# I swear...



## Guest (Dec 24, 2007)

I really have a hard time around the holidays.. 
Thanksgiving, 
Christmas, 
especially Valentine's Day
oohhh... and Father's Day

Its hard being a single parent. For one, I dont have a "hubbie" a "bf" or sort...and although I started trying to date :roll: its just hard. 
This is when everyone says "when are you going to have a man, a boyfriend, why are you always by yourself?" :roll: 

I mean, when I am alone,  yeah. it bothers me...I do love my freedom, but it gets to me to where I cry at night about it. 
especially around these holidays.. 

Father's day is hard because the kids want to see their father.. who by the way pops up when its convenient to him. 
I am father! YEAR AROUND! DO I GET CREDIT! NO NO NO!
He gets a freaking gift.. many of I LOVE YOU's! and disappears ...again

This type of **** is getting old... quick.. 
I so hate the holidays... I would rather just make soap. 
Send the kids with the family.. and stay alone at home.


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## Tabitha (Dec 24, 2007)

So sorry you are having a totugh time. How old are your kids?

My brother always gave my mom a gify on father's day. I was so very sweet. We had no dad in the home either..


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2007)

12 and 7... she is turning 12 on thursday


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## Tabitha (Dec 24, 2007)

BTW: I was single mom w/ my daughter. One Christmas, just before her 2nd birhday I decided it was time to start dating again so I registered at a couple of online date sites. Do you think that looked desperate? The registration date on my profile was Christmas eve LMAO! I met my husbanad Dan that August throught the date site.


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## Bret (Dec 24, 2007)

*hugs*

My father has really never been a part of my life. My mom was a single mom from the time I was 5. She was with one loser for 17 years, just broke up with him a few months ago. She met someone on eHarmony and we get to meet him tomorrow. He sounds like a great guy, and he makes her happy. 



> This is when everyone says "when are you going to have a man, a boyfriend, why are you always by yourself?"



Why do you HAVE to have a man? I don't get why people ask questions like this. We've been married for 2 1/2 years and no kids yet. No one in my family know that I had a miscarriage a few months after we got married, and we've been trying unsuccessfully since then. We are seeing a specialist now. But my younger cousin made her announcement two Christmas's ago (2 months after the miscarriage) and they all cornered me and ask why I'm not pregnant yet. Yesterday I found out another younger cousin (I'm the oldest at 27) is pregnant. What if we didn't want kids? What business is it of theirs? It's not.


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2007)

Wow Bret. Im sorry. I hate a stillborn, so I know how you feel.. ((HUGS))
TELL THEM TO KISS YOUR ASS!

Its not their business.. but your own. 
I cant understand that.. as much as I am doing.. 

My Business
Raising two kids .. by myself
Full time college student
Police Dispatcher.. 

you would think they would be happy for me.. 

They always find something to PICK AT!


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## Bret (Dec 24, 2007)

smellitlikeitis said:
			
		

> My Business
> Raising two kids .. by myself
> Full time college student
> Police Dispatcher..
> ...




Thanks. And I'm happy for you! Your products are wonderful! That's a lot on your plate, most people couldn't do it. 

I think that's what family is for sometimes. My grandma is making comments to my mom about her new guy. Why do you have to go up there? You're never home. You could be doing this that etc.


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## Guest (Dec 24, 2007)

So what did the specialist say Bret? 

ETA: "Had a stillborn" I was almost 7 months pregnant.. he didnt develop a brain. hydrocephlaus" (sp?) water on the brain


What are your alternatives?


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## Bret (Dec 26, 2007)

smellitlikeitis said:
			
		

> So what did the specialist say Bret?
> 
> ETA: "Had a stillborn" I was almost 7 months pregnant.. he didnt develop a brain. hydrocephlaus" (sp?) water on the brain
> 
> What are your alternatives?




I'm so sorry to hear that... I was only 6-8 weeks, and the stupid doctor told me to wait and see what happened. They wouldn't even get me in for an initial visit until 3 months. I'm no longer with that doctor. 

This is an actual fertility clinic we're going to now, and even with them, I'm not 100% happy. I did all of my testing in June/July and everything came back fine. Some levels could be improved, but nothing serious. One of the nurses put in my chart that DH had no sperm at all after one of our tests, but told me it looked a bit low. Now she denies that she said that. I have experience with horse breeding, so when we did his sperm sample, I made a point to look at it. She was wrong. Now we have an appointment next month to get the full results of his test from the doctor and take it from there. Doctor wants to do Clomid and see what happens.


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## Soapmaker Man (Dec 26, 2007)

Shannan, I'm sorry to hear all your troubles with ex-hubby!  I know that your kids love you very much and it seems they give him a lot of attention when he pops in.  But, I guarantee you, as they get older, they will know who loves them so much she gave up much to feed, cloth, protect, and show love every day, especially by not "buying" them things that bring momentarily pleasure.  Shannan, my friend, you rock!  May the new year bring you much happiness, love and a great successful business!  I am always here to talk to my friend!  Thank you Shannan, for being you, Shannan, my friend!

