# Do you get along with your mother in law?



## AshleyR (Aug 26, 2009)

Random question, I know.... but I'm just curious!


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## krissy (Aug 26, 2009)

yes. i got a dream m-i-l. she stays out of our business, doesn't visit too often, doesn't criticize me and is always willing to help me do stuff.

she has her flaws too though. she thinks we are made of money and stays for a month or 2 when she does visit.


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## heyjude (Aug 26, 2009)

I did. Sadly, she died several years ago.


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## Rosey (Aug 27, 2009)

yes i do! I love my MIL. There are some things she does that irritate me but all in all, she's a wonderful MIL. Now if you ask my husband, the answer would be no  We had a runin with my parents when we wanted to get married (long story) and they don't send us anniversary cards/birthday cards. (we'll be married 11 years in November).


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## Guest (Aug 27, 2009)

Yes , she is a sweetheart , one of the nicest people I have ever known .


Kitn


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## pops1 (Aug 27, 2009)

My Mother in Law is great in every way and l love her to bits but she is a non stop loud talker ,the kind of person that you can hear across 3 departments in a store and everybody seems to be turning around to see who is making all the noise,l try my hardest to be very busy when she wants company shopping


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## Saltysteele (Aug 27, 2009)

i like/get along with mine.

however, i sometimes end up trying to avoid her, as every conversation with her seems to turn into how long she worked out that morning, or how little she eats, or how so and so said they can't believe how little (thin) she is   :roll: 

if you were to meet her, you might not notice it, as she is quite good at making the segway over to the working out conversation.  however, it becomes quite frustrating when you're trying to actually make an attempt at talking with her, and it would seem as though she is not even listening to you, and all of a sudden she mentions how all she has had to eat all day is "a thing of yogurt and an apple."   :roll:


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## Deda (Aug 27, 2009)

No way.  The woman launched a campaign against me when I started dating her son almost 23 years ago.  I met my husband because we were neighbors and I was friendly with her!  Didn't really know her son.  Our first 'date' was her insisting that we (DH & I) take her youngest daughter along with my 2 little ones to see BeetleJuice. We hit it off immediately and have been together ever since.  She didn't speak to us until after our child was born, then when he was 6 months old she decided that SHE WASN'T OLD ENOUGH TO BE A GRANDMOTHER!  Cut off all communication and wouldn't speak to me or DH. In the spirit of perfect timing, we had just put a signed a contract and put a deposit on a house in her neighborhood.  For the next 4 years my son grew up, saw this woman nearly everyday and never knew it was his grandma.  She divorced her husband, DH's stepdad, (still close) and started dating and eventually married a guy she met who's younger then my DH!  Go Grandma!  About 7 years ago, when she was getting ready to get married she showed up, we had a little talk, I told her she wasn't going to get a second chance if she hurt my DH or my kids and went on from there, one big ole happy family.  Then 3 years ago, Child Bride left her, she went off the deep end, hung herself.

Do I sound like a heartless bitch?  I can't begin to count the nasty mean things she's done to us in the last 23 years.  In all those years only once did she acknowledge her own son's birthday, she never acknowledge her grandson's. However, one year she called me just after Christmas, before New Years (she didn't acknowledge those either) and asked if I could give her an "Early Birthday Present", I was so desperate to get along with her I said yes.  She wanted a new dress for New Years Eve.  She said she would go to the store and pick it out and I could bring her the $$ that evening.  You need to know we were flat broke, young and barely enough money to pay the bills and keep everyone in school.  We drove to her house to give her the amount we had agreed upon.  When we got there she showed us the dress and told us that it was "a little more" (actually twice!) than we had agreed upon, but she knew that we would want her to have what she really wanted and figured we wouldn't mind.     Ok, kids sitting in the car, we're standing at the door, she's showing us the dress - DH opens his mouth, and I butt in - I'll bring you the rest in the morning - she was ready for me!  Handed me a deposit slip and said to just put it in the bank for her!

Now who's the Bitch?

I should add that, Kevin & Crystal, my husband and his sister, were devastated by their mothers death, but they don't mourn her as much as what they call "the mom shaped hole" that never was filled.


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## ChrissyB (Aug 27, 2009)

Oh Deda, you poor thing.
What a mess.
She sounds like she was a terribly selfish shallow woman.
Was she a good mother to your husband when he was a little child?
I do get along with my mother in law. My DH is her eldest, but had always been "the wild one" out of her four children. When we got married she thanked me for looking after and taking care of him. She said she wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. :shock: 
I worry that when my children are bringing partners home that I will feel that they aren't good enough for my son/daughter. But I will trust them to make their own decisions, and I will be here for the long haul, good bad or otherwise. My children know that I will always support them in whatever they do.


