# Fed up, feeling overwhelmed, and no place to vent...



## gigisiguenza (Nov 5, 2015)

Pardon me while I sit here and scream.... plug your ears if you can, it's gonna be loud...

Sigh...

I'm fed up with people committing to things and not following through - especially when their lack of follow through impacts my world so heavily.
I'm overwhelmed with the stress of trying to solve problems beyond my control, with little to no support or resources - especially when these problems would not exist if people were responsible.
And I'm sorry to vent it here, when not a one of you is in any way part of it or has any desire to hear it - but right now my world is upside down, full of self absorbed vipers who can't be trusted, and I can't talk to any of them because it will cause a freight train of drama I just don't have the energy to deal with.

I'm tired. Deep in my bones tired. Of working my behind off and other people destroying my world. I know it will get better, things will move forward, as life tends to do. But at the moment I just want someone to tell me I will be okay so I can get through this demoralizing process of posting for sale stuff so I can cover someone else's irresponsibility.

Thanks for listening, and feel free delete this if it was inappropriate for the forum. I just needed to say this out loud to real live non-narcissistic people who actually listen and give a crud.

G


----------



## IrishLass (Nov 5, 2015)

Oh no, Gigi! I don't know what's going on, but I'm praying for it to all work out. ((((((((((((((Big hugs to you!))))))))))))))))))))


IrishLass


----------



## gigisiguenza (Nov 5, 2015)

TY IL, I appreciate it, really. I'm feeling very frustrated and stressed and so very tired of having to give up what little I have thanks to other people's inability to be responsible. I probably wouldn't be angry with them if it weren't for my inability to understand why they can't be responsible. I make a third of what they do, sometimes not even five figures a year, yet my portion of rent is always ready on time, and I take care of myself. So I find it hard to understand how they, with their exponentially larger financial capabilities, can't meet the same amount of financial responsibilities I do, and put me behind the eight ball in the process. I'm sorry, I'm emotional right now, and it's leaking onto this reply. I'm going to go back to taking pics of my stuff to post, so I can try fix the problem they created for me. I really appreciate the hugs, I needed them. TY. ::::hugs::::


----------



## Susie (Nov 5, 2015)

You need to have a sit down, rational discussion with those persons.  Explain exactly what the issue and the solution is.  Make notes ahead of time, and stick with them.  If they are not capable of understanding adult human responsibilities, then you need to look for other roommates.  

If you keep allowing them to do this, they never will get better.  You teach people how to treat you.  If you allow them to use you over and over, when you finally put your foot down, then you are the bad guy.  Start as you mean to go on.  Don't allow them to continue their bad behavior.

{hugs}


----------



## cerelife (Nov 5, 2015)

I feel your pain.
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/361765782541208842/


----------



## gigisiguenza (Nov 5, 2015)

Susie said:


> You need to have a sit down, rational discussion with those persons.  Explain exactly what the issue and the solution is.  Make notes ahead of time, and stick with them.  If they are not capable of understanding adult human responsibilities, then you need to look for other roommates.
> 
> If you keep allowing them to do this, they never will get better.  You teach people how to treat you.  If you allow them to use you over and over, when you finally put your foot down, then you are the bad guy.  Start as you mean to go on.  Don't allow them to continue their bad behavior.
> 
> {hugs}



I agree Susie, and this is only her third month as roommate. First month, everything was fine. Last month, minor crisis, but solvable. We sat and talked and I made it clear I cannot be responsible for her portion and it can't happen again. This month? Not only does she not have it on time, she will only have a portion of it by tomorrow, which is already 2 days past their limits. So now we're eating even more fees, that accrue daily, and I'm the one literally posting my bed, furniture, sewing machine, etc for sale to make up the difference because talking to her will not solve the immediate dilemma and I have no desire to be homeless on Saturday. Where is she right now? Hiding at a friend's house because she is "stressed out" and "doing her best". Where am I? Packing my clothes into boxes so I can sell my furniture, packing my belongings in case I end up on the floor at a friend's studio apartment.

