roseb
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You can always stay in the bathroom and tell them you are trying out every single bar of the 23 she gave you. 
Hide me from my In-Laws
- Thread starter Derpina Bubbles
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Lin
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I have an evil mother and evil stepmother, all my hopes and dreams are on a good MIL some day lol.
Help! Help! I'm being repressed! I've lost control of the TV remote. My every calorie is being counted. The house has been inspected (I fail by default). I was given 23 soaps as a gift when they arrived
I'm hiding in my office doing "paperwork". This excuse won't play for long. Anyone got something for my next move? All I can think of is faking an upset stomach and hanging out in the bathroom, with my 23 new soaps.
If I don't think of something quick I'll be doomed to play the weird card game they have set up at my dining table while my MIL calls out "Here ***** ***** *****" every 5 mins to my cat because she wants to pat him. Hot Saturday night. Woooooo.
LOL, that is hysterical. :razz: Thankyou for the good laugh today and hopefully it is a short visit. Keep smiling nothing is permanent...
I was fortunate to have a good MIL that taught me to cook Armenian food and a great FIL that taught me how to cook wonderful Romanian food. Also I have a great Mom and Step Dad that always loved my hubby. Good thing because they live across the hill from me. (less the 5 min)
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MzMolly65
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Wow and OUCH!
I had a MIL like that once (her son was the same and I was too stupid to notice on time but I solved that problem). Sadly, I still have a mother like this and can't solve that problem other than moving to another country .. which I did .. but I still feel the daughter obligations that keep me in communication.
I read a great book called Verbal Judo and learned some great techniques ..
You can also answer questions with questions. "Do you always dress like that?" .. "Why do you ask?"
You can answer with crazy making answers. "What is THIS on my plate?" .. "I shaved cranberry pants tomorrow."
You can restrict your answers to being all 3 of the following 1. kind, 2. necessary and 3. the truth and if your answer isn't all of the 3 then the best answer is a neutral response that both agrees and disagrees. "Are you an idiot?" .. "Maybe"
OR .. you can hit them with the absolute truth. "Are you an idiot?" .. "I feel that was an incredibly rude thing to say, it hurts my feelings and makes me angry and I would appreciate it if you didn't say that again." If they say it again, you ask them to leave. Of course, husband would have to be on board with that one. My ex wasn't on board with it and it's why is now my ex. I could have suffered through the occasional visit from the MIL but hubby was a full time nutter that I just couldn't live with any more. My sanity was more important to me.
Best of luck to you, I empathize 100%.
I had a MIL like that once (her son was the same and I was too stupid to notice on time but I solved that problem). Sadly, I still have a mother like this and can't solve that problem other than moving to another country .. which I did .. but I still feel the daughter obligations that keep me in communication.
I read a great book called Verbal Judo and learned some great techniques ..
You can also answer questions with questions. "Do you always dress like that?" .. "Why do you ask?"
You can answer with crazy making answers. "What is THIS on my plate?" .. "I shaved cranberry pants tomorrow."
You can restrict your answers to being all 3 of the following 1. kind, 2. necessary and 3. the truth and if your answer isn't all of the 3 then the best answer is a neutral response that both agrees and disagrees. "Are you an idiot?" .. "Maybe"
OR .. you can hit them with the absolute truth. "Are you an idiot?" .. "I feel that was an incredibly rude thing to say, it hurts my feelings and makes me angry and I would appreciate it if you didn't say that again." If they say it again, you ask them to leave. Of course, husband would have to be on board with that one. My ex wasn't on board with it and it's why is now my ex. I could have suffered through the occasional visit from the MIL but hubby was a full time nutter that I just couldn't live with any more. My sanity was more important to me.
Best of luck to you, I empathize 100%.
Lin
Well-Known Member
Oh thats genius. Especially because in some cases the individual will probably think they just misheard you and not ask you to repeat it and move on to another subject.
MzMolly65
Well-Known Member
I've never been mentally quick enough for this one but saw it in action once. A woman friend of mine had rebuilt a little MG from the ground up but it was a saucy beggar whenever it needed a head light changed so she always pulled out the manual. In the parking lot of the auto supply store some burly guy walked up and said, "Only a woman would need a manual to change a light bulb." .. she looked at him, smiled and said, "My underwear sing blueberry pancakes" .. He stopped, his mouth opened, closed, opened .. and he turned and walked away.
I would LOVE to be mentally sharp and fast enough to pull that off like she did.
She also caught some nasty woman at the grocery once .. with a simple agreement. She went through the in door and realized she wanted a cart so quickly darted back through the same door. Said nasty woman growled, "That's the IN door." .. my friend smiled, pointed to the door and replied, "YES, I .. N .. In." and flounced on through again. Nasty woman who just received lesson from Sesame Street muppet was too gob smacked to say another word.
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Derpina Bubbles
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I think coffee has erupted from my nose about 3 times reading all this. Clearly, I'm not the only one with difficult In-Law experience.
The shadow box idea. OMG love it! Not even hanging in the bathroom. I want it in the hallway. The soaps would of course be used because I also love the idea of hanging in the bathroom to try all 23 soaps. Ha! Just imaging doing these 2 things whilst shouting about cranberry pants will totally get me through the next couple of days.
As for being polite, oh I am. Her zingers are blinked at, never responded to, unless they are about my kids. Which she knows about after all these years and no longer dares. Hubby is ruder to her then I am and dreads the visits even more then me so that's telling you something. I find a lot of the insults so funny but he gets more annoyed. Yes, I am a slob because I don't run to the washing machine when it beeps and don't put my teaspoons upside down in the dishrack.