Paul.... :wink:


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## dragonfly princess (Dec 26, 2007)

I wish I could help out everyone that had problems!  I had a crappy childhood but I am making sure my kids have the best I can give them.  Shan, every kid should be lucky to have a mom like you!  I have never had to raise my kids alone but I give all the single moms a butt ton of credit for doing it everyday!!!


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## WilsonFamilyPicnic (Dec 26, 2007)

I'm sorry you are having a rough holiday season...i dislike the holidays as well for other reasons. But this year i said i was not participating in all the "family holiday fun stuff" and i stuck to my guns. instead of going to the family christmas party, we stayed home....and made soap.   i finally hit the point were i decided i am not doing things just because they are expected of me, so next year, if you want to stay home and make soap...stay home and make soap. 

and as far as "when are ya gonna find a man??" goes...he'll come along when he's meant to....i was horribly lonely at one point and got swept up in a relationship that was completely wrong for me and almost married him (fortunately i came to my senses very quickly)....and after a little more time alone i attempted some online dating and found mr. absolutely perfect for me. My catch line was "Want to share my compost pile?" i figured that got straight to the very essence of my being and would weed out anyone who fit the vague profiles usually on those sites. so my suggestion is that if you ever do decide to give it a try go with "Want to share my soap pot?" or "soap making addict seeks like-minded individual." 

and one more piece of moral support as far as your kids and absent father go....its easy to take things for granted, its just assumed that mom is always there and mom is gonna take care of things...but when dad shows up its something out of the ordinary so they're gonna get excited....think of it like this...you look out the window and see a bird fly by, not big deal....but you look out the window and see a pig fly by, that's not something you see everyday so you gotta go run outside, jump up and down and make a big deal about it. 

hope the last part made sense, if not, jut picture flying pigs pooping on your ex's windshield...


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## dragonfly princess (Dec 26, 2007)

hahahhaahahah that is too funny! PIG POOP!!!!


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## Guest (Dec 26, 2007)

I love you guys so much! Thank you for the much needed support! 
I LOVE THE PIG POOP! LMAO!

At Christmas of course, all 4 of my brothers had their mates, and kids at their side etc... and of course my two cousins were there with their new babies... (awwww... ooohhh.. nosies from everyone) 

And.. they stop.. and look at me.  :? 

Shannan are you dating? blah blah blah.. 

the reason why i am saying blah blah blah.. cause I pretty much ignored everyone for the rest of the night.. all i heard was blah blah blah .. 

Didnt each much at all. Didnt really want to, I just wrapped alot of soap up in cellophane bags and made a "grab bag" type of gift thing.. 

Ya know.. some even tried to make requests.. 
"you should have brung........."
"how come you didnt make.........."
"do you have any more of........"

What the hell is this? You are getting FREE SOAP! I HAVE A BUSINESS PEOPLE THIS IS NOT NORMALLY FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whew! that felt good! LOL 

Anyway, I survived it yet another year. I told my kids we may go on a cruise or trip next year.. 

Ya know.. that asked what I was doing for New Years.. if I was coming up for the party. 

I said .. 

NOPE! I AM MAKING SOAP!


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## CPSoaper (Dec 26, 2007)

Some of your posts are keeping me in stitches.  

But on a serious note; Why is it that some think that being related is a license and permission to mistreat, push your beliefs on, judge, belittle, sometime even physically assault and berate others? Or ask questions that are none of your business?  And these are the ones that do this that cop the attitudes when we decide we've totally had it and will no longer be pushed around or treated like a child. 

Here is my holiday beef. One of my older "brothers" molested me and my sisters when we were children. I of course told and got into trouble for saying something so horrible about my mother's golden child.  i got told I was a mistake, she regretted me born, you know the usual warm fuzzies you tell you child when they tell you about something horrible that someone did to them. 

 Anyway, years later, when I was almost 18, my mother had this same sibling beat the living tar out of me for an argument we had.  The jerk did not even live at home and the argument was the typical mother/daughter fight because my baby brother was being annoying and she would not discipline him. you get the picture. So anyway, over the past 30+ years I've been told that I owe the jerk an apology, that my refusal to talk to him is destroying the family, yada, yada, yada.  I've not uttered an unkind word in response nor bothered to explain to some of what he did to me.

Recently my sister acknowledged that he too molested her and that over the years, my dislike of him had nothing to do with him beating me up. It just added to it. But no one will tell my mother since she drinks but we aren't allowed to acknowledge that we know she is still drinking against dr. orders. She is a raging alcoholic and the next drink can be her last. She will drink herself to death but we are not suppose to acknowledge this. To do so is mean.   

So my son, who lives in Northern California near them decided to not go to his grandparents for Thanksgiving since the jerk would be there and he knew he could not be pleasant. I agreed with him that he did not want to ruin everyone's holiday by beating the snot out of someone.  So he went to his auntie's house instead. My Dad was told why he did not come but apparently mother was told he had to work. Now my mother has found out that he in fact did not have to work. She got mad, threw my sister out of her house for keeping her grandson from her and helping me to turn my kids against her. She has now disowned me but I have not talked to her in 6 months.  And my son is grown man that makes his own decisions. I think it just galls her that I have a great relationship with my kids and she sucked at being a mother and doesn't fare much better at being a person. 

