# Loss sucks



## Lynusann (Aug 20, 2015)

Apologize in advance - this is long so I don't blame some of you for not reading it all (brevity is not my strong point). I did a bit of emotional unloading elsewhere shortly after this happened but I've found that I'm still not all that over it and talking/typing/repeating it seems to help.


I have been more or less absent from this forum for a couple weeks now after going through the worst week I've experienced in a long time. 

I've learned in the last couple weeks that I do not handle loss well. On Tues evening, 8/4, my pup Tikaani, who I've had for nearly 10 years, was found unresponsive in the backyard when I got home from my run after work. I rushed her to the ER where she arrested within minutes and they were unable to revive her. I don't honestly believe I've ever cried so hard and so long as I have with the loss of my beloved dog. And the selfish part of me feels that my grieving alone isn't enough to pay respect to her life and all she's done for me and those that met her which is why I felt I needed to post this. I cried for days, and if I wasn't crying over her loss, I had cried myself to sleep. Anyone that has ever met my dogs knows that I put their lives above even my own. The pain of this loss feels like it might never go away. To make it more painful, my husband was traveling on military orders so he wasn't here when it happened, and over the years she became more his dog than mine. He loved that girl more than I've seen him ever love any animal. 

To make it all that much more painful, they did a clay print and an ink print but when I picked them up the next day they had spelled her name wrong on everything. I asked them if they could redo them since they still had her on site. They called us that evening to say it was done so we drove the half hour back to the clinic to pick them up. They failed to do the ink print (which we had clearly stated was the thing we really wanted, and couldn't care less about the clay print) but they had redone only the clay print. They told us someone was getting her from the freezer right at that moment and had to heat the paw up to do the ink print but that they were doing it right then and it would take about an hour. They asked if we wanted to stay but we asked if we could just pick up the ink print when we picked up her ashes that were being returned to us and they said that would be fine. We went home.

Friday night they called us to say her ashes had been returned and we could pick them up. We drove out once again to pick her up and asked where the ink print was. No one knew. As you can imagine, I had a complete and utter melt down in the office (maybe not the correct response but it had been extremely emotional for me and my husband and they didn't handled any of this properly). No one did the ink print, they don't know why and they had no answers for us. Now we have no body to create the ink print and no ink print...not even the original one. They told me they're investigating all their staff to figure out why things were handled so wrong and they would call us tomorrow. We head home with me in complete tears. I was more angry that they lied and told us someone had been starting it right then while we were standing there.

I get home, take her ashes out to set them on the mantle and pulled out the certificate. I instantly see red again. They spelled my name wrong on the envelope. I opened it to see the cremation certificate and names were all spelled wrong on this as well. I'm now another crying mess. It added insult to injury. There's nothing I can do to change any of it now but that doesn't make it hurt any less. In fact, it makes it hurt worse because I can't fix it for my husband and I know he was hurt because he was completely silent for the 3 days. He's not mad at me but he misses her and he doesn't communicate feelings well. 

All of this put everything else we've had going on, on hold for almost 2 weeks. I stopped doing all business transactions (thank goodness my customers are gracious), I stopped making product...I'm lucky I made it to work the last couple weeks. I miss my dog and I feel silly and maybe somewhat dramatic for being this upset over an animal but she'd been through it all with me. She was with me through 5 deployments, and even the 3 years my husband was assigned unaccompanied in Germany. She was the first dog I had adopted after moving out of my parent's house. And it really stinks when my deaf pup catches a whiff from something that was hers and she runs around the entire house looking for her companion. 

Thanks for letting me unload...


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## The Efficacious Gentleman (Aug 20, 2015)

Oh, I am sorry it's been such a terrible time for you both. 

On a practical note, could you make a paw-stamp from the clay print and then use that for an ink print - or even as a wee soap stamp?


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## gigisiguenza (Aug 20, 2015)

I'm so sorry for your loss. It doesn't seem dramatic to me to be grieving the loss of a companion who had been through so much with you. I think EG's suggestion is a good one, and I hope the pain eases up some for you. I know it won't ever feel the same, but it will feel easier with time. Hugs.


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## Saponista (Aug 20, 2015)

I am so sorry for your loss.


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## JayJay (Aug 20, 2015)

So sorry for your loss of you beloved companion. 

She was gorgeous.


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## shunt2011 (Aug 20, 2015)

So very sorry for your loss.  I totally understand how you feel over loosing a beloved pet/friend.  I lost one of my fur babies less than a year ago and I still miss her terribly.


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## lsg (Aug 20, 2015)

It is hard to loose a beloved pet.  I lost my Great Pyr last summer and still feel lonesome for her at times.


