# Thanksgiving...bah humbug.



## Stacyspy (Nov 22, 2017)

I like to think I'm a considerate hostess. I plan a menu that is kid and adult friendly, with lots of different dishes. Today is my second day of cooking, and I'm cleaning in between. I'm tired, and have been contemplating opening a bottle of wine since 8 am...lol
My brother in law's girlfriend (they have 4 kids) calls me and tells me she has a list of dishes her kids (the oldest being 7) want for dinner, and in addition, a list of foods they won't eat even if it's just a part of a dish. Seriously?! So I politely suggest she is welcome to bring those dishes to dinner tomorrow. She not so politely points out that, since I'm the hostess, I must accommodate my guest's wishes. Yeah. No. It went downhill from there, as I hung up on her during her tirade. She felt it necessary to call my BIL, who then called me, and I repeated myself word for word. He also didn't like that suggestion, and hung up on me when I suggested that perhaps a restaurant would be more suitable.
Sigh. I enjoy cooking, and now I'm feeling like not doing a dang thing.
Sorry for the rant... but Happy Thanksgiving eve!!!
:crazy::crazy:


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## Cellador (Nov 22, 2017)

Personally, I think that's very rude of them to call you the day before to bring-up these concerns. I always ask if I can bring some dishes if I'm invited to a meal, regardless if it's a family dinner or a casual get-together with friends. 
My kids are picky eaters, but I am bringing some items they will eat. It's not my MIL's responsibility to cater to everyone's taste.
Happy Thanksgiving! I hope it gets better! (And have that glass of wine!)


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## KellySoapCo (Nov 22, 2017)

Oh man I'm sorry. Definitely wouldn't fly in my house either. Special requests? Eat the food provided or don't eat.


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## lionprincess00 (Nov 22, 2017)

Open that wine (I won't tell), and hopefully they won't show. If they do, they eat the foods you prepared, or they don't eat! I've got a gaggle of kids, very picky and finicky, and I've NEVER TOLD a host/hostess what I need them to prepare. I figure out what IS prepared, and bring extras for the younger picky eaters if need be. What is wrong with people these days lol?! Seriously... relax and enjoy. Have a Happy Thanksgiving no matter what!


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## BrewerGeorge (Nov 22, 2017)

Entitled *******s.  Don't let them ruin your holiday.


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## dibbles (Nov 22, 2017)

This is pretty unbelievable and so out of line. My niece was extremely picky, and for years her Thanksgiving dinner consisted of a dill pickle, corn and a roll. She didn't go hungry, and even doting Grandma didn't make her a separate meal.

Have that wine.


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## jcandleattic (Nov 22, 2017)

I'm so sorry this happened to you. 
Very similar situation happened with me with my MIL. I finally just point blank told her that I am not a restaurant and she couldn't just order what she wanted, and if that's what she wanted to do, she'd be better served going to a restaurant. 
I have not had them for any meal since and it's been a God-Send. I'm so much happier now than I was in those early days. (This was 14 years ago, and I don't miss them one bit)


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## Dahila (Nov 22, 2017)

Well , I had (Canada) on thanksgiving my partner son with his fiance ( from muslim family ; no pork)  this was the only request that I think is reasonable,  Actually we spend enjoyable evening.  If someone called me telling me what am suppose to cook I would hang the phone


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## artemis (Nov 22, 2017)

dibbles said:


> This is pretty unbelievable and so out of line. My niece was extremely picky, and for years her Thanksgiving dinner consisted of a dill pickle, corn and a roll. She didn't go hungry, and even doting Grandma didn't make her a separate meal.
> 
> Have that wine.


I was afraid I was the only one! I serve one meal, Thanksgiving or no. They have to eat what they are served  at home. As a guest, they have to eat whatever they put on their plate.  My mother taught me that, but she is the worst for catering to their tastes: "He won't eat chicken? I'll make him something else."


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## Obsidian (Nov 22, 2017)

Yikes, what a incredibly rude person. I can't imagine why someone would be so self entitled, makes you wonder how they were raised. The only way I would change my menu is to accommodate allergies or religious convictions.


