# Hide me from my In-Laws



## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 15, 2014)

Help! Help! I'm being repressed! I've lost control of the TV remote.  My every calorie is being counted. The house has been inspected (I fail by default).  I was given 23 soaps as a gift when they arrived . Seriously :Kitten Love:. Is it a hint that my soaps suck?  Are they examples of what soaps should be?  Arrgghh! 

 I'm hiding in my office doing "paperwork".   This excuse won't play for long.  Anyone got something for my next move?  All I can think of is faking an upset stomach and hanging out in the bathroom, with my 23 new soaps.

 If I don't think of something quick I'll be doomed to play the weird card game they have set up at my dining table while my MIL calls out "Here ***** ***** *****" every 5 mins to my cat because she wants to pat him.  Hot Saturday night. Woooooo.


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## Dennis (Feb 15, 2014)

They mean well.  Serve up some spray cheese on crackers with a bowl of imitation bacon bits on the side for the card game snack.  :mrgreen:


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## Saponista (Feb 15, 2014)

Oh how this made me chuckle, it sounds like something my actual mother would do, my husbands parents are remarkably laid back and relaxed. I hate to think what poor poor husband feels when my parents 'invade' our house. I've given up on cleaning it to her standards now, I know something will be wrong whatever I do so I am resigned to my fate!


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 15, 2014)

Dennis said:


> They mean well. Serve up some spray cheese on crackers with a bowl of imitation bacon bits on the side for the card game snack. :mrgreen:



Cheese in a can and fake bacon. Freaky. I had to Google spray cheese lol.  It's a whole new world. They mean well? You haven't been introduced.  Evil I tells ya.


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 15, 2014)

Saponista said:


> Oh how this made me chuckle, it sounds like something my actual mother would do, my husbands parents are remarkably laid back and relaxed. I hate to think what poor poor husband feels when my parents 'invade' our house. I've given up on cleaning it to her standards now, I know something will be wrong whatever I do so I am resigned to my fate!



Hehe now you mention it, my Dad is the Father-In-Law from hell.   Seems fair lol.

 *I've sacrificed the children. They are playing cards as my proxy.  Mwhahahahahaha.


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## Dennis (Feb 15, 2014)

I had fantastic inlaws, miss them.


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## grayceworks (Feb 15, 2014)

Dennis said:


> They mean well.  Serve up some spray cheese on crackers with a bowl of imitation bacon bits on the side for the card game snack.  :mrgreen:



*gasp* _Imitation _bacon bits? Blasphemy!


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## Tienne (Feb 15, 2014)

She gave you soaps?!? Man, that's rude! 

My ex-(YAY!)-MIL used to come into our home and remove furniture and inventory. She would say: "Those lamps don't fit in with the rest of the decor" or "those candlesticks aren't really your taste" and she would just grab the stuff and take them with her! Anything that wasn't nailed down, was in danger of being "re-homed" at her house. I was too young to dare say anything to her, she was a right b**** in oh so many ways, but if anyone did that today? Heaven help them. 

Today, I feel so sorry for her new DIL, because I know she must be living a dark and lampless life somewhere out there. That poor thing.


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## grayceworks (Feb 15, 2014)

Tienne said:


> She gave you soaps?!? Man, that's rude! (



I have known people who think that because you make bath and body products, you must really love them, and they'd be good gifts. They don't stop to think that you probably have a whole houseful, since you make them. lol

They think, Oh, She likes soap!


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 15, 2014)

Ouch Tienne, she sounded  worse than mine.  Best shot so far this stay other than the soaps at me was her entry shot to my Hubby.  She walked in and asked him if he was still losing weight. He said no and she looked him up and down and just said "Shame", and kept walking passed.  He just stood there blinking.  Well hello to you too! His face was priceless.


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 15, 2014)

grayceworks said:


> I have known people who think that because you make bath and body products, you must really love them, and they'd be good gifts. They don't stop to think that you probably have a whole houseful, since you make them. lol
> 
> They think, Oh, She likes soap!



Hm true.  I do buy soap still when I see cute ones.  I'm a soap junky. I think the 23 at once was...odd.  

 OMG maybe I have this all wrong and she's just trying to tell me I stink.


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## Seawolfe (Feb 15, 2014)

Start drinking directly out of the rum bottle, its the only way I tell you.

My ex MIL once gave me an ironing board cover. Which doesn't seem odd until you know that I don't iron. Ever.
I wore it about the house as a hat for a while


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## Dennis (Feb 15, 2014)

deleted.


