# Life Changing 3 Weeks



## Zany_in_CO (Nov 12, 2018)

Dear SMF peeps,

My dearest hubby of 44 years, Jim, passed away peacefully at home at 7:43 AM on Wednesday, November 7. At age 87 he was older than I am by 12 years and ready to let go of this life on Earth.  He was in no distress and had no pain. He was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer on October 18, 2018. It had spread throughout his body. His life expectancy was 3 months. He had been having back pain since he fell a year ago and injured two discs in his spine, so we assumed the pain he had been having on and off since then was due to that. We never suspected cancer.

On Thursday morning, November 1, he woke up with intense pain. He was transported to the ER where he was diagnosed with a lung infection/pneumonia. He was treated at Sky Ridge Hospital in Lone Tree for 5 days before his doctor said that Sepsis (a life-threatening complication of an infection) was imminent. In his words, “The infection will kill him before the cancer has a chance” and recommended Home Hospice Care.

He came home on Monday, November 5. Taking care of him at home was both a blessing and a privilege. I never expected it to be the spiritual and loving process it was. At one point I thought “This is one of the best times of our lives together”. I am grateful for the degree of intimacy we shared over those 3 weeks. It was dotted with laughter as we progressed through this final journey. It was Jim’s wish that his body be donated to science, so it will be several weeks before he will be cremated according to his wishes.

In one of our recent discussions, I asked Jim if he was at peace. Unable to speak at the time, he put his hand over his heart and nodded. After he did that, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort. I hope sharing this with you brings comfort to you as well. He would want that.

Take good care and love each other! Many blessings,

Cee aka Zany
_"You don't have a soul, you ARE a soul. You have a body."_ ~ C.S. Lewis


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## Misschief (Nov 12, 2018)

My heartfelt condolences, Cee. What a privilege that you had the opportunity to be there for each other during a journey no one wants to take. And thank you for that C.S. Lewis quote. It's something to remember. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.... Ev.


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## msunnerstood (Nov 12, 2018)

I am so sorry. I am glad you could spend his last days focused on the two of you and your lives together.


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## dibbles (Nov 12, 2018)

Cee, you have my deepest sympathy. Life changing is, I think, an understatement. I am glad you were able to be present and at peace with your husband during his last days. I am sure it was an incredible gift to him, as well as something you will be able to forever hold in your heart. Take time for yourself, and treat yourself well as you grieve this loss. *hug*


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## soaring1 (Nov 12, 2018)

Hugs Cee!  You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.


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## Relle (Nov 12, 2018)

Thinking of you Cee, I'm glad you and Jim had time together before he passed.


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## Saponificarian (Nov 12, 2018)

I am sorry for your loss Cee. You are in my thoughts and prayers. May you experience peace that surpasses all understanding.


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## SoaperForLife (Nov 12, 2018)

Oh Zany! I am so sorry about your husband's passing.


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## shunt2011 (Nov 12, 2018)

Cee I'm so very sorry for your loss.  Thoughts and prayers to you and your family.


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## lsg (Nov 12, 2018)

You are in my prayers.


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## Lin19687 (Nov 12, 2018)

hugs and blessings for his Spirit


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## NsMar42111 (Nov 12, 2018)

*hugs* My deepest sympathies.I recently went through losing my second mother almost like this myself. One thing I will point out is if at some point you feel relieved the ordeal (the final care) is over, do not feel guilty. You are not relieved they are gone,  you're relieved they aren't suffering anymore. Hospice (home or institution) is a huge blessing and I'm glad they were able to help you. Hang in there.


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## amd (Nov 12, 2018)

So sorry for your loss. What a wonderful journey you must have had in 44 years.


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## earlene (Nov 12, 2018)

Zany, I am so sorry you have lost your dear husband.


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## DeeAnna (Nov 12, 2018)

Thank you for sharing the news of your husband's death with us, Cee. The way you talk about Jim, it's clear the two of you were close and loving partners. I'm glad you were able to share 44 years with him at your side.


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## Cellador (Nov 12, 2018)

I am so sorry for your loss, Zany.


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## SaltedFig (Nov 12, 2018)

Cee,

A beautiful tribute to your husband - thank you for sharing it with us.

