# I'm seeing red.



## Rosey (Sep 30, 2009)

All I have to say is: UGH!

Anyone have any tips on how to train my family to pick up after themselves and stop relying on the "maid" ? 

I am seriously fed up. I don't know how many times I have to ask them to throw things away when it's empty, put the shoes in the closet, put the clothes in the hamper. I find clothes in the living room, in the bathroom. Shoot wherever they undress is where I find clothes. Same with the shoes.

My house is not all that big and with 4 people, 2 big dogs and 4 cats (and more), I don't have room to be tripping over their mess.

Is it really too much to ask to turn the lights off when leaving a room and putting trash IN the trash can? 

I mean really?


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## ChrissyB (Sep 30, 2009)

Rosey, unfortunately I'm with you also.
The rest of my family have arms that don't work as well.
As soon as I pick up in one room there's another room to pick up in.
It's not just the kids, it's DH too, he is probably worse than they are.
But I do believe, the more you, the more they expect you to do, KWIM?
I went on total strike for a week once. It took me a month to catch back up. I thought they might handle the mess for a couple of days and then think to pick some stuff up, but nooooo,, it just got messier and messier and messier, to the point that I was embarassed to admit that I lived there.


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## Rosey (Sep 30, 2009)

I tried that too Chrissy and it didn't work either. I used to have a spotless house but with cfs and fibro, it's not happening like it used to. I used to work, come home, vacuum, dust, cook and do all the animal chores every single day (you know how much dust birds give off? lol) but I can't do that now and no one is helping. It's frustrating. 
I have given the feeding of the animals (except the birds and dogs) to my daughter but you know even after 6 months, it's not automatic. Every day "have you changed their water?" "yes" and then I go check and it's empty. I just want to strangle her.
She also forgets to flush all the time and swears she did (i blame automatic toilets at school for that).

It seems to come in waves. It gets better and then worse. I don't even let anyone in the house because I'm so embarrassed. My daughter's room is a mess. I'm cleaning one last time (with her help) and then I will give things away like I have threatened.

Thanks for listening. I was so pissed to come home after being at school for 10 hours with a 3 hour drive total on top of that only to find 15 cans on the counters, the trash can overflowing and a sink/stove full of dirty dishes and the dishwasher full of clean dishes. 

It takes 10 minutes to load a dishwasher and my dh acts like it takes 2 hours.

And not once has he asked about my back hurting so bad that it hurts to walk today and I've been cringing when I have to move :cry:

ARGH!


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## ChrissyB (Sep 30, 2009)

Rosey, I have a non flusher too!
DS (16) gets up to have his shower everymorning, I go in the bathroom after he's gone...every morning without fail there is a little "present" for me.
Gross.
I have told him I stopped changing his nappy oh about 14 years ago. I've threatened him with"if you don't flush you are going to have to go outside". Doesn't work.
I'm waiting for him to move out so I can change the locks.  

And he doesn't feed or water the animals unless I throw a brick at his head to remind him.

My house is clean because I clean it. It's tidy, because I tidy it. But my two eldest children are near adulthood and still acting like five year olds. I expect to pick up after five year olds, but not grown ups.
With your conditions, just do what you can.
Would it be possible to hire a cleaner even just once a fortnight for all the stuff you can't do? 
Frustrating isn't it?


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## Rosey (Sep 30, 2009)

I wish I could. I had to stop paying the lawn guy. My husband would do that but he can't because of allergies. He can't dust either and I'm ok with that but there are things he can do and that's why I get so mad because his to do list is much shorter than mine: take trash out, empty dishwasher. That's it. He never takes the trash out.

My daughter is helping more. She's 8 and she's been doing the sinks but it takes her forever cause she plays. lol but that's ok. She's eager and does help but not always what I want her to do. That's another problem lol.

What you gonna do right?

I feel better. I just needed to vent!

My friend and I go on secret lunches at the Olive Garden to talk about stuff like this but I couldn't go last Saturday. It probably would have done me some good.

I am doing much better, it's been a process and I just need to ignore the buildup and just work my way through and pace myself and in no time, I'm sure everything will be back to the way it was.


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## pops1 (Sep 30, 2009)

I really can't complain too much about my husband ,he helps do the dishes ,puts the washing out without being asked and will generally help out except he leaves things right where he drops them.If l didn't put his stuff away we would be knee deep in coats ,keys,caps,towels etc etc.The rest of the family have flown the coop but what l would like to know is who changes the toilet roll now they have their own homes???


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## Wax Munky (Sep 30, 2009)

Rosey said:
			
		

> All I have to say is: UGH!
> 
> Anyone have any tips on how to train my family to pick up after themselves and stop relying on the "maid" ?
> 
> ...



Your post reminded me of my frustrations way back when..It's terrible..But instead of getting mad I got even with those 2.My husband was exempt..Yeah I'm nice like that.. 

Warned them that if they didn't pick up after themselves I'll go on strike.Kids being kids had to test mom..Not a good idea..I went on strike.Gave them the "I don't care attitude"..Come dinner time they asked what I was making..When I said "nothing,dad and I are going out to dinner,you will have to make your own"..Did those 2 wise up fast!
Their work was done.my house was cleaned up,and not by me.We gave the kids a break,waited for them to finish,change clothes then we all went out to dinner.