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## lenarenee (Nov 22, 2017)

I think you absolutely said the right thing. While a host is supposed to provide a welcoming environment, the onerous also applies to the guest: you don't ask for unreasonable things. 

She didn't offer to help clean or cook either, only to add more duties to your hostess list. Family or not - that's not appropriate guest behavior.  

I bet you're feeling guilty, and are very tempted to give in. I can urge you not to, but that won't have any affect. It's ultimately up to you, but know that I am on your side.  For a typical NON holiday meal, any professional with training in dealing with kids' food pickiness (occupational therapist, behaviorial therapist) will tell a parent to have one item at the meal the kid will eat. You have how many kids coming? You can't and shouldn't make different plates of food for them.
You might feel better though, if you have a box of mac n cheese, or pbj sandwich supplies in the house that the PARENT can access in order to feed their own picky child. HOWEVER, this is not required as being part of a good hostess!

Our 9 year old is picky so we've dealt with this a lot. It's different when they're 3 and a skipped meal will cause a screaming meltdown that affects the whole crowd. It's another when the child choose to not "eat around" the offending food and pick out what they will eat. Or go get a slice of cheese for apple from the fridge themselves.

I'm also going out on a limb here and suggest you don't have wine yet as a way to cope with this. Alcohol is a nervous system depressant. It will not help with the rest of the day. 

Again, you have my support.


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## dixiedragon (Nov 22, 2017)

Wow. SO RUDE. I might be tempted to dig up a bunch of Dear Abby and Miss Manners links on this subject and email them to her.

I've got some young cousins who are very picky eaters. They mostly eat mashed potatoes on Christmas Day. That's fine with me! Their mom doesn't ask for anything special. I do keep a few microwave macaroni cups in the pantry just in case for them.


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## toxikon (Nov 22, 2017)

Holy cow, the entitlement!

I feel spoiled with my family. When I host, I just make a turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing and everyone else bring a dish to round out the meal. We treat most family meals as potlucks - it really takes the strain off the host. 

I can't imagine dealing with that. I'd probably laugh and hang up.


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## penelopejane (Nov 22, 2017)

I agree with just about everything that everyone has said but I wouldn't have mac and cheese on hand. Make your meal and they can pick out what they want from their plate.

They are out of line not you. 
Very best wishes for the day. 
Let us know how it goes.


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## IrishLass (Nov 22, 2017)

Wow- how incredibly rude! Has she (or your BIL) never heard the old adage of not looking a gift horse in the mouth? If one is invited to a free meal, one is not in a position to dictate the contents of the menu. You thankfully eat what is freely put before you, or you bring a dish more to your liking that you can freely share with everyone else. At least that is how I was brought up.



			
				toxicon said:
			
		

> I feel spoiled with my family. When I host, I just make a turkey, mashed potatoes and stuffing and everyone else bring a dish to round out the meal. We treat most family meals as potlucks - it really takes the strain off the host.


 
That is how we do Thanksgiving, too. It works out wonderfully.


IrishLass


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## shunt2011 (Nov 22, 2017)

Wow, I’m sorry you had t deal with this. Incredibly rude.  You did the right thing, don’t let selfish, inconsiderate people ruin your holiday 

Happy Thanksgiving and you deserve that wine.


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## NsMar42111 (Nov 22, 2017)

That's awful........

I totally understand why people go to buffets on Thanksgiving!


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## SudsanSoaps (Nov 22, 2017)

Sounds like they need some training. Parents and children alike. I was always taught to eat what was set before you.


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## dixiedragon (Nov 22, 2017)

penelopejane said:


> I agree with just about everything that everyone has said but I wouldn't have mac and cheese on hand. Make your meal and they can pick out what they want from their plate.
> 
> They are out of line not you.
> Very best wishes for the day.
> Let us know how it goes.


 
I have the mac n cheese cups for me anyway. My cousin (the mom of the 2 picky kids) has never actually asked for them. I would not suggest that someone else do that b/c I do think asking for separate food is very rude!