Blessings.


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## Zany_in_CO (Nov 13, 2018)

Thank you all so much for your kind thoughts, advice, hugs, blessings and prayers -- all gratefully accepted -- and back atcha. 

Today I felt a spiritual presence in the house -- like a guardian angel watching over me. I'm thinking it was all of you sending good wishes.  It's true, I feel no guilt about being almost joyful that Jim was spared the brutal ravages of cancer. That would have been the hardest journey of all. But people do look at me like they think I'm crazy because I'm smiling when I share my news.

Taking care of myself is my Plan A... so far it's working. Trying to do everything that needs doing all in one day is off the page too. I made a To Do List today. I plan on crossing off one item each day and letting the rest go until later. It will all get done, but not all at once. The journey continues.


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## Dawni (Nov 13, 2018)

I don't know you guys and you don't know me but your story made me tear up, half wishing I could have some of that kind of love in my life, and the other half is plain happy that someone does have that kind of love in their life.

I don't think you're crazy; going through cancer with a loved one is one of the most horrible experiences ever and your husband being spared from it, I agree with you, is kind of a blessing. 

Condolences to you, and I hope the rest of your years are also still full of love just like when your husband was physically still with you, because I'm sure you already know his love will always be with you


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## Cellador (Nov 13, 2018)

I have teared-up over this post too.
Zany, your strength and ability to see the love and light in the situation is inspiring.


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## MKLonestar (Nov 13, 2018)

Cree, my condolences for the loss of your beloved husband, Jim. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you start this new chapter in your life.

I fully agree that it was a blessing for both you and Jim that the cancer was never given the chance to make him suffer to the end, so this was a blessing. It was truly a blessing, as well, that you were able to care for him in his final days....Hospice is such a godsend for just this reason. 

His soul is whole without pain or suffering and he will be waiting on the other side for when you, too, join him one day (hopefully, in many, many years). 

May God bless you and comfort you in the days, weeks, and months ahead. Be sure and take one day at a time and take time for yourself.


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## Zany_in_CO (Nov 14, 2018)

@Dawni:  Thank you for your insightful comments. But, ya know, it wasn't all lovey-dovey for 44 years. Far from it! LOL  We were just an average couple with our ups & downs like everyone else... maybe "love" is just hanging in there through the tough times.
@ Cellador, MKLonestar:  Thank you.

UPDATE: I'm doing okay. I go from keeping busy, making calls, waiting for call-backs, to slacking as needed. (Orders from a hospice night nurse -- God bless them all!)  I've never lived alone before. Takes a little getting used to. I walk in the door from running errands (which Jim always did) and say, "Hi honey, I'm hoooo-ome" just because it comforts me.  Shoveled snow for the first time in ages. Felt good to be outside in the cold air and sunshine which I love. Today I unclogged the drain in the bathtub -- such a mundane task seems to keep me grounded. I have it on my To Do list to change a light bulb in the kitchen ceiling tomorrow. LOL Doesn't get any more exciting than that!


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## Lin19687 (Nov 14, 2018)

Keep making small lists.  It will help with things you need to do and help with the mind to Do something.

Don't forget to sit down with a friend and actually talk, cry get mad about it all. Once you get it out and the crying it will help with other tasks.

My eldest Brother was killed in 2010 (age 50) and it was so hard for my Folks. Mum died in 2014 we didn't know she had Lung cancer and neither did she.  9 months later she died on Thanksgiving.  It was so hard on my Dad, he passed May 2017 and had a very hard time struggling with everything.  His death was a blessing for him.  Being able to talk out loud to someone helped all of us kids deal with it.

Rememeber that Life goes on and Jim would have wanted you to do that.  There is nothing wrong with still Talking out loud to Jim too   I still do that to my Mum and Dad


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## Susie (Nov 14, 2018)

I am so very, very sorry to hear of your loss.  I know it is quite an adjustment, but you will be OK, you have exactly the right attitude of doing what you need to/can and slacking when you need to do that.  YOU are the person that determines how you handle the next while.  Not anyone else, no matter how many well-intentioned platitudes they sling at you.  Take each day as it comes.  Don't get overwhelmed by too many tomorrows, or too many yesterdays, and you will be fine.  It will take a bit, but eventually you will adjust to the new normal.