Their rooms were a problem.I announced that I was going in with trash bags,anything left on the floor I'll assume you no longer want it.It got tossed..(not all) but they got the idea.

Now that they are older,what messes they make is on them.Let them clean up after them selves.They even do their own laundry.They both remembered when mom got mad and went on strike!

So the moral of the story...It gets better,they aren't always aminals.

Munky.


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## twilightluver (Sep 30, 2009)

I know this sounds awful,but if they throw it down,I leave it there.. i let it pile up..I am NOT a maid,and because I stay home,does not mean I work  for THEM!!! 
 I have finally told them,if they do not pick up,they do not have a free weekend..Yardwork,dishes,whatever I can find,they will be MY slaves for the WHOLE freakin weekend!!!!!  This got thier attention!!!!!!!!!! After a couple of weekends staying home with the parents,they have decide maybe it was time to do something about it..lol...i  made those kids do everything i could think of!!!!!! 
worked like a charm...My 17 year old son even has picked up after his 11 yo sister just to MAKE sure they do not get punished!! lol


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## carebear (Sep 30, 2009)

My BF says that when he was a kid if they left shoes or coats on the floor she chucked them out into the back yard regardless of the weather.  Not sure it stopped them from doing it, but makes a great story.

My kids are pretty good for the most part, but they are young and still under my thumb 

You could try confiscating their stuff and charging for returning them.  Or if it's not important stuff, just toss it.  That way you never have to pick it up again - then explain that to the kid of course.

As for the chores - I don't have an answer except that no play, no pay - so no allowance, no rides, no borrowing the car, etc. unless they do what must be done.  NO EXCEPTIONS.

My kids pay me 10 cents for leaving a light on, and 25 cents for not flushing or washing hands.  Actually the money goes into the charity pot.  A few months ago we donated quite a bit, but they are catching on (little kids - if they were older it'd be a dollar for sure)

If it's your husband I guess you cold try the same approach tho I'm not sure how that would go over.


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## Tabitha (Sep 30, 2009)

> Their rooms were a problem.I announced that I was going in with trash bags,anything left on the floor I'll assume you no longer want it.It got tossed..(not all) but they got the idea.


About 2x a year, I pull every last item out of my kids rooms & pile it all in the hall. They begin returning things to their room, favorite items 1st. When they poop out or time runs out, what ever is left over goes to charity.


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## Ishbel (Sep 30, 2009)

Tabitha, that is the best thing I have heard so far!!  Im going to do it tomorrow


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## ChrissyB (Sep 30, 2009)

I remember hearing about a mum who bundled up all the kids stuff that they left around the place and sold it on ebay.


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## Rosey (Sep 30, 2009)

I have everything that was on the floor in a big box and she can't take anything out unless she is going to put it away. Except it backfired cause now when I tell her pick her stuff up from the living room, she puts it in the box. Groan. I'm going to make HER clean her own room and maybe she won't mess it up anymore.

And ditto on the TP rolls and open cabinet doors. ugh.


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## carebear (Sep 30, 2009)

Rosey said:
			
		

> Except it backfired cause now when I tell her pick her stuff up from the living room, she puts it in the box.


Just makes it easier for you to hold it for ransome.

AND YES SHE SHOULD BE CLEANING HER OWN ROOM ABSOLUTELY!!!!!!!!!
(If you are cleaning it, you are teaching her to let you!)


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## carebear (Sep 30, 2009)

Tabitha said:
			
		

> About 2x a year, I pull every last item out of my kids rooms & pile it all in the hall. They begin returning things to their room, favorite items 1st. When they poop out or time runs out, what ever is left over goes to charity.


brilliant!


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## Deda (Sep 30, 2009)

Hope is on the horizon, when they move out your house is clean again.  Or so I've heard!  2 down 1 to go!

My oldest son was the filthiest child in the world, stark contrast to his sister.  First time home after joining the AF I nearly fainted when he made the bed as soon as he got up!


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## Rosey (Oct 1, 2009)

When does the DH move out? LOL Honestly, that what makes me the most mad sometimes. I'm not sure when I switched from wife to mother but heck. What can you do? 

There are some days though where he is super sweet and takes care of the kiddo and takes her to school so I can sleep in. I mean it's not like this all the time. I was just tired and cranky.


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## jarvan (Oct 1, 2009)

ChrissyB said:
			
		

> I remember hearing about a mum who bundled up all the kids stuff that they left around the place and sold it on ebay.



Oh what a genius idea! Put it up or I sell it...hehe.


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## Rosey (Oct 1, 2009)

my aunt once put everything out on the front lawn while they were at school.

I wish I could have seen their faces


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## krissy (Oct 1, 2009)

try www.flylady.org.  
there is a book called Sink Reflections that the lady who runs this site wrote. this book changed my life. she also has this thing linked there esp for kids called the house fairy.  i don't use the house fairy sight but i do use the principles and they truly work.


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## carebear (Oct 1, 2009)

I tried flylady, but I am at the office all day and it got tiresome to get emails I couldn't ever act on.  

Maybe it's changed since then?


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## Rosey (Oct 1, 2009)

i never did that either. She has some good tips but honestly, I don't even have time to wipe down the sink every day. I'd rather wipe it down once a week and be done with it.

I'm trying to instill the rule of "you take it out, you put it right back where it belonds where you're done". For some things, they are good, other things, not so much.


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