# Do I Dare Say The Name?



## GuarinoSoaps (Dec 21, 2013)

Ok so, on my relentless quest to find more soap **** and learn more about soaping I signed up to two forums, one was here, which I absolutely love, one was ---- (I've heard somewhere on here that people really hate mentioning it) but holy crow, all they have been doing on there is bashing me, telling me I can't give opinions because I haven't made soap yet...

I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience...


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## cm4bleenmb (Dec 21, 2013)

Of all the forums I looked at, this is the one that has consistently been the friendliest, most informative, and just downright pleasant to belong to. And general Google-ing of things I want to know almost always points me to a post on this forum, while I rarely get results from the others. Granted that may be partly due to some settings they can control, but either way, I think it still tells you something.

This forum is now my go-to source for advice and opinions. Hang around, I think you'll like it here.


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## GuarinoSoaps (Dec 21, 2013)

Oh I definitely already like it here. I think everyone here is friendly and helpful...friendly forum members is my number one choice. I don't want to belong to a forum that berates people.


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## boyago (Dec 21, 2013)

cm4bleenmb said:


> And general Google-ing of things I want to know almost always points me to a post on this forum, while I rarely get results from the others. Granted that may be partly due to some settings they can control, but either way, I think it still tells you something.
> 
> This forum is now my go-to source for advice and opinions. Hang around, I think you'll like it here.



It's kind of funny, often when I google soap things I get links straight back here answering what I was looking for.


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## boyago (Dec 21, 2013)

It wants me to have an account to follow the link, but that's hilarious to leave the forum you regular to troll people on another forum.  It's actually how I joined here all the good information I was finding was from here so I thought I should join up and drag the forum down a little with silly banter and meme posts of the Dos Equis guy.


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## Derpina Bubbles (Dec 21, 2013)

I end up back here via Google too most of the time. I think it's because people on here actually take the time to answer each others questions and help each other out. I haven't looked at the other forums because this is the first one that I was directed to each time when I looked things up when I got back to soap making this year.  I feel like stalking another forum now :shifty:


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## PinkCupcake (Dec 21, 2013)

I looked at a couple of other forums before I joined here. On one of them, I saw people giving out misinformation. At least here, someone else will come along with a correct answer to a question. And everyone has always been welcoming, friendly, and helpful to me. I love it here!


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## GuarinoSoaps (Dec 21, 2013)

I think i'll be sticking to this forum only from now on. Can't handle all the drama.


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## Obsidian (Dec 21, 2013)

I belong there and while I have never posted there, I do read the other threads and have found everyone to be pretty friendly. I read through your thread and it seems to be a fair amount of confusion and assumptions that ended up hurting your feelings. 

I know its hard no to take things like that personal but they really are trying to help. When I first joined here, I was jumped on by multiple members and I too got defensive then negative. I almost left but decided to stick around because I really did need the info provided. 
I'm really glad I did, I see now that people were just trying to help me and I was offended because I had my ideas shot down when I was hoping to be embraced by all the crazy soapers on here.

To defend those trying to help you with expenses. No one was trying to dictate how you should spend your money but they are right that you should keep it cheap until you know if you even like making soap. What if you go and buy $400 worth of scent and expensive butters just to find out you hate making soap? I know you say you like shea but have you tried shea in soap? I personally see no difference in soap with it added, its just expensive label appeal.

As far as how people reacted about your "web site" most experienced soapers who sell get irate when newbies come along talking about selling. It happens here too. I've seen people ripped for planning to sell their soap when they are inexperienced or new to making it. It might not seem like it but there is reason for it. Its safest to not even mention selling until you have numerous batches under your belt.

I do have to say that coming here to complain about people who are unable to defend themselves or explain their point is childish. I hope this thread gets locked before it can continue.


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## Derpina Bubbles (Dec 21, 2013)

Well had to sign up to have a good look and it's certainly a different world over there. More what you'd expect in a forum. Should come with a warning sign "Here be trolls". Heaps of friendly people but in just the 4 threads I read I saw rude comments. I'd be hard put finding a thread here with same. I'm staying here (sorry guys, you're stuck with me).