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## eyeroll (Feb 15, 2014)

Put the 23 new soaps in a shadowbox and hang it on the wall for their next visit.


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## Happysoap (Feb 15, 2014)

Take a deep breath and try to be nice. If the roles were reversed how would you want your husband to behave? I bet you would not be happy if he misbehaved towards your folks. Talk to him about what is upsetting but be nice to his parents. Bite the bullet. Take a shot of tequila. Or two. They are only there for a little while. Soon they will leave and all will be well.

Giving you soaps may just be their way of caring. I have an aunt that collects and gives me soaps of every shape, scent and size she can find. Her explanation is that she wants me to see how others made soaps that sells and maybe I will learn or think of something new. "This one has a stamp" "this one has glitter" "this one is a rose"


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## AnnaMarie (Feb 15, 2014)

Thank you for the morning laugh!  My in-laws were terrible when my husband and I first married.  In fact, they disowned us because I'm white    Even after we were brought back together my MIL was a bear.  Fast forward 20 years and now we love each other very much (lots of forgiveness and grand kids and Jack Daniels).  I'm going to have to remember to watch it when my kids marry     Hang in there!
Cheers! ( seriously!)
Anna Marie


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## JennH (Feb 15, 2014)

AnnaMarie said:


> I'm going to have to remember to watch it when my kids marry     Hang in there!
> Cheers! ( seriously!)
> Anna Marie



This! My MIL has her personality quirks, but she means well. However HER MIL was evil. She made me cry on my honeymoon evil. And thats exactly why my MIL is good. She learned how NOT to be a MIL from the best.


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## My Mountain Soaps (Feb 15, 2014)

Tienne said:


> Today, I feel so sorry for her new DIL, because I know she must be living a dark and lampless life somewhere out there. That poor thing.



Bwahahaha too funny.
Derpina, pray, pray pray is all you can do. And keep laughing through it like you are. My parents are the ones that i have to set straight alot, its like "Everybody Loves Raymond" around here when they come to visit. On the things that really add stress to me i have to kindly set them straight, and they are good enough to heed. My husband and i are very quiet, my parents are like two jack russels in a box. I know what JRT's are like, i have one!!! the human form is all the more a handful!!!  No, I adore my parents, they are a blessing to me, and have worked their fingers to the bone to provide the life i had. They are still so willing to give and do. But, they truly are like JRT's in a box and sometimes i cant help but want to close the box and put a "Do not open till Christmas" sticker on it!! good luck, keep praying and laughing! 
P.S. i also lose control of the remote when they come........:silent:


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## My Mountain Soaps (Feb 15, 2014)

oh, and i forgot what i originally logged on to say- maybe keep one or two of the 23 soaps (to pull out when the MIL comes again), and donate the rest to your local retirement center? im sure they would appreciate them.


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## green soap (Feb 15, 2014)

My sister did the same thing when I started making soap to sell.  I initially also thought it was very odd.

She just wanted me to have an idea of how other handcrafted soaps looked, felt, and were priced (she left the prices for that reason).  Unfortunately I only cared for one of the chosen scents, but I tried each of the soaps just once to get the feel.  It was a good exercise, similar but not as fun as a soap swap.  I did not care for most of them and really only enjoyed using one (it was not 23, more like 7-8).  However, I learned something and appreciated the gesture.  She later gave me a soap after I had been making soap a long time and I did not use it because I could not tolerate the scent.  She meant well though.  

If you have been making soap a long time and have tried all sorts of ingredients, then just donate them to a shelter?  However, if you are fairly new, or were curious about how an ingredient feels in soap, you might learn some information and use it in your soap making.


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## roseb (Feb 15, 2014)

You can always stay in the bathroom and tell them you are trying out every single bar of the 23 she gave you.


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## Lin (Feb 15, 2014)

I have an evil mother and evil stepmother, all my hopes and dreams are on a good MIL some day lol.


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## cmzaha (Feb 15, 2014)

Derpina Bubbles said:


> Help! Help! I'm being repressed! I've lost control of the TV remote. My every calorie is being counted. The house has been inspected (I fail by default). I was given 23 soaps as a gift when they arrived . Seriously :Kitten Love:. Is it a hint that my soaps suck? Are they examples of what soaps should be? Arrgghh!
> 
> I'm hiding in my office doing "paperwork". This excuse won't play for long. Anyone got something for my next move? All I can think of is faking an upset stomach and hanging out in the bathroom, with my 23 new soaps.
> 
> If I don't think of something quick I'll be doomed to play the weird card game they have set up at my dining table while my MIL calls out "Here ***** ***** *****" every 5 mins to my cat because she wants to pat him. Hot Saturday night. Woooooo.