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## CarmenJean (Aug 27, 2009)

I don't get on very well with my MIL. We don't fight or anything like that - but she's mad. She starts talking about people I don't know or don't remember - even when I tell her to stop she still carries on. I'll tell her something, and three seconds later, she'll ask me the same thing again!!! It's all for attention - she has to be the centre of everyone's attention, or she's not happy! 

Oh well. So much for that ... she's moving closer to us in three weeks time.  :roll:


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## AshleyR (Aug 27, 2009)

Wow Deda! That is insane!

The reason I posted this is because I don't neccesarily get along with mine. Well, I DO "get along" with her, but we don't have the type of relationship I see so many other people have with their MIL's. 

My MIL has been very jealous of me since DH and I started living together. She is extremely attached to her son. When we first started living together she would comment all the time about my cooking. I consider myself a good cook (I've tried her cooking and it's.... not good) but she has always put me down. Whenever she is over for dinner and DH compliments me on the meal, she says "But I still make your favourite, right?!" She is always fighting to be DH's #1, in every way. She has a very hard time accepting that he doesn't "need" her anymore. I could semi understand how it would be sad for her to "let go" of her baby, but we have been together 8 years and she still hasn't accepted it!

She takes HER attachment issues out on me, and makes me out to be a bad person who has "stolen" her son. I have always been extremely nice and polite to her - I've always wanted to have a really good relationship with her, and have tried very hard - but she's just too bitter. I don't think she will ever accept me. She treats me like competition when it comes to DH.

Meh.


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## Guest (Aug 27, 2009)

Oh Ashley that sucks ,
  She needs to put on her big girl panties and get over it already . She sounds like a very lonely lonely woman and if she stays the way she is , it is never going to be any  better . I have 2 grown sons and can't imagine saying stuff like that to their girlfriends or wives , never ! I am happy for them .

Kitn


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## Saltysteele (Aug 27, 2009)

Dang, Deda!  I don't think anyone is going to remember any of the rest of us' stories when they leave this thread!    

Seriously, though, that's terrible!  I'm sure your life is lots less stressful now!


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## heyjude (Aug 27, 2009)

Wow. Some people are all about me,me,me, and the drama, aren't they?

Sorry you both got the short end of the stick in the mil lottery.   

Jude


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## carebear (Aug 29, 2009)

my FORMER mother in law is as big a nut case as her son.

they deserve each other.  I cannot avoid him, but at least I no longer need to deal with HER!


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## Healinya (Aug 29, 2009)

...


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## LJA (Aug 31, 2009)

AshleyR said:
			
		

> Wow Deda! That is insane!
> 
> The reason I posted this is because I don't neccesarily get along with mine. Well, I DO "get along" with her, but we don't have the type of relationship I see so many other people have with their MIL's.
> 
> ...



To make an exhausting story short - no.  I dont.  I havent seen the whackjob in 12 years.  Ashley, when we first got married (20 yrs and counting) she would come over to our house and see that my very young unsure self had prepared my new husband a nice dinner...very proud of myself...and she would literally take every dish and dump it directly into the garbage, push me out of the way and proclaim that HER SON was NOT going to eat that awful trash, and get in my cupboards and make him something else.  This was just the tip of the iceberg.  And because I was so young (20) and eager to make her like me I put up with it...for 6 years.  Nastiest woman I ever met.  Round about the time she started stalking me and leaving threatening messages on my car at work, was when hubby  drop kicked her ass, permanently.  The best one was when she went into his underwear drawer in MY house, and told me I "better get my ass in there and count his underwear and make sure he has what he needs".  

Lady, he's a grown-ass man - he can count his own **** underwear.

I feel your pain, Ash - the stories I could tell....
My kids will never have to deal with me doing stuff like that.  Their lives with whomever they choose to be with is THEIRS, and I will support whomever they choose to love.  And if I lose my mind and dont do that? - someone immediately put a bullet in my head.  Deal?   :wink:


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## Guest (Aug 31, 2009)

I feel so blessed reading these horror stories . You gotta do what you gotta do , to make your own family happy , not her .


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## ewepootoo (Sep 6, 2009)

Yes, I have a very good ex-mother in law who was there for me when her daughter ran off with the lead singer in a local band. We are still good mates years on from my divorce and my ex-wife now tests out the soap's I have just started to make.


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## kittywings (Sep 7, 2009)

WOW! Some of you have/had it bad!!!  I feel extra lucky now!  My MIL is great, though I rarely get to see her (they're in NZ and we're in Phoenix).  