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## deb8907 (Nov 14, 2018)

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, but I am happy you found comfort in caring for him in those final weeks.  You are in my prayers.


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## loriag (Nov 14, 2018)

Truly sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing your heart with us. My prayers will be with you.


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## beckster51 (Nov 14, 2018)

My sincere condolences.  It is such a blessing to be able to experience  sharing someone's final journey.  I am my husband's only caregiver, and it is an up and down process for both of us, but since his problems are chronic, it has gone on for many years.  Some people feel sorry for both of us, but there is no need.  We have made accommodations and feel blessed most days just to be together.  I think you are very wise to take good care of yourself and take things at your own pace.  I hope the feelings of peace and love continue for you.  My thoughts are with you.


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## penelopejane (Nov 14, 2018)

So very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. 

A year after my father died my mother rang to tell me she’d changed the lightbulb in the oven all by herself. 
So pleased to hear about your list. 

My thoughts are with you.


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## Dawni (Nov 14, 2018)

Zany_in_CO said:


> @Dawni:  Thank you for your insightful comments. But, ya know, it wasn't all lovey-dovey for 44 years. Far from it! LOL  We were just an average couple with our ups & downs like everyone else... maybe "love" is just hanging in there through the tough times.


Exactly..... But we've all seen average couples..... And I doubt all of em can write about "an ending" like you did coz it just isn't so. I have a few horrible stories of people I know lol

If it'll help you some.. You can keep telling us about your day, or just whatever... I for one, like reading about what someone else might be doing on the other side of the world hehe..

You take care when you're shoveling snow, though!


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## sarasvati (Nov 14, 2018)

I am so sorry for your loss and you have my deepest sympathy. You must have had a wonderful life together. I hope that the peace that comes from the memories of love shared and Jim's spirit around you comforts you now and in the days ahead.


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## Megan (Nov 14, 2018)

I'm sorry for your loss. Your heartfelt story of his last days is truly beautiful. It is clear that you two shared a special bond.


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## jcandleattic (Nov 14, 2018)

Oh Cee, I just saw this. So sorry for your loss, but as others have said, I'm so glad you were able to take comfort and get peace with taking care of your Jim. 
Blessings to you. You will be in my thoughts.


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## jangmb (Nov 14, 2018)

Please accept my deepest condolences. It was a blessing for you both to have had the last few months of preparation for his passing. It probably helps you with the grieving process. Continued prayers for you as you walk this new path alone.


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## Zany_in_CO (Nov 14, 2018)

Dawni said:


> If it'll help you some.. You can keep telling us about your day, or just whatever... I for one, like reading about what someone else might be doing on the other side of the world hehe..
> You take care when you're shoveling snow, though!



UPDATE: For breakfast this AM, I had a portion of the 6-egg Denver omelet I made a few days ago -- ham, sweet peppers, onions, parsley -- cooked in butter. Rye toast on the side. We have a jar of individual packs of condiments. I grabbed a grape jelly from the jar and smeared it on toast. One bite and I said, _"ACK! What is this?!"_ Somehow I grabbed a pack of Ketchup instead. Dumb. It's a good thing I like Ketchup... I ate it any way. Not bad.

About mid-afternoon, I took one look at the snow on the back deck, remembered the 2 Aleves I took yesterday evening to ease my back and decided, _"I'm not going to do that!"_ Nice thing about living in Colorado -- if you're patient, the sun comes out almost daily and melts the snow! I do miss sitting out on the deck, even when it's cold, and having my morning coffee.


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## dibbles (Nov 14, 2018)

Zany_in_CO said:


> I grabbed a grape jelly from the jar and smeared it on toast. One bite and I said, _"ACK! What is this?!"_ Somehow I grabbed a pack of Ketchup instead. Dumb. It's a good thing I like Ketchup... I ate it any way. Not bad.


You just made me think of my grandpa. He loved ketchup and would eat it on his eggs, and also his toast. Sunny side up eggs - with ketchup and toast with ketchup. In the morning.


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## Dawni (Nov 14, 2018)

dibbles said:


> You just made me think of my grandpa. He loved ketchup and would eat it on his eggs, and also his toast. Sunny side up eggs - with ketchup and toast with ketchup. In the morning.


