# Thread titles and my very strange mind.



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Sometimes I see a title of a thread and my mind comes up with some silly ideas before I have even clicked through.  Two examples:

Name for lotion: My mind started listing old-man names.  I settled on Larry as the best name for a lotion.

Cutting soap:  I was imagining soap that was very sarcastic and would say little mean comments to people.

I tend to steer clear of these threads until more sensible answers have been given :angel:


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## pamielynn

Larry the Lotion?


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

As it turns out - Larry the Lemongrass Lotion.  Sounds like a gangster with the most amazing skin.............


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## KatieShephard

I thought you were going to mention the "Is this normal?", or "what are these spots?" threads LOL :razz::Kitten Love:


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

Those ones require me to have a lie down and a stiff drink before I click on them


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## snappyllama

I'll take the "Things your gynecologist doesn't want to hear" for $500, Alex.


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## newbie

I think it would be highly amusing if we all got on and answered according to TEG's rules- first thing that comes to your mind. It would make for excellent reading, if not very helpful to the OP.


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## LunaSkye

This is the first thread that made me choke with laughter.



newbie said:


> I think it would be highly amusing if we all got on and answered according to TEG's rules- first thing that comes to your mind. It would make for excellent reading, if not very helpful to the OP.



I second this motion.


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## Ruthie

Well, then let's include this one!  I have sewn for almost 60 years.  When I saw this title, I thought "Why would you give titles to thread?  And if one did, what would you give?"  Perhaps "Mrs." for a nice poly/cotton blend?  "Dr." if it was to be used for sutures?  The possibilities could be endless!


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## Stacy

TEG - I often find that the speed of my sarcasm/twisted sense of humor exceeds the rest of my brain.  I lack your willpower to not click these things. Sometimes I type the response and do something else for a while. This allows the more balanced parts of my brain to weigh in on the response before clicking post ;-)

Although now I can't get the image of a 40's gangster with a bright yellow striped zoot suit and flawless alabaster skin out of my head...


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## newbie

Curse you, TEG! I got on this am and instantly, this started happening to me with every title I read.


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## IrishLass

Thread title that I saw today in the CP forum: "How much chocolate to add and how"

My 'off-the-top-of-my-head' answer: 'Lots and lots, and how!'


Another thread title I saw today in the CP forum: "What makes the fatty salts different?"

My smart-alecky, off-the-top-of-my-head answer: 'Mostly their diet of greasy French-fries, of course, which makes them much fatter/more rotund (and a bit saltier) than their slimmer salty cousins. And their language is a bit saltier, too.' 


IrishLass


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## jules92207

^^Love it!


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

Ah, irishlass! Well get told off for
Bullying the obese salts by using their nickname 'fatty salts'


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## newbie

"Soap Fairies"- Why? They seem in short supply and better suited to leave on products. 

"How do you document a loss?"- most often with a headstone.


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## snappyllama

Whipped-soap.   I bet it's gray.  Maybe even 50 shades...


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## newbie

"A question of tools"- okay, which of the tools on this forum is asking questions again?


Or perhaps they are simply referring the question we get so frequently, "Can you give me a recipe?" No, we can't, you damned tool.


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## Jencat

Thank you for this thread!  I needed a laugh :grin:.  I do that when I'm reading thread titles too.


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## Relle

An old thread title of mine, hope it gives you a laugh - others weren't sure when they opened it what it was about :-D. Only those with a deviate mind would think of something other than what it was.
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?t=21319


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## shunt2011

You all are hysterical.   Love it!


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

A more pleasant shade than blue!

Another recent one has got a soaping version of a power ballad stuck in my head. 

"Is this DOS, that I'm feeling? Is this the DOS, I've been searching for?"


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## Sagebrush

I do the same thing when looking at thread titles...my mind generates odd responses that, thankfully, I'm usually not drinking enough coffee to post 

Example: "More pumpkin pie"
What I'm thinking: "um...yes, please!" or "I never got the first piece!!"


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## IrishLass

"How To Make Lotion Scent Last For 8 Hours?

 My son just now saw the thread title and without missing a beat he responded: "What? Eight hours??? Who on earth would want to do that?? Do they need to add plutonium to it or something? That's just not natural!" lol


 IrishLass


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## neeners

"Do you do both?..."  :Kitten Love:  <-- me trying not to say something that will get be thrown out of this forum.....


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## jules92207

"Do certain shapes and sizes sell better or feel better to others" - I keep imagining a shopper in an adult novelty store.


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## IrishLass

"How long can you keep fragrance"-  Forever!!! No one can pry them from my hand! Never!!! Muahahah!

IrishLass


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## Relle

What do you rest your unmolded soap on 

 A Pillow .


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## IrishLass

"Oh honey! soap" .........that's the nicest thing you've ever given me! Come here and let me give you a big hug. I'll love you forever!


 IrishLass


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

Seized soap - the FDA saw the claims I was making, raided my house and seized all of my soap!


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## CanaDawn

newbie said:


> I think it would be highly amusing if we all got on and answered according to TEG's rules- first thing that comes to your mind. It would make for excellent reading, if not very helpful to the OP.



I'd never be seen again!  This thread is awesome....don't now how I missed it til now!


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## CanaDawn

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> Seized soap - the FDA saw the claims I was making, raided my house and seized all of my soap!



lol, exactly what I thought!



Stacy said:


> Although now I can't get the image of a 40's gangster with a bright yellow striped zoot suit and flawless alabaster skin out of my head...



Lemongrass Larry.  (odd that his suit isn't green...I wonder if he's got mauve....nevermind) A slippery character.


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## IrishLass

"Squash GM soap"........ yes, that's right- squash it good and flat no matter where you might find it. Whether in the hills or valleys, or even your own neighborhood- GM soap must be squashed!

 IrishLass


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## IrishLass

"Taking on an employee"..........................Has anyone ever done it? If so, so did you go about it? And how much trouble did you get into for it? I ask because one of my employees is really getting on my nerves, and boy oh boy, let me tell you-  I would really love to take him on and give him what for!  




 IrishLass


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## katsntx

"The Best Exposure?" 

Why, INDECENT, of course!  

My second thought... F2.8 at 125 sec


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## CanaDawn

katsntx said:


> "The Best Exposure?"
> 
> Why, INDECENT, of course!
> 
> My second thought... F2.8 at 125 sec



And by combining the two thoughts....suddenly it's marketable!


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## Ruthie

CanaDawn said:


> And by combining the two thoughts....suddenly it's marketable!



Could make a lot more money than soaping brings in.....  Just sayin'.


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## katsntx

"Aged Soap Weeping"...

You would weep too if you were getting old!


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## boyago

Cursed ash!


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## CanaDawn

"Master Lye Gremlin Habitat"  ding ding ding, we have a winner!  CaraBou just conjured this very interesting mental image of a rather basic grotto (*cough*)


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## newbie

Question about separation- don't ask. It almost always leads to divorce.


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## boyago

yeah...
"Leather and ...?"
Thought the forum was spicing it up a bit.


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## newbie

Calling Catie's Bubbles- this is insanity. Does EVERYTHING have a phone now? And PS- even bubbles prefer texts.


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## IrishLass

"First goat milk soap".........and then coconut milk soap, and then buttermilk soap, and then breast milk soap, and then sheep's milk soap, etc.. Is there no milk that one won't try to put in soap? 


 IrishLass


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## snappyllama

IrishLass said:


> "First goat milk soap".........and then coconut milk soap, and then buttermilk soap, and then breast milk soap, and then sheep's milk soap, etc.. Is there no milk that one won't try to put in soap?
> 
> 
> IrishLass



For grins, I googled Yak Milk Soap.  Yup - there's Yak Milk Soap.  Also reindeer, musk ox, water buffalo, camels.  And LLAMAs!!!  I'll need to get my hands on that one for sure!

If it can be milked... it has been put into soap.


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## boyago

IrishLass said:


> "First goat milk soap".........and then coconut milk soap, and then buttermilk soap, and then breast milk soap, and then sheep's milk soap, etc.. Is there no milk that one won't try to put in soap?
> 
> IrishLass



You forgot the Ass-milk soap thread. Due to it's ripeness for jokes my personal favorite.
Now if I could just get those lactating manatees to stay still for a second I could really make some soap.


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## Hazel

I wanted to try alpaca milk but when I drove past the farm, the alpacas weren't there. I don't know if the people got rid of them or if they moved to another farm.


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## newbie

Is it possible to make a HARD bar of sensitive soap? - Yes, if you mistreat it for long enough, even the most sensitive of soaps can become hardened and brash. Don't do it though. It's like killing butterflies.


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## boyago

Hazel said:


> I wanted to try alpaca milk but when I drove past the farm, the alpacas weren't there. I don't know if the people got rid of them or if they moved to another farm.



I remember when I heard about experiments people were doing with spider silk for medical/industrial purposes I came across something about how they are genetically engineering goats to produce the spider web proteins in their milk, my first thoughts went straight to what a cool soap it would make.  Though I should also point out that cross species hybridization seems like the short path to allot of horror movie plots and I fear the spider-goat.
Here's a couple links since the spider-goat may sound like an urban myth: http://phys.org/news194539934.html
http://www.takepart.com/article/2014/04/10/gmo-goats

Come to think of though maybe when the Chupacabra attack maybe the spider-goat will be our savior.


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## IrishLass

"Why is my pine tar soap so light?".............................I mean, based on everyone's advice here, I thought it would cure out so heavy and as hard as a brick that I could knock someone out with it, but geez- every time I throw it at my husband, it just floats through the air like so much wadded-up paper??? What gives!??? 


IrishLass


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

"Soapmakers Soap" makes me think of that song from Fiddler on The Roof.

"Soapmaker soapmaker make me a soap............................."

By the way, I am really pleased that it is not just my mind!


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## Hazel

boyago said:


> I fear the spider-goat.



I think the goats fear it, too.


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## newbie

(Turning a blind eye to punctuation) "Soapmakers soap"- no sh**, Sherlock. What do you think they do, knit?


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

Troubleshooting soap – I also have trouble shooting soap, they are so small and my aim not so good.


Fragrance wet spots – no comment at all!​


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## IrishLass

"Wrapped bars cure?"...................The cure for wrapped bars is to simply unwrap them, silly! :razz:

 IrishLass


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## boyago

Dedicated soaping pot?... Well, you should really wait till your done.

Which reminds me, I have a soaping friend who makes his soap with hemp oil and sells mostly at hemp enthusiast's stores and festivals.  Always has kids buying his lotions thinking it'll give them a topical high.


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

A wee bit of glycerin weeping.  Oh, there there, poor glycerin - it will all be okay, don't worry.

How do you lye? well, on my side, snuggled up to The Admirable Lady


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## newbie

THe FDA should come down hard on the person stating their "wrapped bars cure". That's just wrong.


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## Sagebrush

"No-poos? Anybody tried this?" This one's too easy...maybe try eating more fiber?


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## boyago

SageontheMountain said:


> "No-poos? Anybody tried this?" This one's too easy...maybe try eating more fiber?



I like how it showed up in this thread before it was even viewed.


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## Jstar

Aromafix?

Why, what's wrong with it?

neutralizing liquid soap

What did it do that was so bad you want to neutralize it?


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

boyago said:


> I like how it showed up in this thread before it was even viewed.


 
I think that is brilliant!


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## Sagebrush

boyago said:


> I like how it showed up in this thread before it was even viewed.




Ha ha...honestly, I pulled up the forum and that was the latest post. I'm pretty sure I heard angels singing when I saw it...


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## IrishLass

"Ever tried this? Reverse lotion.".......................Honestly, I, for one don't see the point of it at all. I mean, really- what kind of evil mind comes up with this stuff? As soon as you think you've got it all rubbed into your hands, it starts oozing back out and gunking up everything you touch. If you believe the hype and actually buy some of this ridiculous stuff, you might as well say goodbye to ever being able to turn a door knob to enter your house, or ever be able to twist the lid off your pickle jar. I mean, come on!! Sheesh!!! What'll they think of next- reverse deodorant?


IrishLass


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## snappyllama

IrishLass said:


> What'll they think of next- reverse deodorant?



Ewww de cologne


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## newbie

Unrefined shea butter- well, you could send it to finishing school, if you can find one that'd take it.


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## CaraBou

a lye question

ummmm, I think you have that backwards.  To be effective, it needs to be in the answer.


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## CaraBou

Can we please talk about super fat?

No!  If someone brings up my weight one more time, I swear I will SCREAM!


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## Jstar

untraced soap?

Maybe it doesn't want to be found.....it probably has a very good reason and you should leave it alone.


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## boyago

*Can you recommend a good soap cutter?
*
... Hate to brag, but I'm pretty good.


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

Flash Point - a remake of two films, combining Flash Dance and Point Break in to one awesome movie


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## IrishLass

"I'm Thinking Of Joining The HSCG".................Which one? The "Honorable Society of Chivalrous Gentlemen" or the "Hoydenish Society of Churlish Girls"? Or perhaps the "Happy Silly Corny Geeks"?


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## Hazel

Could be wanting to join the Hippie Seniors Cattywampus Group.


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## snappyllama

Hazel said:


> Could be wanting to join the Hippie Seniors Cattywampus Group.



In a few years, I'll be getting my membership card.


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## newbie

Fan fail- what, not enough adulation?


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## Jstar

*color bleeds out of soap*
*
Quick! Apply pressure and rush it to the nearest hospital!
*


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## Jstar

Doctor Who--crack in the wall soap
                .............^put^

Why would a doctor do such a thing??


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## IrishLass

"Formulating lotion/dry weather"............... Anyone have any tips-  especially for formulating dry weather? I just can't seem to wrap my head around it yet.


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

IrishLass said:


> "Formulating lotion/dry weather"............... Anyone have any tips- especially for formulating dry weather? I just can't seem to wrap my head around it yet.


 
Evil genius who also wants to control the world but also to have good skin!


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## Jstar

*How to reduce paraffin...

...to a sniveling puddle? 

Point and laugh at it.
*


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## Jstar

*moor peat

Ummm... poor meat? Put the bottle down and back slowly away.... 
*


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## boyago

*Well I Soaped the Bay Rum

*Not sure what's going on in this thread but it seems like something one would say to oneself after waking up in the gutter.


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## Shoshi

ROFL! I love this! Just the way my mind works, too.

My dad and I used to delight in taking signs literally. In the 60s when we went on long journeys together we were always amused by the hippie filling stations on the motorway - "Way Out Fuel." He loved the "Level Crossing - Uneven Rails" sign by my school and would always deliberately misconstrue things that people said, by taking them absolutely literally. We loved Denis Norden on the radio, telling his stories, and one was about the problems suffered by literalists like himself - he said he stood at the bottom of one of those long escalators on the London Underground on his way home late one night, and read the sign "Dogs must be carried." He said, "Now where on earth was I going to get a dog at 3 o'clock in the morning?"

I think we should all try to give our threads (polyester or otherwise!) interesting titles. A while back I was on a disability forum and just after I acquired an inflatable bath lift, I thought it would be fun to start a thread about it. I named my bath lift Boris. I titled my thread, "Intimate times in the bubbles with Boris." I think I had more hits on that one than anything else lol! They all said I got their minds boggling. Later I said that I was using Boris to wash my hair, and a new member who hadn't seen my first post had her mind boggled too, because she had a waste disposal unit called Boris and she couldn't imagine using him to wash her hair!!!

Shoshi


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## IrishLass

"Shaving Soap Bowls & Cigar Boxes"......................Boy, I would have loved to have seen that! I wonder how many strikes the soap got, and whether or not the cigar won it's boxing match!


 IrishLass


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## boyago

*Monkey Farts HP Soap

*It's like the golden goose of soap world lore.


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## IrishLass

*HP Soap Never Cooked*

 .....and it never did the ironing or the vacuuming, and never even took out the trash! What's up with that!? All it does is sit in the bathtub all day! Good for nothin' lazy piece of soap!


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## boyago

*Whipped Soap Help Please
-
*Whipped Soap: "Help,  Please!"


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

boyago said:


> *Monkey Farts HP Soap*
> 
> It's like the golden goose of soap world lore.


 
Now I'm thinking of your spongey rebatch.................


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## boyago

*Soap balls?
-
**shakes head* too easy.


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## shunt2011

boyago said:


> *Soap balls?*
> *-*
> *shakes head* too easy.


 
Let's not and say we did.....keeping it PG....lol


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## IrishLass

*Can Someone Please Check My Coconut Milk Math?*

Say what???!!! Your coconut milk can do math? I'm impressed! Mine just sits there as white as a ghost with fear and doesn't do much of anything.


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## newbie

*Soap looks Frosted*

Did it have a bad day or did you piss it off? Flowers help.


*Long armed paper puncher*

The weenie world of boxing. You start in the tracing paper division and work your way up to 20 pound copy. Poster board is big league. Long arms minimize the paper cuts to the face.


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## jules92207

^^^Love it, Amy!!!


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## snappyllama

*HP soap love. Show yours!* Why hello, Mr. Pizza Delivery Man, I don't have money for a tip. Mind if I show you some _hot _process?


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## Hazel

That's great! Thanks! I laughed out loud when I read your comment.


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## MarisaJensen

snappyllama said:


> *HP soap love. Show yours!* Why hello, Mr. Pizza Delivery Man, I don't have money for a tip. Mind if I show you some _hot _process?



That's so funny! Love it!


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## lillybella

These are so funny!


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## IrishLass

*I have bear fat!*

Oh no! That sounds horrible! Is that like having baby fat, but only worse?


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## boyago

*Weirdness in colour and texture

*If I ever sell it will be under this name.


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## IrishLass

*Goats Milk Soap*....   The goats got a bit miffed at their milk being put into soap, so now they are trying to get it back by milking the soap!


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## kchaystack

IrishLass said:


> *Goats Milk Soap*....   The goats got a bit miffed at their milk being put into soap, so now they are trying to get it back by milking the soap!



Grammar....  it's a lost art.


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## jules92207

One of my pet peeves, only I am convinced my smart phone thinks it's smarter than me and post stupid things like that all the time.


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## IrishLass

*Kokum butter in my serum*

No... you got serum in my kokum butter! 

(in the spirit of the old Reeses Peanut Butter Cup commercial....."You got peanut butter in my chocolate!"......"No, you got chocolate in my peanut butter!") lol


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## newbie

Goats milk soap- how do they manage it without opposable thumbs?


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## jules92207

Help with sweaty soap - I find less exercise equals less sweat. Yoga is preferred. Shower more too.


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

"My soap caught fire" - I can't help singing the Kings of Leon song with "yeeeaaaah-hea, my soap is on fire.................."


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## IrishLass

*Homemade custom mold*

..... It's so easy! 

Step 1: Put a covered container of various leftover foods way in the back of your fridge where it won't be noticed by anyone for a while (preferably homemade food- that's where the customization come in)
Step 2: Go about your life without a care in the world for 6 months to a year
Step 3: Re-discover the container when searching for the last piece of chocolate cake you suspect your spouse hid from you in the back of the fridge.

And that's it! That's all there is to it! Easy-peasy!


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## boyago

*Soap and metal

*best
band
EVER.


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## boyago

*need dog soap recipe,
-
*I try not to preach about my personal ethics but this is just WRONG!


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## snappyllama

Every time i see the dog soap title, my brain reads it as "dog soup recipe" and then I wonder why anyone would need a recipe for soup. Just add some veggies, water and let simmer. Add spices at the end to wake up the flavor. 

Just kidding, I only joke about eating my collie when she wants to frolic in the snow forgetting that she is an old puppy now with arthritis, and it's too cold for those kinds of shenanigans. We'd eat the cat first. He's mostly useless.


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## jules92207

^^ HA HA HA!!! That's awesome!


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## IrishLass

*Help troubleshooting bathbombs*

Well, I suppose I could (maybe), but I need more info first. What exactly are the bathbombs trying to troubleshoot?


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## newbie

*I am doing it!*- TMI! And for pity's sake, get off your phone.


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## jules92207

Lol! Seriously, this need to post EVERYTHING has gotten out of hand. You might get slapped that way...


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## boyago

*Reading IS fundamental!
-
*TLDNR!


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## IrishLass

*Tea Tree oil ruined my mold?! HELP!*

I know, right?  I find that bleach does the same thing to my mold, too. Knocks them colorful, fuzzy critters right out. Best to keep them separated so the mold can live on and grow.


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## newbie

*Soap for back acne*- is this like Run for the Cure? Is back acne the new cause celebre?


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

Formulating a mechanic soap..........................

What is the suggest % of mechanics to add?


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## Sonya-m

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> Formulating a mechanic soap..........................
> 
> What is the suggest % of mechanics to add?




Lol!! I'm gonna jump in with 5% PPO!


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## hmlove1218

"Soap not going hard"

At first glance I thought it said "soap not getting hard," so my thought process was along the lines of... Well you could always try viagra..


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## kchaystack

hmlove1218 said:


> "Soap not going hard"
> 
> At first glance I thought it said "soap not getting hard," so my thought process was along the lines of... Well you could always try viagra..



Gives the idea of a zap test a new twist doesn't it? :wink:


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## boyago

hmlove1218 said:


> "Soap not going hard"
> 
> At first glance I thought it said "soap not getting hard," so my thought process was along the lines of... Well you could always try viagra..