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## Stacy (Aug 20, 2015)

I'm very sorry for your loss. Losing a pet is never easy, especially when they've become like a member of the family.

ETA:  Something like this might work to give you a negative to make a stamp: http://pagingfunmums.com/2013/08/29/diy-baby-keepsake-using-homemade-clay/


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## Lynusann (Aug 20, 2015)

The Efficacious Gentleman said:


> Oh, I am sorry it's been such a terrible time for you both.
> 
> On a practical note, could you make a paw-stamp from the clay print and then use that for an ink print - or even as a wee soap stamp?



I'm not quite sure how I could go about making an ink stamp? The clay print they did is a clay impression. Would you believe it, the person that took her impression left their thumb print in the clay impression as well....  
If you have thoughts on how I could turn the impression into an ink print I will do anything I can to salvage what we do have.


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## Seawolfe (Aug 20, 2015)

Im so sorry for your loss 

Edit to add: to make a cast from the paw impression just use silicone - its like making a mould for soap, only you would put silicone in the cavity. Here kind of like this: http://auntieclaras.com/2014/06/limpet-mould-tutorial-handmade-soap-imitating-nature/. And then you'd have a stamp basically.


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## janzo (Aug 20, 2015)

So sorry to hear of your loss Lynusann, it's never easy to lose a beloved pet.  Stay strong, the pain will ease and you will be left with fond memories.  He was a beautiful looking dog xx


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## dixiedragon (Aug 20, 2015)

I'm really sorry for your loss. I read some where - they don't know their lives are short, only that they are full. I am sorry that these stupid mistakes are making a bad time worse for you.


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## galaxyMLP (Aug 20, 2015)

I'm so sorry for your loss and that they kept making mistakes on such precious mementos for you. That must be very hard. I think it would be nice to take a silicone mold of the clay paw print and do an ink print of it. I know its not the same but it still may be nice.


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## Lynusann (Aug 20, 2015)

Thank you all for the kind words. 

I'm petrified that I'm going to mess up the few mementos we have from her so we've tucked the clay impressions away and certificates until I decide I'm ready to handle the emotional task of putting together a memorial shadow box. 

The vet clinic did offer to pay for the cost of having something done so maybe one of you know of a place I could send the clay print to have them make a negative of it for an ink print? I would rather someone professional do it if that type of service even exists?


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## navigator9 (Aug 20, 2015)

I completely understand, and my heart goes out to you. I think those of us who are true animal lovers,  love our pets like they are family. It's a different kind of  love....I'm not saying it's greater than the love we feel for our human  family, but it's profound. I firmly believe that you'll see Tikaani again some day, but until then, maybe you might want to think about something like a locket with her ashes in it, to keep her close to you? Here are some I found online..... https://www.cremationsolutions.com/cremation-jewelry-for-ashes/cremation-jewelry-for-pets/


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## not_ally (Aug 22, 2015)

Lynn, I completely understand your reaction, all of it.  It brought tears to me eyes when I read your post because I know how, hard it would be for me to lose my babies.  This is stupid, but they are young (2 and 1.5) and I am not (52), for me it would not be bad if I go before they do, it would be pretty hard for me to survive the loss, I think.  The grief must be crushing, just as it would be with one of the *human* people that you love the most.

For what it is worth, I believe their spirits survive.  They have such loving souls, there is no way that energy and  love do not go somewhere.  I am Hindu/Buddhist, so I believe in reincarnation, and my doggies have better souls than I do, so I am pretty sure they will be in a good place, and that when it ends for us we will find each other again, somehow.


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## dillsandwitch (Aug 23, 2015)

Okay who's cutting up onions in here? 

I fully understand your heartbreak at loosing your pup. I lost my pup a little over 2 years ago and it still hurts. They say time heals the wounds but frankly I am still waiting for it to happen. Like you she was my first pup after moving out of my parents place and she was the sweetest dog you could ever meet. I'm lucky that the crematorium that looked after her didn't mess any of the stuff up. I dont know how I would have handled it if they had messed anything up.

Treasure what items and photos you have of your pup and even as creepy as this sounds dont bury her ashes or put them in a permanent or not easy to disassemble monument. The reason I say this is I was going to build a brick monument under her favorite tree in the back yard and place her ashes inside of it. I'm glad I dint get to building it as only 3 months after she died a work opportunity came up and we packed up, sold the house and moved to another state. She now sits in her box under my phone in the lounge room. Yes some people may think this odd or creepy but to me it like she is still there with me and I can talk to her whenever I want. 

The silicone casting is a good idea  but make sure that they place that does it can guarantee that they wont hurt the clay moulding. I would hate for you to loose that on top of everything else that has gone wrong for you. Chin up and remember all the good times.


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