 
LOL, that is hysterical. :razz: Thankyou for the good laugh today and hopefully it is a short visit. Keep smiling nothing is permanent...
I was fortunate to have a good MIL that taught me to cook Armenian food and a great FIL that taught me how to cook wonderful Romanian food. Also I have a great Mom and Step Dad that always loved my hubby. Good thing because they live across the hill from me. (less the 5 min)


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## MzMolly65 (Feb 15, 2014)

Wow and OUCH!  

I had a MIL like that once (her son was the same and I was too stupid to notice on time but I solved that problem).  Sadly, I still have a mother like this and can't solve that problem other than moving to another country .. which I did .. but I still feel the daughter obligations that keep me in communication.

I read a great book called Verbal Judo and learned some great techniques .. 

You can also answer questions with questions.  "Do you always dress like that?" .. "Why do you ask?"

You can answer with crazy making answers. "What is THIS on my plate?" .. "I shaved cranberry pants tomorrow."

You can restrict your answers to being all 3 of the following 1. kind, 2. necessary and 3. the truth and if your answer isn't all of the 3 then the best answer is a  neutral response that both agrees and disagrees.  "Are you an idiot?" ..  "Maybe"  

OR .. you can hit them with the absolute truth.  "Are you an idiot?" .. "I feel that was an incredibly rude thing to say, it hurts my feelings and makes me angry and I would appreciate it if you didn't say that again."  If they say it again, you ask them to leave.  Of course, husband would have to be on board with that one.  My ex wasn't on board with it and it's why is now my ex.  I could have suffered through the occasional visit from the MIL but hubby was a full time nutter that I just couldn't live with any more.  My sanity was more important to me. 

Best of luck to you, I empathize 100%.


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## Lin (Feb 15, 2014)

> You can answer with crazy making answers. "What is THIS on my plate?" .. "I shaved cranberry pants tomorrow."


Oh thats genius. Especially because in some cases the individual will probably think they just misheard you and not ask you to repeat it and move on to another subject.


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## MzMolly65 (Feb 15, 2014)

Lin said:


> Oh thats genius. Especially because in some cases the individual will probably think they just misheard you and not ask you to repeat it and move on to another subject.



I've never been mentally quick enough for this one but saw it in action once.  A woman friend of mine had rebuilt a little MG from the ground up but it was a saucy beggar whenever it needed a head light changed so she always pulled out the manual.  In the parking lot of the auto supply store some burly guy walked up and said, "Only a woman would need a manual to change a light bulb." .. she looked at him, smiled and said, "My underwear sing blueberry pancakes" .. He stopped, his mouth opened, closed, opened .. and he turned and walked away.

I would LOVE to be mentally sharp and fast enough to pull that off like she did.

She also caught some nasty woman at the grocery once .. with a simple agreement.  She went through the in door and realized she wanted a cart so quickly darted back through the same door.  Said nasty woman growled, "That's the IN door." .. my friend smiled, pointed to the door and replied, "YES, I .. N .. In." and flounced on through again.  Nasty woman who just received lesson from Sesame Street muppet was too gob smacked to say another word.


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 15, 2014)

I think coffee has erupted from my nose about 3 times reading all this. Clearly, I'm not the only one with difficult  In-Law experience.

 The shadow box idea. OMG love it! Not even hanging in the bathroom. I want it in the hallway.  The soaps would of course be used because I also love the idea of hanging in the bathroom to try all 23 soaps. Ha! Just imaging doing these 2 things whilst shouting about cranberry pants will totally get me through the next couple of days.

 As for being polite, oh I am. Her zingers are blinked at, never responded to, unless they are about my kids.  Which she knows about after all these years and no longer dares. Hubby is ruder to her then I am and dreads the visits even more then me so that's telling you something.  I find a lot of the insults so funny but he gets more annoyed. Yes, I am a slob because I don't run to the washing machine when it beeps and don't put my teaspoons upside down in the dishrack. 

 Oops, almost forgot, been making soap for 10 years lol. She inspected my soaps and never said a word. Which is actually a thumbs up from her when I think of it, but she did take a store bought soap to the shower last night even though I put a fresh soap I made in there for her.  Ouch lol.

