# Unasked for advice



## artemis (Apr 6, 2021)

My niece is getting married this summer. For her shower, I am giving her a box labeled "Things you asked for" with gifts from her registry. In a box marked "Things you didn't ask for" I will put useful things that you don't think of til you need them. Like, masking tape and sharpies, a couple of tools... I thought a small booklet of advice would fit nicely in the "didn't ask for" box.

I'm curious what advice would you give, or what items would you add to this box?


----------



## GemstonePony (Apr 6, 2021)

For the wedding? Small sewing kit (pins, needles, black and white thread, fine-tipped scissors, and fabric tape), fabric stain-remover pens, and perhaps some flavor/electrolyte packets for water.


----------



## Misschief (Apr 6, 2021)

We gave my niece a gift card to her local grocery store, meant to go towards their first grocery shopping trip once they were back from their honeymoon.


----------



## Skylantern (Apr 6, 2021)

I love this idea. What a thoughtful gift. She's very lucky to have you as an Auntie. 

Surviving the first year kit: ear plugs, aspirin, emergency chocolate, journal, a book of handwritten memories and photos so when she feels she's losing touch of herself she can ground herself in the memories of who was she was before the "we."


----------



## TheGecko (Apr 6, 2021)

Command Hooks.


----------



## earlene (Apr 6, 2021)

For a wedding shower, I used to fill a laundry basket with essentials such as a scrub brush, kitchen gloves, an apron, scouring powder, dish-washing sponges (now I'd make that scrubbies), a bottle of dishwashing soap, some kitchen towels, sturdy toilet plunger & toilet scrub brush and that sort of thing.   The toilet plunger is something you don't know you need until you need it and don't have it, so it's a must for any new household in my opinion.

I love your idea of a 'couple of tools'.  I particularly like a tool set that includes a mini hammer, and at least two types of screwdrivers.  I prefer a feminine look to my tools because that prevents my husband from commandeering them and moving them into the garage, never to be found by me again.  I don't know how many tools I came into this marriage with that he has commandeered to the garage the moment he laid eyes on them.  So a woman's tool kit is the best option, IMO just because men seem to think they own the tools and the wife owns the cookware.  (I know, not always, but more often than not.)

For the wedding, a set of huge bath towels & matching hand towels & wash cloths; most towels I ever received as gifts were always the smaller bath towels, so I make an effort to get the large ones as a wedding gift.  If it's family, depending on how closely related, a down comforter, especially if they plan to live anywhere that gets really cold nights even if only in the winter; or high thread count good quality Egyptian Cotton sheets with matching pillow cases. Those are always my go-to wedding gifts.  If I know they already have all of those, I may swing for a duvet cover of their choice (if on the registry), but I've only done that a couple of times.

The most used wedding gift I have ever received and still use 55 years later, came from my Auntie at my first wedding. She gave me a complete set (a huge set, maybe a combination of 2 or 3 sub-sets) of Farberware pots & pans plus an electric skillet as well, AND a whistling tea kettle.  The tea kettle finally gave out about 5 years ago (maybe a bit less; maybe a bit more), but every other item is still in great shape and I use them all the time, except the electric skillet.  I don't use it very often anymore since I stopped eating meat and don't make spare ribs anymore.

Good bed linens lasted a long time, too, but the cookware surpassed the longevity of almost everything I received as a wedding gift.  And I always remembered my Auntie who gave them to me; I have no recollection of who gave me quality bed linens or even luxurous towels.  So there is something to the type of gift and remembrance, if you want to think about how your gift honoring their marriage will be remembered.


----------



## Tara_H (Apr 6, 2021)

artemis said:


> My niece is getting married this summer. For her shower, I am giving her a box labeled "Things you asked for" with gifts from her registry. In a box marked "Things you didn't ask for" I will put useful things that you don't think of til you need them. Like, masking tape and sharpies, a couple of tools... I thought a small booklet of advice would fit nicely in the "didn't ask for" box.
> 
> I'm curious what advice would you give, or what items would you add to this box?


I don't know how a 'shower' works exactly so this may not be relevant, but for my sister's hen party we had each of the guests write suggestions for date night on a nice little card and they went into a box to be drawn at random when the newlyweds felt like some inspiration.



earlene said:


> I use them all the time, except the electric skillet.


I don't know if yours is anything like mine, but all it gets used for these days is I turn it on very low and use it to warm up my jars of solid oils to make them easier to pour out


----------



## Skylantern (Apr 6, 2021)

You can use pot roast liners with the electric skillet to make infusions, melt butters and waxes and then just pull the liner out and pour into your containers for storage or tins for product. It's all contained within the bag so there is nothing to clean up. I use ours all the time for crafts too


----------



## KimW (Apr 6, 2021)

My favorite wedding gift is still a homemade "book" of recipes and scanned pictures of my closest friends.  Just about 20 pages of plain old copy paper with one or two recipes from each friend, and then a page or two of scanned pictures of me with that friend, or of me taken by that friend.  The scan and print quality isn't the greatest, but that little "book" is priceless to me.
One of them, from a co-worker buddy who was a hard core bachelor (we finally got him set up, btw!), and with who I shared many outdoor/sporty adventures, goes something like this (and was followed by three full pages, front and back, of pictures):
How to make Pasta.
Wash pan because all your dishes are either dirty or misplaced.
Put water in pan.
Put pan on stovetop.
Turn on burner.  Do not forget this step.
Boil the water.
Put in the pasta.  Do not forget this step either.
Boil for 10 minutes, but don't leave the house to play frisbee, even for just a few minutes.
Get the pasta out of the water.
Open a jar of spaghetti sauce and pour over pasta, or put a big spoonful of butter and cheese on top of the pasta, or do both.
Enjoy!


