# Big Rant...sister



## cmzaha (Feb 28, 2019)

My racks and crates are almost empty and I cannot get the time or desire to make any. In case any asks, there is much worse than being an only child, and I wish I was one.

I know most of you know my sister alternated taking care of our parents, since my step-dad passes away things have gone downhill quickly. She came in 2 weeks ago and started manipulated my mother into evicting my disabled daughter and her family after 13 yrs. The agreement with my parents was my daughter would never have to pay rent or never not have a place to live. The kids would try to pay rent and they would not take it. Before all this my sister was given 100k for a new house which she ultimately had to short sale, resulting in more given thousands to buy another house, which she once again cannot afford.

What is really bad is she is coming down from Oxycodone after 14 yrs of 5 per day and has become very mean. Which of course she does not recognize and her Katom is not helping her much. So I have been accused of stealing 150k plus 10's of thousands of dollars, so she had my mom sign at the bank to kill my POA which the bank had. I talked to one of the bank officers after I was taken of the POA and they recommended I move the bulk of the cash into another trust account if she has one so I did. Since father died my mom has started deteriorating quickly, and has quite bad dementia for the last year or so, of course my sister denies it. Since she does not seem to know my POA is still in effect I am going to try to have my mom tested. She has to be the stupidest person around that holds a Masters in education. She is also is to dumb to know that no changes can be made to the trust at this point and I have hired an attorney. Biggest problem that I accidently left my copy of the trust at my moms and need to retrieve it. Trying that tomorrow, since the attorney was to go over it and see if she can use my moms money to fight a lawsuit. I have Adult Protective Serves on her and the police have been doing daily wellness checks on my mom. This is driving her nuts!!

Sorry everyone just had to get some of this off my chest. If anyone notices snippy answers to posts you know why, I do not mean to but my frame of mind is not good at the moment


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## msunnerstood (Feb 28, 2019)

Im so sorry you are going through this. Ive been there with my brother. Hang in there and stay strong!


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## Meena (Mar 1, 2019)

Oh cmzaha, this is all very dreadful and awful, I'm so sorry this all  is happening , between your mom, daughter, and sister it's too much for anyone to go through!!!  Fights over money are the worst, and a deal's a deal where I come from,  so I hope your lawyer will be able to stop the eviction from happening.  Keep us posted.  Sending you Love and blessings, dear.


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## cmzaha (Mar 1, 2019)

Thankyou both, they are preparing to move and I am worried about the altitude which is 4800 feet. My daughter has epilepsy, rheumatoid arthritis, 2 other autoimmune problems and some type of dysplasia that can cause a brain aneurysm. Not sure why she ended up so ill in her life and my conniving, greedy, jealous sister thinks it is funny to evict them.
She is hoping she is going to get the entire inheritance. Thank goodness my husband and I have our own money to live on, not rich but I pay the bills. She has no savings at all


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## Cherrydene soapy (Mar 1, 2019)

I hope you are taking care of yourself, you need to be strong and resilient for what is ahead of you. xx


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## shunt2011 (Mar 1, 2019)

Carolyn, I am so very sorry you are going through this. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers for some peace and resolution.   Sometimes family sucks.


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## Clarice (Mar 1, 2019)

Carolyn, I am so sorry this is happening to you.  I can hear your pain in your words.  Sending you lots of virtual hugs and strength.  I hope this resolves in a way that is safe for you and your daughter.  Be well. Stay strong.  Know that there are hundreds (probably thousands!) of soapers sending you strength and love!


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## cmzaha (Mar 1, 2019)

Thankyou Shari and Clarice.

 Time will tell. My husband and I are thinking about going over tonight to moms with our bags and tell my sister we are moving in. She needs to return to Arizona and swim in her own mess.


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## Rogue-Soaper (Mar 1, 2019)

I am so sorry to hear that this is happening to you.


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## zanzalawi (Mar 1, 2019)

this is one of my biggest fears, i've seen it played out so many times.  one sibling goes rogue and seems hellbent on destruction
as my parents start to get older, they've been trying to set up things to make it easier for us in the future, with POA and the wills and what not, but they cant idiot-proof us from ourselves. its my baby sister i worry about most. 
same with my inlaws. my sister in law can be a wicked little thing but if there is money around- the step-siblings will be ready for battle. 
i like the idea of "moving in" it might just turn her insane enough that she'll take off. and not much she can do behind your back if you're right there. that is an awful lot of stress for you and your family. take the best care of you that you can, you will need your strength and your wits. 
i hope it comes to a swift and peaceful resolution


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## Lin19687 (Mar 1, 2019)

HUGS !