I will tell you this - I'm sure learning real fast who my real friends are (which has turned out to be depressing in itself), and I will be making it clear I need cash in hand weekly for rent while I look for another roommate (pray I find one who isn't crazy or a meth head - you don't usually find the cream of the crop when you're the one seeking the roomie. all the weirdos come out to play at times like that lol)

I'm also horribly disappointed in her. She is a friend, who I thought would never do this. And I'm saddened by all of it.


----------



## gigisiguenza (Nov 5, 2015)

cerelife said:


> I feel your pain.
> https://www.pinterest.com/pin/361765782541208842/



TY cere


----------



## kumudini (Nov 5, 2015)

Gigi, I'm sorry you are having to go through this. We all get our share of irresponsible people and pseudo friends in life and it's really frustrating to forever be picking up the pieces and start fresh. But one thing they serve is, to make us strong.Hoping things will straighten out soon enough for you. Hugs..


----------



## gigisiguenza (Nov 5, 2015)

kumudini said:


> Gigi, I'm sorry you are having to go through this. We all get our share of irresponsible people and pseudo friends in life and it's really frustrating to forever be picking up the pieces and start fresh. But one thing they serve is, to make us strong.Hoping things will straighten out soon enough for you. Hugs..



TY kumundini ::: hugs::::


----------



## navigator9 (Nov 5, 2015)

"So I find it hard to understand how they, with their exponentially  larger financial capabilities, can't meet the same amount of financial  responsibilities I do, and put me behind the eight ball in the process."

My guess would be that it's a problem of misplaced priorities. I worked with many young people who had every Ipod, Iphone, Ipad, Ieverything, nice car, designer handbag, took nice vacations, but......nothing and I mean *nothing* in savings. We all love our friends and want to help them, but I would tell them, "I'll bail you out once, but after that you're on your own." If there are never any consequences, some people never learn. Some people will take advantage of you for as long as you let them. Be sure to take care of yourself!


----------



## gigisiguenza (Nov 5, 2015)

navigator9 said:


> "So I find it hard to understand how they, with their exponentially  larger financial capabilities, can't meet the same amount of financial  responsibilities I do, and put me behind the eight ball in the process."
> 
> My guess would be that it's a problem of misplaced priorities. I worked with many young people who had every Ipod, Iphone, Ipad, Ieverything, nice car, designer handbag, took nice vacations, but......nothing and I mean *nothing* in savings. We all love our friends and want to help them, but I would tell them, "I'll bail you out once, but after that you're on your own." If there are never any consequences, some people never learn. Some people will take advantage of you for as long as you let them. Be sure to take care of yourself!



good point... and if she were in her twenties, I'd probably be less disappointed and angry... but since she is nearly my age, I'm having trouble mustering sufficient understanding for such immature management. I understand falling behind, we all go through that.. but this seems to be her default way of running her life.


----------



## shunt2011 (Nov 5, 2015)

I'm so very sorry you are going through this GiGi.  I know it's extremely stressful.  I have a sister like navigator9 is talking about. She's in her 50's now and doesn't have a pot to pee in.  

You really need to track her butt down and give her a come to the light  talk.  You need to tell her she needs to pay her share now.   It's your livelihood and likely your credit at risk.    Big hugs to you that things will work out and get better.  Stay strong.


----------



## houseofwool (Nov 5, 2015)

Um no. I would be selling her stuff to cover rent. I would tell her, but man, she would also be out and locks changed. 

I'm sorry. It really sucks.


----------



## gigisiguenza (Nov 5, 2015)

Yes, very frustrating. And she doesn't have much, considering she keeps living by the seat of her pants. I am not even close to comfortable, let alone rich, and what I own might be second hand, but it's mine. Moving for her, is grabbing two suitcases. Moving for me is having to put it in storage. Not to mention how hard it would be to find another place once you're booted for lease violation or nonpayment. It's ridiculous and no way to live. Like I said - I may not make much but I manage to have my bills paid, and I live within my means to ensure I don't screw my roommate over by being short or late.