HA!  I cam here for the same title was going to ask if they tried wearing something nice...  doing a little dance.


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## Dahila

boyago said:


> HA!  I cam here for the same title was going to ask if they tried wearing something nice...  doing a little dance.


What about using some gypsum and modeling paste)


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## newbie

*How long should it last?*- Um.....

Maybe that person is one of those who stares at the ceiling and thinks of the Queen.


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## newbie

*How long should it last?*- is the poster the same person who started "Soap not going hard?"


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## newbie

*Trying Lard on Soap*- it's way better in than on.

I wonder if they will be bacon-wrapping the soap or using lard as a spread.


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## hmlove1218

*Trying Lard on Soap*- oh boy.. again, my mind read something else at first glance.. I'm just gonna stop right there and keep this G rated


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## IrishLass

*Reusable Mold!! Think It's Okay?*

Um... I don't know... it kinda sounds suspicious to me. If it were me, I would keep it away from bleach....just to be safe.


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## not_ally

Ok, I stopped half way through due to the length, will pick up again later.  But I have to say:  EG, you are a silly, silly man.  And the rest of you are goofballs.  I think I liked more posts on this than any thread I have seen, it was just so silly and cheerful.


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## Susie

Y'all are bad, evil, naughty people...and I love it!


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## Susie

*Soap for the bosses wife, need input*

Why? Does she stink?


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## Susie

*help*

I need somebody, 
Help, 
Not just anybody, 
Heeeelp


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## not_ally

Susie, that was funny.  Except when I realized that in my noobiness I might have a moment, like last night, when I would issue a plaintive "heeeeelp".  Although I would make the re line more descriptive for those of you are nice enough to do it


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## IrishLass

*How can I make it better?*

Well, I've heard of two different, but similar ways from some guy named Jude that tried them out. Hopefully, one of them will help:

1) Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better.
2) The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better.


HTH!


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## barndive

This is a weird thread, but I like it


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## ngian

newbie said:


> *Trying Lard on Soap*- it's way better in than on.
> 
> I wonder if they will be bacon-wrapping the soap or using lard as a spread.



 Phrasal verbs has always been my weakness in English language. But I can't edit the thread's title name. Maybe an admin can handle this. 

Nikos


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## The Efficacious Gentleman

ngian said:


> Phrasal verbs has always been my weakness in English language. But I can't edit the thread's title name. Maybe an admin can handle this.
> 
> Nikos



Nope   This isn't a mean spirited thread, don't worry if a thread from you appears here.  A lot of it is just the initial reaction in the mind when we see a title


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## jules92207

^^Exactly what the Gent said. Its about us, and our crazy minds.


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## not_ally

Definitely, Nikos, this is a pretty gentle bunch.  I would not be surprised to see an, ahem, perfectly sensible re line of mine causing the goofballs in here to start woolgathering.  Also, join in, make your own jokes.  My Spanish is awful (much worse than your English) but I always do it anyway when I am in a Spanish speaking place anyway, it is fun and people usually get them.


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## IrishLass

*Putting together nappy rash recipe*

Shoot, there's really no need to go to all the trouble of putting together a recipe to create nappy rash- just let nature take it's course. The secret is to simply neglect changing the nappy for a few days. Easy-peasy!


----------



## Rowan

"How To Label Mica In Soap"

Weeeell it could take a while, those darn mica bits are so small!!


----------



## Susie

not_ally said:


> Susie, that was funny.  Except when I realized that in my noobiness I might have a moment, like last night, when I would issue a plaintive "heeeeelp".  Although I would make the re line more descriptive for those of you are nice enough to do it



Honey, don't you think I have a post out there with the same title?  I assure you that I do!

I just happened to be listening to oldies one day when I was reading the forum, and I saw the title just as the Beatles were singing, so it fit perfectly!


----------



## not_ally

Oh, good, b/c you are probably one of the first I would hit up w/a tearful soap question.  That is what you get for being nice.

Edited to add:  made your newbie soap recipe, it is looking and feeling really good.  I can't wait to check it out.  **** you, cure time.  Although Lilli, on another forum gave the great suggestion of cutting off a v. thin slice and using it as a tester after a week, she says that that gives a v. good approximation of the finally cured bar, which is awesome for impatient types like me.


----------



## Rowan

not_ally said:


> ?............ Lilli, on another forum gave the great suggestion of cutting off a v. thin slice and using it as a tester after a week, she says that that gives a v. good approximation of the finally cured bar, which is awesome for impatient types like me.



I definetely do that, but test it as soon as it's stopped zapping. I must be really impatient!


----------



## not_ally

I know, Rowan, me too.  I have ultra hard water and am really working on finding something that doesn't create disgusting soap scum on the bathtub (and on me), so I am really impatient about testing.  I think the skinny lilli - as it has been christened on the other forum-  is a pretty good tester, even after just a week.  It's sometimes hard for me to even wait *that* long.

Sorry to hijack, y'all, just realized I did.  Go back to the normal good feeling silliness.  I actually thought that some of you had resorted to making up re lines when I saw some of the actual re lines.  I didn't give you enough credit


----------



## Rowan

Hijacking again, sorry everyone! Not_ally you could try using citric acid. I've got hard water too. End oh hijack and back to "fun".


----------



## IrishLass

*Where to start?*

Let's start at the very beginning.... a very good place to start. When you read you begin with ABC, when you sing you begin with Do Re Mi....

(Can you tell I recently watched the Sound of Music TV special where Julie Andrews traveled back to Austria to visit the actual film locations? lol Gent- I thought of you and your Lady as I was watching since I know you live in Austria. What beautiful scenery you must be surrounded by!)


----------



## not_ally

IL, your post makes me think of the Sound of Music and the Jackson 5, a strange but serendipitous combo.  It makes me want to dance with my doggie.


----------



## newbie

*Looking to buy shampoo bar*- a risky investment but if water bars and vapor bars can make it, perhaps shampoo bars can too.


----------



## not_ally

I am lame, I actually went looking for some recent re: lines that I could be witty about but could not find any.  You guys must be innately witty.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Poison Ivy Soap - how much Poinson Ivy to use ppo?  Infusion or add chopped in to the batter?


----------



## not_ally

The sad part is that when I saw that re line I thought it was about actually putting poison ivy in soap!  I was thinking that we soapers are so weird that we will try anything once ...


----------



## TVivian

"Which Base" ... Definitely 3rd and maybe even 4th if he's lucky.


----------



## IrishLass

*Watermelon soap, watermelon look*

...Look watermelon, look! See what pretty soap you made!


----------



## Hazel

not_ally said:


> I know, Rowan, me too.  I have ultra hard water and am really working on finding something that doesn't create disgusting soap scum on the bathtub (and on me), so I am really impatient about testing.



Another hijack. I've read sodium citrate helps to reduce soap scum (which is what the citric acid becomes after it reacts with lye). 

Sorry Rowan! Blonde moment.


----------



## IrishLass

*Soap tastes sour?*

No problem!! Just a spoonful of sugar helps the 'medicine' go down in a most delightful way!


----------



## Rowan

Hazel said:


> Another hijack. I've read sodium citrate helps to reduce soap scum (which is what the citric acid becomes after it reacts with lye).
> 
> Sorry Rowan! Blonde moment.



Don't worry, I have so many blonde moments myself! I should have been a bit clearer in my post.


----------



## Hazel

Your post was fine but I need to work on reading comprehension.


----------



## IrishLass

*Mold dimension help please*

Oh no! How horrible! You poor thing! I wish I could help, I truly do, but once one has entered the mold dimension, the galactic portal closes and there's no coming back. I'm truly, truly sorry- but it looks like you'll be stuck there forever. :sad:


----------



## not_ally

"Once one has entered the mold dimension, the galactic portal closes and there's no coming back. I'm truly, truly sorry- but it looks like you'll be stuck there forever."

So, so true.  I know you are kidding IL, but I am feeling like I have to join (another) 12 step group


----------



## newbie

*I made soap! (with pictures)*-Did you grind the pictures or shred them? They might be too scratchy and they may inhibit lather.


----------



## newbie

*Tallow soap not working *-the work ethic of this new generation of soap is not at all good. Tell it you'll kick it out if it doesn't start working and chipping in for the rent. It's the only way.


----------



## newbie

*Rebaching soap*- I've heard Bach fades in soap. I'm not really surprised. Man, lye is hard on everything.


----------



## hmlove1218

*HP Cook off* I'm getting a mental image of about 20 soap makers standing around huge cockpots making soap. At the end of the day, the resulting soaps are judged and the best one gets the blue ribbon. Maybe I've been to one too many BBQ cook offs lol


----------



## boyago

*Lard, My New Best Friend
*-
Put the lard-puppet down and go outside. Meet people, try speed dating. I know they can be mean but just give humans another chance.


----------



## not_ally

*"My first FO is stalking me!"

Don't open the door, call 911 if necessary, and don't give in to the temptation to sniff, no matter how strong.  A better, nicer FO will come along.  


*


----------



## snappyllama

not_ally said:


> *"My first FO is stalking me!"
> 
> Don't open the door, call 911 if necessary, and don't give in to the temptation to sniff, no matter how strong.  A better, nicer FO will come along.
> 
> 
> *



OMG!  It's calling from inside the house!


----------



## not_ally

I love scary movies!  Although I am glad that I am too old to be a baby sitter anymore, at least outside of family


----------



## newbie

*When soap has other plans*- keep your chin up and don't feel bad. There are other soap in the sea and one of them would be LUCKY to have you.


----------



## not_ally

Newbie, you are a genius at this.  You and Irish Lass are tied in the strange mindedness


----------



## IrishLass

*How to add herbs?*

Well, first of all, for best results, wait for a full moon on a cloudless night, because it's always best to add them in the light of a full moon. Second, make sure you're in a happy mood because herbs don't like grumpiness. It makes them bitter and acrid, which will make all your herby hopes go up in smoke. Oh- and speaking of smoke, if you happen to be a smoker, go for a whole week without smoking before you plan on adding them or they won't cooperate with you. They're kinda stubborn and obstinate that way. If you're not a smoker, great, but don't think that leaves you off the hook. You still have to be able to hum a happy tune while rubbing your stomach with one hand and patting your head with the other at the same time, whilst also at the same time performing the Cossack dance with your feet. Ugh! They are so demanding! That's why I leave them out of my soap. I just can't seem to get the Cossack thing down no matter how hard I try.


----------



## not_ally

"gromwell root/powder source recommendations"

Diagon Alley, of course.  It may be a little more expensive, but you won't have to worry about boggarts popping up because of a bad batch. Sorry, both an herb and Harry Potter fan.


----------



## Dahila

*Make Foaming Bath Whip

*Please, be gentle):crazy:


----------



## Susie

*Soaping with Yeast*

OK, but I doubt that it will have much to contribute to the discussion.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Susie, thank you! I was so very tempted


----------



## newbie

*Can We Revisit Grease Cutting Soap?*- There was a scene in Grease where they cut soap? It must have been deleted as not adding to the plot. I don't want to visit it once, much less revisit it. Danny Zucco soaping....it just doesn't compute


----------



## newbie

*Soaping with Yeast*- just make absolutely certain you take your gloves off before you scratch.


----------



## jules92207

Baaa Haa haa! Good one!


----------



## IrishLass

*Dragon's Blood For Red Color*

Good luck with that....unless you meant the blood from a Komodo Dragon perhaps? Even so - it'll probably turn brown in soap anyway.


----------



## reinbeau

Dahila said:


> *Make Foaming Bath Whip
> 
> *Please, be gentle):crazy:


Hey!  That's my title 

http://www.soapmakingforum.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/


----------



## Dahila

I can not overcome Whip ,  I had the pic in my mind, sorry Ann) Bath and whip :shh:


----------



## Hazel

Dahila said:


> I can not overcome Whip ,  I had the pic in my mind, sorry Ann:wink Bath and whip :shh:




Dahlia, you're a wild woman.


----------



## IrishLass

*Can I deodorize cocoa butter myself?*

For the hundredth time, Billy, no! You need to wait until your father gets home! Now, put his deodorant spray back into the bathroom medicine cabinet where it belongs and go do your chores!


----------



## newbie

*Irish Salt Soap*- other nationalities do too. I don't know what's with the exclusivity.


----------



## boyago

*Is this normal?
-
*Nope, normal people buy their soap and then go on to not post about it on the internet.


----------



## Rowan

Wire soap cutter opinions please

Yes, please ask all our soap cutters their opinions!


----------



## IrishLass

*Tall and skinny mold in Australia?*

I know, right? They sure do grow some strange things Down Under!


----------



## newbie

*Soap a little...flakey* - Blast it! Is NOTHING reliable these days? You'd think soap would just be able to be soap and do its thing. Sigh.


----------



## galaxyMLP

"Soap Separation Anxiety"

I know, it gets hard for all of us to be away from soap. Don't worry, it misses you too!


----------



## IrishLass

*coconut milk...superfatting?*

Well, only if you drink a lot of the full-fat kind. If you're worried about keeping the pounds off, you can always stick to the low-fat kind.


----------



## IrishLass

*The mystery of the instant cure*

has been revealed only to those who have been deemed worthy enough to have scaled the treacherously volcanic summit of Mt. Savon..... and lived to tell about it.


----------



## not_ally

You are officially a goof, IL.

ETA: to my mind, that is a high compliment


----------



## kchaystack

Body Butter - Dead Fish

I know people put some strange things in their products, but this has to cross some kind of line.


----------



## newbie

*I need to borrow a nose*- A to Z Rental says they have everything but I'm not so sure....I doubt a neighbor would loan you theirs because what if you don't return it? Difficult to explain.


----------



## IrishLass

*Rebatch madness*

Is that anything like 'reefer madness'?


----------



## IrishLass

*Bath Bombs in Depth*

As in 'depth charges'? Yikes! Would that create a redneck hot tub or something like that?


----------



## boyago

*Can someone look??
*-
I've fallen for your   -Stike that!!!- (gross prank link references removed)   antics before.  Not this time slick!
** Nobody google any of the things I just mentioned! Once they have been seen they can not be unseen.
ETA*** on second thought I knew you would go looking so just google "rickroll" and be better off for it.


----------



## newbie

*Bastille snot*- those little French berks! And that's "Bastille morve" to you. Don't sully beautiful French with your American slang.


----------



## IrishLass

*Melt and pour again!!!!*

Alright, alright already! See? I'm melting and pouring again. Sheesh! No need to get so bossy about it!


----------



## galaxyMLP

"Creepy Crust on top"

Miiiiight wanna get that checked out by a doctor... I don't think that's normal.


----------



## IrishLass

*Bath bomb success!*

WooHoo! Nuke those baths into oblivion! Showers rule!!!


----------



## galaxyMLP

IrishLass said:


> *Bath bomb success!*
> 
> WooHoo! Nuke those baths into oblivion! Showers rule!!!


 

Made me think of this: [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDE9XcKULAE[/ame]

at 1:40 onward.  Have fun watching! (btw, the whole video is just great)


----------



## IrishLass

Now _that's_ what I call some bath bombs!


----------



## boyago

*Vinegar.....
-
** Drops snow-globe and dies.*


----------



## Dahila

*Hardness in use*
I really like some hardness to use,   sorry if it was already , it make me laugh every time I see it.


----------



## Sagebrush

"Dealing With Fast-Moving Fragrance Oils/Essential Oils"

They're slippery little buggers! It's like herding cats!


----------



## Rowan

Alternative Liquids Swap

Alternatively swapping liquids ........mm sounds a bit disgusting!


----------



## not_ally

*Laundry Sauce*

Hm, the folks that hate cilantro are not going to like this one.  I think I would go with hollandaise or bernaise


----------



## Hazel

galaxyMLP said:


> at 1:40 onward.  Have fun watching! (btw, the whole video is just great)



Wow! Thanks for sharing. I wish we had been allowed to do this at my school. :grin:


----------



## IrishLass

*Soap on a stick*

"....makes me sick...
makes my tummy go two, four, six ...
not because I'm dirty, not because I'm clean...
but just because I kissed a boy behind a magazine..."

LOL. The second I saw that thread title, I was immediately transported back to my childhood jump-roping days and the jumping rhyme we used to chant entitled, "Apple on a stick'.


----------



## not_ally

Not a thread, but a childhood rhyme, from when I was little and living in England:

"Trebor mints are a minty bit stronger,
Stick 'em up your ar*se and they last a bit longer.''

Ok, not elegant, but a testament to what sticks from childhood   I might have grown up in a rougher neighborhood than most


----------



## IrishLass

*soaping where there are no soapers*

...makes Jack a very rich man.


----------



## Rowan

Swimmer soap

Now this I would love to see but it might be a bit disconcerting in the bath, especially if it swam right past you!


----------



## newbie

*Oven safe vacuum bags*

I just...but.....is this some sort of OCD thing, needing to vacuum your oven or store your vacuum there???


----------



## tryanything

*Attacking the cocoa butter block* - it attacked first!  I swear!  I have video!


----------



## boyago

*Fight club
-
*Come on people it's the first rule.


----------



## boyago

*What makes soap weepy?
-
*Calling it fat.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

boyago said:


> *What makes soap weepy?
> -
> *.....




A good rom-com. When soap is going through The Change, anything can make it weepy......


----------



## IrishLass

*Who knew?*

Not me! I swear- I only just found out!


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

What's that liquid?

The title of one of the most horrible gameshows you will ever see..................

"The contestants are ready, so let's play 'What's that liquid'"! (insert crowd cheering)


----------



## IrishLass

*Excited about todays soap*

Me, too! The soap of years-gone-by just can't compare to the soap of today!


----------



## IrishLass

*Cutting soap..is it too late?*

Well, although cutting is a serious cry for help, it might not be too late. How much affirmation have you been giving to your soap, and how much quality time have you been spending with it?


----------



## newbie

*Looking to mimic a scent of incense*

Perhaps?


----------



## galaxyMLP

Reminds me of this:


----------



## TwystedPryncess

*Soap Scores*

Oh I wish I had time to make a cute little 3D render of what's in my mind. But alas, it's jewelry booth time.


Soaps all lined up on the sofa, throwing popcorn at each other, half blistered on too much beer, stomping and yelling and throwing things at the TV while <insert football/basketball etc. here> plays out on TV, played out by little soaps running amok.

One gets mad at another over the call of a play, the referee goes to break it up but instead of punching each other, they start throwing buckets of water everywhere.

Ok, back to arrowheads for me.


----------



## TeresaT

newbie said:


> (Turning a blind eye to punctuation) "Soapmakers soap"- no sh**, Sherlock. What do you think they do, knit?




Actually, I do...


----------



## traderbren

TeresaT said:


> Actually, I do...




Yup. Same here. Handspun, cuz knitting isn't weird enough.


----------



## TeresaT

traderbren said:


> Yup. Same here. Handspun, cuz knitting isn't weird enough.




Just bought my first spindle.  Was tempted to buy a sheep, too!


----------



## TwystedPryncess

I knit,  and tat,  and sew and crochet and write and draw and cross stitch and make jewelry and..... And....


----------



## IrishLass

*Weighed my oils wrong!*

Not again! What did I tell you before about weighing into a colander? _You need to use a bowl_. Now c'mon! I know you can do this!


----------



## reinbeau

Oh my, IrishLass, how's your scale??


----------



## TeresaT

TwystedPryncess said:


> I knit,  and tat,  and sew and crochet and write and draw and cross stitch and make jewelry and..... And....




Oi!  Now I know why you're a bit Twysted, Pryncess!  I love crafty people.


----------



## IrishLass

*Hazelnut milk trio*

Aha! I knew it! Hazel's been heading up her own rock band in her spare time! Rock on, Hazel!


----------



## galaxyMLP

Whipping Beeswax 

What did beeswax ever do to you? Why do you have to be so mean? Maybe YOU should "mind your own beeswax" and walk away. You don't have to get so angry you know.


----------



## IrishLass

*How do you account for Avocado Puree in CP soap?*

I swear officer, I really and truly don't know how it got in there! Honest! I don't even like avocados! Maybe someone else put it in there when my back was turned, I don't know, but you just gotta believe me when I say it wasn't me!


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Advantages of Coconut Milk?

It lives in the nice part of town, the parents are there for it but still money is no problem.  It's good looking and intelligent, but not vain nor awkward.  Will likely be Prom King, Homecoming King and all that jazz.


----------



## boyago

*BBW Bringing Back 90s Scents
-
*She's big, she's beautiful, she's bringing back those scents from the 90's.


----------



## IrishLass

*ugly birthday soap*

Guaranteed to wash away all the ugliness from birthday parties gone wrong, or your money back!


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Cupcakes, how much batter for frosting?*

Don't call me Cupcake..........................................


----------



## IrishLass

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> *Cupcakes, how much batter for frosting?*
> 
> Don't call me Cupcake..........................................


 
LOL- You beat me to it!


----------



## newbie

*Sleeping with Soap*- We have officially exited the age of privacy.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*How to increase trance time?*

I find glow sticks, whistles and good mixing by the DJ helps.  Raise your hands!  Not forgetting the party islands full of clubs kicking out banging tunes.  Epic!


