# A rant - and nothing about soap



## nanashousesoap (May 23, 2013)

Soooo, my husband gets a message on Facebook from his 29 year old son asking him to pay $325 deposit for a place he and his fiancé' want to get married at.  This same son lived with a different girl for 7 years until last July and the same day he moved out ... moved in with the current girl.  She's 36, has been married twice before and has 2 nearly grown kids (15 & 17).  They've been playing house now for nearly a year and I think it's utterly rude to ask us to pay any part of their wedding and even MORE rude to do it through a Facebook message when he lives in the same town we do.  

Last sentence of the message   "I need to know - yes or no ....   "  

DH hasn't responded.


----------



## Nevada (May 23, 2013)

DH should tell his son that he'll fax him some cash


----------



## soap_bubbles (May 23, 2013)

Um no... and his son has some serious balls to ask that! Maybe suggest going to Reno and the JoP--be a heck of a lot cheaper than $325!


----------



## nanashousesoap (May 23, 2013)

I'm trying really hard to stay out of this one.  And I'm almost positive the fiancé actually wrote the message - because he's never bothered using the shift key or spellcheck before.   I just don't see how they'll be able to afford the REST of the wedding if they can't come up with the venue deposit.  

I'm just really super annoyed.


----------



## Rachelmf (May 23, 2013)

Weddings can cause a lot of tension anyway and it seems like your stepson and/or his fiance are being really immature about it.  At the very least, they should've talked to your husband about it before sending a message containing "I need to know - yes or no ..."  I hope that this does not mean that the next several months will be drama-filled for you!


----------



## Hazel (May 23, 2013)

It's just my opinion but if a 29 year old man and 36 year old woman can't come up with $325 between them then what else will they not be able to afford. I'd be very leery about paying the deposit because I think it sets a precedent for them to ask for Dad to pay other bills. But I'm a bit cynical. I do think it's rude to even ask and especially rude to make the request on Facebook.

Also, isn't the wedding expenses supposed to be paid by the bride's family?


----------



## CaliChan (May 23, 2013)

What the crap? He's 29 and can't afford 325??? I'm so confused. I'm 23 and have never had to ask my mom for deposit money. *shakes head*


----------



## Smee (May 23, 2013)

If it were me, I would flat out ignore the message.
Surely a 29-year-old can figure out that no response at all means "NO".


----------



## lsg (May 23, 2013)

Send the son back a message saying "Son, we are so low on cash that we were thinking of moving in with you."


----------



## Hazel (May 23, 2013)

Great response!


----------



## nanashousesoap (May 23, 2013)

lsg said:


> Send the son back a message saying "Son, we are so low on cash that we were thinking of moving in with you."



I love this! 

They know we just went on a cruise - which we book a year (plus) in advance and pay it out.  We are both over 50, both have still have full time jobs and my soap sales are just an added plus to help fund our 'extras'.  Evidently they think we're rolling in cash.  I wish that were the case. 

I actually don't even know if her parents are still living - we've only met her 3 times .. and have yet to meet her children.  I was 36 when I married his father and I would have never EVER expected any of our family to help pay for any of our wedding expenses.

I'm sorry to vent here ...  I don't want to upset DH by fussing and griping here at home....   lucky you, huh?  LOL


----------



## Faerie Whispers (May 24, 2013)

As a mother of only boys I know my responsibility for any of their weddings are:

Engagement party 
Rehearsal dinner
Our own wedding attire

If they want a traditional wedding....only be responsible for your part traditionally as parents of the groom. the rest is on either the groom or the bride/brides parents. If your DH wants to pay for any of the grooms part I would let him only if he *wants* to pay and doesn't feel like he *has* to. It was the son and fiancee that chose traditional so they should be held to the guidelines they chose for themselves.


----------



## OHello (May 24, 2013)

Think I would send him a photo of me flipping the bird if it were me.

Bad enough that he asked, but through facebook???


----------



## Relle (May 24, 2013)

Who's to say he even saw it on facebook. Hand out once, hand out all the time. He's 29 and she's 36, when are they going to grow up.


----------



## Bicycle808 (May 26, 2013)

OK, I can see the flaws with this request, and just how tactless the, um, "young" couple is being here, but every response on this thread has been pretty callous and derisive.  Rude and presumptuous or not, he _is _family.  He should be treated with respect, even if it's not returned in-kind.  How about Dad takes Lad out for a man-to-man, and politely points out some facts?  Let's be real: $325 is only $325, and it ain't much, but Dad can find a way to express that with sensitivity.  "The $325 really isn't a problem for us, Son... but if it was a problem for _you_, you might want to make sure y'all are actually _ready_ for this."

I don't know the Kid, but he's probably not stone stupid.  In denial, maybe, but he's got to know that he's walking into a mine field.  If Dad asks him the right questions, the Kid can feel like he came to that realization himself.  If y'all simply stonewall the request and blatantly discourage the marriage, it'll just build their resolve and create a very strong (albeit possibly temporary) bond.  They'll likely wed regardless, and then you'll have to deal with a disgruntled daughter-in-law for the duration of their marriage (I'm guessing 3 years).  Handle this tactfully, and you might dissuade him--even if you don't, it'll make Thanksgiving a heckuva lot easier.


----------



## nanashousesoap (May 28, 2013)

Bicycle808 said:


> I don't know the Kid, but he's probably not stone stupid.  In denial, maybe, but he's got to know that he's walking into a mine field.  If Dad asks him the right questions, the Kid can feel like he came to that realization himself.  If y'all simply stonewall the request and blatantly discourage the marriage, it'll just build their resolve and create a very strong (albeit possibly temporary) bond.  They'll likely wed regardless, and then you'll have to deal with a disgruntled daughter-in-law for the duration of their marriage (I'm guessing 3 years).  Handle this tactfully, and you might dissuade him--even if you don't, it'll make Thanksgiving a heckuva lot easier.


. 

The "kid" is 29 years old - he is a MAN.  They have been living together for the past year - and I could honestly care less if she becomes disgruntled or not.  If she wants a THIRD wedding she needs to figure out a way to pay for it herself.  

Thanksgiving will be just fine.


----------



## Bicycle808 (May 28, 2013)

Hey, I'm not aying you're wrong... but when you're "right", you ought to be nice about it.  Especially when family is involved.


----------



## nanashousesoap (May 28, 2013)

Bicycle808 said:


> Hey, I'm not aying you're wrong... but when you're "right", you ought to be nice about it.  Especially when family is involved.


 
As far as the replies here -  I needed to vent and nothing was said that I wasn't already thinking.  

He hasn't been treated rudely.  You know the saying "if you can't say something nice ...  don't say anything at all".  

If and when he decides to be man enough to call or come by to ask - his dad can explain how we feel about the situation.  Until then ...   there won't be a reply to his Facebook message.


----------



## Candybee (May 28, 2013)

Be honest and answer back "stop by and we'll discuss it". Then tell them (hopefully both will show up) how you feel. If he is serious he will do the right thing and come to you to discuss it like a grown man and listen to what you have to say.


----------

