# Calling me Hun



## RusticUrban (May 4, 2022)

Grrrr, just needed to vent.... it seems that long gone are the days when you would call someone by their name, now all I get from businesses is "thanks Hun", "hi babe" "sure thing sweetie"

Maybe I'm just getting old, but when a business uses a pet name in professional correspondence, i will immediately go elsewhere, especially when they know my name....

Ok vent over...


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## justjacqui (May 4, 2022)

Wow! That is so unprofessional and a good reason to vent. 

Pet names are for personal relationships, families or close friendships. Leave them out of business interactions. I could not imagine addressing a coworker, customer or supplier by a pet name .


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## Relle (May 4, 2022)

I agree, with all of the above. A staff member in Aldi said to me OK love ( this wording is my top of the list that I hate), I saw red and said don't talk to me like that, you don't speak to customers like that. He said he didn't know my name and thought it was OK. I said you don't call customers love and you don' t need to know my name. I hope my tone when I spoke to him will make him think next time he speaks to someone. OK love is the worst for me, I find it very condescending. If Dh is with me and someone has called me that, he usually grabs my hand and says to let it go if he doesn't want any hassles that day.He knows that it is my pet hate.


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## Relle (May 4, 2022)

justjacqui said:


> Wow! That is so unprofessional and a good reason to vent.
> 
> Pet names are for personal relationships, families or close friendships. Leave them out of business interactions. I could not imagine addressing a coworker, customer or supplier by a pet name .


Not sure about O/S, but find it's happening more and more here.


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## Zany_in_CO (May 4, 2022)

RusticUrban said:


> now all I get from businesses is "thanks Hun", "hi babe" "sure thing sweetie"


I don't understand what the problem is, Baby Doll! (Just kidding! ) I'm finding it gets worse as I age and have to go in for tests or to have blood drawn or whatever. I am "Dear", "Hun" or "Sweetie". Makes me feel old and feeble-minded. 



RusticUrban said:


> Ok vent over...


Good vent!


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## Misschief (May 4, 2022)

We have one supplier who calls me "Dear" every time he drops off an order. It makes my blood boil!


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## Kimimarie84 (May 5, 2022)

Have any of y’all just recently moved to the South (as in Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, etc…)? We call everyone honey, baby, love, sweetie, sugar, etc… down here. To anyone and everyone, friends and strangers, alike. It’s just part of the culture. We do also say ma’am and sir, and it’s all meant to be respectful and courteous. It depends on the context. In a corporate setting, “ma’am” and “sir” would be used, but retail and casual places, it would be “sweetie,” “honey,” “hon.”


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## DianaMoon (May 5, 2022)

Kimimarie84 said:


> Have any of y’all just recently moved to the South (as in Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, etc…)? We call everyone honey, baby, love, sweetie, sugar, etc… down here. To anyone and everyone, friends and strangers, alike. It’s just part of the culture. We do also say ma’am and sir, and it’s all meant to be respectful and courteous. It depends on the context. In a corporate setting, “ma’am” and “sir” would be used, but retail and casual places, it would be “sweetie,” “honey,” “hon.”



I love that about the South. Maybe it's because people are so polite there in general that the terms of endearment are so endearing.

I know people think of NYC as rude and hostile (because it is!) but believe it or not when you get into the boroughs (not Manhattan) people are quite friendly and use "hon" a lot, esp. working-class people, so I have a soft spot for that.  And Hispanic NYers call you "mami" and "papi" depending. I love that. 

(Change of subject: "y'all" is fine if you really are Southern, but the current overuse of it by people trying to sound cool is galling. Stop. Just stop.)


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## Kimimarie84 (May 5, 2022)

DianaMoon said:


> I love that about the South. Maybe it's because people are so polite there in general that the terms of endearment are so endearing.
> 
> I know people think of NYC as rude and hostile (because it is!) but believe it or not when you get into the boroughs (not Manhattan) people are quite friendly and use "hon" a lot, esp. working-class people, so I have a soft spot for that.  And Hispanic NYers call you "mami" and "papi" depending. I love that.
> 
> (Change of subject: "y'all" is fine if you really are Southern, but the current overuse of it by people trying to sound cool is galling. Stop. Just stop.)


I live in North Alabama, where we have missile defense, NASA, military, etc… Our city’s nickname is “Rocket City,” and it’s an engineering town, as we like to call it. That is great for a lot of things; it brings in a lot of people from everywhere. Lately, we have been getting a lot of people from waaaaay out of town: California, New York, Texas, etc… It’s a culture shock for them, for sure. Perhaps this is why so many non-Southerners are beginning to use “y’all.” Maybe we’re rubbing off on people! Or maybe it’s just because the South is so cool and everyone wants to be like us.


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## earlene (May 5, 2022)

Well, I do have reactions to some of that as well.  I have been called 'luv' in some shops in the UK and did not find it offensive.  I was okay with being called 'the boss' by a waitress in Ercolano, Italy, but later when a waiter in another town called me the 'the boss' I felt it was condescending and manipulative.  I began to have a different point of view about the exact same term based on gender, I think.  In fact, it was probably manipulative on both their parts, but the waitress referring to the female customer in a marriage as the 'boss' versus a male doing the same just felt off to me. But it was the culture, not necessarily of the entire area (it only happened in two restaurants in the Naples area, and nowhere else).