----------



## not_ally

I  knew you or IL would get this one, EG, darn it.  One of the few times I could actually have been funny with a title


----------



## Sonya-m

not_ally said:


> I  knew you or IL would get this one, EG, darn it.  One of the few times I could actually have been funny with a title




Snap!!

I knew that one would already be in here!!!


----------



## boyago

*Chocolate Lard
-
**Read in radio announcers voice.
Brought to you by our friends at This Little Piggy went to the market.
-
"Chocolate Lard, cause your not fat enough."
-
"Chocolate Lard, mmmmm, Chocolate Lard!"
-
"Chocolate Lard, you can call it Chard, but that don't make it healthy."
-
"Chocolate Lard, cause baby wants back."


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Soft Shave Soap_Preserve?*

How tasty would this be on freshly baked bread?


----------



## boyago

*Beef/sheep dripping?
-
*Sham-Wow!


----------



## jules92207

^^^ awesome boyogo!


----------



## galaxyMLP

"Leaving LS unattended"

Well, they recommend waiting until she is at least 13, but if you really have to stay late, and cant afford daycare, I'm sure you can leave Little Susie unattended for a few hours even though she is only 12.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

"50lbs of lard" - the soaper version of 50 shades of grey?


----------



## IrishLass

*You know your house is hot*

Gorsh, thanks! 

 Your house ain't so shabby either!


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Question.*

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lPQZni7I18[/ame]

"Tell me what you think about think about me
buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings........................."


----------



## Sonya-m

My soap won't harden

Maybe it's just not in the mood?


----------



## Dahila

Sonya-m said:


> My soap won't harden
> 
> Maybe it's just not in the mood?


Maybe it should get some script from doc


----------



## IrishLass

*What happens when you forget?*

I don't know. I can't remember!


----------



## TwystedPryncess

That's been me all week.


----------



## IrishLass

*"In The Mold Swirly*....and you, too, Larry and Curly!", barked Mo to his newest (albeit temporary) stooge and the other 2.


----------



## not_ally

Loved this one, IL.  The silliness is that good Irish coming through


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Bad DOS. 

Naughty DOS! I've told you, you're not allowed on the soaps. I'll have to take you back to DOS behavior classes or to the DOS pound.


----------



## galaxyMLP

Need help with a lye problem

Haven't they ever told you not to -lie- in the first place? Its your own problem now. You brought this on yourself!


----------



## TeaLeavesandTweed

Someone mistyped "lye" as "lyle" in a recipe recently and I'll admit I had a few moments of "is this soap... people?"

Also, has anyone else mentally renamed "Separating 2.0" "Conscious Uncoupling" in their head?

Or reading "Am I melting enough?" as a very sarcastic southerner complaining about the August weather?


----------



## TeaLeavesandTweed

Oh god. "Castile soft and sweaty." I'm going to have to take Effy's suggestion of a stiff drink and a lie down.


----------



## Relle

*Ideas for opening a metal drum ?*

Use a large can opener .


----------



## IrishLass

*Weeping soap- Lye, FO or something else?*

Did you say something to hurt it's feelings lately? Or maybe it's that time of month? Or perhaps it just needs a hug to let it know you care.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

IrishLass said:


> *Weeping soap- Lye, FO or something else?*
> 
> Did you say something to hurt it's feelings lately? Or maybe it's that time of month? Or perhaps it just needs a hug to let it know you care.



Or a soap that is the polar opposite of No More Tears?


----------



## IrishLass

*My soap is thicker than pumpkin puree.*

Oh yeah? Well mine is thicker than _tar_, so there! Neener neener neener!


----------



## TwystedPryncess

I have also had some creative shifts over 'Need Help Melting',  although I tend to think of the book Wicked and a different type of Elphaba, a suicidal Wicked Witch of the West,  who decides to just dump the bucket of water on herself after all of her trials and tribulations,  her last thought of her murdered lover on her mind.  

Yes,  I am strange, indeed.


----------



## commoncenz

"Winter Holiday Swap" and "Winter Holiday Swap REVIEWS" ... Whatever you guys are doing over the Winter Holidays should probably be kept private. And then to "review" each other? Hoo Boy! I joined this site thinking that I would be discussing soap with fellow soapers ... not communal hippies. :shock:


----------



## not_ally

"Is this mid or ho sunflower oil?"

Sunflower oil:  "Who you callin' a ho?"


----------



## TwystedPryncess

You guys make me feel better about the way my mind wanders. Not_ally just made me think of a sunflower in a miniskirt wagging it's head back and forth though,  with a very upset expression on its face.  And I see a tye-dyed clipboard with review forms on it from commoncenz.  Admit it,  we are all twisted.


----------



## not_ally

*Poo pourri knock off....

*The home scent with a twist, for those who like a more earthy fragrance!


----------



## newbie

*"I am zapless, options?"*

Key in outlet is a cheap effective way. ECT will get you there as well but is much more expensive.


----------



## IrishLass

*Are you LYING about the sugar?*

No mommy, I pinkie swear on Sponge Bob Squarepants! It wasn't me who took it and ate it, it was Johnny!


----------



## TeresaT

*Scenting soap without EO/FO? Can it be done?*

Have you tried farting in it?  Depending on what's in your diet, it may work.


----------



## commoncenz

*I Have Been Waiting For This Moment!*

I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord / And I've been waiting for this moment for all my life, Oh Lord / Can you feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, oh Lord

*Bath Bombs Keep For How Long?*

Either until you detonate them or until the FBI comes and takes you way


----------



## IrishLass

*Ever make anything with pallets?*

Nah- no matter what I do, I can never seem to get them excited enough to join in on my crafty endeavors. They just sit there on the floor doing nothing but mocking me with their creepy silence, even when threatened with a blow-torch. It's really annoying.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*My shower, the laboratory*

Seems as good a place as any to experiment.............................


----------



## Sonya-m

*Question*

 Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Sonya-m said:


> *Question*
> 
> Tell me what you think about me
> I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings




Check out post #251 - great minds


----------



## Sonya-m

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> Check out post #251 - great minds




Lol!!! I hadn't seen that!!


----------



## whitewitchbeauty

My favorite thread, especially today. I am stressed out, crying like a weenie. Now seeing this gives me some good giggles!


----------



## TeaLeavesandTweed

I totally just misread the word "masterbatching." :shock:


----------



## IrishLass

TeaLeavesandTweed said:


> I totally just misread the word "masterbatching." :shock:


 

You're not the first one.  That's why I always refer to it as master-batching, with the hyphen in there.


IrishLass


----------



## CTAnton

"Is this normal?"
A. normal is simply a setting on a washing machine...
B.No honey it's not...you need a few serious years of therapy...you know of course that this is going to SEVERELY cut into your soaping budget...that nice slab mold you just had custom built...? Say BYE BYE!


----------



## commoncenz

"White Castile"

No thanks, the burgers are too small and I always get gas bubbles when eating there.


----------



## IrishLass

*Does brewed coffee "do" anything?*

Well, it does a darn sight more than those good for nothing pallets that I talked about earlier on the previous page, but you gotta drink it down first.


----------



## annalee2003

TeaLeavesandTweed said:


> I totally just misread the word "masterbatching." :shock:



Yep, you definitely weren't the only one to misread that. Haha.


----------



## DeeAnna

"...Another Masterbatching Question...."

Came across this one tonight and totally went like, "Uh, yeah. Riiiggght. And my best PG-rated answer -- If it feels good, do it?"


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

"Omar Stamps in the house" and he is often told off for doing it.  Naughty Omar.


----------



## jules92207

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> "Omar Stamps in the house" and he is often told off for doing it.  Naughty Omar.



Lol - you truly are in official parent mode...


----------



## commoncenz

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> "Omar Stamps in the house" and he is often told off for doing it.  Naughty Omar.



My mind went somewhere totally different with that. I pictured a rapper, decked out in hip-hop clothes, charging into a room, throwing his hands up in the air and yelling: "Omar Stamps in the house!"


----------



## commoncenz

I was not going to mention this one because I post in here so often that it must mean I have a VERY strange mind. Buuuut:

"who used HO safflower?"  

Think about it ... :shock::shock::shock:


----------



## rparrny

Michaels soap mold: Tell Michael to keep the soap out of a wet shower...


----------



## rparrny

30% Coconut and high supper fat question

Cut the coconut to 10% and your supper will have much less fat


----------



## DeeAnna

"..."who used HO safflower?" .... Think about it..."

This ... coming from the self-proclaimed FOHO??? Oh, the irony of it all! ;-) ;-) ;-)


----------



## IrishLass

*HELP please. HP sitting looking at me!!!*

Easy does it there. I know you are scared, but it's going to be okay as long as it's doing nothing else right now but staring at you. That means you still have a chance of escape, but do please be careful to not make any sudden moves. You don't want to spook it and make it feel that it needs to defend itself against you or anything. 

Now...very slowly back away, inch by inch, until you've reached the door. Then as quick as lightening, open it, step outside, close it behind you, then run like the wind and don't look back no matter what!


----------



## TeresaT

*How should I cut this?*

I like a good machete now and again.


----------



## DeeAnna

*Sister making converts at her office*

For the Church of Holy Cleanliness? What soap do you use if they lye to you?


----------



## Misschief

Not a thread title but, right now, there's an ad in the sidebar that says "Free Baby Samples"..... since when have they started sending out baby samples???? And why would anyone want a baby sample? What will it grow up to be? A grown up sample?


----------



## DeeAnna

*bath bomb crisis* 

OMG ... and you're asking for help from the Soap Making Forum??? Call 911 instead!


----------



## TeresaT

*Hello!*

Goodbye!


*Colored lather...good or bad*

That sounds a little bigoted to me.


----------



## amd

Mobile skin: Well, my skin moves when I move so I guess you could say it's mobile.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Soap on a rope...what rope?*

Isn't that a line from a song from the film Labyrinth starring David Bowie?


----------



## TeaLeavesandTweed

"Sun-dried Tomatoes in Oil"

Yeah, totally forgot I wasn't reading a soap forum and had a bit of a gag reflex thinking about sun-dried tomato soap.


----------



## IrishLass

*Recommendations for wire soap cutter*

Hmmm...wire soap....... well _that's_ a new one! Goodness me, the things y'all are making soap with these days! lol :shock: Well, I can't say as I've ever had a thought to make wire soap before, but, um....a chainsaw?


----------



## Misschief

IrishLass said:


> *Recommendations for wire soap cutter*
> 
> Hmmm...wire soap....... well _that's_ a new one! Goodness me, the things y'all are making soap with these days! lol :shock: Well, I can't say as I've ever had a thought to make wire soap before, but, um....a chainsaw?



That would cause sparks to fly for sure... perhaps a welding torch?


----------



## whitewitchbeauty

Any excuse to use a chain saw ...


----------



## boyago

*Rimmed Soaps.
-
*Y'all really like your soaps...


----------



## nsmar4211

Why did I skip reading this post? OMG funny....

EGentleman, I love labrynith but can't think how my thread title fits there/ 

My turn: *Latex Allergies and Oils...*

oh myyyyyyyy .....I....I.....ok this is a family friendly area isn't it....I can't explain....:grin::twisted:


----------



## TeresaT

nsmar4211 said:


> EGentleman, I love labrynith but can't think how my thread title fits there/



Soap on a rope...what rope?

"You remind me of the babe...what babe?
The babe with the power...what power?
The power of voodoo...who do?
You do...do what?
Remind me of the babe..."

And that's how it fits in Labrynth.  (That is one of my favorite movies.  Ya can't go wrong with David Bowie in tights!)


----------



## nsmar4211

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok I gotcha. And yea he's one of the few who could pull off tights (and make schoolgirls giggle).

*Making Essential Oils Stick on Skin 
*----may I suggest glue? *:idea:
*


----------



## houseofwool

boyago said:


> *Rimmed Soaps.
> -
> *Y'all really like your soaps...




Bwahaha


----------



## whitewitchbeauty

Kek kek kek


----------



## gigisiguenza

LOL why have I never read this thread? You people have me in stitches Hahahahaha


----------



## boyago

*SC Yuzu vs. MO Me and Yuzu
-
*I think your cat is walking on your keyboard.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Droopy Soap?*

Maybe the soap is just tired?  Things are very stressful at the moment!  It's not like soap is some kind of machine, there's no need for blue pills just yet..............


----------



## commoncenz

*Problems With Demolding*

I feel your pain. I have problems with de plumbing and de gutters.


----------



## DeeAnna

*Hot Process and Flash Points*

Oh, my, you do have my sympathy. This happens to every woman of a certain age, but it's no fun!


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Marine Salt*

Semper Fidelis or Soaper Fidelis?


----------



## traderbren

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> *Marine Salt*
> 
> Semper Fidelis or Soaper Fidelis?




Semper Lye!


----------



## nsmar4211

*Is this DOS?

*....baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. 

Earworm for the day


----------



## mymy

So this is some kind of parallel universe of this forum.  Haha


----------



## IrishLass

nsmar4211 said:


> *Is this DOS?*
> 
> ....baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
> 
> Earworm for the day


 

And just when I though I had _finally_ got it out of my mind. Thank you *so* much for that! :razz: lol


----------



## IrishLass

*Bath bombs- are people really taking baths?*

Well....... not any more I suppose.


----------



## Susie

*Size of Soap*

Size doesn't matter...


----------



## IrishLass

*HP shaving soap cure?*

Sorry- no cure for that. Once you start making HP shaving soap, you're done for- plain and simple. There's just no coming back from that. Oh- and by the way- welcome to the addiction.


----------



## amd

Felted owl soap: if the owls aren't on the endangered list just remember to remove the bones


----------



## IrishLass

*I will PAY you to teach me.*

Oh yeah? Well, I'll TEACH you to pay me!


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

amd said:


> Felted owl soap: if the owls aren't on the endangered list just remember to remove the bones




What %ppo of owl do you use in your soap?


----------



## commoncenz

*My Quest For Coconut:*

[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHFXG3r_0B8"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHFXG3r_0B8[/ame]


----------



## gigisiguenza

commoncenz said:


> *My Quest For Coconut:*
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHFXG3r_0B8



Oh man I just knew it was going to be a MP clip before I clicked and sure enough it was Lmao


----------



## traderbren

*Question about Coconut, Castor, and The Bubble Factory

*Is this the sequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory?


----------



## nsmar4211

Blech I hope not.....


----------



## IrishLass

*What makes salt bars "work'?*

I dunno....threats?.......Or maybe go the other route with a little sweet-talking and bribes? Shoot, I wish I could say for sure which one will work best with your lazy bar, but since mine always works fine for me without any prodding, I'm really at a loss.


----------



## amd

Hot process soap floats! And never went to Vaseline

Well I personally prefer rootbeer floats, hold the vaseline.


----------



## kchaystack

gigisiguenza said:


> Oh man I just knew it was going to be a MP clip before I clicked and sure enough it was Lmao



I was wondering why you thought it was  melt and pour clip....  then I hit the link.  

Don't confuse me with cross abbreviations! Haha


----------



## gigisiguenza

kchaystack said:


> I was wondering why you thought it was  melt and pour clip....  then I hit the link.
> 
> Don't confuse me with cross abbreviations! Haha



Hahahahaha sorry


----------



## commoncenz

*HELP please. HP sitting looking at me!!!*

If I were you, I'd run!


----------



## commoncenz

I had hoped someone else would notice this first:

*Troubleshooting: Too Hard or Too Soft*

:silent:


----------



## gigisiguenza

commoncenz said:


> I had hoped someone else would notice this first:
> 
> *Troubleshooting: Too Hard or Too Soft*
> 
> :silent:



Hahahahaha ummmmmm.... nope not going there hahahaha


----------



## DeeAnna

*Breastfeeding and fragrance oil use in soap*

Breast Milk FO? I can't say I know where to find that one.


----------



## Susie

commoncenz said:


> I had hoped someone else would notice this first:
> 
> *Troubleshooting: Too Hard or Too Soft*
> 
> :silent:



I was leaving that one alone...


----------



## ngian

nsmar4211 said:


> *Is this DOS?
> 
> *....baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.
> 
> Earworm for the day


 

Is this DOS, that I'm feeling 
Is this DOS, that I've been searching for 
Is this DOS or am I dreaming
This must be DOS
Cause it's really got a hold on me
A hold on me

[emoji14]


----------



## DeeAnna

Not a thread title, but I couldn't resist commenting on something The Efficacious Gentleman said recently. It seemed out of context for me to respond to this in the actual thread, but I think it fits well here --

*"...I've even said no to The Admirable Lady..."*

O .... M .... G .... And she actually listened??? :mrgreen:


----------



## Wildcraft_Garden

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> What %ppo of owl do you use in your soap?


Depends on the species....  [emoji4]


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

DeeAnna said:


> Not a thread title, but I couldn't resist commenting on something The Efficacious Gentleman said recently. It seemed out of context for me to respond to this in the actual thread, but I think it fits well here --
> 
> *"...I've even said no to The Admirable Lady..."*
> 
> O .... M .... G .... And she actually listened??? :mrgreen:




No, never


----------



## IrishLass

*Can sold bubble bath be piped?*

No, only unsold bubble bath can be piped. If any money was exchanged, the bubble bath won't cooperate. For some reason it only likes to work pro bono.


----------



## DeeAnna

And it pipes only in the key of C. :mrgreen:


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

I was thinking of it being piped in to homes like water


----------



## Rowan

Lanolin Wool Wash Bar Soap

I'd like to see it try! Would it only work if the soap was really dirty? Or is the wool really a sheep in wool's clothing!


----------



## IrishLass

*Curds in soap*

.......a poem by IrishLass 



Little Miss Soaper sat on her sofa
depressed about curds in her soap,
when along came a friend who said, 'Next time stickblend!',
and filled Little Miss Soaper with hope.

http://www.freesmileys.org/emoticons.php


----------



## jules92207

IrishLass said:


> *Curds in soap*
> 
> .......a poem by IrishLass
> 
> 
> 
> Little Miss Soaper sat on her sofa
> depressed about curds in her soap,
> when along came a friend who said, 'Next time stickblend!',
> and filled Little Miss Soaper with hope.
> 
> http://www.freesmileys.org/emoticons.php



Omg...I Love you IL! That was epic!


----------



## annalee2003

"Anyone else in the habit of changing their plans halfway through?"

Depends on the situation, I guess. And only if my pants get super dirty ...


----------



## Rowan

annalee2003 said:


> "Anyone else in the habit of changing their plans halfway through?"
> 
> Depends on the situation, I guess. And only if my pants get super dirty ...



Ironically "pants" in the UK are knickers, so when I read it at first I almost choked on my tea, Lol :shock:


----------



## IrishLass

Rowan said:


> Ironically "pants" in the UK are knickers, so when I read it at first I almost choked on my tea, Lol :shock:


 
Too funny! lol By 'knickers' I take it that in the UK the word means underpants (i.e., 'intimate apparel')? I ask because where I come from across the pond, 'knickers' are known as those oftentimes goofy-looking knee-length trousers that golfers wear on the golf course, like these: http://www.golfknickers.com/Golf-Knickers-s/57.htm


IrishLass


----------



## newbie

*Ho wood*

Is this what johns have when they are "shopping" on the streets at night?


----------



## treegoddess

Salad shooter! Pure vegan soap.


----------



## Rowan

IrishLass said:


> Too funny! lol By 'knickers' I take it that in the UK the word means underpants (i.e., 'intimate apparel')? I ask because where I come from across the pond, 'knickers' are known as those oftentimes goofy-looking knee-length trousers that golfers wear on the golf course, like these: http://www.golfknickers.com/Golf-Knickers-s/57.htm
> 
> 
> IrishLass



Lol, It's so funny how the same word can mean different things! Those golf 'knickers' are seriously umm bright!!  In the UK underpants are the male version of 'intimate apparel', whereas pants are the female version! I'm really curious now, what are they called in the USA?


----------



## Rowan

Rabbit fat

Please, you can't call the rabbit fat, it's not politically correct!!!


----------



## Susie

Rowan said:


> Lol, It's so funny how the same word can mean different things! Those golf 'knickers' are seriously umm bright!!  In the UK underpants are the male version of 'intimate apparel', whereas pants are the female version! I'm really curious now, what are they called in the USA?



Men's are called "shorts"-yes, frequently confused with outer wear short trousers. Or briefs, boxers, etc.  

Ladies' are known as panties.  

Both are known as underwear.


----------



## DeeAnna

*Salt bar - swirly*

Oh, Gent, my goodness! I didn't think you'd stoop to such things!!!! :crazy:


----------



## IrishLass

Rowan said:


> Lol, It's so funny how the same word can mean different things! Those golf 'knickers' are seriously umm bright!! In the UK underpants are the male version of 'intimate apparel', whereas pants are the female version! I'm really curious now, what are they called in the USA?


 
LOL I know what you mean! Where I live, 'underwear' is the universal, gender-neutral word for the garments that either men or women wear underneath their clothes, whether the garment be a bra, an undershirt, underpants or pants/panties. 

When we want to be more specific about it, it's like Susie said- men's underpants are referred to as either boxers or shorts ( after the style that boxers wear in the ring), or briefs, otherwise known around my area as 'whitey-tighties' because they are form-fitting instead of loose like boxers. lol Women's underpants are referred to as panties. 