 Day 3 of visit - The card game is still sitting on the table, my children are hiding in their rooms and they want to talk to us about them moving closer to us :Kitten Love:. They have a brochure. They mean it. Nooooooooooo.


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## MzMolly65 (Feb 15, 2014)

Derpina Bubbles said:


> They have a brochure. They mean it. Nooooooooooo.



oh lord cchhheeezzzuz .. run, I say RUN!!

oo let me tell you about the time I made soup for my MIL.  It's a traditional Ukrainian soup called borsche (like the car but with a b) .. and you put cream in it right before serving it.

I'm not Ukrainian but grew up in a community full of them so learned a lot of their food dishes from the local women.  I was taught to use sour cream.

So when my Ukrainian in laws were coming to visit I made a big batch, mixed in the sour cream right before serving it and she ate a GREAT, BIG bowl full and asked for 2nds.  I was absolutely floored and brought her another bowl but forgot the sour cream.  When she asked for it I jumped up and grabbed the sour cream for her.  She LOOKED at me, wrinkled her nose and asked, "You used _SOUR_ cream in this?" .. yes, of course .. she pushed the bowl away and sneered, "We only use _SWEET _cream." and refused to eat another bite.  OMG .. the only thing that made that whole moment worth it was when her husband reached over and grabbed the bowl she had pushed aside and started shoveling happily into his mouth while mumbling incoherently .. "stupid cow".

She refused to eat anything I made that visit siting everything was made incorrectly.  No meat allowed in the cabbage rolls, no dill allowed in the nalysnyky .. blah, blah .. blah!

I had spent hours and hours making all this special food and she wouldn't touch it.  I think she was making up all her complaints just to be ornery.  So she went hungry, drank tea, I couldn't have cared less and didn't even offer her a peanut butter sandwich.  The rest of us had a lovely feast.


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## eyeroll (Feb 15, 2014)

Oh MzMolly, ugh. My husband's family is Ukranian and they put sour cream in their borscht and meat in their cabbage rolls (except on Xmas Eve).  Not that you need MY valudation.....but you have it!  I'm sure that borscht was delicious.


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 15, 2014)

LOL sounds like meal time here. FIL always eats seconds, she looks at it like I served poop.  I just cut some soap logs up and she wrinkled her nose. Soooo bad for your self esteem. Meanwhile, some of the handmade soaps she bought are gorgeous and I'm actually going to use them as soapspiration but give them a little twist. The store bought ones have me scratching my head still though (no I don't have nits).


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## MzMolly65 (Feb 15, 2014)

Derpina Bubbles said:


> Soooo bad for your self esteem.



Take heart .. remember it's not you with the problem, it's her and it's unfortunate she cannot enjoy the things you make and do.  If you like to read there's a great book called, Healing the Shame that Binds Us by Dr. John Bradshaw that helped me understand why my Mother acts the way she does and just because she throws a shame or guilt bone out there doesn't mean I have to fetch it.  Your MIL must be a very sad and lonely person inside.

In the meantime, pet your nits and enjoy your soaps .. we all do (enjoy your soaps that is)


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## yadonm (Feb 15, 2014)

Praying for you to have patience.  These are the things that make you stronger.


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## Lin (Feb 15, 2014)

I think I might look up that book for help dealing with my stepmother. I can deal with my mother, so to speak. Ignore the hateful things she says. Guess the lifetime of being used to it there vs just over 10 years with the stepmom. God, she really gets under my skin.


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 15, 2014)

MzMolly65 said:


> Take heart .. remember it's not you with the problem, it's her and it's unfortunate she cannot enjoy the things you make and do. If you like to read there's a great book called, Healing the Shame that Binds Us by Dr. John Bradshaw that helped me understand why my Mother acts the way she does and just because she throws a shame or guilt bone out there doesn't mean I have to fetch it. Your MIL must be a very sad and lonely person inside.
> 
> In the meantime, pet your nits and enjoy your soaps .. we all do (enjoy your soaps that is)



Cheers, chins up. I don't pet my nits. I pick them off and nibble on them.


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## My Mountain Soaps (Feb 15, 2014)

Derpina, you are becoming a favorite of mine with your twisted sense of humor! :lolno: My councelor/psychologist mind is reeling from this. But i wont preach, i think you are doing great by laughing through this. Like you, i have burst out laughing a few times with this thread! keep going!


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## grayceworks (Feb 15, 2014)

eyeroll said:


> Put the 23 new soaps in a shadowbox and hang it on the wall for their next visit.