I'd say the only issue is that since she was diagnosed with diabetes that has (had?) become worse over the years, she has become an exercise aficionado... strike that, she WAS an exercise aficionado, now she's OUT OF CONTROL!  Normally, that wouldn't affect me, but we went to NZ in April and we told her that we didn't want to eat a lot and we wanted to get exercise (having already spent two weeks in Aussie and Christchurch being piggy).  The 1st morning we were there, she took us to hike "the hill"  MT. Pauanui which is basically in their backyard.  Before we did it, she was making fun of her sister who had visited the week before because it took her an hour to get to the top, compared with Mezza's 30 mins.  Well... it took me 50 minutes and I nearly died (then again, I didn't know at the time that I was getting the flu), the 1.5-2 hours to get down wasn't bad.

After lunch she asked if we'd like to go on a bike ride to see the town.  We said sure.  After about 30 seconds on the bike, I thought "this isn't going to be a good idea, my legs are already jelly."  We ended up doing 30k's!!!!  Even when she was "leisurely" dh and I could barely keep up (and he's fit as hell)... he kept riding up next to me saying "she's out of control!"  Little did I know that the flat pavement was the easy part!  We went over grass (which I HATE doing), up hills over grass (which was worse), over tree roots... (are you KIDDING ME?!?)  It was INSANE!  
I was livid/near tears close to the end  (which DH thought was HILARIOUS), I had started to wonder if I had angered her and she was trying to kill me... of course, she had no idea of how upset I was because she was hauling ass and I kept having to push my bike up friggin' grassy hills.  
After the bike ride from hell, we walked to the beach to dig up tuatuas (surf clams)... that was fun, but I ended up in neck high water fully clothed.... so basically, swimming.

The next day and for the next week, I had the flu.  


I now understand why dh's stepfather declined going with us, he said afterwards "there's no way I can keep up with her."

So let me warn any kiwis out there... if you're anywhere near Pauanui/Coromandel and get asked (read: challenged) to do some "activities" with Mary Hitchens (the Lance Armstrong of NZ) DON'T DO IT!

I will say that at 62, her calves are AMAZING!


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## KSL (Sep 9, 2009)

Wow.. some of those things you think you'd only see on tv!

My MIL is extraordinarily NICE to everyone!  Even people she DOESN"T like.  We get to hear about it later.  I always say she's nice for her own good.  The only issue i have is that she allows our dog to do whatever he wants and gives him way too many treats.  Its hard when you have  one year old puppy you're trying to TRAIN NOT to jump on people and she comes around and lets him jump and says "thats okay" and gives him a treat!  Lets just say the dog LOVES gramma......

FIL.. totally another story.  Nothing is ever good enough.  If we told him we bought a couch he'd say we paid too much and that it was ugly even before we told him how much or what color it was.......

I'm so sorry for all those who have really bad experiences with thier in-laws!  But you have to do what's right for your OWN family!


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## Yummo&amp;YAsMommy (Sep 9, 2009)

I don't post that often but have I got a MIL story for you.   I have the good AND the bad.  I do apologize as this is going to be REALLY long.

Backstory:  When my DH and I were first dating (2006), there was a little slip up.  He was drunk one night and slept with one of his friend's girlfriend.  Months later, after we reconciled, I found out she was pregnant and was saying it was his.  I had my doubts from day 1 because she was only 22, already divorced once, had a couple of kids by a couple of guys that she didn't have custody of.  I think she tried to pin it on him because she knew he wouldn't ask a lot of questions and would take care of her and the baby.  A couple of months later I found out I was pregnant.  A HUGE shock to me because I had been told there was no chance!!  DH didn't tell his family about our pregnancy until I was 6 months because he was scared.

Enter MIL.  She treated me like ****.  She never talked to me but I always heard her talk  to my DH about me.  She called me every name in the book.  She took the side of the other girl.  I was pissed.  I was the one in a relationship with her son.  I at least knew who the father of my child was.  We asked her to keep quiet about the situation because I didn't tell my family about the other baby.  I didn't want to worry them (or listen to the lectures, I had enough to deal with) until we knew for sure.  She, at my baby shower was asked if this was her first grandhild.  She knew my family knew DH's siblings and that there weren't any other grandchildren.  She looked at me smugly, then looked at my mom and aunt and said, "No, this is my second."  Needless to say I now had to answer all the questions and listen to all the lectures.  After the babies were born.  I demanded a DNA test for the other baby.  My MIL demanded a DNA of mine!!!  That annoyed me but I agreed. The other girl kepting coming up with excuses not to get the test done.  After two months we finally got it done and it turned out my DH is not the father of the other baby and IS my son's father.  It actually was my MIL who finally forced her to do it.  She took my DH to her house unannounced with a home testkit and supervised.  After that, my MIL did begin to warm up to me but I was still very distant.  Much later I found out that my MIL told her that if the baby was not his, she was to stay away from us.  If she didn't, MIL would make her life a livng hell. 