Me n your grandpa would get along then.. I smear ketchup on my toast, no butter though, and smack a nice runny sunny side up in there and cheese if there's any.. I smear it my omelets like pizza sauce too lol

Colorado sound nice is the sun can come up and counter the cold a bit.. It never gets too cold here. Even when it's deemed cool its still too hot for me to wear thicker stuff. I own one single sweater that's so old but rarely used haha


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## CaraBou (Nov 15, 2018)

Zany, what a gift you shared ~ and likely received ~ by being 'side by side' with Jim during his last stages of life. I am happy for you both, knowing you shared that incredible experience. I'm especially glad he was not alone.

I had what I think was a similar experience with my mom, who also passed within about a month of being diagnosed with advanced cancer (which she unequivocally decided not to fight). Nothing was more important than helping her go with love, respect, humor, and dignity. Thirteen years later, I still see it as the most important thing I have ever done in 51 years of life.

I'm sorry to carry on about my experience or assume I know how you feel, but I must say I completely understand the sense of joy you said you felt afterward. I have rarely felt that emotion in life, or even used the word, but I absolutely did after she took her last breaths. This is hard to explain to people, so I perked instantly at your words.  I've never in 13 years heard anyone else describe it that same way that I did.

May that peace stay with you, alongside the beautiful memories of a lifetime with Jim - ups, downs, and all.


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## SunRiseArts (Nov 15, 2018)

OMG Zany, I am so sorry to hear this news.  Please receive my sincere heart felt condolences.

Prayer and love for your husband in heaven, and for you to have strength.


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## Lin19687 (Nov 15, 2018)

Zany_in_CO said:


> I do miss sitting out on the deck, even when it's cold, and having my morning coffee.



I used to have a porch on my old house.  Would sit outside in the evening, Autumn and early Winter with a hot cup of Tea and a Bear skin over my waist/legs.  Would be so nice a quiet, even better when the snow was falling.


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## Zany_in_CO (Nov 16, 2018)

11/15/18

What a day I had today! I started my new vitamin regimen and felt more energized, got more done mentally and physically than I have in a good long while. At last, I could think things through, organize my thoughts, and make a plan! I hope it lasts.

Over the past 3 weeks, everything landed on the kitchen table . It was piled high with books and papers from half a dozen different companies involved in palliative/end-of-life care for Jim. Stacks of unopened mail, magazines, newspapers; lotion oils, essential oils & stuff left sitting out; the filter from the fridge that Jim replaced; brackets from the ceiling fan that got replaced, etc. Cleared off 2/3rds of it. Once I could see the table top again, everything got organized, trashed or put away. Then I paid some bills and made a list and ran errands. But not before doing my morning "have-to's": deep breathing, meditation, exercises, out for a walk in the bracing air and sunshine. Cleared the rest of the snow from the back deck -- just because it pushed easily and I felt my back was strong enough to take it.

My main mission today was to try and solve the mystery of the missing wallet... When I came home after Jim was taken to the ER, I saw he had emptied his pockets on the chest of drawers near the bed. A few bills, coin purse, grocery list, etc., but his wallet was missing. I've looked everywhere for it. Our son, Jimmy looked too. Son, Tim (in Florida) made a couple of other suggestions we hadn't thought of. No luck there either. So then I got out the last Visa statement and called to get a list of the last purchases before Jim went to the ER, and made the rounds of stores where Jim had been. Didn't turn up at any of them.

Earlier this week, the first place I called was the hospital and asked if they could look for it. The nurse said she would tell Security and get back to me. That was 2 days ago. Hasn't happened. (Sigh) I plan on going over there tomorrow. The fact that he emptied everything but the wallet from his pockets makes me think he kept his wallet for the trip to the ER. I remember Jim saying, "I don't have any money," when I first got to the ER. I assured him, "You don't need any. It's okay. All taken care of." I hope someone in the ER found it or at least knows where to look. Perplexing!