Sometimes these kinds of greetings, salutations, etc. are part of the culture of the locale, and sometimes they are part of the culture of the types of business.  Sometimes they seem to be based on the ages of those involved as well as apparent pre-conceived perceptions of those using them.  

From a professional standpoint, I agree, it is truly inappropriate in written correspondence.  If I were to have used such language in a memo when I was a supervisor, I believe it would have been grounds for a sexual harassment case, or at the very least a reprimand from my superior.

In local stores in my own town, I find that some cashiers do use those types of endearments, while others do not.  I don't like being called ma'am, but it's what's done in some parts of the country and considered a form of respect, so I do not take offense.   They learned their manners from their elders and they are following what they were taught. If I'm in a store in Santa Cruz, California and someone calls me 'dude' or 'dudette' I actually love it, because I am a California gal and it makes me feel at home.  For me it's about perception, I think.

When I'm in a healthcare setting, I am not offended by the endearments, not only because it is part of the culture, but also because my hair is white and healthcare professionals often tend to use endearments with the very young, the frail, the elderly, and in fact with any client who may be in a vulnerable position in order to set them at ease.


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## DianaMoon (May 5, 2022)

The problem with such a diverse society is that different rules apply in different parts of the country.

Also, English doesn't have a formal "you." (Second person? I forget my grammar.)

In Russian people are referred to or addressed in a formal way as "Your Name, Your Patronymic" until you really get to know that person. Then it's a nickname.

When you have these strong formal rules, it's like wearing a uniform. It's constricting & freeing at the same time.

Unless offense was meant, I brush it off. And sometimes I like it. I really enjoy being called "mami." I feel like, wow, he doesn't think of me as a _gringo_. Oops, Anglo. I hope I didn't offend anyone.


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## Obsidian (May 5, 2022)

I had this discussion just a couple weeks ago with a small business owner who didn't understand a customer who got upset at being called hun.
I explained best I could but it seems like these terms of endearment are quite acceptable amongst the younger generation.
I see no reason to tack a name or title on a greeting. Just say hi, thanks, ok.


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## MelissaG (May 5, 2022)

It's not professional but I'm used to it. I live in the deep south. Hon, honey, dear, etc are common here. It's just part of the lexicon. Though I have to say I don't call people that unless it's my husband, well unless I'm doing the passive aggressive southern insult thing lol. I've lived in the south too long. rofl


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## KiwiMoose (May 5, 2022)

I have worked in retail - and I've never used hon, love or dear etc.  They disgust me in that context - seem a bit creepy somehow.  I also think they seem condescending. 
However within my own friends and family environment I use hon, darl, sweetpea, etc quite a lot.
I agree it's all about context.


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## DeeAnna (May 5, 2022)

I'm uncomfortable being called "pet" names by non-family and non-good-friends, but I've learned to go with the flow.
Here in Iowa, people almost never use pet names when speaking to others in a professional situation, but when I lived in MIssouri, people did use "Sweetie" and "Hun" a bit more often.

In my current occupation, I talk to people all over the United States and Canada, and have learned the use of pet names is very much a regional thing. If the person doesn't seem condescending or sarcastic, and most of the time they aren't, I can accept the pet name without getting annoyed, although I never return the "favor."

There are other regional differences in how people talk that can be challenging -- it's not just the pet name thing. For example people who live in certain big cities have a way of speaking that comes across as brusque and rude to me, a born and bred Iowan. If I've had a long, tiring day, talking to someone from this part of the US can be really difficult -- I have to rein in my temper and remind myself that it's just the way they are, they're not deliberately trying to be annoying or insulting.

There's a lady in our small-town hardware store who doesn't fit the usual restrained but polite "Iowa Nice" mold. She calls everyone "Hun." Me (a woman with more fancy tools than most men), the burly farmer with manure on his boots, the stray dog sneaking in the store, the local kid looking for a bicycle chain, whoever -- makes no matter. She's the kindest, thoughtfull-est, capable-est person in that store and it's just her way. To be annoyed with her saying "Hun" is to insist the sun not rise in the east. I smile warmly when she calls me "Hun" and think nothing of it.

I spent many years as an engineer in the chemical industry; I was often the only woman in the chemical plant other than an office secretary or chemistry lab assistant. I got called "little lady" and "young woman" and such by quite a few men. Some were well intentioned but misguided but others were deliberately trying to put me down and teach me my place. I think I learned to tell the difference fairly well and respond accordingly.


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## glendam (May 5, 2022)

I can see why it would be offensive to a lot of people.  I grew up with it though, so I guess it does not bother me.  My mom had a furniture store in what I guess would be the furniture district in down town San Salvador, El Salvador.  Street Selling and haggling is very common, so just walking the block I would get called every loving name there is,"Mi amor, tesoro, corazon.."  "My love, my treasure, my heart?", and some would even touch people's arms trying to draw them in...you would think you were in a different kind district but by the setting.


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## Zany_in_CO (May 5, 2022)

glendam said:


> so just walking the block I would get called every loving name there is,"Mi amor, tesoro, corazon.." "My love, my treasure, my heart?"