IrishLass


----------



## Dahila

whitey-tighties' hheeeeeeeeeeeeee


----------



## IrishLass

*Making a black soap with flames*

I usually use activated charcoal to get fairly black soap myself, but out of curiosity, how hot do the flames have to be in order to turn the soap _really, really_ black?


----------



## whitewitchbeauty

lol
Flame on!


----------



## IrishLass

*How strong is too strong? How fancy is too fancy?*

When you can't move normally due to your ginormous muscles, and when you can't move normally due to your well-starched clothing. Heaven help you if you are a muscle-bound guy or gal with lots of stock in Niagra.


----------



## IrishLass

*How do I make my soap red?*

Say something to it that it would find to be really embarrassing or mortifying...... um, maybe something like, " Eww! Is that a spot of DOS I spy on your back edge?", or maybe, "Psssst- your ash is showing!"


----------



## gigisiguenza

IrishLass said:


> *How strong is too strong? How fancy is too fancy?*
> 
> When you can't move normally due to your ginormous muscles, and when you can't move normally due to your well-starched clothing. Heaven help you if you are a muscle-bound guy or gal with lots of stock in Niagra.



Hahahahahaha


IrishLass said:


> *How do I make my soap red?*
> 
> Say something to it that it would find to be really embarrassing or mortifying...... um, maybe something like, " Eww! Is that a spot of DOS I spy on your back edge?", or maybe, "Psssst- your ash is showing!"



Oh my hahahahahahaha


----------



## TeresaT

*Pet Soap*

First cousin to Pet Rock.

*Deer tallow soap*

How are you?  I'm doing well.  I've been meaning to write sooner, but life just gets in the way sometimes...


----------



## Dahila

*Math Help (Determining Hardness, etc)
*I am not sure math helps in this situation , not a lot )


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Santa came early*


----------



## kchaystack

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> *Santa came early*


----------



## IrishLass

*I'm beginning to resent detergent.*

It's always bragging about itself and how squeaky clean it is, blah, blah, blah blah, blah. 

 But I bet I could dig up some dirt on it.


----------



## amd

"Let's talk about silk" baby. Let's talk about you and me.... 

Stuck in my head all.dang.day.


----------



## DeeAnna

*Curing my shaving soap*

Of what, m'dear? Bwahahahaha..... :twisted:


----------



## DeeAnna

*Baby Soap*

"...Ooh baby soap, my baby soap/ I need you, oh how I need you / But all you do is treat me bad / Break my heart and leave me sad...."

--apologies to The Supremes and their song Baby Love on the album Where Did Our Love Go, 1964


----------



## Steve85569

I knew that would get someone.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*I have bear fat*

Well, I have beer fat, but I hide it well and I am trying to work it off


----------



## shunt2011

Complete Cockup..... Say what????


----------



## Susie

Complete Cockup...:shock:


----------



## Steve85569

Tattoo Soap. Can somebody help?

Okay I'll hold it done and you do the tattoo.

Is it sure it wants a tattoo?


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Interesting variation on stamping a bar


----------



## DeeAnna

*My first attempt at caning with soap*

Oh, dear. I didn't think the forum rules permitted corporal punishment. But at least you're keeping it soap related!


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

50 shades of soap?


----------



## DeeAnna

My mind was definitely going there, Craig, but I couldn't figure out how to say something that's family friendly. Kudos to you!!!! :twisted:


----------



## Steve85569

DeeAnna said:


> *My first attempt at caning with soap*
> 
> Oh, dear. I didn't think the forum rules permitted corporal punishment. But at least you're keeping it soap related!




But ooh! the lather!!


----------



## Steve85569

"*How often do you change your soaps"
*
When ever they start crying and kicking their little legs.
I didn't know they made diapers for soaps.


----------



## IrishLass

*Rebatching for an acne bar.*

Hmmm....I don't know....  How big is the rebatching job? On second thought, nevermind. The more I think about it, the more it sounds like a poor swap.  I guess I'm just not that desperate for an acne bar.


----------



## IrishLass

*How to make tea tree oil soap*

I don't know...you threaten it with a stick maybe?


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*What should I look for in a lotion making bowl?

*That it treats you really nice and measure up to your standards. And that whatever you invest in it, that it will support your goals*, *and take whatever you throw at it*, *and doesn`t feel threatened by your strong powerfull womanhood*.

*... *:mrgreen:
*


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Hops*

Sooo, where are you going?


----------



## IrishLass

*How to make very thin guest soap.*

Well, that all depends..... How thin is the guest?


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Show us your 2016 soaps*

I don't have anywhere near that many at the moment..............


----------



## Serene

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> *Show us your 2016 soaps*
> 
> I don't have anywhere near that many at the moment..............



I was drinking Coffee.  Mr TEG, you owe me a new keyboard, Sir.  That cracked me up.

Sere


----------



## IrishLass

*Piping soap- frosting bag?*

Faith and begorrah! I didn't know soap could be so musical....and bagpipers at that! Now that's what I call soap after my own Irish heart! And how innovative of them to use frosting bags to supply air to their little pipes. What cute little improvising geniuses! Do they ever go on tour?


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Love it!


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Goats milk soap

*How do goats manage to do the milking, with those hooves?  

And if soap _has _udders that can be milked, do they also wear pants? If they do, do they have lye-pockets??


----------



## Rowan

Where oh where did Palm Kernal Oil Go?

I don't know, does it run fast?


----------



## IrishLass

*Where did all my soap go?*

Maybe it ran off with the palm kernel oil? ^^^^


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Does anybody else weave?

Only when I've been drinking, but at least I don't stagger


----------



## BlackDog

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> Does anybody else weave?
> 
> Only when I've been drinking, but at least I don't stagger



Pahahaahaha!


----------



## nsmar4211

*Getting a Harder Bar


*........nope. Not going there.


----------



## Rowan

Recipe for a soap that can negate a water softener.

Wow, that would be impressive. Can it make other things disappear too? Maybe things like excess weight, bags under my eyes etc etc!


----------



## IrishLass

*Fiberglass insulation soap*

I don't know.... I think that might be taking the exfoliation thing a bit too far?


----------



## IrishLass

*Adapting a salt bar recipe to remove palm.*

Heck, if you really want that palm tree gone from your yard, forget the salt soap idea- just pour plain salt around the base of the tree and water it in.  ..............Oh, wait- you did mean palm tree, and not the palm of your hand, right? If you meant palm of your hand, forget what I said and go see a psychiatrist!


----------



## IrishLass

*What went wrong with this soap?*

Who knows why good soap turns bad? You wake up one morning and it just plain refuses to clean anymore, or it gets all weepy on you and  breaks down into a quivering mass of goo. It's just one of those unexplainable mysteries of life, I suppose.


----------



## Steve85569

*Making Potash
*Dude, really?!?


----------



## DeeAnna

Oh, gosh, Steve, didn't ya know -- it's the latest craze! African Black Soap ain't got nuthin' on this -- Colorado Bong Soap with black pot-ash.

:mrgreen:

ETA: And Colorado soapers ... no need to thank me for this idea. Just send me a bar from your next batch.


----------



## kchaystack

Oh, my........


----------



## IrishLass

*Advice for accelerating FO...*

Relax...slow down! After all, the soap you're going into won't be ready to use for weeks yet.


----------



## Steve85569

*Friends in high places

*Another one! Dude! When will it stop!I'm trying to get better!


----------



## DeeAnna

*Tracking your cure*

I swear, Officer, I've gone straight! I'm clean! No! Please! Stop! Not that!!! Noooooo!!!! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!


----------



## Steve85569

*I'm very happy this morning

*Oh. Ugh that would explain....No. Not going there.


----------



## IrishLass

*First ever cold process underway*

Oh boy, this is so exciting I've got goosebumps! What a momentous occasion! Just think of it- if this works, there'll be no more slaving over a hot kettle! (oh, please work, please work, please work!)


----------



## Steve85569

*Need recipe for dog/cat soap

*Try 50-70% dog.....


----------



## Steve85569

*Embeds all furry

*Have you tried some dog/cat soap on them?

Sorry, it's early and I haven't had my meds yet.


----------



## DeeAnna

*Looking for the perfect sweet lemon*

I got one for you -- 1999 Chevy Tahoe, white, 4-wheel drive. Until recently, a sweet tempered, dependable car, but is now beginning to show its age. Available for pick up only in the northeast Iowa area.... :mrgreen:


----------



## IrishLass

*Use up this pound of lard!*

Alright, alright already-  I'm using it, I'm using it! Sheesh, what a harpy!


----------



## HoneyLady

I've been catching up on this thread, and spewing coffee all over my keyboard. You guys are a riot.  But I couldn't resist this:

*
"How To Make Lotion Scent Last For 8 Hours?"*

"For a lotion scent lasting more than four hours, seek emergency medical help.  Ask your doctor if your skin is healthy enough to use lotion.  Don't use lotion if you take medicine for a heart condition . . . "

 Sorry!  They used to only show these commercials AFTER my bed time!

~HL~


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Bath Bomb Disaster*

I used a lot of glycerine and now my bath is in pieces!  Did I place too much emphasis on the bomb part of the recipe?


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Hardening soap choices

My soap choices are currently too easy, I want to have harder choices!


----------



## Sagebrush

"What is this?" 
Looks like a bar of soap to me.


----------



## IrishLass

*Bath bombs- massive.*

How massive are we talking? Enough to destroy all the bathtubs in a 10-mile radius?


----------



## IrishLass

*What do you desire in a bath bomb?*

For starters, a reliable wick. It's a real downer when the flame fizzles out before it reaches the end.


----------



## traderbren

*swedish guy tries to make soap.*


----------



## IrishLass

Hahahah- you beat me to it!


----------



## TeresaT

*Re: Cutting*

Please seek therapy for your issues.


----------



## Arimara

*Bht*

Don't tell me: Bacon, ham and tomatoes. Am I right?


----------



## Rowan

More Working Time

No, No, No! We definitely don't need more time at work!


----------



## Rowan

SMF March challenge- Whipped Soap

Nope, I'm definitely not going there!


----------



## IrishLass

*soap crumbled after cut*

I bet you'd crumble, too, if someone cut you...big meanie!


----------



## IrishLass

*Liquid soap to liquid*

Please come in liquid...do you read me liquid? Over.......Liquid soap to liquid-  I'm getting really thirsty and beginning to feel a bit pasty. Little help? Over.


----------



## TeresaT

*will this harden up?*


Nothing...I ain't saying nothing...I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut and have a giggle fit all alone.


----------



## TeresaT

*The Lye Lied!!!!*

Darned lye!  You can never trust it.  You've gotta watch that stuff like a hawk.


----------



## TeresaT

*Aloe Vera*

...my old friend.  I've come to talk with you again.  Because a vision softly creeping, left its seeds when I was sleeping.  And the vision that was planted in my brain still remains within the sound of silence.  Through restless dreams I walk alone...

OK.  I'm done.


----------



## LisaAnne

How low can you go?


----------



## DeeAnna

*Essential Oil Staples*

OUCH!


----------



## IrishLass

DeeAnna said:


> *Essential Oil Staples*
> 
> OUCH!


 
Yeah, but they smell good!


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Soap dis-color?

(In New York gangster voice) Or soap dat-color? I tells ya, Vinnie, I can't decide what color to make the soap


----------



## BlackDog

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> Soap dis-color?
> 
> (In New York gangster voice) Or soap dat-color? I tells ya, Vinnie, I can't decide what color to make the soap



Ahhh, I came here to write that! You beat me to it TEG. Great minds and all that.


----------



## TeresaT

*Lye in Australia*

Truth in America!


----------



## snappyllama

*Is there something wrong with this?*

No Jimmy, what you're experiencing is a perfectly normal part of growing up. Let's watch this informative video.


----------



## IrishLass

*Lye in Australia*

Aha! So _that's_ where it's gone off to!


----------



## TeresaT

*All About The Bees*

'Bout the bees, and hornets!  All about the bees, 'bout the bees, and hornets!  My mama said girl stay away from those things cause they sting.  A bee likes to land on your can and then BAM!


----------



## DeeAnna

*I am the proud owner of a domain!*

Yes, Your Majesty!


----------



## Steve85569

*Stay away from Wisteria Lane

*It's a very, very bad neighborhood.


----------



## IrishLass

*So fed up with my soaps..*

Have you been eating your soap again? How many did you gobble down this time?! You have no one to blame but yourself!


----------



## carlyjones

Avocado oil: it's official 

Soooo have you two set a date?


----------



## IrishLass

*I want it to be purple, grrr...*

Petulant things that Barney the Dinosaur says when the camera isn't rolling.


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Ingredients good for lotion?

*I don`t know, have they known eachother long? Do they have the same goals in life?Like the same things?


----------



## Rowan

My New Soap Labels

OMG, can I have some labelling soap, it would save me so much time!


----------



## kchaystack

*Shrinkage*

It happens to all us guys when it is cold out....


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Frothing Soap*

Oh dear! Has it gone through the vaccination program, so it doesn`t have Hydrophobia?


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Any square foot gardeners out there?

*No, my feet have more of that funny oval type of shape to them, sorry.


----------



## IrishLass

*Something to make honeysuckle smell better?*

Huh? Honeysuckle can smell? I did not know that. Where is its nose located? Maybe something got lodged inside it and it just needs some help cleaning it out.....unless it has fingers, too? Does it? If so, I'd just tell it to pick its own nose.


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Can This Shaving Soap Be Saved?

*I don`t know... Have you called 911??


----------



## TeresaT

*So what are YOUR soapy secrets?*

Uh...they're secret.


----------



## IrishLass

*Weird question from a plastic cup*

Psst- can we play a few rounds of beer pong together before you toss me away in the recycle bin?


----------



## Navaria

*Soap with no name*

Oh I went to the shower with a Soap With No Name
It felt good to be clean up again
in the shower, it doesn't matter the name
cause as long as it cleans
then it's all just the same

Sorry, couldn't resist


----------



## Navaria

MySoapyHeart said:


> *Can This Shaving Soap Be Saved?
> 
> *I don`t know... Have you called 911??



Please don't. We really can't fix your soap. Although we'll at least make you feel like you've tried everything you could lol


----------



## TeresaT

*Not happy with my supplier*

The Sequatchie County Drug Task Force will be over shortly to chat with you about your dissatisfaction....


----------



## IrishLass

*Where's that BB sale?*

Ralphie, is that you? If so, it looks like you finally got your wish. You know you can shoot your eye out with that thing, right? 

[Probably the only folks that will get that are those that have ever watched 'A Christmas Story', but I couldn't resist, lol]


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Making Shaving Powder Soap
*
I am afraid I don`t really know how to make it soap for you. You could perhaps try to tickle it with a feather though? As it always seems to work in cartoons it _must _be a valid method of ...persuasion?


----------



## newbie

*Non-basket Gift Basket Ideas*

I think that would just be "Gift Ideas" then.


----------



## Rowan

Questioning a recipe

That sounds like fun! Now what would I ask It? Hmm, "what would you like to be when you grow up?" or "what would make you the best recipe that ever lived?". I've got it "what do you think of your creator?".


----------



## dibbles

IrishLass said:


> *Where's that BB sale?*
> 
> Ralphie, is that you? If so, it looks like you finally got your wish. You know you can shoot your eye out with that thing, right?
> 
> [Probably the only folks that will get that are those that have ever watched 'A Christmas Story', but I couldn't resist, lol]



One of my all time favorite movies!


----------



## TeresaT

*Made the first move

*YOU GO, GIRL!!  This is the 21st century.  Why should the guys always make the first move?  (We want all the deets!)


----------



## penelopejane

Weird Question from a Plastic Cup 

Mum, I think I might be polyethylene not polypropylene. How can I be sure?


----------



## Sagebrush

Australian Vegetable Shortening.
Is this only being done in Australia? Are they shortening the vegetables in order to concentrate the nutrients? Are vegetables just way too long in Australia? I have so many questions!


----------



## Steve85569

MySoapyHeart said:


> *Can This Shaving Soap Be Saved?
> 
> *



We could baptise it and see.


----------



## Misschief

*How do you stop Oatmeal from scratching soap when you cut it?*

Put mittens on it??


----------



## Susie

*Fats/oils that compliment or hate each other*

Lard said to Olive Oil, "My you look nice in that green today!"

Tallow stalks off in disgust when Lard, once again, gets all the glory...


----------



## Navaria

*FO Stickers*

Scratch and sniff soap stickers?? Where can I get some?? Momma must have!!


----------



## Steve85569

*Bad lye

*No pretzel*. 
*


----------



## TeresaT

*FO Stickers?

*Pot stickers stinky friends.


----------



## penelopejane

*New Business - Butterflies*

Don't be scared that funny feeling in your stomach will settle down after your first show when you sell lots of soap.


----------



## Sagebrush

"Chocolate and White Puppy"
Now this is a new FO I've not heard of! I'm not sure about the combo of the chocolate with the white puppy. It has AMAZING reviews, though.


----------



## Steve85569

*Help Wanted Please

*Are you looking for a soap maker?


----------



## Navaria

*Weird Questions about Soaping and Tongues*

I...what? It's one thing to zap test, but if you're tonguing your soap, you need more help than we can offer!


----------



## penelopejane

Navaria said:


> *Weird Questions about Soaping and Tongues*
> 
> I...what? It's one thing to zap test, but if you're tonguing your soap, you need more help than we can offer!




That might be about when you talk about soap people think you are "speaking in tongues".


----------



## IrishLass

*Trouble with lard  soap*

........is that I run out of my stash too quick.


----------



## TeresaT

*Rubber Stamps Staining my Soaps and other concerns

*Exactly what "other concerns" are your rubber stamps staining...and why the heck are you stamping them in the first place?  Never mind.  Some things are_ realllly_ meant to be private.


----------



## TeresaT

*Bath soak gas and exploding containers?

*Good grief!! What the heck are you doing? This is a soaping forum, not a  chemistry forum!  That sounds like a question for Bill Nye the Science Guy.


----------



## TeresaT

*A question about oils

*  They tend to be oily.  I hope that helps. *

FDA needs help defining "Natural"

* Sweetie, you should have just stopped at "FDA needs help," because they need a helluvalot more than a dictionary.You pickin' up what I'm puttin' down?


----------



## IrishLass

*Emulsified sugar scrub....where to start?*

I know, right?  I mean, what kind of loonytoon actually scrubs their sugar? :razz:


----------



## Navaria

*Fragrance Oil vs. Essential Oil*


In this corner, weighing in at a whopping 5% PPO Lavender FO. And in this corner at a measly .5%, Lavender EO. This will be an epic battle. There is no love lost between these two contenders. The lids will be off, and it could be a liquid, smelly battle! The rules are simple. No hitting below the labels, no ricing, and no seizing. This will be a medium trace knockout match. And there's the stick blender!


----------



## earlene

*Rainbow teardrop
*
Shoo bee doo bop, bop, bow

Rainbow teardrops my pillow's never dry of rainbow teardrops.
Come home, come home.
Just say you will, say you will.


----------



## snappyllama

What Next?

Now I've got King George in my head...

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLaCCgqJ07Y[/ame]


----------



## TeresaT

*How many butter and oils can you use in body butter?

*Any dang amount I want to!   Who's gonna stop me, punk?  


(Does this question remind anyone else of the old Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pops commercials?  "Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?"  "One, two, three. <<crunch>> Three!!")


----------



## SuzieOz

*Need to make a switch ...
*
And who are you gonna beat with it? ... ;-)


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*How to sterilize BB jars at home?

*Don`t do that! Isn`t it better to take them to a clinic to get it done? I mean, they have sedatives and stuff. 

If you have problems with them breeding out of control, a clinic may be the better way to go....

(Although, it would be an awesome way to get an endless supply of jars. Just buy one and let them breed. *cough*...)


----------



## IrishLass

*What should I grow in my garden?*

Silver bells and cockle shells
And so your garden grows

[taken from the old English nursery rhyme, 'Mary, Mary Quite Contrary', for those who are wondering why on earth I came up with that. lol])


----------



## SuzieOz

*Soaping with unknown oil*

What! You didn't introduce yourselves first?


----------



## TeresaT

*Help wanted please*

Sadly, I'm beyond help; I sure as heck can't help you.  
So, good luck with your issues.  I'm rooting for ya, kid!!


----------



## DeeAnna

*What goes here?* <said in loud commanding voice>

Honest, Officer, I was just standing here nice and quiet, minding my own business. I didn't do nothing!


----------



## IrishLass

*Yellow streaks in soap??*

Be glad it wasn't brown lumps. 

Sincerely, 
Your sadly neglected cat


----------



## TeresaT

*What sort of wax for pillar candles?*

How about the waxy kind?


*Impressionist Soap

*_Meh_...I'm not impressed.* :yawn:
*


----------



## SuzieOz

*Is my first candle alright?
*
Relax ... I realise you're new to this but, yes, he's perfectly fine ... melting normally, skin nice and waxy ... now let's wrap him up and put him to bed.

You'll be a pro by the time you have your next candle.