Flash forward to April 2008 and the birth of my DD.  I went into the hospital at 33 weeks in labor.  They were able to halt it but I was not allowed to leave.  We were in a new city, with no friends or family so we flew her in.  She took care of my son so my husband could work and stay in the hospital with me.  She stayed a couple of weeks after we came home to help out.  We started to talk more during that time and things improved.  A couple of months later she called during the day to talk to me.  She actually apologized for everything.  We talked for several hours and really got to know eachother.  After that, everything was great.  She was very loving and supportive of all of us.  She was diagnosed with cancer that summer and she hid her prognosis from everyone.  She passed away this February.

In the end, my MIL realized that I love her son very much and that's all she ever wanted to be sure of.  

Now my SIL is another story.  She actually was upset that I was crying at the funeral.  She still thinks I was the bitch in the above situation and really doesn't know what all happened because she's never bothered to ask.  She also doesn't understand that I wasn't as upset for MY loss as I was for my DH and my children.  Her and I will never get along but that's another story.  

Sorry this was so long but thanks for reading.  I hope it gives some hope to those with bad MILs.


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## ibariaSoap (Sep 9, 2009)

Surprisingly, I LOVE my mother in law! She's a major sweetie. It's actually my FATHER in law who I cannot stand. (they are divorced).


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## TessC (Sep 9, 2009)

Not in the least. My husband hasn't spoken to his parents in close to 6 years now, but prior to the big blow-up, his mom hated me. Don't know what happened, when we were dating she seemed to like me well enough, was friendly even. Once I was pregnant with our son, though, omg....she despised me. =/


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## dagmar88 (Sep 10, 2009)

So glad to read there are more girls like me!
NO! We both can't get along with her. I even forbid my husband to go visit or help her in the morning, cause he will be depressed all day   
It took her about 2 years to realise I'm gonna stay, so she kinda had to accept me. 
She allegedly had a problem with me being younger then her son; but her BF is 7 years younger than her   
She has serious control issues, she wants to say who has to do what, when and how. Me and the hub just aren't the people to be pushed around...
She made her BF work outside in the cold for so long the old man ended up with plumonia.
After we were together for about a year she told my DH how much she missed his ex girlfriend because she would clean her house, make Christmas pieces and she always did whatever MIL asked   
I have to say, my DH whole family is totally humorless, they don't enjoy life one bit and all they can talk about is (bad) food, how little money they have, how their job/work around the house is way to much, passed and coming holidays and where they have pain.
Just nagging from dawn till dusk...
 My gosh, I'm on morfine 3 days a week and I don't ever nag!

My own mother is the cause of my PTSD and I haven't been in contact with her since I was 16, so my hub doesn't have to deal with a MIL from hell  :wink:


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## Deda (Sep 10, 2009)

It's good to see I'm not alone in the MIL saga.

She never bothered me, we just didn't have any contact.  After the first year or so I stopped trying to find ways to include her in our lives, we went on happily ever after.  Sadly, she didn't.

I wish it could have been different, but it wasn't.  

I do have a fan-tab-ulous ex-MIL.  She's a peach and I love her still.  I'm fortunate to also have a wonderful mother and stepwitch.  I'm certain DH would agree he's aces in the MIL dept, even my ex's mom loves him.


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## gekko62 (Sep 16, 2009)

Move on over Bold & Beautiful....here comes SMF! 

I don't have MIL worries.My sons dad passed 26yrs ago,& he was estranged from his dad,& his mum died when he was 13. But FIL is a selfish pig.For my sons sake we would see him,but the man just couldn't be bothered,anymore than he was with his own son.Many years later my son moved to Melbourne from Brisbane & decided to contact the man.Just trying to connect & find his roots.Very hard watching him.Knew he'd be hurt but not wanting to limit him,skew his expectations. He rang his grandad,after much deliberation,& working up the courage.(this was 20yrs down the track,hadn't seem GD since he was 7)The old pig asked what did he want,as if my son was looking for a handout.Never reached out,or even bothered a follow up call.Poor kid.He's over it now,at least knows one side of the family loves him.


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## Sibi (Sep 17, 2009)

My MIL tells me sometimes that she loves me more than her son (I don't believe it but she truly loves me).  I can only take her in small bits and pieces because she has some annoying habits and can drive anyone round the bend in no time but she is a good person and I do love her.  I don't really have to worry about seeing her though because she lives in Peru and I live in the US so I don't see her that often


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## KigerKat (Sep 18, 2009)

Wow!  I'm sorry to hear that some of you guys got stuck with nasty mils.  I absolutely LOVE mine!  I love all my in-laws.  Is it sad to say that I get along better with my in-laws than I do with my own family?


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