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## Relle (Dec 21, 2013)

Obsidian said:


> I hope this thread gets locked before it can continue.



 This thread won't be locked, there is no reason for it to be locked.


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## pamielynn (Dec 21, 2013)

I've been a member of the Dish since '07. They can be pretty rough, but usually for a good reason. Best soaping information on the web, though. I trust those people implicitly when it comes to soapmaking.


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## GuarinoSoaps (Dec 21, 2013)

It had nothing to do with that entire thread. I actually had just commented on another thread of someone's asking how to get a grey color in CP soap. It was this thread that really ticked me off:


I just am the type of person to not like negativity. There shouldn't be any on a forum...but the unfortunate truth is...there is and always be.


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## Lin (Dec 21, 2013)

I didn't get any bashing but I think I got a fair amount of "don't do it" in my first thread here. And then those naysayers were nowhere to be found after I posted pictures of my success... But of course I was new and the only thing people knew about me was what I posted in that first thread.


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## Derpina Bubbles (Dec 21, 2013)

pamielynn said:


> I've been a member of the Dish since '07. They can be pretty rough, but usually for a good reason. Best soaping information on the web, though. I trust those people implicitly when it comes to soapmaking.



I get what you're saying. On each of the threads I looked at the helpful posters outnumbered the cranky few by far. I just like how you don't see a lot of cranky on here. It's like the forum is infused with chamomile or something.  I'll try looking at more threads and checking it out more. I can admit to be overly stupidly biased in this case because I've gotten so much out of this forum in such a short time. I'm tend to suffer from sudden onset loyalty.


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## Hazel (Dec 21, 2013)

I started to write a reply and got distracted. I wandered off to take care of a few things, came back and found several more replies on this topic.

Guarino - 

I thought most of the the replies you received were friendly and informative. They gave some great advice so don't throw the baby out with the bath water. (Yes, I couldn't resist using that phrase.  ) There are many wonderful, helpful people there and you'll find the site a great resource. I stay mainly on SMF but I occasionally visit over there. Mainly I just PM a couple of members but I'll sometimes read a topic or two. Also, there have been incidents on this forum where replies can be perceived as rude and critical. And there have been a few times where I know I've been rude and critical but it's generally in response to someone who's disruptive or insulting other members.

Please don't be offended and I'm trying to say this in the nicest way - I know you're upset but you're doing the same thing here which made you angry over there. You're bashing another forum and making negative comments. Please let it go. As you said, there is always going to be negativity on forums. There is going to be negativity everywhere. I understand how you feel because I nearly left this forum a few years ago because of derogatory comments made to me. It happens on every forum and in the real world. I struggle every day to "check my ego at the door" and try not to allow comments to upset me. I try to consider the source and not become defensive. Unfortunately, I don't always succeed.

I removed your links because I don't feel it's necessary to perpetuate antagonism between the forums. There are good people over there and there are good people here. You can learn a lot from both forums. Please accept the advice they gave you and ignore what isn't helpful. 

Keep positive and think about all the lovely soap you'll soon be making. :grin:


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## TVivian (Dec 21, 2013)

Hazel for president! Haha.. 

I  have to say that just because someone says "don't do it" or "that won't work" just means it didn't work for THEM. It doesn't mean they're being negative or coming down on you. In the end you have to use your judgement because what works for some does not work for others.


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## Lin (Dec 21, 2013)

since I quoted "don't do it" I'm going to assume that was at least partially to me? Thats not what I was referring to by "don't do it" but rather people saying I wasn't ready for what I had planned to do. Again, this was only my first thread/posts here and so I understand no one knew anything about me or what I knew or had done prior to my post. I did have an eye roll moment about how I continued to update the thread and posted pictures etc and the naysayers were nowhere to be found. Its not like it honestly bothered me, Id have to go back and read the thread to even see who were saying don't do it. I received no bashing, and was commenting on how I received no bashing as a newbie here.