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Candle Caught Fire

*Ah yes, that _is _a problem! Especially wicks has some seriously big issues when it comes to fire. It`s like they live for that kind of stuff!

Best way to prevent this from ever happen again, is to hide the matches so the candle can`t reach them. And if it tries again, take the matches away and say: "Bad candle - NO playing with fire!".


----------



## SuzieOz

*Brine soap gone nuts - totally cracked!!*

Quick, straight-jacket and get it put away as quickly as possible!


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*How to make de fish soap

**In strong German accent*

First yo muzt rreassure de fish. It needz to get rreassurred zat it vill do ok ven soaping, and zat making zoap ist nicht dangerrouz az long as de lye safety is followed. Rrremeber de gloves! Den you assist de fish ven it is soaping, coaxing it, helping it along ze vay, so ven it feels zekure enough it vill start to produze de soap. 

Den you would have _make de fish soap._


----------



## TeresaT

*Water pools on top of soap*

Genius!  Simply genius.  Swimming and bathing at the same time.  Whodathunkit?


*Color blocks m&p*

Well, just move the color and the m&p won't be blocked anymore.  How difficult is that? (Some people just don't use logic....)


----------



## LisaAnne

Hello from the other side! 

Please tell my dad hello and that I love him and miss him, his name is Darrell. He's probably on the golf course.


----------



## TeresaT

LisaAnne said:


> Hello from the other side!
> 
> Please tell my dad hello and that I love him and miss him, his name is Darrell. He's probably on the golf course.



That is hilarious.  Twisted, but hilarious.   My kinda humor.


----------



## IrishLass

*How to make de fish soap?*

[Inspired by Harry Nilsson's 'Coconut' song. Feel free to sing along to his melody]:

Brother caught a fish, he caught it with his line
His sister caught another one she paid it for some lye

She put dem bot in the soaping pot and stirred it all up
She put dem bot in the soaping pot and stirred it all up
She put dem bot in the soaping pot and stirred it all up
She put dem bot in the soaping pot, called DeeAnna woke her up

Said, "DeeAnna, I think I made a big mistake"
She said, "DeeAnna, I got a bellyache"
She said, "DeeAnna, I made a big mistake
She said, "DeeAnna, it smells of rotten clam bake!"


DeeAnna said, "Now let me get this straight, you put a fish in the soaping pot and stirred it all together,
Put the fish in the soaping pot, things got worse instead of better
Put the fish in the soaping pot and stirred it all up
Put the fish in the soaping pot, you're such a silly soaper!"

:razz:


----------



## DeeAnna

Oh, I just read this -- too cute, IL! :mrgreen:


----------



## TeresaT

*Oils to have on hand*

Personally, I prefer my oils in the bottles.  When they're on hand, things tend to get slippery.  Oh my gosh, the glasses and jars!!  Yeah, you definitely want the oils in the bottles.


----------



## TeresaT

*Honey*

Yes, dear?


*How to protect feet from lye accidents*

Sticking them in the air might work.  Have you tried that?


----------



## Misschief

> Need to make a switch...



It wasn't me, honest. No need for a switch... Seriously. I'll behave.


----------



## TeresaT

*Soap too soft*

Have you tried Viagra?


----------



## TeresaT

*Awful Smell

*Sorry...I had beans and broccoli for lunch.


----------



## TeresaT

*Lily Stamens*

Fabulous star of screen and stage will be appearing LIVE for one night only, reprising her Tony winning performance in "Can You Hear Me Now?" Get your tickets before they sell out!!  (Presented by Really Annoying Wireless.)


----------



## TeresaT

*I hate DOS!

*Well I got news for you, buddy.  I ain't too fond of you, either. So there!* :x
*


----------



## Misschief

* I hate DOS!*

Um, you do realize we've come a LONG way, right?? I mean, who even uses DOS these days??


----------



## Kamahido

I use it to run the original Elder Scrolls: Arena. Good times...


----------



## Misschief

Kamahido said:


> I use it to run the original Elder Scrolls: Arena. Good times...



To be honest, I use it occasionally, too. Just for fun. True.


----------



## IrishLass

*Replace lard*

Bug off! I don't hafta if I don't wanna. You're not the boss of me!


----------



## Susie

IrishLass said:


> *Replace lard*
> 
> Bug off! I don't hafta if I don't wanna. You're not the boss of me!




You beat me to this, LOL!


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Hunting soap*

I know it it around here somewhere.  I can smell it, its so close!  "Here, soapy soapy soapy....................."


----------



## IrishLass

*Looking for recipe for acne and/or oily skin*

Recipe for Acne:

-1 to 3 incidences of highly stressful situations experienced on a daily basis
-1 bi-monthly, half-hearted attempt at personal hygiene, and not a smidgen more 
-1 tsp. of pore-clogging butters applied directly to the face each morning and night
-30 seconds of continually touching your face (to be repeated several times throughout the day). Can be substituted with frequently kissing a man with a scruffy beard. 

Recipe for Oily Skin:

-skin
-oil

Directions: Rub oil on skin. Repeat. Do not rinse.


----------



## TeresaT

*Where will the madness end?!*

At the finish line, of course.  The real question is, "WHEN will the madness end?"  And _that_, my friend, is the million dollar question.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Selling Soaps in the Sun*

Andy Williams sang about that, didn't he?

"We had joy, we had fun, 
we sold our soaps in the sun, 
but the soaps that we had
starting melting and went bad............."


----------



## Steve85569

Ear worm!!!
Thanks TEG.


----------



## Susie

I believe Terry Jacks sang the version that haunts my memory, but, yes, it has to be the worst earworm in history.


----------



## IrishLass

*Salt soap on a stick*

Makes me sick
Makes my tummy go two-four-six
It's not because I'm dirty
It's not because I'm clean
It's just because I kissed a boy behind a magazine

[An old rhyme from my childhood that we'd chant when jump-roping, only it began with 'Apple on a stick'. It finishes off with 'And how many kisses did you receive?' and then we'd jump-rope as fast as we could, counting each jump until we finally fumbled up. lol ]


----------



## shunt2011

IrishLass said:


> *Salt soap on a stick*
> 
> Makes me sick
> Makes my tummy go two-four-six
> It's not because I'm dirty
> It's not because I'm clean
> It's just because I kissed a boy behind a magazine
> 
> [An old rhyme from my childhood that we'd chant when jump-roping, only it began with 'Apple on a stick'. It finishes off with 'And how many kisses did you receive?' and then we'd jump-rope as fast as we could, counting each jump until we finally fumbled up. lol ]




Love it!


----------



## IrishLass

*Math is EVIL (it's giving me a literal headache)*

I know right? You might end up lying in a gutter somewhere mumbling incoherently over the frustration of trying to figure for x, like the poor guy in the video below:

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xi2Bl50XPc[/ame]


----------



## TeresaT

IrishLass said:


> *Math is EVIL (it's giving me a literal headache)*
> 
> I know right? You might end up lying in a gutter somewhere mumbling incoherently over the frustration of trying to figure for x, like the poor guy in the video below:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xi2Bl50XPc



That is hilarious.  Did you notice the intro for "The Crawling Living"?  BYUtv, has some seriously funny stuff.


----------



## IrishLass

TeresaT said:


> That is hilarious. Did you notice the intro for "The Crawling Living"? BYUtv, has some seriously funny stuff.


 
I know, right? My nephew, who is always on the lookout for good, clean, hilariously funny stuff online, recently got us hooked on StudioC. When I saw their video above and saw the 'Math is EVIL thread here on the forum, I thought to myself, "Yes! Perfect!" lol I love the quote, "People who do math after college deserve to go to prison!".


----------



## DeeAnna

Hey, hey, I resemble that remark!


----------



## TeresaT

IrishLass said:


> I know, right? My nephew, who is always on the lookout for good, clean, hilariously funny stuff online, recently got us hooked on StudioC. When I saw their video above and saw the 'Math is EVIL thread here on the forum, I thought to myself, "Yes! Perfect!" lol *I love the quote, "People who do math after college deserve to go to prison!"*.



Oh my gosh!  Yes!! That had me laughing out loud.   Did you see the episode where the countries went grocery shopping?  Oh my heck, that is hilarious!!   My favorite "country" was Switzerland.


----------



## IrishLass

TeresaT said:


> Oh my gosh! Yes!! That had me laughing out loud. Did you see the episode where the countries went grocery shopping? Oh my heck, that is hilarious!! My favorite "country" was Switzerland.


 
Yes! That's one of my favorites, although I must say it's hard to single out one particular video as being a favorite because I find them all to be absolutely hilarious so far. lol Their senses of humor mesh quite well with my own. You need to check out Mr. Ecklestone Teaches Driver's Ed....and we need to start a new thread about them or else I may have to moderate myself for hijacking. :razz:

This ought to get us back on track:


*Help, bath bombs won't harden* 

Stop coddling them. If you're too soft on them, they'll be too soft and will fall apart like a $10 suitcase before they ever see the rim of a tub. Show them whose boss!


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Don't get to comfortable

*Oh, I am SO sorry, didn`t mean to! Let me fix that!

*Removes pillow from chair*
*Sprinkle 3 boxes of thumbtacks on seat* 
*Slurps down a cup of instant coffee dissolved in luke warm orange juice and a dash of vinegar*
*Soak all shoes in fish guts*
*Add superglue to all the letters on the keyboard*

Uh-oh..._ *self doubt on the last action*

_ ...fnertgobblefilkggggrgrgrgrgrgrghhsjmjj _*wressle with keyboard*_
....fnertgobblefilkggggrgrgrgrgrgrghhsjmjj 
*...**.fnertgobblefilkggggrgrgrgrgrgrghhsjmjj!!!*

*POP* _

Phew!  *stare at fingertips, all fingerprints stuck on keyboard*

_I am sure not comfortable now, does that mean I am doing it right...?


(PS! Studio C - *Kid`s School photo banned. *Seen it? Dying with laughter, perhaps because it was how I felt those days...)


----------



## TeresaT

*So who's gonna try this...*

I will!!!   Hold my beer, willya...

(because we all know what happens when a sentence starts with "hold my beer")


----------



## TeresaT

*What Do You Do to Keep The "Spark" Alive?

*GASOLINE!  Boy does that baby spark.


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Lotion = Salad Dressing?*

Wait, are you one of those people who use mayonaise as a conditioner, a vinegar rinse after washing your hair, honey on cuts and olive oil as bodylotion? 

Then a lotion as salad dressing makes PERFECT sense!

 You go right ahead, _gurrl_! 
*finger snap like a pro - hands over salt & pepper*


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Colouring with rose of Sharon 

Well, if Sharon lets you do it, fine. Just be sure to ask, first.


----------



## IrishLass

*Seized soap*

It's not very nice of you to go around willy-nilly seizing soap like that and then bragging about it on the internet. Why don't you just learn to make your own?


----------



## earlene

TeresaT said:


> *What Do You Do to Keep The "Spark" Alive?
> 
> *GASOLINE!  Boy does that baby spark.



Speaking of which....
We just watched a guy outside Burger King pour gasoline into his carburetor (after first removing the air filter) of his old beat up pick up truck, which was parked right next to my Volvo convertible.  My husband was aghast, although I actually have seen people prime their carburetors with gas many times in the past.  When I mentioned that, he said , 'Me, too, but not for at least 3 decades.'

It didn't get his truck started, though. No spark. Just a very strong gasoline odor whenwe went out to get in our car to leave.  I was worried someone might walk by and toss a cigarette butt nearby and send us all  up in flames. My husband said he was wondering if the guy with the gasoline might not do it himself.


----------



## earlene

*How to preserve soap so it lasts "forever"?*

Why, are you expecting a Zombie Apocalypse?


----------



## Steve85569

*What is the zap test?

*Take a 9 volt battery....


----------



## traderbren

*What to do with a mistake?

*Turn it into a tree, of course!
*





*


----------



## Arimara

traderbren said:


> *What to do with a mistake?
> 
> *Turn it into a tree, of course!
> *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *



I actually recently got into watching his show on NetFlix. Helps me go to sleep and it's just so relaxing. I'd love to try one of those paintings one day.


----------



## TeresaT

*Sticky Soap

*what you use after you eat sticky buns


----------



## penelopejane

*I need a Chemist*

You can have mine. He's getting on a bit and gets antsy if you ask the same dumb questions over and over because you didn't understand the detailed scientifically accurate reply the first time...but generally he's pretty easy to live with.


----------



## Steve85569

*Soap for teeth
*Okay I'll give you 3 bars of soap for them. No more...


----------



## IrishLass

*'Piping newbie'*........ snickered one seasoned bagpiper disparagingly to another, nodding towards the rookie piper with the leaky bag who forgot to zip his zipper.


----------



## TeresaT

*Honey Salt Bar*

I understand the "bar" part.  But "Honey Salt"?  Is that some new Alt lifestyle I need to brush up on?  Kinda sounds fun actually...


----------



## earlene

*Stickiness in the center of the bar*

What, can't you hold your liquor?  Barkeep, we need a mop over here!


----------



## Misschief

*Dog Soap*

What's the number for the local SPCA??? That's just unacceptable! Why would you want to make soap out of your dog, anyway???


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*10y old FO*

This fo is a perfect dupe of a 10 year old. Amazing!


----------



## IrishLass

*How do you melt your buckets of palm?*

I just toss them onto a raging bonfire- that'll usually do the trick in getting buckets to melt right quick. But why do you specifically single out palm-containing buckets for melting down, if I may ask? Do you hate them more than buckets that contain other things?


----------



## TeresaT

*Irish Spring Clone

*First Scottish sheep, now Irish springs?  Dang! Those scientists are good...


----------



## Navaria

*Stiff Cream*

Uhhhh...moving on!


----------



## lenarenee

Arimara said:


> I actually recently got into watching his show on NetFlix. Helps me go to sleep and it's just so relaxing. I'd love to try one of those paintings one day.


 
I took lessons from a certified Bob Ross instructor - and was very glad I did!  

https://www.bobross.com/Articles.asp?ID=302

The method is called wet-on-wet painting because unlike traditional oil painting, you don't wait days for the canvas to dry before finishing the painting.


----------



## Arimara

lenarenee said:


> I took lessons from a certified Bob Ross instructor - and was very glad I did!
> 
> https://www.bobross.com/Articles.asp?ID=302
> 
> The method is called wet-on-wet painting because unlike traditional oil painting, you don't wait days for the canvas to dry before finishing the painting.



Thanks. I still have to have this dream on the back burner. It's nice to know that there are so many instructors in my area.


----------



## TeresaT

*Hello from MO!*

Hello from Larry!
Hello from Curly!
Hello from Shemp!
Hello from Joe!


----------



## IrishLass

*Divorce forces name change. Need your brain.*

Not that I'm not insatiably curious to know what exactly your divorce has to do with needing my brain, but in a phrase- not mine Frankenstein! I need all the brain that I have! Go and check out the donated brains at your local brain depository, but be careful- don't make the mistake this guy did:

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmDYwthZrF0[/ame]


----------



## Susie

IrishLass, I bet you are 2 hoots and a holler in real life!


----------



## TeresaT

He got Abby Normal's brain!!  She's kin to me.


----------



## shunt2011

TeresaT said:


> He got Abby Normal's brain!!  She's kin to me.




My friends called me that in high school. Lovingly so.


----------



## TeresaT

*Need Advice*

Well, since you asked:

Don't play in traffic.
Do not sass your mother.  
Never put a knife in an electrical outlet.
Pee before you leave, even if you don't have to.
Do not run with the bulls in Pamplona, that's just asking for trouble.


----------



## Steve85569

*Floating problem

*Double flush.


----------



## IrishLass

*Improve lather for M&P*

[heavy sigh] Must I? Why not you for once?


----------



## newbie

*Floating Problem*

I advise less fiber and more meat. Then no need to double flush.


----------



## DeeAnna

*Home Sweet Home swap*

But why? I like living here!


----------



## fatpigeon

*Naming Help

*Don't they already have names? I don't know if you should be renaming your employees.


----------



## amd

fatpigeon said:


> *Naming Help
> 
> *Don't they already have names? I don't know if you should be renaming your employees.



I have found that my help respond best to any of the names here.


----------



## IrishLass

*Soap for hunters*

If hunters want soap, they'll need to hunt for soapers.


----------



## IrishLass

*Soapy roses *

C'mon everybody sing along with me !

[To the tune of Paper Roses]:

[Chorus]
Soapy roses, soapy roses
Oh how real those roses seem to me
But they're only made of lye (heavy) soap
Like your zappy, phony love for me.


----------



## IrishLass

*Soapy Mash*

Okay everybody, on to the next song! [to the tune of Monster Mash]


I was sitting in my bathroom late one night
When my eyes beheld a bubbly sight
For my soap from its dish began to arise
And suddenly to my surprise

Chorus:

It did the mash, it did the Soapy Mash
It did the mash, it was a bath-time smash
It was a smash, it caught on with a splash
It did the mash, it did the Soapy Mash 

From my master bath in the castle west
To the scullery where dirty dishes rest
The soaps jumped off their well-draining dishes
To do a jig with grand, lathery swishes

They did the mash, they did the Soapy Mash
They did the mash, it was a bath-time smash
They were a smash, it caught on with a splash
They did the mash, it did the Soapy Mash


----------



## IrishLass

*Is this bad?*

If you have to ask, then it probably is.


----------



## Scooter

IrishLass said:


> *Is this bad?*
> 
> If you have to ask, then it probably is.



Quick! Hold my beer.


----------



## Steve85569

Scooter said:


> Quick! Hold my beer.


And watch this!!!


----------



## TeresaT

Steve85569 said:


> And watch this!!!



Said no Mensa member ever!!


----------



## earlene

*Help!*

I need somebody.
Help! 
Not just anybody.
Help!
....

Won't you Please, 
Please, Help Me!

Help me!

Help me!  Oh.


----------



## Steve85569

*Earworm alert!*



earlene said:


> *Help!*
> 
> I need somebody.
> Help!
> Not just anybody.
> Help!
> ....
> 
> Won't you Please,
> Please, Help Me!
> 
> Help me!
> 
> Help me!  Oh.


----------



## Scooter

*Soap is greasy after one year!*

Next time use lye!


----------



## Scooter

*O.M.G. The stink!!!*

I guess that double flush didn't work.


----------



## Scooter

*Soap for men?*

After all, they have to bathe _sometime_.


----------



## Scooter

*On the hunt for....*

Red October


----------



## Scooter

*Soap is to greasy*

As jokes are to cheesy...


----------



## IrishLass

*Smoked lard*

Dude! Don't leave me hanging! How did you roll it, man?


----------



## IrishLass

*What has happened to my goats milk soap?*

It wasn't me, I swear it! It's more likely it was that goat you took the milk from. Yeah....that's what happened.... it was the goat! They eat everything, you know.


----------



## BeesKnees

*Animal Testing*

So how did they score??


----------



## Steve85569

*EO's to quit smoking

*
Congratulations to the EO's!
Is this a New Year's resolution?


----------



## BeesKnees

* It's been a while...*

Staind, anyone?  
[ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=araU0fZj6oQ"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=araU0fZj6oQ[/ame]

Edited to add:  The song doesn't start until about 47 seconds into the video so, if you're like me and wanted to hear the song, you might consider skipping ahead.


----------



## CaraBou

*Mailing bath bombs*

Someone call the CIA! We have a terrorist among us!


----------



## BeesKnees

*HI soap not Hardening*

Hey, Hawaii is a laid-back place, what do you expect??


----------



## Scooter

*Do I or don't I?*

The Shadow knows!


----------



## DeeAnna

*Russian piping tips in soap*

Oh, no! This is almost as bad as a roach in one's soup!

...OR...

*Russian piping tips in soap.*

I didn't know Russians played the bagpipes well enough to share their tips. I learn something new every day!


----------



## lenarenee

Scooter said:


> *Do I or don't I?*
> 
> The Shadow knows!



Good one!  Did you just date yourself, or do you enjoy old radio programs?  I'm on a Fibber McGee and Molly kick myself!  My dad never shared the tv,so my sis and I used to listen to some old am radio station that still broadcast shows.


----------



## Scooter

lenarenee said:


> Good one!  Did you just date yourself....


Ha! I am eclectic in my tastes and views on things... and my close friends range in age from 4 to 80+. I am solidly a kid of the 70s/80s myself, however.


----------



## lenarenee

Scooter said:


> Ha! I am eclectic in my tastes and views on things... and my close friends range in age from 4 to 80+. I am solidly a kid of the 70s/80s myself, however.



Yup. Me too. I drive the kid crazy when I play 80's music in the car. She's had a strong aversion to 80s and country music since she was a babe - and can instantly (I do mean instantly) hear a tune and detect them.


----------



## IrishLass

*Black is black*

I want my baby back.....

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkwmSzPdVnY[/ame]


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

And how is the lather?

It's grey, it's grey.......


----------



## IrishLass

*Bad at math?*

Check with a soap-maker good at math or else you'll end up mad at bath!


----------



## TeresaT

*Problem with shrink wrap bands...*

Is they're just not as good as alt-rock bands. 

 [ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mr_uHJPUlO8[/ame]


----------



## Scooter

*Getting the honeycomb look*

So what do y'all think of my honeycomb over?