Oh, young women have all the fun! When I walk down a crowded vendor street (think: Tim Conway as the bent over 'Little Old Man' barely shuffling along slowly) I hear, _"Hey lady! Could ya pick up the pace a bit?"   _


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## Vicki C (May 5, 2022)

I have noticed in a few transactions with Chinese vendors that they call me “dear.“ it’s frankly sort of jarring. I have thought about letting them know it’s not really appropriate but don’t want to create bad vibes. (These are all email transactions.)
I don’t mind when people (where I live, always women) call me hun. But it would bug me if men used terms like that with me.


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## Sandiebrown65 (May 5, 2022)

If I am in a casual setting I basically call any women under the age of about 30 "lovey". It was what my mother did and I began doing it when my daughters were children. I would refer to their girl friends as lovey. Now my daughters are in their 30's I still tend to do it to women of their age. I don't call males this, just women and it is meant to make the other person feel at ease and to let them know I am a friendly person, it is done as a warm gesture. I am pretty sure anyone would understand this. If people choose to take offense at this then so be it I guess. If someone berated me for doing this I think I would probably dissolve immediately into tears, it would catch me so off guard and I would be really confused.

My mother was from a Scottish background and it was either "lovey" or "lassy". My grandfather always referred to and called young women "lass" and young men "laddie". To be offended by this is a bit baffling for me? Would people seriously be offended by this? It's the same thing as calling someone love, just different terms. The overall gesture is the same, it is meant to be warm and friendly not condescending. 

Personally I hate being called Ma'am or madam, I would rather the term madam be reserved for women in charge of houses of ill repute and the only person who should be called Ma'am is the Queen of England.  I find both terms to be really abrasive and cold.

I think it all comes down to context and culture is a big part too.


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## glendam (May 5, 2022)

Zany_in_CO said:


> Oh, young women have all the fun! When I walk down a crowded vendor street (think: Tim Conway as the bent over 'Little Old Man' barely shuffling along slowly) I hear, _"Hey lady! Could ya pick up the pace a bit?"  _


You are too funny! I should have clarified most of the sales people were women, and I was probably 10-14, so I think they just repeated the same thing over and over to anyone who passed by: “What do you want my love? Come in, come see.


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## Zany_in_CO (May 6, 2022)

@glendam Oopsie!


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## Hope Ann (May 6, 2022)

DianaMoon said:


> (Change of subject: "y'all" is fine if you really are Southern, but the current overuse of it by people trying to sound cool is galling. Stop. Just stop.)



And double that for yonder and far yonder.  Measurements I picked up from my granddaddy.  

Hope

I've never understood being upset that someone called you sir or ma'am.  It's a sign of respect.  I was raised southern military so those automatically come out of my mouth.  I do wish people would stop being offended at every little thing and instead look at the heart and intent of the speaker and give them grace.  (Not saying this specifically about this thread but our nation in general).  I'd rather not be called Hon but I recognize the intent.  Ditto for my Chinese coworkers who also use Dear, as mentioned above.

Hope


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## Emulsion (May 6, 2022)

In todays climate I pick my battles carefully and this isn’t one of them. Glad to be back to soaping.


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## dibbles (May 6, 2022)

The mother of a dear friend has always called everyone 'honey' and I'm pretty sure it's because she is afraid to call someone by the wrong name. She is in her 90s now, but I've known her for 40+ years. I always liked it. But I know this is a personal connection and completely different than a stranger or, worse yet, a work colleague calling someone 'hon'. But when this happens (stranger - not colleague), I usually don't infer ill intent and let it go. The first time I was called ma'am was when I was all of 20 or 21. I was at McDonald's and the cashier was a HS student. That one did hurt a bit.  On my 27th birthday, a younger work colleague (maybe 21 or 22) told me she hoped she looked as good as I did when she got to be my age.


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## AliOop (May 6, 2022)

Yesterday at the grocery store, the cashier asked me, "Hon, do you qualify for this?" 

She pointed to the sign which offered a 10% discount on second Thursdays for anyone 55+yo.  

Me: "Yes ma'am, and where's your supervisor so I can tell him you are the BEST cashier in this store?"

Given that the big 6-0 is merely weeks away, it was a total compliment that she asked.  Plus, after living in Texas for a few years, I am immune to hun, darlin, sweetheart, and all the rest.

I do agree, it is context-dependent. However, even if someone is using that language for the wrong reasons, that only makes me more determined not to let them get under my skin. Not going to let their issues ruin my good day.


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## TheGecko (May 6, 2022)

I do on occasion refer to my boss as "Oh Great One", but never when a client is present.  I am quite a bit older than my boss or my workers...twenty to almost forty years older.  The younger ones were fairly casual, but have picked up on my formal terms of addressing clients as Sir or Ma'am...especially helpful as we have a lot of clients from other cultures and names can be hard to pronounce.

Now I do have my "boys" and a few others that are around the same age as my kids and so I am a little less formal with them, but a lot of that has to do with the amount of time that I have known them. 

And back to my boss...he's the same as as my youngest daughter and his children call me "Auntie", but he is still the boss and even though his parents are my age, they are still my boss's parents.


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## paradisi (May 10, 2022)

It's so cultural!  And generational.

To people of my generation, ma'am and sir are usually signs of respect (Dad was a drill sergeant in WWII). Heck, he taught us to call Mom "Mother Dear Sir" and was only half joking.  People my age called our teachers, bosses, elders sir or ma'am.

Cashiers now, seeing my white hair, often call me Hon or Dear, and that's fine. It's not a status competition, it's a brief human interaction over groceries.