Oops, almost forgot, been making soap for 10 years lol. She inspected my soaps and never said a word. Which is actually a thumbs up from her when I think of it, but she did take a store bought soap to the shower last night even though I put a fresh soap I made in there for her. Ouch lol.
Day 3 of visit - The card game is still sitting on the table, my children are hiding in their rooms and they want to talk to us about them moving closer to us :Kitten Love:. They have a brochure. They mean it. Nooooooooooo.
The shadow box idea. OMG love it! Not even hanging in the bathroom. I want it in the hallway. The soaps would of course be used because I also love the idea of hanging in the bathroom to try all 23 soaps. Ha! Just imaging doing these 2 things whilst shouting about cranberry pants will totally get me through the next couple of days.
As for being polite, oh I am. Her zingers are blinked at, never responded to, unless they are about my kids. Which she knows about after all these years and no longer dares. Hubby is ruder to her then I am and dreads the visits even more then me so that's telling you something. I find a lot of the insults so funny but he gets more annoyed. Yes, I am a slob because I don't run to the washing machine when it beeps and don't put my teaspoons upside down in the dishrack.
Oops, almost forgot, been making soap for 10 years lol. She inspected my soaps and never said a word. Which is actually a thumbs up from her when I think of it, but she did take a store bought soap to the shower last night even though I put a fresh soap I made in there for her. Ouch lol.
Day 3 of visit - The card game is still sitting on the table, my children are hiding in their rooms and they want to talk to us about them moving closer to us :Kitten Love:. They have a brochure. They mean it. Nooooooooooo.
MzMolly65
Well-Known Member
oh lord cchhheeezzzuz .. run, I say RUN!!
oo let me tell you about the time I made soup for my MIL. It's a traditional Ukrainian soup called borsche (like the car but with a b) .. and you put cream in it right before serving it.
I'm not Ukrainian but grew up in a community full of them so learned a lot of their food dishes from the local women. I was taught to use sour cream.
So when my Ukrainian in laws were coming to visit I made a big batch, mixed in the sour cream right before serving it and she ate a GREAT, BIG bowl full and asked for 2nds. I was absolutely floored and brought her another bowl but forgot the sour cream. When she asked for it I jumped up and grabbed the sour cream for her. She LOOKED at me, wrinkled her nose and asked, "You used SOUR cream in this?" .. yes, of course .. she pushed the bowl away and sneered, "We only use SWEET cream." and refused to eat another bite. OMG .. the only thing that made that whole moment worth it was when her husband reached over and grabbed the bowl she had pushed aside and started shoveling happily into his mouth while mumbling incoherently .. "stupid cow".
She refused to eat anything I made that visit siting everything was made incorrectly. No meat allowed in the cabbage rolls, no dill allowed in the nalysnyky .. blah, blah .. blah!
I had spent hours and hours making all this special food and she wouldn't touch it. I think she was making up all her complaints just to be ornery. So she went hungry, drank tea, I couldn't have cared less and didn't even offer her a peanut butter sandwich. The rest of us had a lovely feast.
Oh MzMolly, ugh. My husband's family is Ukranian and they put sour cream in their borscht and meat in their cabbage rolls (except on Xmas Eve). Not that you need MY valudation.....but you have it! I'm sure that borscht was delicious.
Derpina Bubbles
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LOL sounds like meal time here. FIL always eats seconds, she looks at it like I served poop. I just cut some soap logs up and she wrinkled her nose. Soooo bad for your self esteem. Meanwhile, some of the handmade soaps she bought are gorgeous and I'm actually going to use them as soapspiration but give them a little twist. The store bought ones have me scratching my head still though (no I don't have nits).
MzMolly65
Well-Known Member
Take heart .. remember it's not you with the problem, it's her and it's unfortunate she cannot enjoy the things you make and do. If you like to read there's a great book called, Healing the Shame that Binds Us by Dr. John Bradshaw that helped me understand why my Mother acts the way she does and just because she throws a shame or guilt bone out there doesn't mean I have to fetch it. Your MIL must be a very sad and lonely person inside.
In the meantime, pet your nits and enjoy your soaps .. we all do (enjoy your soaps that is)
Lin
Well-Known Member
I think I might look up that book for help dealing with my stepmother. I can deal with my mother, so to speak. Ignore the hateful things she says. Guess the lifetime of being used to it there vs just over 10 years with the stepmom. God, she really gets under my skin.
Derpina Bubbles
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Cheers, chins up. I don't pet my nits. I pick them off and nibble on them.
My Mountain Soaps
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Derpina, you are becoming a favorite of mine with your twisted sense of humor! :lolno: My councelor/psychologist mind is reeling from this. But i wont preach, i think you are doing great by laughing through this. Like you, i have burst out laughing a few times with this thread! keep going!
grayceworks
Well-Known Member
THIS! lol
Too funny. Especially since I just sent my mother a bunch of my soaps, including two from the first two batches I ever made, and she's declared that she's going to keep them on a shelf forever and ever. I'm envisioning just such a shadowbox. lol
Derpina Bubbles
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LOL Glad you're having a chuckle. It's laugh or sit rocking in a corner with MzMolly65.
My Mountain Soaps
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What else are good soap friends for? :crazy:
MzMolly65
Well-Known Member
Oiy .. I'll have you know I don't sit rocking in a corner
.. I like to twirl in circles, cackling hysterically!!
Ruthie
Well-Known Member
Now I feel more fortunate than ever to not have a MIL. I deal with parents of 4 year olds, but the fact that it will be over in 9 months (school year) keeps me going. )
)