----------



## Scooter

*If ever you need a chicken ramen scent...*

All I'm saying is do not use USPS. Don't ask...


----------



## Millie

*Yipeee!! Floater Success!

*Following a high fiber diet.
"Hot dog! I am thrilled. This bad boy whirled around the tub for over 15 minutes!"


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Snot Salve?

*Uhm... You wouldn`t consider skipping that ingredient and go a different route? Perhaps use beeswax, oils and soothing ingredients instead? 

But I am not here to judge :sick:


----------



## IrishLass

*Used vinegar today- have questions...*

The coffee maker is now clean, but my entire house smells powerfully of stinky feet all of a sudden- is this normal?


----------



## Scooter

*Simulating wood*

I've been wondering if anyone was going to go there....


----------



## earlene

Scooter said:


> *Simulating wood*
> 
> I've been wondering if anyone was going to go there....



That's what she said.


----------



## Scooter

earlene said:


> That's what she said.



OK, I truly had a 100% genuine LOL moment when I read that. Thanks!


----------



## IrishLass

*Can I try?*

"Do or do not, there is no try" - Yoda


----------



## IrishLass

*Bath bomb notes*

2/10/2017
The sadistic bather came again this evening and took yet another of our fellow companions out of the plastic, watertight cell of captivity that serves as our 'home'. We are all paralyzed with fear, silently anticipating with dread the muted, tortuously fizzing screams that will soon pierce through the translucent walls imprisoning us so aridly- the screams of our hapless friend so callously tossed into the hot, watery cauldron of destruction. Oh, that we had never been formed!

2/11/2017
The unthinkable has happened this evening. A few droplets of water from the hideous cauldron of destruction have entered into our cleverly designed dungeon at hand of our sadistic keeper. It seems it is not enough for her to observe with evil glee the quick and dramatic death throes of our piteous companions one by one. It has now entered into her cruel heart to torture all of us together with a much slower and painful death. It won't be long now........ Uh oh, I think I can feel myself starting to fizz a little.....oh no! And..... so it....begins..... Arghhhh!.....can't.... write..... anymore.....fizzing a little again..... too..... painful..... I'm beginning to melt....bit by...bit .....by bit....What a wooooorrrrld!!!!!!!.....


----------



## IrishLass

*Want to melt body butter and turn into soap.*

Why would you want to turn yourself into soap, and how exactly does melting body butter turn you into soap anyway? (not that I want to try it, mind you, but curious minds want to know!)


----------



## Susie

IrishLass said:


> *Bath bomb notes*
> 
> 2/10/2017
> The sadistic bather came again this evening and took yet another of our fellow companions out of the plastic, watertight cell of captivity that serves as our 'home'. We are all paralyzed with fear, silently anticipating with dread the muted, tortuously fizzing screams that will soon pierce through the translucent walls imprisoning us so aridly- the screams of our hapless friend so callously tossed into the hot, watery cauldron of destruction. Oh, that we had never been formed!
> 
> 2/11/2017
> The unthinkable has happened this evening. A few droplets of water from the hideous cauldron of destruction have entered into our cleverly designed dungeon at hand of our sadistic keeper. It seems it is not enough for her to observe with evil glee the quick and dramatic death throes of our piteous companions one by one. It has now entered into her cruel heart to torture all of us together with a much slower and painful death. It won't be long now........ Uh oh, I think I can feel myself starting to fizz a little.....oh no! And..... so it....begins..... Arghhhh!.....can't.... write..... anymore.....fizzing a little again..... too..... painful..... I'm beginning to melt....bit by...bit .....by bit....What a wooooorrrrld!!!!!!!.....



Snorted coffee all over the computer...but it was worth it!  That is hilarious!


----------



## Scooter

*Charmed Aroma*

Even poo-pourri is no match!


----------



## Steve85569

*Why you no smell?


*I have lots of soap and I shower every Saturday. Whether I need it or not.


----------



## IrishLass

*S'mores....why do I torture myself?*

How should we know, lady? We're just s'mores. Go ask the Bon Bons. They're bound to have a good answer.


----------



## IrishLass

*Yes, Virginia, you CAN make a 50% EDTA solution!*

But that was DeeAnna's question, sir. I'm the one that wanted to know if there was a Santa Claus.


----------



## Millie

*Looking for wood in all the wrong places...
Masterbatching Help, Please?

*As requested :twisted:


----------



## IrishLass

*Powdered water soluble colorants*

Wait- what?! You can buy powdered water now? Who knew!?


----------



## IrishLass

*Pet Soap*

Really? Is that a thing now, like pet rocks? Awesome!!! We'll all be rich!


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

*Ideas instead of water*

No, you can't mix your NaOH with ideas instead of water.


----------



## IrishLass

*Does anyone measure your batch in kilograms?*

No, I've never caught anyone in the act of measuring my batch in kilograms, but if I ever catch them doing it, I may have to resort to defensive measures such as what this guy did:

[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xz5ZvW98HRs[/ame]


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Basic fragrance- pumpkin spice, that is apparently totally basic


----------



## amd

*An Odd Happening*

Is this more fun than the Even Rave I'm currently attending?


----------



## Kamahido

"Shampoo Bar Gone Bad"

Perhaps it is just misunderstood?


----------



## IrishLass

*Ran out of OO*

Well, shot! I guess that means we'll have to settle for reading boks from now on.... and hanging our coats and hats on hoks..... and pulling ourselves up by our botstraps...... and sitting around giving each other strange loks. 

Star wars won't be the same, that's for sure- "I suggest a new strategy R2- let the Wokie win". (Heavy sigh) Por Chewbacca. And Gandalf of Lord of the Rings fares no better when he is limited to berating Pippin with, "Fol of a Tok!". I don't know about you, but the rebuke doesn't carry quite the same amount of sting as the original. 

I have to be honest- this shortage has put me in quite a foul mod and has filled me with glom. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my rom broding. I would appreciate it if you would please knock before opening the dor.


----------



## jewels621

IrishLass said:


> *Ran out of OO*
> 
> Well, shot! I guess that means we'll have to settle for reading boks from now on.... and hanging our coats and hats on hoks..... and pulling ourselves up by our botstraps...... and sitting around giving each other strange loks.
> 
> Star wars won't be the same, that's for sure- "I suggest a new strategy R2- let the Wokie win". (Heavy sigh) Por Chewbacca. And Gandalf of Lord of the Rings fares no better when he is limited to berating Pippin with, "Fol of a Tok!". I don't know about you, but the rebuke doesn't carry quite the same amount of sting as the original.
> 
> I have to be honest- this shortage has put me in quite a foul mod and has filled me with glom. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my rom broding. I would appreciate it if you would please knock before opening the dor.



Oh, IrishLass! I gotta say....I've had two martinis (as Friday night is ALWAYS martini night), and you may have just made me pee my pants a little! Love it!


----------



## IrishLass

*Silicone molds from wish?*

Well...... wishin' is one way, I suppose, but I think you'll have much better luck from money.


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Cheater Soap

*How COULD you!? You thought you`d get a clean getaway, didn`t you!?  After all this time we had together, you cheat on me? Have you no shame? 
What if I got sick from your cheeting, and caught DOS! Did you ever consider that, huh?

What was it - Wasn`t my personality _bubbly _enough for you? Wasn`t my suds firm enough for you anymore? Why did you have to make our lives into a soapopera, and drag everything into the dirt.

I wash my hands of you, you dirty, dirty lyer. I hope you end up behind metal bars and go rancid all over...


----------



## IrishLass

*More or less Oils*

...oh, and lye and water, too. Yep- that's what soap is made of.


----------



## IrishLass

*How much slsa in a bath bomb*

Well....I reckon it depends. Are you using mild, medium, hot, or 'excuse me, your forehead's on fire' burning hot? What? Oh wait- that says slsa, not salsa! Doh, silly me! Ha ha ha. Now where did my glasses go off to?


----------



## earlene

IrishLass said:


> *How much slsa in a bath bomb*
> 
> Well....I reckon it depends. Are you using mild, medium, hot, or 'excuse me, your forehead's on fire' burning hot? What? Oh wait- that says slsa, not salsa! Doh, silly me! Ha ha ha. Now where did my glasses go off to?



I envisioned Salsa Dancing in a very large tub.  


[ame]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GcBGAlg_dwA[/ame]


----------



## MySoapyHeart

*Curing Shelves

*Uhm....
Not to be a buzzkill or anything, but you aren`t really supposed to be curing the _shelves_, just the soaps*.
*


----------



## IrishLass

*Making molds*

Why go to all that trouble of making them when you can just let your food sit out for a few weeks and wait for them to show up on their own?


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

"Face Palm"

You take some palm oil, and you just smear it on there!  So my skin is radiant and clear.


----------



## IrishLass

*Can I add slsa to mp soap?*

How spicy is the salsa? 

 Ack- dang, nevermind. Silly me. Oh for the lack of an 'a'.


----------



## Skatergirl46

Here I am over here all relieved that I’m not the only one with a strange mind!


----------



## penelopejane

*Know any last minute quick Oktobfest recipes?*

Recipe for disaster - drink too much.


----------



## jewels621

* Please Name My Coconut Oil?*

Um.......Bob?


----------



## IrishLass

*Candle making troubles*

Don't let that punk candle get you all lit up. You need to show it who's boss. Punch its light out if you have to, but snuff out its fiery barbs in the wick before it gets out of hand and burns your hide.


----------



## amd

*So, what does superfat look like?*

Me after Christmas...


----------



## earlene

*Stuffed Grape Leaves (Cigars)*

You don't have to do that anymore!  They let you bring $100 worth of tobacco products back into the US from Cuba now.  Besides, who really believed those were really just your carry-on meal?


----------



## IrishLass

*My soap is drying*
Good...the longer the better. Carry on, young grasshopper.

*I didn't superfat*
Don't get cocky, kid!


----------



## Lin19687

stop it, you are killing me !


----------



## Serene

*I didn't superfat*
Don't get cocky, kid!
[/QUOTE]

Careful on using the word "cocky"  You may find yourself in the middle of #cockygate. lol 


#cockygate is the hastag being used  about a writer who trademarked the word "cocky" then sent letters out to other authors threatening to sue.   They are still fighting it out in court as writers got together and are trying to overturn the trademark.


----------



## IrishLass

Serene said:


> Careful on using the word "cocky"  You may find yourself in the middle of #cockygate. lol
> 
> 
> #cockygate is the hastag being used  about a writer who trademarked the word "cocky" then sent letters out to other authors threatening to sue.   They are still fighting it out in court as writers got together and are trying to overturn the trademark.



I just looked it up. Sheesh! That's one cocky romance novelist! The trademark office should have put her ridiculous request in the  "Don't get cocky, kid!" trash can of rejected trademarks.  What's wrong with some people?!

*Shave soap hiccup*

Been licking bits of shave lather off your face again, have you?


----------



## Lin19687

Now see SHAVE SOAP HICCUP makes me think you have cuts all over your face because of said hiccups


 <---- this guy makes me think he has a Mustache


----------



## Relle

Serene said:


> *I didn't superfat*
> Don't get cocky, kid!


Careful on using the word "cocky"  You may find yourself in the middle of #cockygate. lol 
#cockygate is the hastag being used  about a writer who trademarked the word "cocky" then sent letters out to other authors threatening to sue.   They are still fighting it out in court as writers got together and are trying to overturn the trademark.[/QUOTE]

No sure how they can trademark the word cocky, when in Australia 'cocky" is short for cockatoo ( a bird).


----------



## Serene

LOL too funny.


----------



## Lin19687

Your pic made me think of this, Makes me laugh every time !


----------



## IrishLass

*What is this streaking?
*
I know, right? It started in the '70's, along with other silly fads like pet rocks and mood rings and disco. One can't help but shake their head and wonder about a person who rips all their clothes off and goes running around buck naked in public.....especially if they have pet rocks and listen to disco!


----------



## Dawni

I'm sure one of mine will be in here at some point lol but for now.. 

Soap with issues.... Coz yknow, it's hard being soap; too many problems with picky people


----------



## Dennis

And yet, the forum remains civil.  What a wonderfully warped group and so happy to be among you.



Relle said:


> An old thread title of mine, hope it gives you a laugh - others weren't sure when they opened it what it was about :-D. Only those with a deviate mind would think of something other than what it was.
> http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?t=21319


----------



## Dawni

Dennis said:


> And yet, the forum remains civil.  What a wonderfully warped group and so happy to be among you.


Of course.. What with G-strings that can cut soap n all that lol


----------



## Dennis

Dawni said:


> Of course.. What with G-strings that can cut soap n all that lol



Oh my!


----------



## Relle

Dennis said:


> And yet, the forum remains civil.  What a wonderfully warped group and so happy to be among you.



You dug that one up from the deep dark depths .


----------



## IrishLass

*Black seed oil- any users?
*
Nah...I'm more into animal fats...I prefer black sheep oil instead.


----------



## Dawni

Is this just for thread titles?
I hope this is ok, I just couldn't pass this one up lol

"Very nice rack!"

Someone ought to say thank you.........


----------



## Donee'

IrishLass said:


> Thread title that I saw today in the CP forum: "How much chocolate to add and how"
> 
> My 'off-the-top-of-my-head' answer: 'Lots and lots, and how!'
> 
> 
> Another thread title I saw today in the CP forum: "What makes the fatty salts different?"
> 
> My smart-alecky, off-the-top-of-my-head answer: 'Mostly their diet of greasy French-fries, of course, which makes them much fatter/more rotund (and a bit saltier) than their slimmer salty cousins. And their language is a bit saltier, too.'
> 
> 
> IrishLass


BWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA
Fell off my chair and spilt my coffee


----------



## Donee'

Relle said:


> An old thread title of mine, hope it gives you a laugh - others weren't sure when they opened it what it was about :-D. Only those with a deviate mind would think of something other than what it was.
> http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?t=21319


You had me at "deviant mind"


----------



## Misschief

*Weight Issues
*
Maybe someone needs to go on a diet??


----------



## Dawni

*Burning weird*

Don't burn iiiiiit! It's my frieeeend! *sobs*


----------



## Dean

Misschief said:


> *Weight Issues
> *
> Maybe someone needs to go on a diet??



I saw that! I was going to reply how mid age has ravaged my once stunning figure

...and then I realized it was just another soap thred.


----------



## Zing

Just now discovering this thread and also discovered I had oh so innocently contributed.  


IrishLass said:


> *What is this streaking?*


 _Really_, people?  _That's _here when there's absolutely nothing from @Dawni what with her smacking and jiggling and satisfaction?!


----------



## Dawni

Zing said:


> Just now discovering this thread and also discovered I had oh so innocently contributed.
> _Really_, people?  _That's _here when there's absolutely nothing from @Dawni what with her smacking and jiggling and satisfaction?!


That's coz I'm careful with titles lols but I already said I am sure I'll find one of my posts in here someday haha


----------



## Donee'

Dawni said:


> That's coz I'm careful with titles lols but I already said I am sure I'll find one of my posts in here someday haha


Are you on the same time zone as me Dawni


----------



## Dawni

Donee' said:


> Are you on the same time zone as me Dawni


South Africa? Nope.. Philippines here, GMT+8. It's actually close to midnight and I should sleep but I just got done with chores and decided to see what's happening here before I sleep.


----------



## Donee'

Dawni said:


> South Africa? Nope.. Philippines here, GMT+8. It's actually close to midnight and I should sleep but I just got done with chores and decided to see what's happening here before I sleep.


aaaaaaaahhh ok
PS - i am also geographically impaired - ask my garmen who eventually just giv es up and switches herself off.


----------



## IrishLass

*Some like it hot and some like it cold?
*
And some like it in the pot 9 days old!


----------



## IrishLass

*Yeasty cat ears
*
Sorry, fresh out at the moment, but we're running a special on the panko breaded monkey brains.


----------



## SweetHoneyHandmade

*Thickness of wood
*
.... I’m blushing .....


----------



## Steve85569

SweetHoneyHandmade said:


> *Thickness of wood
> *
> .... I’m blushing .....


Saw it and I am not going there...

*Steaming Soap Ash 

Soap burns?*


----------



## Marilyn Norgart

hahahahahahaha--you pervs----hahahahaha. too funny


----------



## Jstheidi

IrishLass said:


> Thread title that I saw today in the CP forum: "How much chocolate to add and how"
> 
> My 'off-the-top-of-my-head' answer: 'Lots and lots, and how!'
> 
> 
> Another thread title I saw today in the CP forum: "What makes the fatty salts different?"
> 
> My smart-alecky, off-the-top-of-my-head answer: 'Mostly their diet of greasy French-fries, of course, which makes them much fatter/more rotund (and a bit saltier) than their slimmer salty cousins. And their language is a bit saltier, too.'
> 
> 
> IrishLass


I seen one that said “masterbatching oils” and I all I could see was masterbating oils! My mind took me there! Sorry! *lol*


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Yeasty cats ears. For some reason it sounds like a recipe


----------



## Dawni

SweetHoneyHandmade said:


> *Thickness of wood
> *
> .... I’m blushing .....


Goes hand in hand with increasing longevity.....


----------



## IrishLass

*My soap bars are pitted.
*
Now to get started on my cherries and olives.


----------



## Clarice

My Yeasty Cat Ears take umbrage at your jocularity!

Having said that, I am so glad I am not alone in my wild wanderings - AND am happy to have inspired some!


----------



## IrishLass

*Sick lemon cookies*

Dude! Like, these are radically awesome! Don't hold out on me dude. You, like, totally have to give me the recipe!


----------



## Dawni

IrishLass said:


> *Sick lemon cookies*
> 
> Dude! Like, these are radically awesome! Don't hold out on me dude. You, like, totally have to give me the recipe!


I was gonna say... Oh you poor dear, what's wrong? Lol


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Mica vein
- I bet you think this song is about you, don't you? Don't you?


----------



## Clarice

I am a Casual Diaper

Hmmm, If you were a diaper, which diaper would you be?

A FULL ONE

LOL


----------



## Dawni

*Oatmeal?*

Not today, thanks ma. Pancakes, please?


----------



## IrishLass

*Soap unmolding and cutting
*
Itself? Girl, that's creepy! I'd hide the knives if I were you.


----------



## Clarice

I see a movie!  

SOAP!  

Just when you thought it was safe to go into the bathroom......

(Cue Psycho shrieks)


----------



## Zing

Dawni said:


> Goes hand in hand with increasing longevity.....


@Dawni !  You so nasty!  And there's children watching from your photo!


----------



## Clarice

Alpaca Fibers In Soap

That **** Alpaca!  Getting all up in my soaping stuff!  I thought I changed the lock!


----------



## Dawni

Zing said:


> @Dawni !  You so nasty!  And there's children watching from your photo!


Lol been a while since anyone called me nasty harharhar good thing Dustin's still too young to understand lol


----------



## IrishLass

*Cut the HP soap I made last night!
*
You're not the boss of me! Do it yourself!!!


----------



## IrishLass

*First needle felted soap..
*
Then needle pokeded it all over. Bad, mean needle!


----------



## IrishLass

*Transparent Soap Calculator
*
Where is it??? I can't seem to find it!


----------



## atiz

I just discovered this thread  You all are very funny.

*Rainwater in soapmaking*
Brrr, I think you should come inside.


----------



## Dawni

*I made a mistake...*

I'm sorry, maybe we shouldn't do this. It's not you, it's me, don't worry. We can still be friends. I just can't...



I'll call you. Maybe. Probably not.

I really is you, actually


----------



## IrishLass

*CP soap bed
*
Well.....you made your bed, now lye in it!


----------



## JoeyJ

Looking for a class...
First thing that sprang to mind was first day of highschool!


----------



## IrishLass

*What makes lard trace slow?*

Spite.


----------



## Elysa Alvarez Francisco

IrishLass said:


> *What makes lard trace slow?*
> 
> Spite.


I laughed way too hard at this!


----------



## IrishLass

*Aleppo-like soap with a little sugar and salt 
*
...and don't forget the ketchup! It makes everything taste good!


----------



## IrishLass

*How Can I Get Soap fragrances- Scents to stay?
*
Lure them with flowers and chocolates and promises.....then lock them in a cabinet, you silly you!


----------



## Nanette




----------



## Carla Burke

IrishLass said:


> *How Can I Get Soap fragrances- Scents to stay?
> *
> Lure them with flowers and chocolates and promises.....then lock them in a cabinet, you silly you!



Bwahahahaha!!!!


----------



## IrishLass

*How to stick two pieces together
*
With the handyman's secret weapon, of course- duct tape!


----------



## Misschief

*Longtime lurker exposing myself in NC.*

There are laws against that, you know.


----------



## Kiti Williams

snappyllama said:


> For grins, I googled Yak Milk Soap.  Yup - there's Yak Milk Soap.  Also reindeer, musk ox, water buffalo, camels.  And LLAMAs!!!  I'll need to get my hands on that one for sure!
> 
> If it can be milked... it has been put into soap.



The most expensive milk?  Cat's Milk!  Have you ever tried to milk a CAT?  Not for the delicate minded!


----------



## Kiti Williams

IrishLass said:


> *How to stick two pieces together
> *
> With the handyman's secret weapon, of course- duct tape!