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## dixiedragon (Nov 22, 2017)

Picky eater story:
20+ years ago (I'm not going to do that math, lol) we lived next door to a very nice couple with a daughter my age. They had what I call a department store Christmas tree - it has a very specific color theme. It's a fake tree with a specific set of ribbons and ornaments. Our tree is the opposite - a real tree with handmade and gifted ornaments, along with about 4 boxes of tinsel. It looks like Christmas threw up on our tree. So a tradition evolved where this family would join us for our tree decorating every year.

Part of the tradition is that my mom makes chicken and dumplings from scratch. The man of this couple didn't like chicken and dumplings so Mom started making him a Stouffer's lasagna. No extra trouble and we were close enough that we didn't mind. 

One year, we had some extra company. A member of the neighbor's extended family had died and they'd had the funeral the day of the tree decorating, so we invited some of their out of town family over. Neighbor Husband told my mom that one of his relatives wouldn't like the chicken and dumplings either, so would mom mind making a 2nd stouffer's lasagna? No problem.

We all sit down to Mom's good china bowls filled with dumplings - this poor man is looking from his plastic tray of lasagna to the dumplings, clearly hurt. Well, Neighbor Wife explained to him what Neighbor Husband had done. We managed to spoon up a few little dumplings for this guy..sadly for him, the big fluffy ones were already gobbled up.


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## artemis (Nov 22, 2017)

dixiedragon said:


> Part of the tradition is that my mom makes chicken and dumplings from scratch.



I would come for the chicken and dumplings alone! That's my birthday dinner.


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## SaltedFig (Nov 22, 2017)

The bit that really was the "icing on the cake" of rudeness, was the pay-back hang-up call from BIL ... I mean, why do people think they have to play this power game on top of the original rudeness?

I hope these silly people don't ruin your lovely gathering.

And ... have a great thanksgiving!


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## Ivanstein (Nov 22, 2017)

Ever notice family are the ones that treat you like crap?

Tell them to pound sand.


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## scard (Nov 22, 2017)

OMG, are we related? (not really) I hope the inconsiderate behavior of your in- laws doesn't ruin your holiday. Have some wine or maybe some eggnog and a wonderful Thanksgiving!


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## Zany_in_CO (Nov 23, 2017)

dahila said:


> if someone called me telling me what am suppose to cook i would hang the phone


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## Arimara (Nov 23, 2017)

Wow... I definitely would have told them point blank, not to bother coming over. That's incredibly rude and I am a picky eater. I won't eat raw tomatoes, mushrooms of any sort, figs, raspberries and anything that has more than a teaspoon of cumin in it. I also cannot eat pork (I can't digest it) and seafood of any sort (cannot digest this either). Luckily for my loved ones, I still don't eat a lot of food so I can load up on veggies and what not and be good.


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## SunRiseArts (Nov 23, 2017)

Exactly what George said.  I wish I could say it at loud.
Lots of people have become ridiculed entitled.  My husband and I were saying that as we are now older, this Thanksgiving thing seems more like a chore.



Ivanstein said:


> Ever notice family are the ones that treat you like crap?
> 
> Tell them to pound sand.


 

Are you the orgameister soap maker on you tube?  I love your videos.


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## Relle (Nov 23, 2017)

Come to Australia, we don't have Thanksgiving, better still, tell them to come.


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## cmzaha (Nov 23, 2017)

I am so glad my children and their children were not raised to be picky eaters. My girls learned as have my granddaughters ages 4 and 8 eat what is served or sit in the rattan chair facing the wall until my hubby and I are done eating. It never fails that they do not sit in the chair long and would come eat what is cooked for dinner. In turn my girls learned to eat a wide variety of foods, since I cooked many ethnic dishes and they always had to take at least 2 bites if they were at the table, in turn they have done the same with their girls. I refuse to be a short order cook, for anyone anytime. During my years of doing Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners I always recognized any dietary restrictions and will cook foods that would fit, but that's as far as I go. Sure never stopped anyone from coming to my house for dinner. My opinion with children is, when they are old enough to cook and pay for their own food they will eat what I serve. I would have told those extremely rude people to go visit the nearest buffet

Hope you have a good Thanksgiving regardless of rude family


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## Kittish (Nov 23, 2017)

Yea, I'd have told them that they were entirely welcome to make other plans for Thanksgiving. I don't take that kind of treatment from anyone. Family is not some magic pass that makes any sort of abuse or horrible behavior acceptable.