I haven't had a business contact use Hon or Dear, if I did I wouldn't be offended so much as find it weird and a sign of bad judgment.. and rethink them as suppliers. 

I am put off by business people I don't know addressing me by my first name instead of Ms. Paradisi... I find that impertinent. After we get to know each other, then you can use my first name. At least ask if it's ok.

And the same goes for me; if I don't know your name, I might call you Dear or sweetie if you're a little kid, or sir or ma'am for everyone else.


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## MelissaG (May 10, 2022)

paradisi said:


> It's so cultural!  And generational.
> 
> To people of my generation, ma'am and sir are usually signs of respect (Dad was a drill sergeant in WWII). Heck, he taught us to call Mom "Mother Dear Sir" and was only half joking.  People my age called our teachers, bosses, elders sir or ma'am.
> 
> ...


I was taught to always call people ma'am or sir. I loathed it when businesses tried to tell me to call people by their names. It just seems so rude. And frankly, I don't know these people, I'm ma'am, thanks. We are not friends, and I'm just spending my money with you. My friends, family, coworkers, etc are the only ones that should be calling me by my name unless asked to do otherwise.


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## KiwiMoose (May 10, 2022)

In New Zealand it is not culturally appropriate to call anyone Ma'am or Sir.  Nor even Mr or Mrs in most cases ( except a lad about to meet his future Father in law for the first time!)  People who do use the titles 'Mr' or 'Mrs' when addressing people are quickly ushered onto a first name basis.  I work at a university and even the professors are addressed by their first name.  Then only students who call them 'Professor' are the international ones because they can't bring themselves to be as informal as the rest of us.


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## janesathome (May 11, 2022)

When I was a kid, I recall that once in awhile someone would call my mother “dear”. She always got frosty and would mutter “I’m not your dear!” once she got out of earshot. I learned through mom to get prickly about being called “dear” myself and for YEARS I would repeat that “I’m not your dear” phrase internally when a stranger called me dear. 
finally, FINALLY it occurred to me that there are much bigger hills to die on. How nice to relax and just appreciate that being called hon or dear is much better than being called “you old bat” or words to that effect! BUT I did respond to a manager who used to call me sweetheart bu calling him honey once. He looked very startled - and after that called me by my name. IMO I t’s NEVER ok for an older man, especially a manager, to use a term of endearment when addressing a colleague - especially a younger employee - unless it’s his spouse, and then it had better be behind closed doors!


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## artemis (May 11, 2022)

I am in Youth Ministries at my church. We had a brand new, very gentle hearted youth pastor once who called us all sweetie. He meant it in a brotherly way that was clearly just his habit with female acquaintances. And, to tell the truth, he was a little scatter-brained, so he may also have used it as a cover for when he couldn't come up with a name. Anyway, I just said, "I'm sorry, but my husband is the only person who gets to call me that." That stopped it right there. I think, as a newly married guy himself, he had to take a moment to think about how he would feel about someone else calling his own wife "Sweetie."


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## Catscankim (May 11, 2022)

I lived most of my life in Philadelphia. We don't really have pet names for people, especially strangers, except maybe babe (I never used it, but a bf/gf might).

I'm white, my cousin is black and only a couple of years younger than I am. She used to live with us since she was a baby. Then as a toddler she was placed with a black family (It was her mom/my aunts lifestyle and a dcf thing, which we won't get into LOL). Anyway. She came back to live with us after a few years and she was calling me ma'am "because you are older than me" she said. It was very weird to me. I was a teenager being called ma'am. It was a word that never exists in Philly, at least not at the time. It used to make my mom SOOOO mad when she called her ma'am. But my dad explained to me that it was a sign of respect. Fast forward a few years. She came over to see my new baby and asked: "Ma'am, can I hold the baby?" "STOP IT we are cousins!" I wasn't offended, in my head I equated it to be called "your honor" lol. It was just how she was taught by the black family that she lived with for a few years.

YEARS later, I moved to Florida. All of that forgotten about being called ma'am by my cousin, I was called Ma'am for the first time as an adult. For a long time I had a rule: don't call me ma'am. Makes me feel old. Now being down here for 15 years, it is part of my own language now. I say it all the time because it's the culture down here and I somehow picked it up lol.

A couple of weeks ago one of our ER nurses (very southern, I forget where she is originally from), addressed our hospital priest "hey baby, how you doin?" Everybody was laughing and she was perplexed "what, what is happening?" I'm like...did you just call Father Phillip baby? "yeah, why? I call everybody baby." She truly didn't understand why we were all laughing or what was wrong with calling the priest baby.

Terms of endearment do not bother me...and I will say ANYMORE. They used to. But after I have been exposed to different people over my years...Its a cultural thing, and I think it definitely varies by state.

And...living in florida, I have learned that I am a Senora, not a Senorita LOL


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## MiscellaneousSoaper12 (May 11, 2022)

Catscankim said:


> And...living in florida, I have learned that I am a Senora, not a Senorita LOL



Oh no, living in a Spanish speaking country, the whole Señora vs Señorita thing is touchy for a lot of people. I'm early 20s and I've been called señora though so I don't know what that says about my appearance LOL. I do get annoyed when people call me "amiga" (friend) which I suppose could translate to "dear" or "honey" in that it can sound demeaning. So many cultures congregate where I live that I just roll with things for the most part.