Duct tape is like the Force - it has a dark side and a light side, and holds the universe together!


----------



## IrishLass

*Insects eating my soap?
*
Nah....I think that was actually Grandpa. He wandered out of bed last night incoherently muttering something about wanting to take a nip of the old bubbly, and came back later strangely frothing at the mouth and smelling like black raspberry vanilla.


----------



## IrishLass

*oh no the zaps
*
Is that anything like the feels? Or is it more like the heebeejeebees or the willies?


----------



## Steve85569

Trying to find a scent...

Don't blame me!
 I think it was the dog...


----------



## IrishLass

*Ginger tests
*
I failed those miserably. I'm more of a Mary Anne.


----------



## IrishLass

*Is yellow soap normal?*

Hmmmm....not anymore than yellow snow is normal, I reckon.


----------



## IrishLass

*Cows milk soap first time.*

Well....I suppose cows milking something was bound to happen sooner or later. I just never imagined it would be soap.


----------



## IrishLass

*Totally not soap related, sort of..*

, giggled the Dove Beauty Bar blushingly to the flirtatious Dr. Squatch bar.


----------



## IrishLass

*What if I don't cover my soap batches?*

Gasp! Not cover your soap's nakedness?! For shame! Bad, bad, naughty soaper! The soap indecency police will be all over you like a chicken on a junebug quicker than you can say, 'Bob's your uncle!', and put your stickblender on lockdown for 3 months as punishment, that's what!


----------



## AliOop

*Need Guidance for a Extra hard soap.*

You can offer to pay for counseling to address the underlying issues, but some soaps just don't learn until they hit bottom and do hard time. Bottom line, they have to want to change. I mean, like the old saying goes, you can lead a soap to water....

Best wishes to get it all sorted, mate.


----------



## SPowers

"Red or White" - definitely red and dry!


----------



## AliOop

IrishLass said:


> *What if I don't cover my soap batches?*
> 
> Gasp! Not cover your soap's nakedness?! For shame! Bad, bad, naughty soaper! The soap indecency police will be all over you like a chicken on a junebug quicker than you can say, 'Bob's your uncle!', and put your stickblender on lockdown for 3 months as punishment, that's what!



... also, it is really not nice to call your soap names like that. Just because you are in a position of authority over them doesn't give you the right to call them "my batches." Would you want them calling you their "pimp"? Yeah, no.


----------



## AliOop

*trouble bringing it home..*..

Are some people are so desperate for drama in their lives that they actually look for ways to bring trouble home?


----------



## LilianNoir

*Need Guidance for a Extra hard soap.*

Do you really though? You know what to....


...nevermind.  

(There's also a that's what she said joke in there. Too much?)


----------



## IrishLass

*Concave bottoms*

What folks end up with when they spend 3 months living as a couch potato.


----------



## Jersey Girl

IrishLass said:


> *Concave bottoms*
> 
> What folks end up with when they spend 3 months living as a couch potato.



LOL. You got to this one before I could!  Was going to say mine’s becoming more concave the older I get.


----------



## SPowers

Curing rack ideas...

I'm not sure why you are curing your racks... mine are just fine without it!


----------



## IrishLass

*High butter soap + ash*

What you find when your butter soap smokes dope and does not clean up after itself.


----------



## AliOop

*Crumbling when cut*

Wow, that's bizarre. Everyone else I know bleeds when cut. 

So, let's say you cut your finger. Exactly how much crumbles off? Does it eventually grow back?


----------



## Misschief

*so I got crude palm oil...* 

I much prefer the sophisticated palm oil, personally. Crude palm oil is just so........ crude!


----------



## IrishLass

*Help me, technology has eaten by brain *

Well......there's bad news about your condition, but be of cheer.....there's also some good news:

The bad news first: There is no help. There has been a recent run on replacement brains and we are fresh out of them at the moment. I'm afraid we have no other recourse but to stuff your recently vacated skull with cotton and reclassify you as a Cotton-headed Ninnymuggins in your medical records.

The good news: You will now be free to live out the rest of your days unburdened with the anxiety that technology has eaten your brain.


----------



## AliOop

*Hand Soap Cracks*

I hear they had to sedate it before they hauled it off in a straight-jacket to the asylum. I guess the pressure of all the increased hand-washing was just too much!


----------



## IrishLass

*Can you change the water to milk in recipe?*

No, can you? That would be quite miraculous! I can make soap that floats on water, though!


----------



## Jersey Girl

IrishLass said:


> *Can you change the water to milk in recipe?*
> 
> No, can you? That would be quite miraculous! I can make soap that floats on water, though!


Change can be hard...even for water. Lol


----------



## AliOop

Jersey Girl said:


> Change can be hard...even for water. Lol


I find that hard water rarely changes...it just gets so set in its ways.


----------



## IrishLass

*If I want vibrant colourful colours in my soap, am I basically destined to only use vanilla-free fragrances?*

Yes, Luke, it is your destiny. Also, I am your father. Search you feelings, you know it to be true.


----------



## Misschief

*Want to increase hardness. *

There are pills for that, you know.


----------



## dibbles

Misschief said:


> *Want to increase hardness. *
> 
> There are pills for that, you know.


LOL Misschief. I knew this thread title would end up here. I was just waiting to see who it would be.


----------



## Misschief

dibbles said:


> LOL Misschief. I knew this thread title would end up here. I was just waiting to see who it would be.


I couldn't resist.


----------



## AliOop

*"Appropriate or Not?"*

As momma always said, if you have to ask...

ETA: ... along the lines of, "Does this make me look fat?"


----------



## GemstonePony

AliOop said:


> *"Appropriate or Not?"*
> 
> As momma always said, if you have to ask...
> 
> ETA: ... along the lines of, "Does this make me look fat?"


I'm disappointed and slightly sad that that took over an hour to end up here.


----------



## IrishLass

*Are you going to Scarborough fair?*

Nah, I got way too much stuff to do. My stir-crazy husband has gone off his rocker and has gotten it into his head that he wants me to make him a cambric shirt without seams or needlework (who does he think I am? Samantha Stephens, or maybe Endora?)......Oh, and get this- he wants me to also find him an acre of land between the sea water and the sand. For what purpose, I don't know for sure, but I can only imagine it has something to do with growing parsley, sage rosemary and thyme. For whatever reason that I cannot fathom, he's become absolutely _obsessed_ with them and won't stop inserting them into _every single conversation_, repeating them over and again in between sentences like a mantra. Gah! Like I said, I got too much stuff to do....I gotta search for a facility and some men in little white coats who won't charge too much to take him there.


----------



## GemstonePony

IrishLass said:


> *Are you going to Scarborough fair?*
> 
> Nah, I got way too much stuff to do. My stir-crazy husband has gone off his rocker and has gotten it into his head that he wants me to make him a cambric shirt without seams or needlework (who does he think I am? Samantha Stephens, or maybe Endora?)......Oh, and get this- he wants me to also find him an acre of land between the sea water and the sand. For what purpose, I don't know for sure, but I can only imagine it has something to do with growing parsley, sage rosemary and thyme. For whatever reason that I cannot fathom, he's become absolutely _obsessed_ with them and won't stop inserting them into _every single conversation_, repeating them over and again in between sentences like a mantra. Gah! Like I said, I got too much stuff to do....I gotta search for a facility and some men in little white coats who won't charge too much to take him there.


But hey, if you end up going, can you remind my ex I still exist? We were really close at one point.


----------



## AliOop

@IrishLass thanks, now that song will be stuck in my head for DAYS. AHHHHHHHH


----------



## GemstonePony

AliOop said:


> @IrishLass thanks, now that song will be stuck in my head for DAYS. AHHHHHHHH


Please post the results if it gets so engrained you soap it, as it appears has already happened to at least one individual. I happen to like the song, but there are lots of Celtic Woman songs I like even more... Haven't figured out how to soap any of them, though.


----------



## glendam

*Super Fat*

SPowers
Is it wearing a cape?

Thanks to this post now this is the kind of stuff that comes to mind when I read new titles.


----------



## Misschief

*Shower Gel Loses Bubble* 

Do we need to send out a search party?


----------



## Zing

Misschief said:


> *Want to increase hardness. *
> 
> There are pills for that, you know.





dibbles said:


> LOL Misschief. I knew this thread title would end up here. I was just waiting to see who it would be.


@Misschief !!!  I am just now seeing this.  THAT WAS _MY _POST!!  With that post, I so feared ending up on this thread and before I hit 'post' I tortured myself on the wording -- long lasting, hard, gah! - and then I finally gave up and trusted that my CLEAN-MINDED soaping friends would understand.  LMAO.  Thanks for the laugh of the day.


----------



## Jersey Girl

Zing said:


> @Misschief !!!  I am just now seeing this.  THAT WAS _MY _POST!!  With that post, I so feared ending up on this thread and before I hit 'post' I tortured myself on the wording -- long lasting, hard, gah! - and then I finally gave up and trusted that my CLEAN-MINDED soaping friends would understand.  LMAO.  Thanks for the laugh of the day.


Clean minded?  You are underestimating us..Lol


----------



## AliOop

Jersey Girl said:


> Clean minded?  You are underestimating us..Lol


...or has completely confused us with an entirely DIFFERENT group of soapers?


----------



## Misschief

Zing said:


> @Misschief !!!  I am just now seeing this.  THAT WAS _MY _POST!!  With that post, I so feared ending up on this thread and before I hit 'post' I tortured myself on the wording -- long lasting, hard, gah! - and then I finally gave up and trusted that my CLEAN-MINDED soaping friends would understand.  LMAO.  Thanks for the laugh of the day.


Looks can be deceiving, my friend. I'm all sweetness and nice but there's definitely some spice, too.


----------



## AliOop

Misschief said:


> Looks can be deceiving, my friend. I'm all sweetness and nice but there's definitely some spice, too.


... and we wouldn’t have it any other way!


----------



## Zing

Misschief said:


> Looks can be deceiving, my friend. I'm all sweetness and nice but there's definitely some spice, too.


I'll take the credit, then, for adding some spice to your life.


----------



## AliOop

*Trouble shooting, please help!*

More information, please. Is it a problem with the firearm itself? Or is it more an emotional thing about pulling the trigger?

Because one calls for a gunsmith, and the other, perhaps a therapist. Of course, NOT pulling the trigger may actually be the RIGHT thing to do, depending on the reason you are THINKING about shooting (not to mention the TARGET).

Definitely need more deets here before we can help.

*Where to get tiny little molds?*
I most often get tiny little molds on small bits of leftovers that get pushed to the back of the fridge and forgotten. Hopefully I'm not the only one?? Occasionally if I miss wiping off a bit of food on the back side of the mixer, tiny little molds will grow there, too.

Either of these methods works pretty well if you are hoping to grow your own (highly recommended over store-bought).


----------



## glendam

AliOop said:


> *Trouble shooting, please help!*
> 
> We need a bit more information here. Is it a problem with the firearm itself? Or is it more an emotional thing about pulling the trigger?
> 
> Because one calls for a gunsmith, and the other, perhaps a therapist. Of course, NOT pulling the trigger may actually be the RIGHT thing to do, depending on the reason you are THINKING about shooting (not to mention the TARGET).
> 
> Definitely need more deets here before we can help.


This made me laugh and then cough since it is one of those allergy days! lol


----------



## Jersey Girl

*Too thin? or too thick?
 *


----------



## AliOop

@glendam happy to make you giggle, sorry to make you cough!

@Jersey Girl


----------



## AliOop

*I’m loosing my mind!*

Oh, has it been tied up to something all this time?  That could explain a lot...


----------



## Misschief

*how much shrinkage to expect* 

Depends on the temperature of the water.


----------



## Kiti Williams

IrishLass said:


> *Can you change the water to milk in recipe?*
> 
> No, can you? That would be quite miraculous! I can make soap that floats on water, though!



The water needs to really want to change.



AliOop said:


> *I’m loosing my mind!*
> 
> Oh, has it been tied up to something all this time?  That could explain a lot...




Do we need to get a search party together?


----------



## Misschief

*Black in CP soap weeps all over the bathroom*

Give it a box of tissues and tell it to get over it.... and get out of the bathroom, others may need it, too!


----------



## AliOop

*Crumbles as it gets smaller!*

That's some pretty personal information to be sharing in a public forum like this.

Be that as it may, I do seem to recall seeing some ads for medications that can help with that. Check your spam/junk email folder and you will probably see them there.

*Allergies—Learning to Make Soap*

That's pretty cool! My allergies don't know how to do anything except make me tired and cranky.


----------



## Zing

@AliOop LMAO.  You have to stop now because I'm at work and have to explain my laughter!


----------



## AliOop

@Zing Here is an excuse I may or may not have used when laughing at work: 

"I just keep remembering that it is Friday afternoon, and the burst of joy makes me break into laughter!"


----------



## The_Phoenix

*Looking For Melting Pot*

I recommend Brooklyn, Los Angeles, or London.


----------



## msunnerstood

Kiti Williams said:


> The water needs to really want to change.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Do we need to get a search party together?


I have Search and Rescue experience. I'll work on the grid. Umm, do we need land releases for this?


----------



## Babyshoes

You lot are twisted...



 I like it!


----------



## Sudds

I am so glad I joined you soapheads! it's been a rough day and I needed a good laugh and I had several, Thanks! Was just diagnosed with squamous cancer of the lower lip. I have been fighting what I thought was a patch of dry skin for a year, well it wasn't dry skin!  All I can think of is how many smoothies I can come up with because I am pretty sure I will be on a liquid diet for a few weeks, sick huh? I hate wearing masks but am happy I can hide behind one every time I go out in public, especially now! I look like I have an over-roasted mini-marshmallow hanging off my lip as they had to cauterize where they took the biopsy. Every time I look at it I think of a smore...I can't stand those things as I hate marshmallows! Hey, I'm grateful it wasn't at the end of my nose!
  By the way, I wish I had never asked for advice on where to purchase micas. I went to Mad Micas and went crazy! Lordy, I totally lost my mind, I had to go back and empty out half of my cart, that was a sad moment!


----------



## AliOop

Awwww @Sudds I am so sorry to hear about that lip cancer. We do a lot of smoothies in our house because my husband sometimes has trouble chewing and swallowing (Parkinson's Disease). I can give you plenty of recipes but will warn you that I tend to add a lot of greens to them because it's a good way for veggie-haters to eat greens.  

Anyway, glad you got some laughs and hope you will join us in poking fun at ourselves here. We can all use more humor in our lives.


----------



## Misschief

Sudds said:


> I am so glad I joined you soapheads! it's been a rough day and I needed a good laugh and I had several, Thanks! Was just diagnosed with squamous cancer of the lower lip. I have been fighting what I thought was a patch of dry skin for a year, well it wasn't dry skin!  All I can think of is how many smoothies I can come up with because I am pretty sure I will be on a liquid diet for a few weeks, sick huh? I hate wearing masks but am happy I can hide behind one every time I go out in public, especially now! I look like I have an over-roasted mini-marshmallow hanging off my lip as they had to cauterize where they took the biopsy. Every time I look at it I think of a smore...I can't stand those things as I hate marshmallows! Hey, I'm grateful it wasn't at the end of my nose!
> By the way, I wish I had never asked for advice on where to purchase micas. I went to Mad Micas and went crazy! Lordy, I totally lost my mind, I had to go back and empty out half of my cart, that was a sad moment!


----------



## PieBorg

*Curing rack ideas... *

The bad news is that the cure for your rack may involve shelling out your life savings on some very unpleasant treatments. You may have to lop off one whole side, but the good news is they make very realistic replacement racks, and your husband will still love you after your rack is cured, although he may suggest that you go for a bigger rack if you're getting a replacement anyway.


----------



## Jersey Girl

*The Importance of a Sniffy Spot...*
Sniffy spots are very important...it’s how we identify each other...
~The Dog~


----------



## Babyshoes

"Mashed potatoes or Vaseline?"

Out of context, that takes my mind to some veeeery strange places....

 Anyone else?


----------



## Misschief

Babyshoes said:


> "Mashed potatoes or Vaseline?"
> 
> Out of context, that takes my mind to some veeeery strange places....
> 
> Anyone else?


Where?


----------



## GemstonePony

"Laundry Detergent Consumption"

Please, don't eat laundry detergent! Any of it, of any type! I thought we all learned that was demonstrably bad with the Tide Pod Challenge like, 2?.. years ago? Anyways, laundry detergent. It's bad for human consumption.


----------



## Tara_H

Ok this isn't a title but I figured it would fit with the mood of this thread... I was in a shop when Gimme Hope Jo'anna came on the radio... For the rest of the day I was singing, Gimme soap DeeAnna...


----------



## IrishLass

*Coffee soap...strange things happening*

Gah!!! How many times have we been through this? You're supposed to _bathe_ with it, not consume it, you ninny!


----------



## Misschief

*Honey turned my soap this colour!!!* 

Take the crayons away from your honey! NOW! And tell her/him to leave your soap alone, thank you very much!


----------



## Catscankim

*Weight Before or After Shrinkage*

How cold was the water? How does one go about weighing it?


----------



## Tara_H

*how old.. is too old for oils?*

Oh honey, you're _never_ too old for oils!


----------



## Catscankim

*What to Do: Used Lemon EO in CP Soap - Is This Causing the Sweat?*

Go for brand new Lemon EO...


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*What is the hardest soap you have ever made?*

Oof. Always the one I'm planning to do next, I guess? You will grow with your tasks.


----------



## GemstonePony

ResolvableOwl said:


> *What is the hardest soap you have ever made?*
> 
> Oof. Always the one I'm planning to do next, I guess? You will grow with your tasks.


I was trying to figure out which of my absurdly ambitious design/recipe mismatches was most challenging to deal with when I clicked the thread, was a smidge disappointed to find it was about longevity/hardness instead of difficulty.
Edited for clarity


----------



## earlene

*Cold Process soap sweating*

Well, stop stressing it so much, dude!  CP soap likes a laid back lifestyle; it prefers to sit around all day doing nothing; taking in the cool breeze; listening to tunes; napping whenever the mood strikes.  So just stop putting so much pressure on it and stressing it out.  You're just not being very fair.


----------



## Daisy

__





						Hatching a new batch
					

In 3 weeks' time we should be welcoming some new additions to our flock 🥰 There's something magical to me about hatching, I can't wait!




					www.soapmakingforum.com
				




What takes longer to hatch: Chicks or a new batch of soap?


----------



## Bari b

*I think I got a crap scale......*

They market scales for poop? What in the world?...and who would want to weigh crap anyway? ...and how are you going to get it on the scale? Hmmmm


----------



## Daisy

*palm kernel oil versus palm oil*

There will be a match between Palm Kernel Oil and Palm Oil on July 31st 2021 at the Wrigley Stadium Chicago. Tickets are available @Soapmakingforum.com


----------



## FragranceGuy

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> Sometimes I see a title of a thread and my mind comes up with some silly ideas before I have even clicked through.  Two examples:
> 
> Name for lotion: My mind started listing old-man names.  I settled on Larry as the best name for a lotion.
> 
> Cutting soap:  I was imagining soap that was very sarcastic and would say little mean comments to people.
> 
> I tend to steer clear of these threads until more sensible answers have been given



Do you think a lotion called “Barbarian” would sell? “Your skin smells great! What kind of lotion is that?” “Its called Barbarian”


----------



## AliOop

*Climb On hard salve recipe?*

Sorry, no matter how hard you make your salve recipe, it won't be hard enough to climb on, especially during warmer days.

Besides, just think of the grease you would track into the house! No thanks.


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Breaking out like crazy*

I'm living on Hawaii, the Kilauea lava lake has again cranked up, and spits out ludicrous amounts of red-hot lava all day. Authorities are preparing evacuations, once again. You MUST SEE this footage of that notoriously ill-humoured volcano!


----------



## IrishLass

*Sodium citrate and milk?*

No thank you, I think I'll pass. Do you perchance serve cookies and milk instead?


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Ricing and Acceleration? And Cocoa Butter?*

Less something to chuckle, but rather from the literal “my very strange mind” category: The international/scientific/INCI name of “castor” is “ricinus”. My mind repeatedly attempts to connect that thread title to castor. It doesn't help that, with many browser tabs open, the tab title cuts off the “g” and I'm left with “ricin” (a lot more troublesome).

Surprisingly, the same mind has never realised (by itself) that the ricinus bean shares its name “castor” with the Greek mythological figure/bright star in the Gemini constellation, beavers, as well as the nuclear waste storage/transport containers.


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Best Soap Cutter *

Best not me, but someone else … but I'd like to rely on the quality of their work.



The_Phoenix said:


> I’m thinking g of “hiring” my daughter to bevel and wrap my soaps.


----------



## The_Phoenix

ResolvableOwl said:


> *Best Soap Cutter *
> 
> Best not me, but someone else … but I'd like to rely on the quality of their work.


Oh, she’s beveled and wrapped plenty of soap. She does a great job (she cares about details) and actually enjoys it. Learning how to finesse the heat gun needs improvement.


----------



## Tara_H

*Reverse engineering crackles*

If it crackles, you'd best unplug it immediately! Whatever you're reverse engineering, it's not worth risking an explosion!


----------



## earlene

*Cat Hair, How To Keep Soap Hairless?*


Get a hairless cat, boobie!