Ugh - frustrated beyond belief.  TY ladies ::::hugs::::

Going back to sorting out my stuff.


----------



## The Efficacious Gentleman (Nov 5, 2015)

gigisiguenza said:


> good point... and if she were in her twenties, I'd probably be less disappointed and angry... but since she is nearly my age, I'm having trouble mustering sufficient understanding for such immature management. I understand falling behind, we all go through that.. but this seems to be her default way of running her life.




33 isn't much beyond twenties, Gigi


----------



## gigisiguenza (Nov 5, 2015)

Oh my you give me more credit than I deserve. .  I'm  way past 33 ... good grief that was two decades ago lol

Eta - but you're right,  it is not that much farther than the twenties.


----------



## hmlove1218 (Nov 5, 2015)

houseofwool said:


> Um no. I would be selling her stuff to cover rent. I would tell her, but man, she would also be out and locks changed.
> 
> I'm sorry. It really sucks.



I completely agree. She may not have much either, but she'd have even less by the time I got through paying her share of the rent..

One time, ok. It's an inconvenience but you can pay me back later. Two times? Negative ghost rider.. your coughing up the cash one way or another..lol.

You'll get through this GiGi. Hopefully you find a new roommate asap and they're not a crazy person.


----------



## DeeAnna (Nov 5, 2015)

I have a 32 yo niece who is pretty much the same. She FINALLY has a decent job as an RN after 12 years of milking the educational system. Even now, she never has any money because she spends it before she makes it. She has cheated, stolen from, and lied to family members, including my mom (her grandmother). She flits after "get rich quick" schemes with the hope that they're going to make her "financially independent". I tolerate her because she's family, but I don't trust her an inch.

I'm not sure where n the world you live, Gigi, but if the rules are similar to those in the state of Iowa, I can say you won't be out on the streets for being 1 month in arrears on your rent. There's a formal process to evict a tenant and this process takes time. Rather than sell your stuff and suffer in silence, I would first talk to your landlord and/or someone in a legal aid clinic and see what options are open to you. In the meantime, make a good faith effort to pay your part of the rent and other bills on time. Is there the option to get this gal out of your place and find someone else to be a responsible roomie? If so, you'll only have one rough month to deal with.


----------



## dixiedragon (Nov 5, 2015)

That sucks. Have you spoken to your landlord? If you are a longtime no-problem tenant, he/she may be willing to cut you some slack.


----------



## Cactuslily (Nov 5, 2015)

GiGi, I am so sorry you are going through this. I would definitely speak with your landlord and see if you can get out. Clearly your roommate has a pattern of behavior that you are paying in more ways than one. I wouldn't sell your belongings. Maybe getting evicted is the best solution for you to break free of this situation and her. I would however talk with the landlord first before defaulting so your credit doesn't get affected. It's past time for her to take responsibility for her mistakes and irresponsibility. Bailing her out time and time again is only going to drain you financially, stress you out, and further divide your friendship by harboring resentment. She has to clean up her own mess. I am very sorry you are going through this.Sending positive energy your way. Hopefully you can fix this without selling off your belongings. Depending upon how the lease was written, you may only be responsible for your portion. Hang in there!


----------



## annalee2003 (Nov 5, 2015)

Oh my gigi, that's a horrible situation that your roommates have put you in!  I'm so sorry that you have to deal with such irresponsible people. I hope things get better for you and I hope your roommates realize how inconsiderate and childish they're being.


----------



## dibbles (Nov 5, 2015)

gigisiguenza said:


> I just want someone to tell me I will be okay so I can get through this demoralizing process of posting for sale stuff so I can cover someone else's irresponsibility.
> 
> G



Gigi, you will be okay. Sorry you are dealing with this stressful situation. Hoping things get better SOON!


----------



## traderbren (Nov 5, 2015)

Gigi, I'm sorry your roommate is causing you stress. I can't say anything that hasn't been said already, so {{hugs}} instead. I hope things work out, and until then, Drop and Swear!