THIS!  lol

Too funny. Especially since I just sent my mother a bunch of my soaps, including two from the first two batches I ever made, and she's declared that she's going to keep them on a shelf forever and ever. I'm envisioning just such a shadowbox. lol


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 16, 2014)

My Mountain Soaps said:


> Derpina, you are becoming a favorite of mine with your twisted sense of humor! :lolno: My councelor/psychologist mind is reeling from this. But i wont preach, i think you are doing great by laughing through this. Like you, i have burst out laughing a few times with this thread! keep going!



LOL Glad you're having a chuckle. It's laugh or sit rocking in a corner with MzMolly65.


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## My Mountain Soaps (Feb 16, 2014)

Derpina Bubbles said:


> It's laugh or sit rocking in a corner with MzMolly65.



What else are good soap friends for? :crazy:


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## MzMolly65 (Feb 16, 2014)

Derpina Bubbles said:


> LOL Glad you're having a chuckle. It's laugh or sit rocking in a corner with MzMolly65.



Oiy .. I'll have you know I don't sit rocking in a corner 


.. I like to twirl in circles, cackling hysterically!!


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## Ruthie (Feb 16, 2014)

Now I feel more fortunate than ever to not have a MIL.  I deal with parents of 4 year olds, but the fact that it will be over in 9 months (school year) keeps me going.  )


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## The Efficacious Gentleman (Feb 16, 2014)

MzMolly65 said:


> ..........I couldn't have cared less and didn't even offer her a peanut butter sandwich...............



Sorry to hijack but I think this is the first time I have ever known someone from that side of the pond to use this phrase correctly!  This has made my day, it really has!

As for in-laws, mine are amazing.  Not trying to rub your face in it, but they are both so lovely and made me feel like part of the family from the very start.

Can I suggest smacking her in the cheekbone with your elbow, or is that not subtle enough?


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## Dennis (Feb 16, 2014)

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> Sorry to hijack but I think this is the first time I have ever known someone from that side of the pond to use this phrase correctly!  This has made my day, it really has!


:clap::clap:


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## newbie (Feb 16, 2014)

Derpina, this seems to be a seriously missed opportunity. She is so predictable!  I think you should start saying you are making gourmet chocolates and then just buy a few from someplace to make it seem like you are. Surely she will show up with some high end truffles to put you in your place. Anything else you want? Pretend to make it so she brings some. 

And her lines are classic; the weight question was a no-win because if you husband said yes, there would be a comment about good because he needs to and the no got him the "shame" comment. She is using all sorts of old fashioned comedy but in a mean-spirited way. I suppose if you boned up on the old shows, you'd be able to predict her and if you want to zing her, you'd be more prepared. Hmmm, did you read, "The Help"?

EG- a few of us actually do know how to speak proper english but it seems more few and far between than it ought to be. Grammar Nazi's Unite!


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## DeeAnna (Feb 16, 2014)

English. It's English....


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## MzMolly65 (Feb 16, 2014)

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> Sorry to hijack but I think this is the first time I have ever known someone from that side of the pond to use this phrase correctly!  This has made my day, it really has!



Glad I could be of service! 

*_teaching the world, one person at a time .. that not all Canadians say Eh!_*


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## newbie (Feb 16, 2014)

Got me, DeeAnna! On FB, one other woman and I have debates all the time on proper usage and we try to one up each other. I admit I don't pay as much attention to capitalization as I do to the grammar. Zing!


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## Lin (Feb 16, 2014)

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> Sorry to hijack but I think this is the first time I have ever known someone from that side of the pond to use this phrase correctly!  This has made my day, it really has


Couldn't have cared less, right? That's one of my BIGGEST pet peeves when people say "could care less." If you could care less, YOU CARE. IT MEANS YOURE SAYING YOU DO CARE!!!! COULDN'T CARE LESS IS THE INSULT! BECAUSE IT MEANS YOU COULD-NOT-CARE-ANY-LESS! 

Whew, sorry. Thanks.


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## newbie (Feb 16, 2014)

Irregardless, orientate, "prolly", irrevelant (instead of irrelevant), there has been a recent spate of "flustrating" and on and on..... 

I'm sorry I stepped in and diverted from the sad but fascinating tales of woeful in-laws. please carry on.