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## dibbles (Mar 1, 2019)

So, so sorry Carolyn. You've had so much to deal with, and now this. Hugs to you.


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## cmzaha (Mar 1, 2019)

Thank you all for the good thoughts, it really does help.

 Half Sister told me I have a black heart and need to be in a mental institution. 


What she is so ignorant about is, the house is not considered habitable and could garner my mom big fines and or jail time. But she has a Master's degree... Mom is good at throwing that up to me. Just because she never accepted rent from the kids does not mean you can supply them with an uninhabitable house to live in.


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## IrishLass (Mar 1, 2019)

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, Carolyn.....and for your daughter and her family to be evicted! How terrible! We have something different, but similar happening in my own family with a trouble-making sibling. Sometimes it feels like we're living in a soap opera with all the drama he's caused to his own wife and children. His illogical, self-centeredned behavior is very maddening to say the least.  

You and your family are in my prayers!

I hope you and your hubby make a show of moving in! That sounds like a grand idea to me.  Your mom needs protection from the vulture-like behavior of your sister.


IrishLass


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## penelopejane (Mar 1, 2019)

Thinking of you Carolyn and hoping the situation finally gets resolved happily. What a nightmare for you to struggle through.


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## jcandleattic (Mar 1, 2019)

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. We have had similar (but not exact) situations in my family, and I have a feeling when the time comes with my parents, I will also most likely be dealing with a vindictive, over-reaching sibling. 

I do hope everything works out as best as possible for you, your mom and your daughters family. And most of all, I hope you are taking care of yourself in the meantime.


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## Marilyn Norgart (Mar 1, 2019)

I am so sorry you are going thru this--I stay away from my family due to the underhanded things they have pulled and then turned around and blamed me and tried to dirty my name.  both my parents are gone so its easier to distance myself.  fortunately I have learned along time ago blood really isn't thicker than water. and I have family that isn't blood--life is too short to let users and abusers do that to you.  I hope things work out as best as possible for you.  and just keep telling yourself you deserve better and don't put up with anybodies crap!!!


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## lenarenee (Mar 1, 2019)

Carolyn wasn't it in CA that a live-in nanny was fired from her job, but since she had lived there a few months and had, in legal terms, "established residence", wasn't able to be evicted without a long, arduous legal process?  You said you hired a lawyer - this may be a way to delay the eviction process as you work to gain control of the situation. 

There are no words for this situation. I'm so sorry you've gone from one challenge to another.


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## cmzaha (Mar 1, 2019)

lenarenee said:


> Carolyn wasn't it in CA that a live-in nanny was fired from her job, but since she had lived there a few months and had, in legal terms, "established residence", wasn't able to be evicted without a long, arduous legal process?  You said you hired a lawyer - this may be a way to delay the eviction process as you work to gain control of the situation.
> 
> There are no words for this situation. I'm so sorry you've gone from one challenge to another.


I think it was.

 I can get it delayed, because the house is not habitable, they have put up with the problems, such as leaking sewer under the house because my parents would not take the rent money. Problem is, if we call out a building inspector I know what will happen, they will go after my mom. I do not want that to happen.

My sister's violence is escalating, she me attacked me today trying to take away a paper my mom was signing to revoke the eviction, or at the least re-assess it at the end of the year. She actually pushed me over the tv tray my mom was using into her lap. What a mess


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## Marilyn Norgart (Mar 1, 2019)

cmzaha said:


> I think it was.
> 
> I can get it delayed, because the house is not habitable, they have put up with the problems, such as leaking sewer under the house because my parents would not take the rent money. Problem is, if we call out a building inspector I know what will happen, they will go after my mom. I do not want that to happen.
> 
> My sister's violence is escalating, she me attacked me today trying to take away a paper my mom was signing to revoke the eviction, or at the least re-assess it at the end of the year. She actually pushed me over the tv tray my mom was using into her lap. What a mess



do you wonder if she is being violent with your mom?


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## loriag (Mar 1, 2019)

I am so sorry you are having to face this. It is so hard as our parents age as it is. Praying you find wise ways to deal with all the issues you face.


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## Dawni (Mar 1, 2019)

Sending out hugs and good vibes to you! Feeling quite helpless as I'm sure the others are, that there's not much we can do to help but send wishes and keep you in our prayers. 