----------



## lsg (Apr 6, 2021)

A good cook book.


----------



## Hope Ann (Apr 7, 2021)

artemis said:


> I'm curious what advice would you give, or what items would you add to this box?



I would include the books 5 Love Languages and Love and Respect - two concepts that are total game changers but not often taught in our homes or churches.

Hope


----------



## Peachy Clean Soap (Apr 7, 2021)

Blank greeting cards w/ postage stamps.


----------



## Primrose (Apr 7, 2021)

Not quite along the lines of what you are doing (which I LOVE btw), for my ex-sister in law's wedding, I gave them a freshly made and sliced loaf of Castile soap. 

I included a note explaining what Castile is; a soap that has stood the test of time, as their love will. A soap that is dependable and solid as a rock (like their love for one another). I wrote that the fragrance may fade, like the glitz and glamour of their wedding day, but the soap - just like their marriage - will only get better with time. And I suggested they use the first bar on their first anniversary


----------



## dibbles (Apr 7, 2021)

artemis, this is a fabulous idea. One thing to consider is if they have had their own places for awhile or have been living at home. I love the ideas you mentioned so far, and might add rubber bands to the list. Bandaids, antibiotic cream, ibuprofen or similar, a thermometer. A small cutting board - I use my small ones more often than pulling out a bigger one. Also a small colander - for two people, I find I use my small one the most - and silicone collapsible ones are great space savers. Safety pins. A ruler/tape measure. You've had a lot of great suggestions from the others.


----------



## Tara_H (Apr 7, 2021)

dibbles said:


> Bandaids, antibiotic cream, ibuprofen or similar, a thermometer


If you're thinking in this direction, a properly stocked first aid kit can be a pricey investment but is invaluable when setting up home for the first time (if that's the case) and getting to grips with DIY and other such things.  Burn cream, gauze and eye rinse are not glamorous but the sort of thing that when you need them, you need them NOW.


----------



## Babyshoes (Apr 8, 2021)

Really good duct tape (not the cheap stuff) and wd40.  Along with a hammer, you can use these to temporarily fix an awful lot of things...


----------



## Misschief (Apr 8, 2021)

Babyshoes said:


> Really good duct tape (not the cheap stuff) and wd40.  Along with a hammer, you can use these to temporarily fix an awful lot of things...


As the saying goes, "if it moves and it shouldn't, use Duct Tape; it it doesn't move and it's supposed to, use WD-40".


----------



## The_Phoenix (May 8, 2021)

Primrose said:


> Not quite along the lines of what you are doing (which I LOVE btw), for my ex-sister in law's wedding, I gave them a freshly made and sliced loaf of Castile soap.
> 
> I included a note explaining what Castile is; a soap that has stood the test of time, as their love will. A soap that is dependable and solid as a rock (like their love for one another). I wrote that the fragrance may fade, like the glitz and glamour of their wedding day, but the soap - just like their marriage - will only get better with time. And I suggested they use the first bar on their first anniversary


@Primrose My friend’s daughter got married last week. I’m giving them a batch of Castile. I’m trying to figure out what to put the soap in, knowing that they’ll need to keep it for a year to let it cure. I have shoe boxes with holes but that’s not very pretty. What storage container did you use for this?


----------



## Zany_in_CO (May 10, 2021)

artemis said:


> I'm curious what advice would you give, or what items would you add to this box?


This is the best ever book for understanding the opposite sex -- at any age or stage of a marriage. It helped me work through so many situations with better understanding our basic differences.  
*"Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus:  A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships"*


----------



## Primrose (May 10, 2021)

The_Phoenix said:


> @Primrose My friend’s daughter got married last week. I’m giving them a batch of Castile. I’m trying to figure out what to put the soap in, knowing that they’ll need to keep it for a year to let it cure. I have shoe boxes with holes but that’s not very pretty. What storage container did you use for this?


You know, I can't remember. I think it was a.cardboard box of some kind


----------



## artemis (Jun 30, 2021)

I forgot to add an update!

The shower was a success! The maid-of-honor did a great job during a pandemic. She bought little cups in interesting shapes and filled each with different food items, so there were individual servings of everything. Because they were all in "fancy" plastic cups, and arranged attractively, it felt very sophisticated. The far-flung friends and relations attended via zoom. The clever M-o-H (a teacher) even found a way for them to participate in the games.


Anyway, the gifts:
As I said in the original post, we gave her a basket of things we bought off her registry and labelled it, "Things you asked for." 

In the "Things you didn't ask for" basket, I put things I use all the time, but never would have asked for, some were inspired by all of your ideas: Duct and masking tapes, vise grips, a good apron... As well as some silly things: tacky novelty S&P shakers, a gnome Christmas ornament that looks like them, and a list of useful YouTube channels (DIY repair, etc).

The random advice was very random and ranged from practical everyday stuff to relationship advice.

Thanks for your help, gang. I'll see if I can find a picture.... There. L-R: Omni, KMO, and Aura.


----------