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## neeners (Feb 16, 2014)

your MIL sounds like my mother.  she was just here visiting me for 4 days and I think I wanted to be disowned.  just...breathe through it, and.......count down slowly for the sweet release of freedom!

 what I did was to invite other people over (cool, chillaxed ones) so they can be sort of a buffer.....


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 16, 2014)

newbie said:


> Irregardless, orientate, "prolly", irrevelant (instead of irrelevant), there has been a recent spate of "flustrating" and on and on.....
> 
> I'm sorry I stepped in and diverted from the sad but fascinating tales of woeful in-laws. please carry on.



No, surely not flustrating? I pacifically don't believe that one.

 *Newbie - I should use some of those tips for next time. Not sure if the truffles would survive 5 mins without being eaten though :think:


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## MzMolly65 (Feb 16, 2014)

newbie said:


> Irregardless, orientate, "prolly", irrevelant (instead of irrelevant), there has been a recent spate of "flustrating" and on and on.....
> 
> I'm sorry I stepped in and diverted from the sad but fascinating tales of woeful in-laws. please carry on.




get with the pogram


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## newbie (Feb 16, 2014)

Okay, I'll toss my hat in the ring but it doesn't hold a candle to most of these stories. 

The first time I met my MIL was at dinner just before our wedding (mistake number one- meet the to-be-in-laws well ahead of time because you get a LOT of insight into your to-be-spouse). I love milk so I ordered a glass at dinner and she looked at me and said, "You'd better be careful of that or you'll end up-"-and then she blew her cheeks out at me, indicating "Fat". Nice to meet you too!! They refused to stay at our house after our baby was born because she's already been through all that and didn't want to listen to any crying, nor was she excited to have a grandchild because she wasn't ready to be a grandmother. 

SHe is now my ex-MIL but I am still good friends with my ex and I see my ex-IL's whenever they are in town. They are pretty nice once you figure out what they're about.


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## houseofwool (Feb 16, 2014)

My former MIL never once greeted me on the phone in all the years we lived together before we got married.  And, the co-habitation wasn't the issue, she was just a ***** to me.

Funny thing is the ex went off the deep end and now she doesn't speak to him, but I get her.  Goodie me...


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## PinkCupcake (Feb 16, 2014)

OMG, Derpina, why do you still let these people into your house? Are they at least nice to your kids? I know, they're family. You have to try to play nice. I guess I'm just lucky. My family, my in-laws, my extended family--we all get along. I wish you could have that, too.


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## Ael (Feb 16, 2014)

My in-laws are pretty awful too; my FIL told me a year ago that he wouldn't give an F if I killed myself. Nice, eh? =/

I would straight up ask them what their problems are, honestly. It's your house after all. If they're acting like a bunch of rude, critical you-know-what's, then call them on it. Sounds like someone needs to. They are even monitoring your calories? I'm sorry, but I would tell them, in no uncertain terms to get the hell out of my house. In-laws, immediate family or whatever; no one deserves to be treated like that in their own home (or anywhere else for that matter). They need to either learn how to behave respectfully or stay elsewhere if they want to visit.

Don't just "bite the bullet" and try and "get through it." These people need to be called out on their behavior. It isn't acceptable; you shouldn't stand by and allow them to think that it is. I'd show them the door and tell them where the nearest hotel is.


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## Ruthie (Feb 17, 2014)

For those who do not think quickly on their feet (myself included) one can always come back with the line, "And your point is?"  And it sounds like they need to be aware of what point they are making.  Sounds like they are just using the same old insults because they always have.

And now I am PAINFULLY AWARE of my grammar and punctuation.  Thanks!!


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## Ael (Feb 17, 2014)

Ruthie said:


> And now I am PAINFULLY AWARE of my grammar and punctuation.  Thanks!!



Aren't 'Grammar Nazis" wonderful? >.> The main reason why I tend to stay away from public forums. I (personally) have a learning disability, and sometimes the "easy stuff" is very hard for me. It took me until I was 29 to fully grasp the difference between "your" and "you're." It took till 32 to get "its" and "It's." I only just now, at 34, get "Whose" and "Who's." Commas...are still a bit of a lost cause, though I do get them placed correctly most of the time, which is good since I am a writer.


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 18, 2014)

I'm sounding the all clear. The In-Laws have left the building.  

