer any form of disrespect.

These relatives are planning on moving closer to her....? Would that mean they would visit more?

Derpina, if you are not happy with your method of coping with them now, I sincerely hope you will adopt another method.

Again; home should be the safest place on earth, and she does deserve to protect it.

Derpina, if I have said anything here that you find unsupportive, please pm me, and I will edit it.

 

[Saponista]

My mother behaves in exactly the same way as derpina's mother in law. I have tried calling her out and confronting her but that doesn't work and escalates the situation. I have been coping with these behaviours for 30 years. I know that the best way of dealing with this is to act in exactly the same way derpina does or my only other choice is to cut her out of my life completely and never speak to her again. It's not something I want to do so I cope with her behaviour. I don't feel abused, she's just a difficult person to handle.

 

[Ael]

I'm confused by this: I don't find this "confrontational". (Perhaps you feel the OP is being pushed into something she doesn't want?)

Before I type this, let me say that I am not attempting to be confrontational here. I avoided responding to this thread because the OP's situation reminds me of my (former) method of relating " to their family and friends in a way that makes sense to that person". I lived in an abusive environment as a child, being a prisoner in my own home...hiding from people who were mistreating me.

I'm not saying Derpina is being abused.

But she and her children are hiding in their house, avoiding their "guests", feeling insulted, and most importantly....repressed - as in not free express who they are.

Home should be the safest place on earth.

If Derpina feels its best to put up with this way of dealing with the situation, then I encourage her to do so and applaud the daydreaming about displaying those 32 bars of soap.

This is a way of life I lived for decades. Then someone told me, "You have the right to defend yourself, and to be treated with respect." With that statement came the knowledge that I could choose to fight back with confrontation and "teach" people how to treat me. And that I could also choose which battles to fight and which not to fight, but ride out.

I'm very disturbed that Derpina (or any living creature on this earth) has to suffer any form of disrespect.

These relatives are planning on moving closer to her....? Would that mean they would visit more?

Derpina, if you are not happy with your method of coping with them now, I sincerely hope you will adopt another method.

Again; home should be the safest place on earth, and she does deserve to protect it.

Derpina, if I have said anything here that you find unsupportive, please pm me, and I will edit it.

This is exactly what I was getting at. Home should be safe. Period. She was hiding in her own home, as was her spouse and her children. That doesn't sound like a very safe or happy environment. Family doesn't give anyone the right to disrespect you. Period.

I have stopped associating with my in-laws because of how they behave when confronted, and I mean to the point of threatening their autistic son (my husband) with being disowned, even when he never said a word. We live with his dad who I never speak to. Why bother when all he cares to do is trigger my neural disorder on purpose, and doesn't care if I shoot myself?

But I promise you this: If they ever come to visit (once we move) and they ever insult us to the point we feel unsafe or unsettled, they will leave.

There is making sense with one's tactics, and then there is fear about doing anything at all. Totally different animals.

 

[The Efficacious Gentleman]

Every action needs to be weighed against the reaction. Each person must do this for themselves. Are the results from saying something worse than the current situation? What are the chances of it getting worse rather than better? Is it worth that risk?

That said - I would personally feel the need to say something to my mother myself she was upsetting my wife. I would do it, rather than having my wife do it.

 

[Derpina Bubbles]

Ummmm, this thread seems to have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque. The opening line is from Monty Python. My Inlaws are kind of a Monty Python experience for me. I laugh, I scratch my head sometimes but there is certainly no damage. I empathise with those that have had a harmful experience with their Inlaws. I sorted mine out years ago. Now it's slapstick, dodgy cranberry pants wearing, stand in a corner looking at your shadow box while wearing an ironing board cover on you head sort of thing. There seems to be a mix of people on here that got where I was coming from and I seem to have caused some misunderstanding in some others and perhaps upset some.

It's only natural to read things and process what your reading through your own personal experience. Sorry if my thread raised painful memories for any of you, that was never my intent. I thought it best to clear this up.

 

[Dennis]

This thread could probably use a bit more cow bell at this point.

 

[The Efficacious Gentleman]

Ummmm, this thread seems to have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque. The opening line is from Monty Python...............

When she arrives, is her husband behind her banging two coconut halves together?

 

[DeeAnna]

In her first post, Derpina was making light of an awkward situation. I got the clear impression she was not seeking analysis and advice, rather she was looking for our warm support and friendly acceptance, laced with a good dash of humor. More cowbell is definitely warranted!!!! Thanks, Dennis.

 

[shunt2011]

I agree with DeeAnna....I think we all have at least 1 family member that we can certainly relate to with Derpina. I think from her postings she has a really good handle on things and has the right attitude for her situation.

 

[lenarenee]

It's only natural to read things and process what your reading through your own personal experience. Sorry if my thread raised painful memories for any of you, that was never my intent. I thought it best to clear this up.[/QUOTE]

Very true; and the written word is a very incomplete method of communication, especially when conveying emotions. You are not responsible for how each individual interpreted your words so please don't feel bad.

And there were no painful memories raised on my end; I recovered long ago.

So now that things are returning to normal, will there be soap in your future?
I'd like to but I'm fresh out of recipe ideas to try. Maybe a castile, but that sounds "plain"; I want to try something more creative.

 

[MzMolly65]

Now it's slapstick, dodgy cranberry pants wearing, stand in a corner looking at your shadow box while wearing an ironing board cover on you head sort of thing.

That ironing board cover hat is quite the fashion statement when worn with shaved cranberry pants!! I expect to see you on the catwalk in that outfit. :clap::clap:

 

[newbie]

That anus soap has you MIL's name all over it. YOu can hand it to her, smiling inwardly, or perhaps you can mutter under your breath, "An ******* for the *******."