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## Kezza#Aus (May 12, 2022)

If it's a women saying it I don't mind, as I am woman.  but really don't like the man to say pet names to me...


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## Arimara (May 12, 2022)

DianaMoon said:


> I love that about the South. Maybe it's because people are so polite there in general that the terms of endearment are so endearing.
> 
> I know people think of NYC as rude and hostile (because it is!) but believe it or not when you get into the boroughs (not Manhattan) people are quite friendly and use "hon" a lot, esp. working-class people, so I have a soft spot for that.  And Hispanic NYers call you "mami" and "papi" depending. I love that.
> 
> (Change of subject: "y'all" is fine if you really are Southern, but the current overuse of it by people trying to sound cool is galling. Stop. Just stop.)


Thank you for putting the truth out there. It's usually some of the transplants who are rude thanks to preconceived notions but sharper ones learn that we tend to look after our own and if we get to know you, we'll have your back too. But I could just be one of the last some-what old school New Yorkers.


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## SoapLover1 (May 12, 2022)

RusticUrban said:


> Grrrr, just needed to vent.... it seems that long gone are the days when you would call someone by their name, now all I get from businesses is "thanks Hun", "hi babe" "sure thing sweetie"
> 
> Maybe I'm just getting old, but when a business uses a pet name in professional correspondence, i will immediately go elsewhere, especially when they know my name....
> 
> Ok vent over...


Hi! I think it’s a beautiful thing for someone to speak Positive Words over you!  With the society we live in today, where people are assaulted and scorned with nasty words with meant to hurt and harm.  It’s also not what you are called but what you answer to.  Blessings!


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## MelissaG (May 12, 2022)

the word "y'all" is something you pick up when you've lived long enough in the south. It's just a way of speaking. I started doing it a couple years after living here now I don't even think about it. The weird thing is that people think everyone in the south is so polite. They aren't. You want polite, you go to Canada. Southerners are great at seeming polite while they are actually insulting you. I learned that the hard way. If you ever hear a southerner say "well bless your heart", they are calling you a moron. lol And that's just to start.

I do, however, make an effort not to say "eh" anymore. Americans tease you hard about that. It's simpler to just cut it out of my language. Though my husband says I start doing it the moment I walk off the plane in Canada without even thinking lol.


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## chigirl (May 13, 2022)

Kimimarie84 said:


> Have any of y’all just recently moved to the South (as in Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, etc…)? We call everyone honey, baby, love, sweetie, sugar, etc… down here. To anyone and everyone, friends and strangers, alike. It’s just part of the culture. We do also say ma’am and sir, and it’s all meant to be respectful and courteous. It depends on the context. In a corporate setting, “ma’am” and “sir” would be used, but retail and casual places, it would be “sweetie,” “honey,” “hon.”


And, Sugar, Miss Kim, honeypie, ...all meant with kindness and affection in the south. Up north here if you say those things people get easily offended. I think it’s just a cultural thing. We offend pretty easily as a species anymore, don’t we?


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## Kimimarie84 (May 13, 2022)

MelissaG said:


> the word "y'all" is something you pick up when you've lived long enough in the south. It's just a way of speaking. I started doing it a couple years after living here now I don't even think about it. The weird thing is that people think everyone in the south is so polite. They aren't. You want polite, you go to Canada. Southerners are great at seeming polite while they are actually insulting you. I learned that the hard way. If you ever hear a southerner say "well bless your heart", they are calling you a moron. lol And that's just to start.
> 
> I do, however, make an effort not to say "eh" anymore. Americans tease you hard about that. It's simpler to just cut it out of my language. Though my husband says I start doing it the moment I walk off the plane in Canada without even thinking lol.


As a Southerner, I can say that “Bless your heart” is not always passive aggressive. That is probably the one that’s most often thought of when that phrase comes to mind, but it’s not always the intended meaning. Though Southerners do have the “art” of saying something ugly in a sweet way, “Bless your heart” can mean a range of things. It depends on context. Sometimes I’ll say, “Bless it,” for example, if a child falls down and scrapes their knee. “Oh, bless it, you poor baby, come here; I’ll give you a band-aid.” Or sometimes it’s an exclamation like, “Yikes!” Or “Darn it!” Other times it’s something you say to someone who’s going through a trial, like if someone is sick or someone has passed away. You might say, “Well, bless your heart, honey, what can we do? Do you need a casserole? Can we bring you anything? How can we help?” It can be an affirmation that someone is going through a hard time, and that you empathize/sympathize with that person, like you’re blessing them/praying for them. There are times a “Bless your heart” has been thrown out there in a “You’re a moron” way, but that’s typically reserved for special occasions. But again, tone and context are key.


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## Susie (May 13, 2022)

MelissaG said:


> It's not professional but I'm used to it. I live in the deep south. Hon, honey, dear, etc are common here. It's just part of the lexicon. Though I have to say I don't call people that unless it's my husband, well unless I'm doing the passive aggressive southern insult thing lol. I've lived in the south too long. rofl


I've lived in the deep South all of my life. I got called "sweetie" in a public chat by a co-worker. I had to explain to my boss (a native Texan) why that was bad. And I also explained to him that if she called me that again, I am going to HR. But, it was all in the context.