 I hear ya about not putting up with things I shouldn't have to but hey, it's family. Whatchagonnado? I did lay it down a few years ago when they started on my kids and my family. After the dust settled it was all sorted. Now the shots are more bad sitcom kinda shots. I just lay low, keep a poker face and then wet myself laughing when I leave the room. If I thought her comments held weight I guess I be devastated.  Some are just so bad they really do crack me up.   Oh and yep, they are way nicer to the kids now lol. Thanks one and all for keeping me sane during the latest visit. I almost fell off my unicorn when I saw all those soaps. You  all  rock :clap:

 So, anyone know how to make a shadow box?


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## The Efficacious Gentleman (Feb 18, 2014)

Derpina Bubbles said:


> So, anyone know how to make a shadow box?


 
Go to punch it on the nose!


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## grayceworks (Feb 18, 2014)

But what if it becomes detached and you can't sew it back on?


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## MzMolly65 (Feb 18, 2014)

Derpina Bubbles said:


> So, anyone know how to make a shadow box?



I buy mine cheap at Micheal's but don't know if you have that store where you live.


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## Ael (Feb 18, 2014)

Derpina Bubbles said:


> I'm sounding the all clear. The In-Laws have left the building.
> 
> I hear ya about not putting up with things I shouldn't have to but hey, it's family. Whatchagonnado?



Call them on their sickening, rude and disrespectful behaviour? I'm sorry, but being family does not mean you blatantly put up with such disgusting behavour. If they are behaving like you-know-what's then call them on it, someone needs to. If they treat you and yours like that, how do you think they likely treat strangers? One wrong word said to someone who is feeling rotten, and God knows what could stem from it. My in-laws were almost responsible for my suicide; definitely a reason why I needed medication for the first time in a decade. 

Don't let them get away with being nasty jerks.


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## DeeAnna (Feb 18, 2014)

"...but being family does not mean you blatantly put up with such disgusting behavour...."

Um, hey.... Every person has a right to relate to their family and friends in a way that makes sense to that person. I suspect Derpina is fully aware of the issues that make her family system unhelpful to her, and she appears to be relating to her family members in a way that works for her. Maybe her choices wouldn't work for you, Ael, but they do for her.

I'd like to see this conversation head in a more supportive and less confrontational direction. Please?


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## My Mountain Soaps (Feb 19, 2014)

Im glad you made it Derpina, and thank you for letting us take this ride with you, laughing all the way


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## lenarenee (Feb 19, 2014)

DeeAnna said:


> "...but being family does not mean you blatantly put up with such disgusting behavour...."
> 
> Um, hey.... Every person has a right to relate to their family and friends in a way that makes sense to that person. I suspect Derpina is fully aware of the issues that make her family system unhelpful to her, and she appears to be relating to her family members in a way that works for her. Maybe her choices wouldn't work for you, Ael, but they do for her.
> 
> I'd like to see this conversation head in a more supportive and less confrontational direction. Please?


 

I'm confused by this: I don't find this "confrontational". (Perhaps you feel the OP is being pushed into something she doesn't want?)

Before I type this, let me say that I am not attempting to be confrontational here. I avoided responding to this thread because the OP's situation reminds me of my (former) method of relating " to their family and friends in a way that makes sense to that person". I lived in an abusive environment as a child, being a prisoner in my own home...hiding from people who were mistreating me.

I'm not saying Derpina is being abused.

But she and her children are hiding in their house, avoiding their "guests", feeling insulted, and most importantly....repressed - as in not free express who they are. 

Home should be the safest place on earth.

If Derpina feels its best to put up with this way of dealing with the situation, then I encourage her to do so and applaud the daydreaming about displaying those 32 bars of soap.

This is a way of life I lived for decades. Then someone told me, "You have the right to defend yourself, and to be treated with respect." With that statement came the knowledge that I could choose to fight back with confrontation and "teach" people how to treat me. And that I could also choose which battles to fight and which not to fight, but ride out.

I'm very disturbed that Derpina (or any living creature on this earth) has to suffer any form of disrespect.

These relatives are planning on moving closer to her....? Would that mean they would visit more?

Derpina, if you are not happy with your method of coping with them now, I sincerely hope you will adopt another method.

Again; home should be the safest place on earth, and she does deserve to protect it.

Derpina, if I have said anything here that you find unsupportive, please pm me, and I will edit it.


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## Saponista (Feb 19, 2014)

My mother behaves in exactly the same way as derpina's mother in law. I have tried calling her out and confronting her but that doesn't work and escalates the situation. I have been coping with these behaviours for 30 years. I know that the best way of dealing with this is to act in exactly the same way derpina does or my only other choice is to cut her out of my life completely and never speak to her again. It's not something I want to do so I cope with her behaviour. I don't feel abused, she's just a difficult person to handle.