I like to know why we are expected to tolerate behavior such as this just because it is family?   Why is the concept of treating others as you would like to be treated whether they treat you that way or not so hard for some to get?  I raised my kids with the belief that you never hurt others on the inside or the outside. It works for me. But because it does not work for my family, I live no where near them. No fear of any kind of drop ins. Life is good.


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## Soapmaker Man (Dec 26, 2007)

Goodness gracious! :?   This is why I love this "family" forum!  We all have each other to share good times as well as not so good times with some who really do care about us; our soap family here at The SMF!  God's blessings and best wishes to all you dear people!   May we always be a support team for each other.  You all have surely encouraged me many times this year. 8)   

Paul... :wink:


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## Tabitha (Dec 26, 2007)

CP, you are right that people expect us to take so much more from our family members because they are family members than they would ever expect us to take from a friend or stranger  .


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## Guest (Dec 26, 2007)

Wow CP :shock: Wow. And I live in Northern California :? 
I think about it often.. Moving F A R  F A R   AWAY!
I have mentioned it to my kids very often. New friends, New environment. 

New everything.. A new start. 

Is it so wrong that I just dislike some of my family. I think my aunt is the only one I can really talk to. I have an uncle who lives walking distance from my house that I only see once a year. Christmas. I have a cousin 10 mins away and the only time she calls is when she needs something.. money, food, etc. 
I stopped talking to her. I put this voicemail on my phone basically saying if you dont get a call back Im ignoring you. 
My family hates the message and many times have told me its rude and I need to change it. 

If I pay the bill
If its my house and my phone.. 
guess whay
IT FREAKIN STAYS!

CP sometimes crappy parents.. make wonderful kids!


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## dragonfly princess (Dec 27, 2007)

I try not to think about my childhood, it was pretty bad!  Anyway, I truely believe that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!  I hope that helps!!

If I would have had a normal, brady bunch childhood, I would be a sweet little, quiet, pleasant person. ew ew ew !!!!


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## pepperi27 (Dec 27, 2007)

Shannon I can relate. My ex drives me nuts because he thinks when he visits the whole world has to stop for him. Although he gives me money every month (court ordered) he never calls the kids and asks me why I don't make them call him??? He pisses me off LOL My father left when I was 12 so I was always in a relationship. After getting divorced I gave myself a year to just do nothing with men and I did. After that I decided to check out chat rooms and four months later I found my bf and five years later here I am with my two kids, slowly growing business, full time job, and taking care of my mother. She isn't sick but she had knee surgery on both of them! So believe me pressure I can relate to. And mind you with all that said my ex wants me to think about him? I don't think so LOL


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## CPSoaper (Dec 27, 2007)

smellitlikeitis said:
			
		

> Wow CP :shock: Wow. And I live in Northern California :?
> I think about it often.. Moving F A R  F A R   AWAY!
> I have mentioned it to my kids very often. New friends, New environment.
> 
> ...



That is what I did. Moved the hell away as soon as I could. My family is so much easier to tolerate at a distance. Some are even easier to love. I've never regretted it and I've never looked back. I've kept contact with those that mattered. Those that did not, I mentally wished them well, and then said GOOD RITTANCE!

I love that message on your voice mail. I think that it is a hoot. roflmao. Good for you for having the guts to do it. Families. Can't live with them. Can't shoot them.  But you can move.


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## CPSoaper (Dec 27, 2007)

dragonfly princess said:
			
		

> I try not to think about my childhood, it was pretty bad!  Anyway, I truely believe that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger!  I hope that helps!!
> 
> If I would have had a normal, brady bunch childhood, I would be a sweet little, quiet, pleasant person. ew ew ew !!!!



I'm sorry to hear that but I can so relate. The good thing is, you now have a great deal of control over your personal happiness. And like you said, it made you what you are today.  It made me a fighter and survivor. For that I am thankful.


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## pink-north (Jan 1, 2008)

WOW I am humbled by the strength of all you ladies (and gentlemen) I have family issues too, but most of my issues are removed. Kudos to you for moving forward in the face of adversity. 

Smelli, this may or may not make you feel any better, but I was talking with my mother recently about my father (the dog) who continually calls and blames her for my brothers mistakes etc. My mother raised us  from very young (dad left when I was 3) And yes she has to take credit for my brother (and my) mistakes and bad behaviour, but she gets to take credit for the good stuff as well.
You are doing alot more than most women I know and well (I've tried your stuff). One day (and it won't be tomorrow or anytime soon) your "children will arise and call her blessed" -(Prov.31) You're teaching them valuable lessons right now and that's a very gooding reason to take a bow.


CP What can I say? You are still alive and sane! You have learned to take lemons and make lemonade.


Pepper, The sandwich generation sucks! Taking care of kids and parents, but again your children are learning that you care and they will take care of you when you need them. Human nature dictates that we want what we don't have. I am willing to bet though that if you ever get ill or something like that, those kids would move heaven and earth to make sure their mama is with them.

You all need to take a bow

APPLAUSE


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## Guest (Jan 1, 2008)

STANDING AND CLAPPING!


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