She is a newbie, and asked a question that had just been answered and explained the day before. And I even pinned the thread. So, if she was doing what she was told by our mutual boss, and reading the pinned items, she would not have had to ask. So I explained that it was pinned. And she snarked at me and called me "sweetie". She was also mad at me for telling her that the training we are all offered would help her a lot in her day to day work.


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## MelissaG (May 13, 2022)

chigirl said:


> And, Sugar, Miss Kim, honeypie, ...all meant with kindness and affection in the south. Up north here if you say those things people get easily offended. I think it’s just a cultural thing. We offend pretty easily as a species anymore, don’t we?


The "miss" part is what hit me hard when I moved here. It seems like something left over from the times of slavery. I can live with the others but that... I wish people would stop doing it.


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## TheGecko (May 14, 2022)

DianaMoon said:


> (Change of subject: "y'all" is fine if you really are Southern, but the current overuse of it by people trying to sound cool is galling. Stop. Just stop.)


The South doesn’t have the monopoly on that contraction.  Though technically south of the Mason-Dixon Line, I don’t think anyone would call Missouri a ‘southern’ state, but it was quite common to use it in the Ozarks.  While I eventually outgrew “I ain’t done did”, I still say y’all almost 50 years later.



MelissaG said:


> The "miss" part is what hit me hard when I moved here. It seems like something left over from the times of slavery. I can live with the others but that... I wish people would stop doing it.


It has nothing to do with slavery and everything to do with simple courtesy.



Hope Ann said:


> I do wish people would stop being offended at every little thing and instead look at the heart and intent of the speaker and give them grace.


Amen sister, amen.

I work in a very multi-cultural environment.  And by “multi-cultural” I mean men, women, different skin colors, different countries, different languages, different religions, different politics, different ages (25 to 60), different family units, carnivores and vegans, and so on an so forth.  Only once did we have an issue and that was with PC Karen…from her I learned that ‘inclusiveness’ and ‘diversity’ was just another name for racism and bigotry.


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## DianaMoon (May 14, 2022)

TheGecko said:


> The South doesn’t have the monopoly on that contraction.  Though technically south of the Mason-Dixon Line, I don’t think anyone would call Missouri a ‘southern’ state, but it was quite common to use it in the Ozarks.  While I eventually outgrew “I ain’t done did”, I still say y’all almost 50 years later.


 OK. Then I'll change my line to this: when Northerners use "y'all" they are trying to be cool, trendy, and woke. It makes me cringe. It's as authentic as a New Yorker saying "yinz."

JMO.



TheGecko said:


> It has nothing to do with slavery and everything to do with simple courtesy.





Susie said:


> I've lived in the deep South all of my life. I got called "sweetie" in a public chat by a co-worker. I had to explain to my boss (a native Texan) why that was bad. And I also explained to him that if she called me that again, I am going to HR. But, it was all in the context.
> 
> She is a newbie, and asked a question that had just been answered and explained the day before. And I even pinned the thread. So, if she was doing what she was told by our mutual boss, and reading the pinned items, she would not have had to ask. So I explained that it was pinned. And she snarked at me and called me "sweetie". She was also mad at me for telling her that the training we are all offered would help her a lot in her day to day work.


Why didn't you just tell her yourself, nicely, that you don't like being called "sweetie"?



TheGecko said:


> Amen sister, amen.
> 
> I work in a very multi-cultural environment.  And by “multi-cultural” I mean men, women, different skin colors, different countries, different languages, different religions, different politics, different ages (25 to 60), different family units, carnivores and vegans, and so on an so forth.  Only once did we have an issue and that was with PC Karen…from her I learned that ‘inclusiveness’ and ‘diversity’ was just another name for racism and bigotry.



Yeah, really. I don't want to sound like I'm some kind of NYC super-patriot (I'm not, don't get me going about everything about this place that sucks) but one thing we did learn is how to get along with people of all different backgrounds. I do not, as an adult, need to be taught about cultural competence, etc.

My last experience in the regular job market before going indie was being forced to sit through diversity training. I won't describe here what happened -- too complicated, would take a novel -- but it set a horrible tone. I was out of there after two months.

People get offended easily, esp. on the internet, but I'm going to say this: learn to brush off minor things like this. They just do not matter.


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## Susie (May 14, 2022)

DianaMoon said:


> Why didn't you just tell her yourself, nicely, that you don't like being called "sweetie"?


Because she was trying to start a fight in public. And I value my ability to remain professional under all circumstances. I do not have to participate in every argument I am invited to. This way, only one of us looks bad.

I would never get upset with someone who called me Hun, Sweetie, Sugar, or any other term of endearment if it was either just habit or if it was sincerely meant. But the sarcastic sniping of calling me Sweetie, that I will not tolerate more than once.


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## TheGecko (May 14, 2022)

DianaMoon said:


> My last experience in the regular job market before going indie was being forced to sit through diversity training. I won't describe here what happened -- too complicated, would take a novel -- but it set a horrible tone. I was out of there after two months.
> 
> People get offended easily, esp. on the internet, but I'm going to say this: learn to brush off minor things like this. They just do not matter.


I worked for the Feds for about a year in the early 90s and had to spend two days going through 'sexual harassment' training.  Prior to the training, we were a friendly office, after the training we were afraid to say "Good Morning" to each other.  Nobody laughed, nobody smiled, nobody talked unless it was strictly business...it was awful.  