----------



## Vicki C

The_Phoenix said:


> Oh, she’s beveled and wrapped plenty of soap. She does a great job (she cares about details) and actually enjoys it. Learning how to finesse the heat gun needs improvement.


Hahaha I think best soap cutter should be the next soap challenge. (PS, freestyle soap cutting is NOT my forté.)


----------



## glendam

*Olive Oil Pomace vs EVOO*
*t*hat would be an interesting fight to watch, I would put my money on pomace.


----------



## IrishLass

*Can I use sodium citrate*

You didn't say "Mother , may I" .....so....um........no sodium citrate for you!


----------



## AliOop

*HELLO.....*

...it's me.
I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet
to go over
everything....


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Question about Egg Shampoo*

I don't know. Everything is possible, but at least around here, eggs rather tend to be on the bald side, and rarely need to be shampooed at all.


----------



## Tara_H

*How much honey?*

As much as you want, darling!


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*protecting my soaps while on vacation*

Yes, our darling soaps with their temperamental teen souls are so difficult to supervise when we're on vacation together! Not imaginable when they have intimate skin contact early at the wrong sinks!




Tara_H said:


> *How much honey?*
> 
> As much as you want, darling!


Inevitable XKCD: To Taste


----------



## AliOop

*LAZY IMPROVISED SOAP MOLD*

Do you find that the improvised ones are lazier than the regular ones? Either way, I hate it when my molds are lazy! Especially when they leave the toilet seat up - that's the worst!


----------



## Bubble Agent

*Bigger masterbatch idea..will it fly?*

Well, did you manage to get your _smaller _batches to fly? If not, I`ll doubt a bigger batch will manage to lift off.

But that may of course depend on the size of its wings. Or propellers...


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Cocoa Butter Mistake*

No. Cocoa butter is _not_ a mistake. Never, under no circumstances.


----------



## IrishLass

*How do you 'test' your soap?*

I say testy things to it like, "Oh poor, widdle, fwaidy soap, what's the matter with you- did the mean, ol' superfat scare the bubbles out of you?", and then I dunk it under the water and rub it all over with a scrubby wash cloth. It gets them all in a lather.


----------



## IrishLass

*Steeping coffee in goat milk----smells so goaty!*

Steeping goats in coffee milk ----smell so Cappuccino-y!


----------



## Tara_H

Not a title but...



Ford said:


> Do you have an agitator in your bottle of TD?


My early morning brain read this as alligator, and agreed that yes, that would definitely be likely to cause trouble.


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Medium Rare Soap*

It wasn't easy, took some effort to abandon established paths. But still not quite unique enough to be valued as a genuine rarity.


----------



## Misschief

*Medium Rare Soap*

I'll take mine well done, please. Steaks? Medium rare is perfect but soap should be well done.


----------



## AliOop

*Shea and Cocoa Butter Melting*

So that's what the Wicked Witch of the West is made of! I always wondered. 

*Jelly Soaps Feel*

Wow, I knew that cats have feelings, dogs have feelings.... but jelly soaps? Mind blown. 

PS: what do they feel? And how do they feel about those feelings?

*Beer Trouble*

What, this surprises anyone? IME, with enough beer, there's always some kinda trouble.


----------



## IrishLass

*Ode To Castor Oil*

Oh castor  oil, lovely castor oil,
How I do adoreth thee.
Without you, my lather doth mope-
Alas- no oomph springs forth from my soap!
Oh dearest, sweet, queenly castor oil-
Never be far from my side!


----------



## TennisGirl

*Degree of Shrinkage During Cure*

I am not sure I want to ask this, but what illness are you curing from, and exactly what is now shrinking? 

PS - please don't send pics. Use your words.


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Masculine Fall Scent*

We all have wished and fought for it since forever, now it's reality. Chauvinism is dead. The “weaker sex” has won. Just in time, our exclusive fragrance composition “Masculine Fall™” is on the starting blocks to celebrate this new era of humanity and equality – with all senses!


----------



## kirsten.

*Midwest Fragrance*

I dunno... Corn?


----------



## Zing

kirsten. said:


> *Midwest Fragrance*
> 
> I dunno... Corn?


Close -- but perhaps a bass note of cattle also?


----------



## GemstonePony

I was thinking top note of corn, mid notes of swamp and dirt, base notes of cattle. Maybe a hint of mosquito repellent. 

I'm putting way too much thought into this, and I'm sorry to everyone with an excellent sense of olfactory imagination.


----------



## Bubble Agent

Zing said:


> Close -- but perhaps a *bass note of cattle *also?



Ooo, bass notes in fragrances are hard to get right, not to mention other musical notes, other than cattle, I mean.

I have always wanted a fragrance that can be heard AND smelled Mr. @Zing! I bought *this* one, but I was SO disappointed. When I sprayed it, it was silent. Well, other than the tiny sound of "_pfttt_" when the I pressed the button the pump. I expected more from a perfume with that name...
Let me know if you succeed, I want a bottle for mah stash!

Just know that personally I think I am leaning _slightly_ towards _not _to walk around smelling and sounding like cattle, if you venture into this.

Try and make the sound last on the skin, so the notes (_*cough*_) don`t disspate too quickly. Perhaps @GemstonePony idea of mosquito repellent could work as an anchor to the scent.

_(I don`t know if anyone *noticed *I threw in the "anchoring of the scent", you know, so we keep it soap related and on point! After all, this is no joking matter.)

(Brain. Brain!! Why do you keep walking into these booby traps... It`s not like you don`t see them or anything. Next time walk away. Let those poor people be. You want to appear normal, remember?)_


----------



## Tara_H

Bubble Agent said:


> You want to appear normal, remember?


Why, are you trying to show up the rest of us?


----------



## ResolvableOwl

Tara_H said:


> show up the rest of us?


show up
shower up
showest up


----------



## Bubble Agent

Tara_H said:


> Why, are you trying to show up the rest of us?


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*12 teaspoons??*

No. It is sufficient to use _one_ teaspoon, and just repeatedly transfer mica from the jar to the batter beaker twelve times, one tsp after another.


----------



## Kiti Williams

*FO Dealer*
Oh, I love back alley deals, how illegal is the FO world?  Do I need a Grandfather to make the offer you can't refuse?


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Shining Soap*

For this Halloween, I'm preparing Stephen King/Stanley Kubrick themed soaps again. Last year's _Clockwork Orange_ was a bestseller!


----------



## MellonFriend

*She Makes'em, I Shoot'em*

The only use you can think of for your significant other's soap, is as target practice?


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Watch face*

Yes, yes, I do watch your face. For quite a while, actually.












						File:Jungle owlet.jpg - Wikimedia Commons
					






					commons.wikimedia.org


----------



## MellonFriend

So that's what the rest of your body looks like!


----------



## ResolvableOwl

I made the terrible mistake to dig deeper for jungle owlets:


Spoiler


----------



## Zing

*Want to “Soap Balls”. Scent?*

[No comment, except Really?!  This wasn't already posted?]


----------



## Bubble Agent

*Drainpipe soap*

I know drainpipes can be troublesome things. They are so delicate. Like, they clog up with leaves at a drop of a hat, they make noise under heavy rain, and you can`t even kick them without them being overly sensitive and get a dent.

Now they want their own soap too? Why, _rainwater _isn`t good enough for them anymore, eh? Now they want fancy soap, eh? 

What`s next, the roofing, beams and paneling all wants its _speshul _own soap too?

I blame youtube...


----------



## IrishLass

*Will Plop and Glop Equal Flop?*

Hmmm.....hold on.....let me get  some scratch paper and a pencil......... Nope. My calculations show me it equals Clop. Good try, though. You were pretty darn close!


----------



## BattleGnome

IrishLass said:


> *Will Plop and Glop Equal Flop?*
> 
> Hmmm.....hold on.....let me get  some scratch paper and a pencil......... Nope. My calculations show me it equals Clop. Good try, though. You were pretty darn close!



I got P+G=F

there could be a movie rating joke, like being the one to give parental guidance because of f…..


----------



## glendam

*Is it a good idea to make CP soap with an active kitten in a small apartment?*

That is a strange ingredient, do you think it will contribute to silkiness in the bar? Or are you just looking for the purrrfect bar of soap?
if you do go with the plan, a small apartment might be ideal to catch the creature.


----------



## MellonFriend

glendam said:


> *Is it a good idea to make CP soap with an active kitten in a small apartment?*
> 
> That is a strange ingredient, do you think it will contribute to silkiness in the bar? Or are you just looking for the purrrfect bar of soap?
> if you do go with the plan, a small apartment might be ideal to catch the creature.


Maybe activated kitten has similar properties of activated charcoal.


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Hi from SEPA*

Yes, the roll-out of the *Single Euro Payments Area* was a big thing a decade ago, when payment systems across Europe were harmonised, with the succession of all the insular solutions by the mnemophilic mess that is IBAN/BIC. @Irishteabear is the first, though, to identify with the SEPA zone as a home country.


----------



## Ladka

glendam said:


> *Is it a good idea to make CP soap with an active kitten in a small apartment?*
> 
> That is a strange ingredient, do you think it will contribute to silkiness in the bar? Or are you just looking for the purrrfect bar of soap?
> if you do go with the plan, a small apartment might be ideal to catch the creature.


Glendam, I love your "silkiness in the bar" and the "purrrfect bar of soap" very much!


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Soap Bark*


----------



## AliOop

*My soap seized again...*

Yes, soap seizures are up as the border patrol has really been cracking down on cross-border soap transfers these days.

We may have to form a soap cartel to protect our interests!


----------



## AliOop

ResolvableOwl said:


> *Soap Bark*
> 
> View attachment 62126


I want to see the picture you would draw for "First Stab at Body Butter"


----------



## ResolvableOwl

No pressure!

(I might edit this post, should I come up with an idea to meet your naughty humor.)


----------



## ResolvableOwl

Spoiler: Not for the faint-hearted: The SMF Body Butter Halloween Special!








ETA: Full resolution here – still not used to SMF's image downscaling practices.


----------



## MellonFriend

Wow, ResolvableOwl.  Just wow.


----------



## kirsten.

I love it, owl!!


----------



## AliOop

ResolvableOwl said:


> Spoiler: Not for the faint-hearted: The SMF Body Butter Halloween Special!
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 62219
> 
> 
> ETA: Full resolution here – still not used to SMF's image downscaling practices.


I had faith that you would not disappoint - and sure enough, you came through marvelously! Thank you


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*A soap as a drug? From a local soap maker.*

Yes, it's bad. Soap is highly addictive. Many who have washed their hands with soap a single (!) time, never got off this habit again for their lifetime. Particularly dangerous co-dependencies with soap-making are not unheard of.

Parents: talk to your kids about soap … before somebody else does!
Or – worst – they tumble into SMF.


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Baby soap
Dog soap*

Dudes, Halloween is over  Can we agree to make soap again out of things like sunflowers and coconuts, please?


----------



## kirsten.

*Should I lower super fat on this and any other comment*.
Yes please. I prefer low fat comments only.


----------



## lianasouza

Car fainted became cat farted in my strange mind


----------



## Zing

Oh, @ResolvableOwl , you are on a roll!  I need to wash my eyeballs of the Halloween Special!


----------



## Dawni

*Can cold-process soap have base?*

Yep! Didn't ya know?
It's all about the base, no treble

I'm weird. My brain just started singing that and that song actually annoys me lol


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Help w/ Volcano*

No prob, dude! We will manage this. Start with 70% coconut oil + 20% stearic acid + 10% castor: melt up in a crockpot until clear. Add 3% of each clove EO and isopropanol. Meanwhile, mix honey into the lye water, and carefully bring it to a simmer just before combining. SB on “high”. Large slab mould with thick plywood walls (but good luck to transfer it over there at all).

Pro tip: pre-disperse plenty of TD into the oils, it really makes it easier to find all the spots where it has splattered after the Big Eruption.


----------



## AliOop

*Milk/Water Split*

Oh no, not again! Those two are always breaking up, then making up. Probably because Milk keeps have those flings with Coffee. I mean, if I were Water, that would upset me, too! Why does she keep taking him back when she knows he will just do it again? Maybe it's for the kids...


----------



## kirsten.

ResolvableOwl said:


> *Help w/ Volcano*
> 
> Pro tip: pre-disperse plenty of TD into the oils, it really makes it easier to find all the spots where it has splattered after the Big Eruption.



See, I was going to suggest vinegar and baking soda, but yours is much more advanced!


----------



## Kiti Williams

Dawni said:


> *Can cold-process soap have base?*
> 
> Yep! Didn't ya know?
> It's all about the base, no treble
> 
> I'm weird. My brain just started singing that and that song actually annoys me lol



ROTFLMAO!

I thought it was about the baste, as in basting a turkey!


----------



## The_Emerald_Chicken

*Baby Soap*

 Baby soap, doo doo doo doo doo doo...


----------



## AliOop

The_Emerald_Chicken said:


> *Baby Soap*
> 
> Baby soap, doo doo doo doo doo doo...



Thanks, now I'm singing, "Baby  doo doo..." That song takes FOREVER to get out of my mind


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Can't hang on to soap when using it:

"So I've been sending soap to my brother in prison............"


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman

Flat bottom bath bombs

"....you make the rocking go round!" (See Queen's album "jazz")


----------



## Whillow

AliOop said:


> Thanks, now I'm singing, "Baby  doo doo..." That song takes FOREVER to get out of my mind



Totally stuck in my head now as well.  UGH.


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Mathematician help required.*

Can you help me out? My day job is in hypergeometric differential topology, nothing too exciting. Now my professor has charged me with substituting her to hold a freshmen's lecture. Point is, they aren't even doing normal simple stuff like proofs, series expansions, or matrix diagonalisation. Instead they are using actual _numbers_, doing mean things like _addition_ to them, to make even more numbers!!
As something that she considers a “simple example”, she has included a walk-through of a _soap recipe_ into the lecture. Like in, real-world things! Gasp. Until now I've believed that soap is something that falls out of a factory. Just to learn that they're handling numbers, and they call it “math” as well – though it appears that it has nothing in common with ordinary mathematics. I'm at a loss. Can someone help me please?


----------



## MellonFriend

*My honey is sticky*

That's so weird, mine is too!


----------



## Kiti Williams

*My honey is sticky* 

You mean there is an UNSTICKY variety?


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Used pomegranate juice instead of water?*

You can also add _fresh_ pomegranate juice, it doesn't have to be “second-hand”.


----------



## earlene

*Zanys no slime Owls*

OMG, Zany came up with another No Slime product?  That gal can do ANYTHING!

Slimey Owls?  So glad we now have a non-slimy owl alternative.


*Can cold-process soap have base?* 

Daddy (Soap) sang bass, 
Momma (LS) sang tenor, 
me & little brother
we joined right in there.


----------



## CreativeWeirdo

*Just a little soaparoo!*

If you grew up in Canada in the 20th century, you think of this guy:


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Mold makers?*

Ask a Japanese miso brewer, or a dairy master from northern France (Brie, Camembert, …), or the chatty Indonesian at the tempeh booth.


----------



## Kiti Williams

*How do various soaps taste?*

Well, I will have to see what Julia Child wrote about this ingredient in a dish.  Off to my recipe books!


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Solid clay masks?*








						Death mask - Wikipedia
					






					en.wikipedia.org


----------



## MellonFriend

*Outside Your Back Door*


----------



## AliOop

*Tall and Skinny Mold Has Arrived!*

Wow, can you send a pic? My mold is almost always short and fuzzy.


----------



## kirsten.

*Does Hot Process Soap Sweat?*

Hey, everyone sweats when we're hot, right?


----------



## Basil

Dawni said:


> *Can cold-process soap have base?*
> 
> Yep! Didn't ya know?
> It's all about the base, no treble
> 
> I'm weird. My brain just started singing that and that song actually annoys me lol


I LOVE that song


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*Oatmeal, Milk and Honey recipe?*


Take your favourite *breakfast cereal bowl*. Fill it half-full with rolled oats. Add *milk* (cow, goat, sheep, almond, soy … whatever you like/tolerate) until just barely covered; stir. Let it stand for 10 minutes, then top off with some more milk. Stir and put it into the *microwave* for 30 seconds – repeat until the oats have set into a delicious, steaming, ropy *porridge*.
Now scoop a good tbsp of *semisolid honey*. Stick it next to the side into the bowl, and slowly rotate inwards in a *spiral pattern* (it might be easier to rotate the bowl instead of constantly switching hands with the honey spoon).
If all went right, the honey will have molten into a spiral pattern into the semisolid porridge. Time to *enjoy* that heavenly OMH breakfast!




My honey was too thick (winter time…) and didn't distribute readily when swirling. You have to believe me that I've tried, but it wasn't easy to see. Spiralling paprika-infused olive oil over hummus is definitely more photogenic.

I also took the liberty to top the porridge by grating some cassia cinnamon and tonka bean over it. Mmmmh! I probably used up my monthly coumarin budget with this meal.


----------



## IrishLass

*Massage Candles*

Huh? Are you nuts? If you want them massaged, you go do it, weirdo.


----------



## AliOop

IrishLass said:


> *Massage Candles*
> 
> Huh? Are you nuts? If you want them massaged, you go do it, weirdo.


Maybe they have better hot throw after a good massage?  I think they'd just get lazy, because that's how I feel afterwards.


----------



## MellonFriend

*Foarm Booster*

I think you mean Faux Arm Booster.


----------



## AliOop

*WHERE TO WAX*

Really, that is a very, very personal decision, one that is best made in consultation with your SO and your esthetician. Please, no pictures!


----------



## Zing

*What is quality punch?*

Um, one that has a little, how to put it, "kick" to it?  "Spiked punch" is how I like it.


----------



## Misschief

Zing said:


> *What is quality punch?*
> 
> Um, one that has a little, how to put it, "kick" to it?  "Spiked punch" is how I like it.


Or the one you don't see coming! Better duck!


----------



## ccsslb

Zing said:


> *What is quality punch?*
> 
> Um, one that has a little, how to put it, "kick" to it?  "Spiked punch" is how I like it.


One that says "POW" or "BAM" in thought bubbles


----------



## IrishLass

*Just wanna share my dog potato.*

That's very generous of you, but I think I'll stick with my baked potato.


----------



## ResolvableOwl

*My lard has mold*

_My_ mold has lard.


----------



## ccsslb

ResolvableOwl said:


> My lard has mold


I have a body wash that would help with that


----------



## glendam

*Shaving soap with soy wax*

a vegetable peeler or blade would be easier, but if you manage to shave it with the soy wax, I would like to see that.


----------



## AliOop

*Dual-lye bar soap trial. *

Unbelievable! Our politicians lie all day every day, but a poor bar soap tells two lies and is put on trial?! What a waste of our taxpayer dollars.


----------



## IrishLass

*Pockets of oil in well made body butter.*

Wow! That must be some kind of magic wishing well for sure! Shoot, any pockets of oil in my well just sit there doing nothing but floating on top of the water. (heavy sigh)


----------



## AliOop

*Struggling with FO Purchases*

I know, they just love to buy stuff, don't they? I mean, I swear my FOs used to stay up all night buying more FOs. That's the only explanation for how they multiplied like rabbits and overtook my soap room. I finally had to take away their credit card!

*Soap Won't Cut Smoothly*

Hmmm, maybe the soap needs a demonstration on proper cutting technique? Or perhaps its knife needs sharpening?


----------



## Zing

how to put lard on labels​For why?!


----------



## Kiti Williams

how to put lard on labels​
This would make the package extra slippy, which could be a good thing.


----------



## Misschief

Kiti Williams said:


> how to put lard on labels​
> This would make the package extra slippy, which could be a good thing.


Or not


----------



## MellonFriend

Oregon Trails Usage Rates​





Going rates for starting your journey are going to vary depending on the supplies you take, the size of your party, the kind of animals you are going to use, and how prepared you want to be, but generally expect to spend from $500-1800.


----------



## prariedog75

There WAS a fella known as 'Pretty Boy Floyd'.  Rumor had it that he was a bit of a dandy.. And slick.  Also, while robbing banks, he would often burn the mortgage documents the bank was holding, freeing lots of people of their home mortgage debts and saving many from foreclosure.  He DID wear striped suits sometimes too! One of his contemporaries was "Baby Face Nelson". You likely aren't too far off your mark assuming these gentlemen would have used and loved your oils and lotions! Like a lady wearing nice panties 'in case she gets into a car accident', a bank robber had to look his best too in case he wound up caught and in the newspapers!  No one wants to embarrass their family by having dry skin and dirt under their nails for their mugshots!


Stacy said:


> TEG - I often find that the speed of my sarcasm/twisted sense of humor exceeds the rest of my brain.  I lack your willpower to not click these things. Sometimes I type the response and do something else for a while. This allows the more balanced parts of my brain to weigh in on the response before clicking post ;-)
> 
> Although now I can't get the image of a 40's gangster with a bright yellow striped zoot suit and flawless alabaster skin out of my head...


'


----------



## AliOop

*Mashed Banana Soap*
Oh no, how did your soap get mashed? That is so sad....

*Soap Sweating?*
It probably heard about the soap that got mashed, and now it's nervous.


----------