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## Stacyspy (Nov 23, 2017)

Once I put my foot down, I rarely change my mind. This will not be one of those rare times...lol... I have mac and cheese on the menu, as well as the kids being welcome to hot dogs ( I have a roller grill set up), chicken strips (fresh out of the fryer), and a number of sandwich meats.
This is also not the first time they've come to dinner, and nothing has been said before.
Thank you so much for your support. I also saved the wine for today  
I'm feeling much better, and looking forward to having a house full!
Thank you again!




lenarenee said:


> I think you absolutely said the right thing. While a host is supposed to provide a welcoming environment, the onerous also applies to the guest: you don't ask for unreasonable things.
> 
> She didn't offer to help clean or cook either, only to add more duties to your hostess list. Family or not - that's not appropriate guest behavior.
> 
> ...



That's a sad story... I cannot imagine watching everyone else eating nummy chicken and dumplings... 
PS.. This is the first year I have not had a "Christmas throw up tree"..we have a new kitten, so I have to go and get huge boxes of shatterproof ornaments, so everything matches and it's not near as fun.



dixiedragon said:


> Picky eater story:
> 20+ years ago (I'm not going to do that math, lol) we lived next door to a very nice couple with a daughter my age. They had what I call a department store Christmas tree - it has a very specific color theme. It's a fake tree with a specific set of ribbons and ornaments. Our tree is the opposite - a real tree with handmade and gifted ornaments, along with about 4 boxes of tinsel. It looks like Christmas threw up on our tree. So a tradition evolved where this family would join us for our tree decorating every year.
> 
> Part of the tradition is that my mom makes chicken and dumplings from scratch. The man of this couple didn't like chicken and dumplings so Mom started making him a Stouffer's lasagna. No extra trouble and we were close enough that we didn't mind.
> ...



And you'd still find plenty to eat here 
I did not tell them not to, but I don't think they will be attending...lol...they do not care for my "snotty New York" attitude...oh well, you can take the girl out of New York, but yeah...lol 




Arimara said:


> Wow... I definitely would have told them point blank, not to bother coming over. That's incredibly rude and I am a picky eater. I won't eat raw tomatoes, mushrooms of any sort, figs, raspberries and anything that has more than a teaspoon of cumin in it. I also cannot eat pork (I can't digest it) and seafood of any sort (cannot digest this either). Luckily for my loved ones, I still don't eat a lot of food so I can load up on veggies and what not and be good.



I might, but I certainly would not make you deal with them...lol




Relle said:


> Come to Australia, we don't have Thanksgiving, better still, tell them to come.


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## Ivanstein (Nov 23, 2017)

SunRiseArts said:


> Exactly what George said.  I wish I could say it at loud.
> Lots of people have become ridiculed entitled.  My husband and I were saying that as we are now older, this Thanksgiving thing seems more like a chore.
> Are you the orgameister soap maker on you tube?  I love your videos.


Nope. Not me. I prefer not to publicize my (at times rather entertaining) ineptitude. [emoji16]


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## Susie (Nov 23, 2017)

You know, I would have told them to bring food the kids would eat, or don't come.  And I would not have been overly polite about it.

Have a happy Thanksgiving!


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## SunRiseArts (Nov 24, 2017)

So how did things turn out op?


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## Stacyspy (Nov 24, 2017)

SunRiseArts said:


> So how did things turn out op?



I had a lovely day... they chose not attend, and there was only one rude comment on Facebook, which friends of mine who were here shut down quickly...lol...

Thanks for all the support, I appreciate it!!!


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## Arimara (Nov 24, 2017)

I hear ya with the New York thing. Some of my co-workers found out real quick I'm the real deal. =p


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