I went back to school in 2009...local community college; they had just established a 'diversity' department the year before.  I knew when I saw the flyers it was going to get bad and a year after I graduated, it had control over the college.  My sister worked there and everyone was getting daily (sometimes more) email from the department filled with Dos and Don'ts...a lot of folks referred to them as the "Gestapo".  Then Scholarships and Endowments started drying up and enrollment dropped...it wasn't until they started canceling classes that typically had waiting lists that the Powers That Be finally pulled their heads out of the butts and realized just how 'unfriendly' the college had become.  That in their bid to be 'inclusive', they had instead become 'exclusive'.


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## MelissaG (May 14, 2022)

TheGecko said:


> It has nothing to do with slavery and everything to do with simple courtesy.


So I've been told. I don't agree.


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## DianaMoon (May 14, 2022)

Susie said:


> Because she was trying to start a fight in public. And I value my ability to remain professional under all circumstances. I do not have to participate in every argument I am invited to. This way, only one of us looks bad.
> 
> I would never get upset with someone who called me Hun, Sweetie, Sugar, or any other term of endearment if it was either just habit or if it was sincerely meant. But the sarcastic sniping of calling me Sweetie, that I will not tolerate more than once.


I didn't mean you should confront her in the middle of a meeting. I didn't know that. I asked why you couldn't ask her, nicely, to address you respectfully in public, before you involved your boss and told him you were going to HR - that's a serious thing in today's world.


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## TheGecko (May 14, 2022)

MelissaG said:


> So I've been told. I don't agree.


And therein lies the problem.


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## MelissaG (May 15, 2022)

TheGecko said:


> And therein lies the problem.


That's not a problem, it's a disagreement. We can disagree without it being a problem. You are fine with it, I'm not. That's all.


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## Hope Ann (May 15, 2022)

DianaMoon said:


> OK. Then I'll change my line to this: when Northerners use "y'all" they are trying to be cool, trendy, and woke. It makes me cringe. It's as authentic a



You do realize that people move and take their "southern' with them?  Also, there are a lot of southern speech pockets in northern states.

Hope


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## DianaMoon (May 15, 2022)

Hope Ann said:


> You do realize that people move and take their "southern' with them?  Also, there are a lot of southern speech pockets in northern states.
> 
> Hope



Of course I realize that. I was referring specifically to hip "woke" types. I've heard people who never so much as set foot below the MD line using "y'all," virtually always to hector someone about politics.



MelissaG said:


> That's not4 a problem, it's a disagreement. We can disagree without it being a problem. You are fine with it, I'm not. That's all.



If you want to understand the differences in American cultures, I suggest this great book, American Nations.

The elaborate social courtesies of the South come from cultural differences, which come from the ancestral homeland and the history of the South post-Revolution. Another book about this is Albion's Seed, which was a bit above my pay grade.


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## Arimara (May 15, 2022)

chigirl said:


> And, Sugar, Miss Kim, honeypie, ...all meant with kindness and affection in the south. Up north here if you say those things people get easily offended. I think it’s just a cultural thing. We offend pretty easily as a species anymore, don’t we?


It is a cultural thing indeed. In NYC, 'Miss' is what 'Ma'am' is in the south. I might want to say was in this case. I'd get called 'Miss' by strangers who don't know my name and it's way more polite than if someone called me "Lady". As a child I'd call the female teacher "Miss [whatever name here] and as an adult, I'm actually supposed to still address women old enough to literally be my mom at least "Miss" (I was raised a certain way, ya know). Sugar is not even used up here unless some lady who knew my grandmother said "come and give me some sugar". Honeypie is an unknown name I have never heard and willl only associate with people who want "Diebeetus" inducing food.


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## TheGecko (May 16, 2022)

“Miss” for teachers is a hold over from times when only unmarried women were allowed to teach.  And the use of “Miss/Mr First Name” have been around for a very long time and predates this country.  It is more common to the South and Texas, yes, but it’s not exclusive


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## melinda48 (May 16, 2022)

Hope Ann said:


> You do realize that people move and take their "southern' with them?  Also, there are a lot of southern speech pockets in northern states.
> 
> Hope


Absolutely! I am from upstate New York (Syracuse area) and, believe me, there are colloquialism across the state that would, I guess, make you cringe. I have always found that  if you merely take people as they come, things generally work out. In the south I am sometimes called “Miss Melinda” which, at first, I thought was odd but you know what - people will bet people. Call me whatever you want - just not late for dinner. Lighten up folks. Life is too short for this s… to be bothering us.


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## Rsapienza (May 21, 2022)

Reading this thread made me think of when I first moved to Florida. Being a New Yorker, “ma’am” is not commonly used. I looked at it as a term for an older generation. Not necessarily offensive, but not what I wanted to be called at 25 years old. 
My first few months in Florida, I worked in a convenient store and one of my regular customers was a young cowboy type man who always called me ma’am. I had already realized that it was a common southern thing. One day…..just sort of messing with him, I said, “how many times do I need to tell you to stop calling me ma’am?” It was his reply that got me….”I’ve had my ass beat too many times to think it’s not right ma’am” I still chuckle when I think of him.