Hopefully the universe will right itself before anything really bad happens.. But in the meantime, be strong! For your daughter, your mom and the other family members. Things like those don't happen to the weak they say....

And oh, being educated means next to nothing sometimes. Often the ones who have done very less or poorly in school end up better people than those who have double PhDs or something.


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## cmzaha (Mar 1, 2019)

Prayers are great thankyou everyone


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## lenarenee (Mar 2, 2019)

Document everything Carolyn, including witnesses.  Social or Mental Health people might have very good reason to consider her incompetent or mentally ill. Its a very unpredictable and volatile situation and I'm concerned for your safety - you need all the proper people on your side you can get.

And Marilyn asks a very good question.


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## Prysm (Mar 2, 2019)

Best wishes on having a really shark like lawyer on your side. 
I do wish you and your family all the best.


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## cmzaha (Mar 2, 2019)

Angie said:


> Best wishes on having a really shark like lawyer on your side.
> I do wish you and your family all the best.


Thank you Angie. I have hired a lawyer or I should say we are talking and he is checking on what we can do. We are hoping to keep out of litigation. 



Marilyn Norgart said:


> do you wonder if she is being violent with your mom?


Not at this point but I am afraid that she might be if my mom says something that sets her off. She did push me into my mom and that could have hurt her. What she is doing is manipulating my mom to get what she wants, which is everything.


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## earlene (Mar 3, 2019)

If worst comes to worst, you could call the state or county and say you are worried that your sister may be abusing your mother.  I know it's not the best solution, but it sounds like she is quite volatile and your mom cannot defend herself.


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## cmzaha (Mar 3, 2019)

I have two reports to Adult Protective Services and have told them I am afraid for my mom. Especially since she took my step dad off his antibiotic and he ended up with full blown Sepsis and I am betting his out of control edema was a side effect of the Sepsis. Do not know that it was a complication of the Sepsis but I told APS about it.


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## IrishLass (Mar 3, 2019)

cmzaha said:


> My sister's violence is escalating, she me attacked me today trying to take away a paper my mom was signing to revoke the eviction, or at the least re-assess it at the end of the year. She actually pushed me over the tv tray my mom was using into her lap. What a mess



What an awful mess indeed! I hope with everything in me that you were able to keep the paper out of your sister's grasping hands.......and that you weren't hurt in the process. Sounds like you may need to always have someone else with you when you're there.

I'm so glad you are consulting with a lawyer.

You continue in my prayers.


IrishLass


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## Meena (Mar 3, 2019)

cmzaha said:


> I have two reports to Adult Protective Services and have told them I am afraid for my mom. Especially since she took my step dad off his antibiotic and he ended up with full blown Sepsis and I am betting his out of control edema was a side effect of the Sepsis. Do not know that it was a complication of the Sepsis but I told APS about it.



Are you saying your sister took your step dad off his antibiotic??  And he subsequently died from the sepsis?  If these two things are true, isn't this some class of manslaughter, legally speaking???


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## SaltedFig (Mar 3, 2019)

cmzaha said:


> ... What is really bad is she is coming down from Oxycodone after 14 yrs of 5 per day and has become very mean...





cmzaha said:


> ...My sister's violence is escalating, she me attacked me today trying to take away a paper my mom was signing to revoke the eviction, or at the least re-assess it at the end of the year. She actually pushed me over the tv tray my mom was using into her lap. What a mess...





cmzaha said:


> ...Not at this point but I am afraid that she might be if my mom says something that sets her off. She did push me into my mom and that could have hurt her...





cmzaha said:


> ... Especially since she took my step dad off his antibiotic and he ended up with full blown Sepsis and I am betting his out of control edema was a side effect of the Sepsis. ...



Caroline, this reads like domestic violence.
If protective services make an application for a protection order, she'll be kept away from the people she's hurting.
That would place all of your Mum's care on you and your family ... a tough situation.
Stay safe.


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## cmzaha (Mar 11, 2019)

Little possible update. I might be able to make life miserable for my sister and out of the house. I am picking up a hospital report from April 2015 where it states my mom has dementia. APS is now going to open up a full Elder Abuse Case. Last week when I tried for kidnapping my mom the officer told me if I had anything indication dementia they would have been able to do something. We shall see, I never count my chickies before they hatch


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## Marilyn Norgart (Mar 11, 2019)

cmzaha said:


> Little possible update. I might be able to make life miserable for my sister and out of the house. I am picking up a hospital report from April 2015 where it states my mom has dementia. APS is now going to open up a full Elder Abuse Case. Last week when I tried for kidnapping my mom the officer told me if I had anything indication dementia they would have been able to do something. We shall see, I never count my chickies before they hatch



good luck


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## IrishLass (Mar 11, 2019)

Praying that all goes well, Carolyn!