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## TVivian (Dec 21, 2013)

Lin I for sure May have been one of the "naysayers" on your first thread. I saw your ambition and I was so worried for you that you'd be terribly disappointed. Because most new soapers could not have attempted what you have successfully done. I (politely) added my two cents based on my experience and was thrilled for you when I was wrong. I made sure to tell you your soaps looked nice  

That comment wasn't only directed at you as I too have gotten several "don't do its".. And I did and it turned out fine! But in the moment I didn't like being told.. Now I realize that people are just trying to help and keep people from wasting money and being disappointed. That's my goal for sure!


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## boyago (Dec 21, 2013)

Lin said:


> since I quoted "don't do it" I'm going to assume that was at least partially to me? Thats not what I was referring to by "don't do it" but rather people saying I wasn't ready for what I had planned to do. Again, this was only my first thread/posts here and so I understand no one knew anything about me or what I knew or had done prior to my post. I did have an eye roll moment about how I continued to update the thread and posted pictures etc and the naysayers were nowhere to be found. Its not like it honestly bothered me, Id have to go back and read the thread to even see who were saying don't do it. I received no bashing, and was commenting on how I received no bashing as a newbie here.



I think the tradition is to give a pass on the first 205 posts..., ut oh!

Internet semianonimity is a fickle beast.  I still in wonder of an ocasion when another user publicly bashed me, accused me of having not idea what I was doing, and I should not attempt to do the things I was asking about.  He then appologized in a PM and encouraged my endeavors but continued to bash on the forum.  I later met him IRL and he was nervous and afraid to talk to me.  People are strange.  Me too.  I've had really intense reactions to things that bothered me for days from people saying mean things on line that really should have just let slid off.


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## The Efficacious Gentleman (Dec 22, 2013)

Firstly, I have no time for another soaping forum!  The Admirable Lady already feels like a soaping widow when I give her single-word answers so I can reply to threads here.  Oh, you are all "the other woman".  And men :?  Didn't really think that one through.............

But often people find a place that feels "home" to them.  For me, it's here.  I need look no further.  For the people on that other site, it's there.  And fair play to them.  I'm fairly certain that if someone who prefers the other site might find the tone a little bit strange here, in the same way that many from here find the tone there to be a little bit harsh.

It's just the way of things.


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## judymoody (Dec 22, 2013)

Since I began soaping, I have tried out a half dozen soaping forums.  Some I gave up on because there was not enough ongoing activity or they were plagued with misinformation or the mix of personalities did not appeal.  These days I mainly frequent two: SMF and "the forum that shall not be named".   

I think that forums have distinct cultures and that the admins and moderators do a lot to set the tone.  This forum is newbie-friendly and, as discussed in another thread recently, is willing to provide information if a new soaper is genuinely willing to learn and is not looking to be spoon-fed.  We place a premium on safety in the soap making process and the finished product.  Another community norm is "don't sell before you're ready" which many new people find off-putting or as some sort of mean-spirited gatekeeping.  It is not, and that has been discussed to death, so I won't reiterate here.  The broader point is that if advice comes across as terse or perhaps overly cautious, it is nonetheless offered in the best interest of the soaper and the shorthand probably comes from the fact that similar questions have been asked and answered numerous times in the past.

As for the "other" forum, it's been around a lot longer, there are many members who have been soaping a VERY long time and are pioneers in the field.  They are understandably protective of their knowledge.  If you take the time to get to know the ground rules and are respectful of that accumulated wisdom, they can be incredibly generous.  I have learned an enormous amount by participating in swaps there and have saved a good amount of money by participating in coops.  The archives are amazingly educational; I could get lost (and have) in the fragrance section alone.

But, as a general rule, it is less newbie friendly and there is very little patience for people who are relatively inexperienced but then offer advice as if they knew a lot more than they do.  The culture there is a bit different.  At times there is a lot more off topic content than threads about soaping.  Discussions about current events, politics, religion, life choices, personal milestones, pets, and relationships take up a significant amount of space there.  There is a lot of community building that happens that is not directly related to soap.