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## chigirl (May 21, 2022)

Rsapienza said:


> Reading this thread made me think of when I first moved to Florida. Being a New Yorker, “ma’am” is not commonly used. I looked at it as a term for an older generation. Not necessarily offensive, but not what I wanted to be called at 25 years old.
> My first few months in Florida, I worked in a convenient store and one of my regular customers was a young cowboy type man who always called me ma’am. I had already realized that it was a common southern thing. One day…..just sort of messing with him, I said, “how many times do I need to tell you to stop calling me ma’am?” It was his reply that got me….”I’ve had my ass beat too many times to think it’s not right ma’am” I still chuckle when I think of him.


That’s just plain adorable!


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## melinda48 (May 21, 2022)

Relle said:


> I agree, with all of the above. A staff member in Aldi said to me OK love ( this wording is my top of the list that I hate), I saw red and said don't talk to me like that, you don't speak to customers like that. He said he didn't know my name and thought it was OK. I said you don't call customers love and you don' t need to know my name. I hope my tone when I spoke to him will make him think next time he speaks to someone. OK love is the worst for me, I find it very condescending. If Dh is with me and someone has called me that, he usually grabs my


Was he/she Australian? That is a common term that is used between people there or, in Cajun country they often use Cher (as in cherie). I have been called hon, love, dear, sweetie, m’am, cher, among other terms. It is merely a way for people to engage when they don’t know your name but want to appear friendly. I am,  frankly, surprised that this offends so many people. I love interacting with people and find it heartwarming when those with whom I interact show their enjoyment of others by using terms that are endearing. Perhaps I am the odd man out here but there are many other things I would rather not be called than love or sweetie.



Obsidian said:


> I had this discussion just a couple weeks ago with a small business owner who didn't understand a customer who got upset at being called hun.
> I explained best I could but it seems like these terms of endearment are quite acceptable amongst the younger generation.
> I see no reason to tack a name or title on a greeting. Just say hi, thanks, ok.


I have usually experienced it with older clerks. Young ones call you nothing - that is if you can get them to wait on you at all.


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## SoapLover1 (May 22, 2022)

melinda48 said:


> Was he/she Australian? That is a common term that is used between people there or, in Cajun country they often use Cher (as in cherie). I have been called hon, love, dear, sweetie, m’am, cher, among other terms. It is merely a way for people to engage when they don’t know your name but want to appear friendly. I am,  frankly, surprised that this offends so many people. I love interacting with people and find it heartwarming when those with whom I interact show their enjoyment of others by using terms that are endearing. Perhaps I am the odd man out here but there are many other things I would rather not be called than love or sweetie.
> 
> 
> I have usually experienced it with older clerks. Young ones call you nothing - that is if you can get them to wait on you at all.


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## paradisi (May 22, 2022)

Me, too.


melinda48 said:


> I have been called hon, love, dear, sweetie, m’am, cher, among other terms. It is merely a way for people to engage when they don’t know your name but want to appear friendly. I am,  frankly, surprised that this offends so many people. I love interacting with people and find it heartwarming when those with whom I interact show their enjoyment of others by using terms that are endearing. Perhaps I am the odd man out here but there are many other things I would rather not be called than love or sweetie.


Me, too.

When I remember that sometimes my smile or kind words might be the only ones that person receives that day, I resolve to speak up more. And by the same light, I am pleased to receive kindness.


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## squarepancakes (May 23, 2022)

Funnily enough, in Singapore as an ethnically Chinese person, when I visit Chinese restaurants run by mainland Chinese folks, they always refer to the customers as "pretty lady, handsome guy". While it was a bit puzzling the first time I experienced it, it's just their way of being casual and friendly, so I'm not too bothered by it.

Same for the Malay run places where the makcik/pakcik (mid-age auntie/uncle) will refer to most who are younger than them as _*sayang*_, "dear/sweetie". It's nothing malicious and them being welcoming.

Also, in general, everyone middle age is an "auntie/uncle" when you're out and about in a casual setting here. Even when you have no relation whatsoever. Now that I'm in my mid-thirties, I'm also starting to get kids calling me as such when I'm out.

To be offended by either of the above is well, odd to me as it's really just their way of being at ease and friendly. I think like what everyone has mentioned, it really boils down to culture and context when such terms are being used? I had a supervisor who used to pick on me and referred to me as "dear". It was infuriating because of context and not the word used.


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## TheGecko (May 23, 2022)

squarepancakes said:


> It was infuriating because of context and not the word used.


Context is everything.  "Hun" is one of those words that I can use to signify that you are a friend, or that I think you are an idiot...depends on context.


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## melinda48 (May 23, 2022)

MelissaG said:


> The "miss" part is what hit me hard when I moved here. It seems like something left over from the times of slavery. I can live with the others but that... I wish people would stop doing it.


“Miss” is not left over from “times of slavery” (I assume you are referring to the American South and not our present world-wide issues with human slavery). Miss was a young woman who was not yet married or a spinster. The term is used world-wide and in every language. One of the most interesting things about traveling is hearing local colloquilisms. I  have yet to be offended by how I am addressed by  a clerk, assistant, other human in general. People are the only “things” around that make life so interesting. Be grateful you are alive to be annoyed I guess.


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## Daisy (May 23, 2022)

Oops! Guilty as charged!!

I've been known to end my calls with customer care services with, "thank you dear"
It just slips out and being older it comes from having some British influence.
As @TheGecko said above, it's the context that matters.


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