Two funny other things worth mentioning. The County Coroner sent me a Sympathy card. Who does that? Then, for lunch, I ordered up my new fave fast food -- a Harvest Chicken Salad at Wendy's -- chicken, greens, bacon, walnuts, cranberries, apples, with cider vinegar dressing. An average-looking middle-aged guy with white hair, great smile and twinkling blue eyes standing behind the girl at the register asked me politely if I was over 55?!  I smiled and said "I'll take that as a compliment! Yes, I'm 75." He winked and said, "Then you get a free drink!"

What a day!


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## Zany_in_CO (Nov 16, 2018)

CaraBou said:


> ... I completely understand the sense of joy you said you felt afterward. I have rarely felt that emotion in life, or even used the word, but I absolutely did after she took her last breaths. This is hard to explain to people, so I perked instantly at your words.  I've never in 13 years heard anyone else describe it that same way that I did.


Ah, Cara, well said. It's heart-warming to know there is at least one other person who "gets it." Thanks.

@ Maria: Thank you, dear friend.



Lin19687 said:


> I used to have a porch on my old house.  Would sit outside in the evening, Autumn and early Winter with a hot cup of Tea and a Bear skin over my waist/legs.  Would be so nice a quiet, even better when the snow was falling.


Yes! Me thinks I have found a kindred spirit!


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## Dawni (Nov 16, 2018)

Zany_in_CO said:


> Two funny other things worth mentioning. The County Coroner sent me a Sympathy card. Who does that? Then, for lunch, I ordered up my new fave fast food -- a Harvest Chicken Salad at Wendy's -- chicken, greens, bacon, walnuts, cranberries, apples, with cider vinegar dressing. An average-looking middle-aged guy with white hair, great smile and twinkling blue eyes standing behind the girl at the register asked me politely if I was over 55?!  I smiled and said "I'll take that as a compliment! Yes, I'm 75." He winked and said, "Then you get a free drink!"
> 
> What a day!



I wonder if the wallet will turn up somewhere completely unexpected.. would make for nice storytelling hehe

The stress and worry is probably being "lifted out" from you as each good day goes by and it's showing.. And ya got a wink! I like winks, the non-sleazy type lol

I realize it's Wendy's but what was your free drink? The Wendy's here has really nice lemon iced tea with bits of pulp floating around and it's all I buy from there if it's not water. In extra large haha


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## Rowan (Nov 16, 2018)

I'm so sorry for your loss and so touched by the way you are handling everything.  Thankyou for so much for sharing. It bought me to tears due to the sadness of your loss but I understand the peace too. 

I'm sending my love and prayers. As you said one day at a time, one step at a time!


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## Magic7M (Nov 17, 2018)

My sincerest condolences. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I really appreciate reading this as I have lost many family members through cancer, and am happy that you have experienced love in such a way. Blessings to you and your family going forward.


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## JillK (Nov 17, 2018)

So sorry for your loss.  My prayers are with you and your family.


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## Zany_in_CO (Nov 18, 2018)

Dawni said:


> I realize it's Wendy's but what was your free drink? The Wendy's here has really nice lemon iced tea with bits of pulp floating around and it's all I buy from there if it's not water. In extra large haha


Hi Dawni! I had the Hi-C orange drink. He gave me a small cup. Which was fine. I'll look for the lemon ice tea next time.


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## Kelly Frizzell (Nov 19, 2018)

Zany_in_CO said:


> Dear SMF peeps,
> 
> My dearest hubby of 44 years, Jim, passed away peacefully at home at 7:43 AM on Wednesday, November 7. At age 87 he was older than I am by 12 years and ready to let go of this life on Earth.  He was in no distress and had no pain. He was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer on October 18, 2018. It had spread throughout his body. His life expectancy was 3 months. He had been having back pain since he fell a year ago and injured two discs in his spine, so we assumed the pain he had been having on and off since then was due to that. We never suspected cancer.
> 
> ...


My heart goes out to you, please excuse me if I make any grammar errors, it is because I cannot see through the wells of tears. But what a lovely post, thank-you for sharing and I am sorry for your loss. 
Hugs, 
Kelly


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## Southpaw (Nov 19, 2018)

Deepest heartfelt condolences on your loss and regards to both you and your family. Know that our thoughts and prayers are with you as you navigate through this tough time. My long distance hugs go to you.