In general, I don't think it's helpful to cast stones.  There have been folks who have left this forum because they did not like the advice given.  I have seen some of them on other forums bashing SMF for being mean.


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## boyago (Dec 22, 2013)

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> And men :?  Didn't really think that one through.............



That's okay bro, you make me feel pretty.


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## jenneelk (Feb 4, 2014)

We'll I'm clueless as to this other place.. Seems I missed crazy drama while on my hiatus! Yay for me. 
But seriously.. I really like it here. Does have some drama threads and a few who I walk on egg shells with or 'step around', but that's to be expected with any forum. I've never belonged to one that didn't have this at times.
I think if a forum overall isn't cliky where the majority posting are all a group.. Then it's good and you can work through the tougher clientel. Kwim?

I have all the info and fun banter here that I need for soapmaking.


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## cmzaha (Feb 4, 2014)

I am a member of the other forum also and have also saved a lot of money with the coops they put together and the auction site. For me it is an invaluable site for lotions which I do not make but my daughter does. They can get a bit brutal, at least in the eyes of a newbie, but they know what they are talking about. I like all three forums I am a member of. Actually I am a member of several others, but 3 are my main ones


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## Miz Jenny (Feb 4, 2014)

cmzaha said:


> I am a member of the other forum also and have also saved a lot of money with the coops they put together and the auction site. For me it is an invaluable site for lotions which I do not make but my daughter does. They can get a bit brutal, at least in the eyes of a newbie, but they know what they are talking about. I like all three forums I am a member of. Actually I am a member of several others, but 3 are my main ones



Well, what the heck is the other forum. I'm interested in the part pertaining to lotions. I'm perfectly satisfied with SMF, but always like to hear another view.


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## shunt2011 (Feb 4, 2014)

I too am a member of the other forum and this forum.  They both are great places for me to obtain information.  I too love their co=ops and have saved money and also been able to purchase some things I've wanted to try at a better price.  They are two different type forums but on the other one there are some long long time soapers with a wealth of knowledge.  Perhaps not so newbie friendly all the time but a great place.  I love this forum, it's a bit more active and a lot of knowledge and nice people as well.  You just need to have tougher skin sometimes..


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## DeeAnna (Feb 4, 2014)

"...Well, what the heck is the other forum...."

Not one for being overly coy, I'm reasonably certain the "other forum" is http://www.thedishforum.com/forum/

What Judy said. I am a member there as well, but I pretty much lurk.


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## Miz Jenny (Feb 4, 2014)

Thank you!


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## dixiedragon (Feb 4, 2014)

I've been soaping for over 10 years. I don't sell, except the very occassional craft fair. I do find it a bit annoying when a person who has made a few batches of soap runs out and starts a website and is going to sell. I guess it feels disrespectful to the craft for me?


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## whitetiger_0603 (Feb 4, 2014)

I think in any forum you join, there are always going to be the/an "elder folk" who turn their nose up to a newbie with a question or ambition. Don't know why honestly. You join a forum to share your experience, and gain more knowledge. So long as the new comer to the craft is willing to listen, and the more experienced are more than willing to teach, there should be a good flow. . Been doing liquid soap exclusively for 2 years, perfecting my recipes and techniques for bubble bath, body wash, shampoo and conditioner to get ready to sell. Never once touched bar soaps. So I'd like to think that i have a good knowledge base to share, which is probably from some of the same resources as a 10 year soaper. I just lack time in. And hoesntly, there's a saying for people with experience and credentials behind their name: they can have all the experience in the world, doesn't mean they're doing it right that entire time. But I've also seen very experienced soapers butt heads over a topic to the point of indirectly insulting each other. Honestly there's no point in that kind of behavior, especially on the internet where people can hide behind a keyboard and screen and act big and mighty but would probably not act that way when face to face. 

It goes without saying, respect each other's experience, new and old. And when you're wrong, admit it. Or just don't press the issue further. And have fun. We're all here to learn in the end.


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## lsg (Feb 4, 2014)

I am closing this thread as it seems to have become counterproductive,


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