----------



## Rowan (Nov 5, 2015)

Bless your heart, you are going through such a rough time. My heart is with you.  I hope the situation gets better soon, and you find a more helpful room mate! Big hugs from me too! However bad the situation gets, it does always get better. You will find a way through, just be strong with your roommates and look after yourself too!


----------



## Saponista (Nov 5, 2015)

This sounds awful Gigi. I'm so sorry. I really hope you manage to get things sorted out without too much more personal loss and that you find a new roommate who is as conscientious and responsible as you are. I spent a lot of my time getting angry and being disappointed in people because I expected them to behave in the same way that I would do myself. Unfortunately not everyone is the same and some people just bumble along expecting everyone else to sort out their problems. Those are the people you don't need in your life. Hopefully things will start to look up for you soon. *hugs*


----------



## HoiPoloi (Nov 5, 2015)

Ugh, getting sucked into other peoples chaos is no fun.  So stinky that this is happening to you!  Have hope that it will work out, the universe usually takes care of things.  I think your community here online supports you, I haven't been on this board long but long enough to read how they all care. Just breathe......


----------



## CaraBou (Nov 5, 2015)

I agree with Dee - they can't throw you out that quick.  And I also agree with the others who say you should not sell your stuff to cover her end.  That is ENABLING her to do it again, which she will.  It also makes you a victim, which you should not be.

Good luck.  I hope you find solutions that result in you keeping your home with a better roommate to share it with.


----------



## gigisiguenza (Nov 5, 2015)

TY all so very much for the hugs, support, and pep talks. Her and I talked a little and we will see what she can work out tonight and tomorrow. I'm busting hump here and made it clear I expect her to be busting hump too. Once past the crisis, then we will sit and have a come to Jesus moment about how this may or may not work moving forward. We will see.

In the meantime, I'm chugging forward, nose to the grind stone, focused on solving this problem. If nothing else, I'll have gotten rid of a buncha stuff that's just been taking up space. Because.I'm working from the extra don't need it stuff towards the it is needed stuff. With any kinda luck and some serious sweating by my guardian angel, it will be solved before we get to the need it stuff.


----------



## shunt2011 (Nov 6, 2015)

You really need to lay it on the line with her.  Don't let her abuse your kindness and your need to keep the roof over your head.   She needs to put on the big girl panties and act like an adult.  I know sometimes people just don't have a clue (my sister) but you need to make it clear it's not acceptable.  Unfortunately, this has become your Monkey and your Circus but it needs to end as it shouldn't be that way.


----------



## janzo (Nov 6, 2015)

I am so glad you came here and opened your heart to us. So often we chat about soap etc and forget there is someone behind the posts. Gigi you are so upbeat on here and regularly make me smile and laugh so keep up that attitude and kick this room mate to the kerb. Ain't nobody got time for that kind of behaviour.  You are a lovely lady, don't let her get to you.  And keep posting if you need to vent, we all have situations that make us mad, sad and incredulous!! Xx


----------



## dixiedragon (Nov 6, 2015)

I don't think "laying it on the line" will work with this woman as a room-mate. There's a reason that a woman over 30 is living out of a few suitcases, and in this case that reason is that she is financially irresponsible. She may shape up for a while, but you'll probably be facing this same dilemma in a few months. IMO, you might do better to look for a grad student or a newly-divorced woman as a roomie.


----------



## gigisiguenza (Nov 6, 2015)

TY all, you're a blessing for letting me vent and not thinking I'm being a whiny child over this. I do try to stay positive all the time but sometimes the weight of things takes its toll.

I agree with all that you all are saying and believe me, we will be having a chat. And I'm going to be talking to a friend about possibly finding a new roommate. We will see what happens when I talk with her about the new requirements for paying rent (weekly in hand, no option, no payment you and your stuff are out immediately). I'm also working on a backup plan so I'm not in this crisis again unprotected.

Again, TY all so very much for being so supportive. Means a great deal to me :::::hugs:::::


----------