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## Zany_in_CO (Nov 23, 2018)

Kelly & Southpaw (I'm one too!) - Thank you for your kind thoughts and hugs. I'm in need of both and glad I dropped in to read your messages.


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## Dawni (Nov 23, 2018)

*HUUUUUGS @Zany_in_CO*


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## Zany_in_CO (Nov 23, 2018)

HUUUUUGS back atcha Dawni! BTW, I've been to the Philippines... long time ago... stayed at a resort in Bagio, and toured around the countryside out of Manila. Beautiful country, very green and friendly, "colorful" people. The one strange thing I remember was when we boarded the plane to Bagio we were asked to check our guns! That was back in '69... I wonder if that's changed?


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## Dawni (Nov 24, 2018)

Zany_in_CO said:


> HUUUUUGS back atcha Dawni! BTW, I've been to the Philippines... long time ago... stayed at a resort in Bagio, and toured around the countryside out of Manila. Beautiful country, very green and friendly, "colorful" people. The one strange thing I remember was when we boarded the plane to Bagio we were asked to check our guns! That was back in '69... I wonder if that's changed?


I'm sure it's a very different place now..... Baguio has grown into a huge, crowded city, but the people are still the same lol

Not sure about the guns? Haha I'm from here and I don't even know people can fly into Baguio lol


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## melinda48 (Dec 10, 2022)

Zany_in_CO said:


> Dear SMF peeps,
> 
> My dearest hubby of 44 years, Jim, passed away peacefully at home at 7:43 AM on Wednesday, November 7. At age 87 he was older than I am by 12 years and ready to let go of this life on Earth.  He was in no distress and had no pain. He was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer on October 18, 2018. It had spread throughout his body. His life expectancy was 3 months. He had been having back pain since he fell a year ago and injured two discs in his spine, so we assumed the pain he had been having on and off since then was due to that. We never suspected cancer.
> 
> ...


I sounds as though you two were truly soulmates. I am so very sorry for your loss. How lucky you were to have had each other. As others have said,, thank you for the CS Lewis quote - it says it all.


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## mx5inpenn (Dec 11, 2022)

I'm so sorry for your loss @Zany_in_CO but am glad you had time the time together to bring you peace.


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## Kiti Williams (Dec 12, 2022)

Zany_in_CO said:


> Dear SMF peeps,
> 
> My dearest hubby of 44 years, Jim, passed away peacefully at home at 7:43 AM on Wednesday, November 7. At age 87 he was older than I am by 12 years and ready to let go of this life on Earth.  He was in no distress and had no pain. He was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer on October 18, 2018. It had spread throughout his body. His life expectancy was 3 months. He had been having back pain since he fell a year ago and injured two discs in his spine, so we assumed the pain he had been having on and off since then was due to that. We never suspected cancer.
> 
> ...


Zany,

You were given a privilege that many don't have.  I grieve with you, but also rejoice that you had such a wonderful time with your husband.  I will keep you in my prayers.


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## VikingChick (Dec 12, 2022)

Zany, I don’t know how I’m only seeing this now, but I wanted to extend my condolences. I’m thankful that you and Jim had that sweet time together and that he was able to go in peace, and as much on his terms as possible. Prayers for you as you continue to adjust to life without him.

- Melissa


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## Becky1024 (Dec 13, 2022)

Zany, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Nicolesica (Dec 13, 2022)

Zany_in_CO said:


> Dear SMF peeps,
> 
> My dearest hubby of 44 years, Jim, passed away peacefully at home at 7:43 AM on Wednesday, November 7. At age 87 he was older than I am by 12 years and ready to let go of this life on Earth.  He was in no distress and had no pain. He was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer on October 18, 2018. It had spread throughout his body. His life expectancy was 3 months. He had been having back pain since he fell a year ago and injured two discs in his spine, so we assumed the pain he had been having on and off since then was due to that. We never suspected cancer.
> 
> ...


I’m very new here, so I hope I don’t offend by responding so late. 
This was beautiful and I am overwhelmed with gratitude that you shared this journey and that I was lucky enough to read it. 
Thank you.


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## Michelle0803 (Dec 13, 2022)

@Zany_in_CO  I just saw this and am so very sorry your loss.  Wishing you a holiday filled with love and wonderful memories.


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