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## Ael (Feb 19, 2014)

lenarenee said:


> I'm confused by this: I don't find this "confrontational". (Perhaps you feel the OP is being pushed into something she doesn't want?)
> 
> Before I type this, let me say that I am not attempting to be confrontational here. I avoided responding to this thread because the OP's situation reminds me of my (former) method of relating " to their family and friends in a way that makes sense to that person". I lived in an abusive environment as a child, being a prisoner in my own home...hiding from people who were mistreating me.
> 
> ...



This is exactly what I was getting at. Home should be safe. Period. She was hiding in her own home, as was her spouse and her children. That doesn't sound like a very safe or happy environment. Family doesn't give anyone the right to disrespect you. Period. 

I have stopped associating with my in-laws because of how they behave when confronted, and I mean to the point of threatening their autistic son (my husband) with being disowned, even when he never said a word. We live with his dad who I never speak to. Why bother when all he cares to do is trigger my neural disorder on purpose, and doesn't care if I shoot myself? 

But I promise you this: If they ever come to visit (once we move) and they ever insult us to the point we feel unsafe or unsettled, they will leave. 

There is making sense with one's tactics, and then there is fear about doing anything at all. Totally different animals.


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## The Efficacious Gentleman (Feb 19, 2014)

Every action needs to be weighed against the reaction.  Each person must do this for themselves.  Are the results from saying something worse than the current situation?  What are the chances of it getting worse rather than better?  Is it worth that risk?

That said - I would personally feel the need to say something to my mother myself she was upsetting my wife.  I would do it, rather than having my wife do it.


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## Derpina Bubbles (Feb 19, 2014)

Ummmm, this thread seems to have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.  The opening line is from Monty Python.  My Inlaws are kind of a Monty Python experience for me. I laugh, I scratch my head sometimes but there is certainly no damage. I empathise with those that have had a harmful experience with their Inlaws.  I sorted mine out years ago. Now it's slapstick, dodgy cranberry pants wearing, stand in a corner looking at your shadow box while wearing an ironing board cover on you head sort of thing.  There seems to be a mix of people on here that got where I was coming from and I seem to have caused some misunderstanding in some others and perhaps upset some.

 It's only natural to read things and process what your reading through your own personal experience.   Sorry if my thread raised painful memories for any of you, that was never my intent. I thought it best to clear this up.


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## Dennis (Feb 19, 2014)

This thread could probably use a bit more cow bell at this point.


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## The Efficacious Gentleman (Feb 19, 2014)

Derpina Bubbles said:


> Ummmm, this thread seems to have taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque. The opening line is from Monty Python...............


 
When she arrives, is her husband behind her banging two coconut halves together?


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## DeeAnna (Feb 19, 2014)

In her first post, Derpina was making light of an awkward situation. I got the clear impression she was not seeking analysis and advice, rather she was looking for our warm support and friendly acceptance, laced with a good dash of humor. More cowbell is definitely warranted!!!! Thanks, Dennis.


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## shunt2011 (Feb 19, 2014)

I agree with DeeAnna....I think we all have at least 1 family member that we can certainly relate to with Derpina.   I think from her postings she has a really good handle on things and has the right attitude for her situation.


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## lenarenee (Feb 19, 2014)

It's only natural to read things and process what your reading through your own personal experience. Sorry if my thread raised painful memories for any of you, that was never my intent. I thought it best to clear this up.[/QUOTE]

Very true; and the written word is a very incomplete method of communication, especially when conveying emotions. You are not responsible for how each individual interpreted your words so please don't feel bad. 

And there were no painful memories raised on my end; I recovered long ago. 

So now that things are returning to normal, will there be soap in your future?  
I'd like to but I'm fresh out of recipe ideas to try. Maybe a castile, but that sounds "plain"; I want to try something more creative.


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## MzMolly65 (Feb 19, 2014)

Derpina Bubbles said:


> Now it's slapstick, dodgy cranberry pants wearing, stand in a corner looking at your shadow box while wearing an ironing board cover on you head sort of thing.



That ironing board cover hat is quite the fashion statement when worn with shaved cranberry pants!!   I expect to see you on the catwalk in that outfit.  :clap::clap:


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## newbie (Feb 21, 2014)

That anus soap has you MIL's name all over it. YOu can hand it to her, smiling inwardly, or perhaps you can mutter under your breath, "An ******* for the *******."


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