IrishLass


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## Dawni (Mar 11, 2019)

I've been meaning to ask how things were going... Hope everything works out for you and your mom.


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## cmzaha (Mar 11, 2019)

IrishLass said:


> What an awful mess indeed! I hope with everything in me that you were able to keep the paper out of your sister's grasping hands.......and that you weren't hurt in the process. Sounds like you may need to always have someone else with you when you're there.
> 
> I'm so glad you are consulting with a lawyer.
> 
> ...


Thankyou, and yes I have consulted a lawyer. He is just waiting to see what I come up with.


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## dibbles (Mar 11, 2019)

Hoping for a good outcome for you and your mom. What an impossible situation. My heart goes out to you.


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## shunt2011 (Mar 12, 2019)

Hoping things work out soon for you.  What a horrible situation to be placed in.   Prayers....


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## Clarice (Mar 12, 2019)

Carolyn. You continue in my thoughts. I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you have resources and support to help with this situation. I agree with @SaltedFig this reads like abuse.  I hope you are taking care of yourself.  Stress can be debilitating physically, mentally and emotionally.   Hugs. Clarice


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## SoapAddict415 (Mar 12, 2019)

I'm so sorry that you have to go thru all of this. I'm sending big bear hugs and lots of prayers your way. I hope that everything works out well for your and your mom.


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## earlene (Mar 22, 2019)

Any news, *Carolyn*?  Your mom has been on my mind.  My brothers and I used to worry about this regarding my parents and one of our brothers, but after my mom died and my dad remarried, it became less of a concern.  As it turned out however, that particular brother got disowned in the last will, so someone came to their senses in the whole thing.  I have to say, though that it wasn't my either of my parents that came to that conclusion, but my step-mother and Good on Her say all the rest of us.


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## cmzaha (Sep 17, 2019)

Newest update. Even though the Judge dismissed the Order of Protection with terms, my sister is not following the terms so I still am not going over to see Mom.  I am working on the Converatorship papers and hopefully, they will be filed by the end of the month. Mom is going to hate me after this, but somehow her money has to be saved for her care and not having it spent on Cadallics. Sister bought one and it had to be with my mom's money since my sister has no money of her own. Just in case anyone is interested and gets caught up in a mess like this it is going to cost at least 25k to get this done. Sadly it will probably be more because my sister will use my mom's money to fight it. She wants the entire estate yet she just keeps spending mom's care money.


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## zanzalawi (Sep 17, 2019)

you've been on my mind alot the last couple weeks
a freaking cadillac- unbelievable! she is despicable. i hope she gets what she has coming to her sooner rather than later!
can you see your mom if you had a police escort? or if you tried to visit and your sister escalated- would calling the police help your case any?
i took my daughter to stay at my parents house for a couple weeks in august and sat down with my parents and asked them about their plans, how they had things set up to protect themselves and to help the 3 of us take care of them properly. 
this is such scary business


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## cmzaha (Sep 17, 2019)

zanzalawi said:


> you've been on my mind alot the last couple weeks
> a freaking cadillac- unbelievable! she is despicable. i hope she gets what she has coming to her sooner rather than later!
> can you see your mom if you had a police escort? or if you tried to visit and your sister escalated- would calling the police help your case any?
> i took my daughter to stay at my parents house for a couple weeks in august and sat down with my parents and asked them about their plans, how they had things set up to protect themselves and to help the 3 of us take care of them properly.
> this is such scary business


It is very scary. What your parents need to do is have a good living trust and assign Durable Power of Attorney which goes into effect if they become unable to care for themselves or their assets. Greed is so ugly. What the fool does not seem to realize is the fact all the money for attorneys is coming right out of the estate. I will be filing for full reimbursement, and I guarantee she will hire an attorney with mom's money.  

I could get a police escort, but the more she denies me the better for me in court. I am to send a text message informing her when I am going over to see mom and she is to leave. She does not acknowledge the messages anymore or if she does she tells me no. Legally I can go see mom, but I do not want to risk her trying for a restraining order here in CA that I will again have to fight.  So UGLY...


