RockinRodeoChick
Well-Known Member
I know I haven't been a forum member very long, but I wasn't sure where else to turn. You lovelies are all so wonderful, I thought I might get a good piece of advice from you.
So... in the 2 years that dh and I have been married and the 4 years before that that we dated, I've been, most of the time, pretty suspicious and kinda jealous of other women he talks to. Not to the point that I'm crazy and accusing him of cheating or anything. In fact, I very very rarely said anything because I figured it was just my insecurities making me feel this way. Well, the last few months, it seems to have gotten worse. The only reason being, I started noticing that he flipped if I got close to his cell phone. It was almost like the world was going to end if I picked it up. The most recent incident I can think of is when he was the shower in a couple months ago and got a text so his music went off. I picked it up to turn it back on for him and noticed the text was from a woman I've never heard of before. When I told him who it was from, there was a look of shock on his face and he attempted to get the phone from me. Ya know, "Oh here honey, don't worry about it. I'll turn it back on." Looking back now, this should've been a red flag to me, but I pushed any doubts of him I had aside. Call it denial, I suppose. I've thought about this and that woman a lot, but, really, I blamed the suspicions on myself. The overbearing, suspicious, bitchy wife you always hear about. I figured that had to be me, so I tried to leave things alone. (On a side note, dh has lots of female friends, many of them are online only. He's sworn up and down to me many times that these are platonic only, and in these cases I've believed him. I've talked to a few of them and he tells me what they've talked about. I'll admit, I've still always been a little suspicious of these other women, but, for the most part, I've trusted him. Yeah, I know. It sounds stupid to me now too, after actually writing it out.) Well, two nights ago, it got to be too much. First, just let me say, that I never spy on him. Never go through his cell phone or his email or anything. I figure we all have to have some privacy. But that night, while he was in the shower, he left his phone in the living room and my curiosity got the better of me. I picked it up and went through his text messages( I know, snooping is bad bad bad.), and I found something. Several, at least 20, nude and up close(if you get what I mean) photos of this one woman from her. The woman from the shower incident a couple months ago. I've never felt more betrayed in my life. I put the phone down where it was, got ready for work and acted like nothing was wrong until I figured out what to do. I really wanted to yell and scream, but I didn't think it would really do me any good. And then, last night I worked up the courage to ask him, calmly, who this woman is and what the hell is going on. Apparently, it's been going on for years. They send photos back and forth and tell each other what they want to do. I guess the term now is "sexting." And that it happened the most when I "wasn't putting out much." I wanted to rage at him, but all I could do was cry. He's told me a million times since last night how sorry he is and that it wasn't worth it and he knows now he shouldn't have done it. I know there wasn't actually any physical contact, but I still feel totally betrayed and like he's cheated on me. I don't know that I'll ever be able to trust him again. And the kicker is, all those years he let me believe I was just overly jealous and suspicious, I had all the reason in the world to be. The question is, what do I do now? What would you do now? And am I blowing this out of proportion or do I have every right to be this upset?
Kudos to anyone that reads my new book.
So... in the 2 years that dh and I have been married and the 4 years before that that we dated, I've been, most of the time, pretty suspicious and kinda jealous of other women he talks to. Not to the point that I'm crazy and accusing him of cheating or anything. In fact, I very very rarely said anything because I figured it was just my insecurities making me feel this way. Well, the last few months, it seems to have gotten worse. The only reason being, I started noticing that he flipped if I got close to his cell phone. It was almost like the world was going to end if I picked it up. The most recent incident I can think of is when he was the shower in a couple months ago and got a text so his music went off. I picked it up to turn it back on for him and noticed the text was from a woman I've never heard of before. When I told him who it was from, there was a look of shock on his face and he attempted to get the phone from me. Ya know, "Oh here honey, don't worry about it. I'll turn it back on." Looking back now, this should've been a red flag to me, but I pushed any doubts of him I had aside. Call it denial, I suppose. I've thought about this and that woman a lot, but, really, I blamed the suspicions on myself. The overbearing, suspicious, bitchy wife you always hear about. I figured that had to be me, so I tried to leave things alone. (On a side note, dh has lots of female friends, many of them are online only. He's sworn up and down to me many times that these are platonic only, and in these cases I've believed him. I've talked to a few of them and he tells me what they've talked about. I'll admit, I've still always been a little suspicious of these other women, but, for the most part, I've trusted him. Yeah, I know. It sounds stupid to me now too, after actually writing it out.) Well, two nights ago, it got to be too much. First, just let me say, that I never spy on him. Never go through his cell phone or his email or anything. I figure we all have to have some privacy. But that night, while he was in the shower, he left his phone in the living room and my curiosity got the better of me. I picked it up and went through his text messages( I know, snooping is bad bad bad.), and I found something. Several, at least 20, nude and up close(if you get what I mean) photos of this one woman from her. The woman from the shower incident a couple months ago. I've never felt more betrayed in my life. I put the phone down where it was, got ready for work and acted like nothing was wrong until I figured out what to do. I really wanted to yell and scream, but I didn't think it would really do me any good. And then, last night I worked up the courage to ask him, calmly, who this woman is and what the hell is going on. Apparently, it's been going on for years. They send photos back and forth and tell each other what they want to do. I guess the term now is "sexting." And that it happened the most when I "wasn't putting out much." I wanted to rage at him, but all I could do was cry. He's told me a million times since last night how sorry he is and that it wasn't worth it and he knows now he shouldn't have done it. I know there wasn't actually any physical contact, but I still feel totally betrayed and like he's cheated on me. I don't know that I'll ever be able to trust him again. And the kicker is, all those years he let me believe I was just overly jealous and suspicious, I had all the reason in the world to be. The question is, what do I do now? What would you do now? And am I blowing this out of proportion or do I have every right to be this upset?
Kudos to anyone that reads my new book.