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## Kiti Williams (Sep 17, 2019)

Oh dear!  All my prayers going up for a quick and proper ruling on all of this!


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## Marilyn Norgart (Sep 17, 2019)

cmzaha said:


> I could get a police escort, but the more she denies me the better for me in court.



I would think it wouldn't look good to have to have gotten a police escort.  but you need to see your mom now--and use the police report in court


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## shunt2011 (Sep 17, 2019)

Carolyn, I'm so sorry you are still going through all this.   She'll get her Karma sometime.  Hopefully sooner than later.  Stay strong for your mom.  You're a pretty amazing daughter.  I'm so grateful my parents have all their ducks in a row.


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## dibbles (Sep 17, 2019)

So sorry this is still going on. The whole situation is just awful. I was so lucky that my parents had everything taken care of before the need arose. My FIL does as well, but my MIL has done nothing aside from a DNR order that had to be put in place before she could go into a temporary care facility last spring. 

Your sister is pretty unbelievable. You are one strong woman.


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## cmzaha (Sep 17, 2019)

My Mother and Step-father have/had a Living Trust, the problem is it does not allow for a Power of Attorney only a Medical Directive POA. Thankfully now that Father has passed, the Trust cannot be changed which I know my sister tried to get done with the Attorney and taking mom to the Attorney. 

My attorney has a whole stack of charges against my sister that he is going after including fraud. We will see what happens.


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## Rogue-Soaper (Sep 17, 2019)

Go see your mother at least once a week.  If she is able you can take her on outings.  A police report every week is a way to show the judge that your sister refused to let you see your mother and will show that despite your sister's efforts to keep you away, you visited on a regular basis.  If you live in California, you may want to let the Public Guardian's Office get involved.

There are Elder Abuse laws in California, call the police and make a report against her for financial Elder Abuse.


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## Kathymzr (Sep 17, 2019)

Very sorry for your dilemma. Keep protective services and a good lawyer handy.


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## IrishLass (Sep 17, 2019)

Carolyn, has your sis hired an attorney yet?  No matter....whether she has or not,  keep screen shots of all your outgoing and incoming texts between you and your sister regarding visitation (especially those where she has said, 'no'), and give them to your lawyer. If your vindictive sister is saying 'no' to your court-ordered right to come over and see your mom, your  lawyer can at least communicate with her lawyer in writing to tell your sis she needs to tow the line.....and then all of those documented communications can be added to your attorney's stack of evidence against your sis.

We are going through a similar type of situation right now with a family member and his soon-to-be-ex wife (who uncannily sounds _a whole lot_ like your sister) who out of spite is trying to play every cruel, underhanded, dirty trick to keep said family member (and even our whole side of the family) from seeing his infant son. We have a court date scheduled in a few weeks for a judge to set down some court-ordered custody rules in the interim between now and when the divorce is finalized, because his soon-to-be-ex-wife is being so villainous and cruel about limiting and/or  withholding visitation in the interim that it's downright evil if you ask me, not to mention excruciatingly heart-breaking for him. With help from all our family and friends pulling together, he's been able to procure a very good attorney, and I'm so glad he's got one to go to bat for him. Some of the tricks soon-to-be-ex-wife has tried to get away with have been curtailed by such back-and-forth communication going between his attorney and her attorney......although that hasn't stopped the soon-to-be-ex-wife from trying _new_ underhanded tricks, which although heartbreaking and absolutely maddening at the moment, are a huge positive in that they are all being meticulously documented and are a deep hole that soon-to-be-ex-wife is only digging for herself and will go to work against her in court.

Keeping you in my prayers!


IrishLass


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## Saponificarian (Sep 17, 2019)

Wow! Carolyn, I am so sorry you are going through all this. You have been on my mind in the last few days. Karma has a way of straightening people like this out, the unfortunate thing is, they never realize it’s what they have done that is haunting them. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayer.


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## Nanette (Sep 17, 2019)

I am so sorry too, that you have to deal with this!


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## Kathymzr (Sep 17, 2019)

Keep all correspondence, photos of your mom and her house, take her to the doc if you think she needs evaluation. Put her things in a trust with a lawyer you trust. Make the lawyer her guardian if you can. Visit often or move in. Put valuables on the trust. Let them redline the house and have her move inwith you. A court appointed guardian will prevent her from being coerced into sighnin anything. Be an angel.


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## Nanette (Sep 17, 2019)

Yes


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## Mobjack Bay (Sep 17, 2019)

Please try to take good care of yourself during these difficult times.


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