# Buster - sad news



## Sonya-m (May 24, 2017)

I've not been around much over the last few months. A few of you may remember my dog, Buster, getting sick last year. Well his care needs increased a lot over the last couple of months but he was happy, still enjoying walks and playing. Unfortunately we felt this was no longer the case over the weekend so we made the sad decision to say goodbye to him. I'm absolutely heartbroken and feel guilty as hell for deciding to end his life. I just wanted to update you guys on here because lots of you have been really supportive throughout.


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## WeaversPort (May 24, 2017)

It is so heartbreaking to lose a family member and fur baby. He looks like a beautiful spirit who was very fortunate to have the love of someone like you in his life. 

I know no words will make it easier, but I'm glad you had each other.


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## MySoapyHeart (May 24, 2017)

So sorry to hear about this, I know how much love we have for our pets. 

Letting them go is hard, even though it is what is best for them.  But that stuff never gets easy.


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## Viore (May 24, 2017)

So sorry for your loss. I had to put down my dog last November, and I remember the pain I felt. We're here to support you.


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## The Efficacious Gentleman (May 24, 2017)

Oh no! I am sorry


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## Cellador (May 24, 2017)

I've not been on this forum for long, but I have had to make that decision for a couple of my pets. It is so difficult and I am sorry for your loss.


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## Susie (May 24, 2017)

Oh, I am so, so sorry!  You took excellent care of him for him to last that long!  And then you did the unselfish thing and let him go.  That is the highest mark of love, you know.


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## IrishLass (May 24, 2017)

So sorry, Sonya. 


IrishLass


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## dibbles (May 24, 2017)

I am so sorry Sonya. We all know how much you loved him and what great care you gave him. I know you are heartbroken. This is the sad part of sharing your life with a pet. Please don't feel guilty about your decision. You did what was best for Buster, not what was best for you.


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## DeeAnna (May 24, 2017)

I can appreciate how you feel, Sonya. Bravo to you for making the commitment to help Buster enjoy life a little longer ... and even more kudos to you for saying goodbye when it was time to do that. My vet said it is better to say goodbye a day too early than a day too late. Even though making a decision like this is terribly painful, you did the right thing.


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## jules92207 (May 24, 2017)

Oh Sonya, you fought so hard to make sure Buster had a full life, I have no doubt you made the best decision you could for him and he was so lucky to have you while he did. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## BlackDog (May 24, 2017)

Oh Sonya, I'm so sorry. I hope you can take comfort in the knowledge that you gave Buster a happy life and then a humane death when he was in too much pain to be a dog - sometimes that's the greatest gift.  He was a beautiful pup.  May you see him again someday!


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## ibct1969 (May 24, 2017)

Sending virtual hugs.  I have been there twice myself- VERY painful.  Wishing you peace...


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## lsg (May 24, 2017)

Sorry for your loss.  At least you know he had a happy life.


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## Dahila (May 24, 2017)

I am so sorry for your loss,   Do not feel guilty, you fought hard for him.  He will stay in your heart but free from suffering. I believe his spirit will stay with you as long as you need him,  then he will cross the rainbow bridge .......... I am sorry Sonya
Even when we know that is time to do them a favour, end suffering, we feel guilty.   
Please, get another dog soon, it will be easier on you (known it from experience) you will not replace Buster , no dog can replace another one.


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## lenarenee (May 25, 2017)

Oh dear Buster. I'm sorry Sonya. I know you feel awful; find a safe place to hide out for a while and take care of yourself.


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## Sonya-m (May 25, 2017)

Thanks everyone. I just miss him so much, the house feels wrong without him in it.


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## DeeAnna (May 25, 2017)

Yes ... I know the feeling. Like there's a Buster sized hole in your home and in your heart.


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## madison (May 25, 2017)

I am very sorry, sonya.


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## shunt2011 (May 26, 2017)

I'm so very sorry. Hugs to you!


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## CaraBou (May 27, 2017)

So sorry he had to go, but so glad you got all that extra time with him. You did right, Sonya.


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## Sonya-m (May 27, 2017)

Really struggling with losing him, just keep crying all the time and everything reminds me of him. I know it will get easier in time but it's hurting a lot right now. 

I still feel guilty for not trying to do more for him.


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## lenarenee (May 28, 2017)

Sonya you did more for him than most people dealing with canine ckd!  Remember - you challenged the system months ago when the vets were more inclined to keep him comfortable and consider euthanasia sooner rather than later. Then you learned that many pet owners had found ways to cope better - to struggle through the confusing array treatments, and as scary and exhausting as it was.....you advocated for Buster!  You were able to give him many more happy, comfortable  months!


Now you're wondering if you should have done more - and that's a very normal response, especially coming from someone who can love as deeply as you do.

Did the doctors ever tell you what kidney disease feels like?  It's like a constant flu....fatigue, general aches and pains, low to no ability to enjoy life. Kidney disease doesn't get better.  Couple that with the stress of constantly needing to be aware of and attending to every detail in Buster's life - both you and Buster get worn out. The time comes when the fight doesn't provide the quality of life it used to.  

Who was it that posted that ending life a day early is better than a day late?  I completely agree. I've seen a family wait too long to help their dog pass, and it wasn't until the end they learned that the dog suffered far more than they knew. And the death was far from quick or peaceful. In fact, it was torturous for the poor dog.

You gave Buster as much as he and you could take Sonya. And he died as gently and safely as possible. That's is the best gift you could have ever given him.


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## navigator9 (May 28, 2017)

Oh Sonya, I'm so very sorry for you. It was obvious how much you loved him, and the excellent care you took of him. And you loved him too much to let him suffer, and you did the right thing. I believe in my heart that he's waiting on the other side of that rainbow bridge to see you again one day. You loved him and gave him a good life.


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## Sonya-m (May 29, 2017)

lenarenee said:


> Sonya you did more for him than most people dealing with canine ckd!  Remember - you challenged the system months ago when the vets were more inclined to keep him comfortable and consider euthanasia sooner rather than later. Then you learned that many pet owners had found ways to cope better - to struggle through the confusing array treatments, and as scary and exhausting as it was.....you advocated for Buster!  You were able to give him many more happy, comfortable  months!
> 
> 
> Now you're wondering if you should have done more - and that's a very normal response, especially coming from someone who can love as deeply as you do.
> ...




I know deep down everything everyone is saying is true and I'm just not being logical about it. 

I'd like to thank you personally for pushing me to question the vets when they felt it was his time last October - it gave us another precious 7 months with our wrinkly faced fur baby. 

I don't know if I ever told you but our vets practice took on a new vet in January who was on board with us doing sub q fluids at home. She taught us how which seemed scary at first but Buster was such a placid dog he made it easy - in fact he often just slept through it!


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## lenarenee (May 31, 2017)

I was going to make this a private message, but I'm so stinking proud of what you've done Sonya, that I'm going to post it here.

You're very welcome for the "push".  Because of the experience with my Sheba, I knew that the UK wasn't yet implementing some of the common kidney disease care we had in the US. I also had someone with lots of experience with her own pets to help walk me through the process. (that's why I wanted to push or encourage you....I just knew that with Buster's kidney numbers...it just wasn't his time yet)

You didn't have that from your first vets. I know you're not feeling strong now - and thought you weren't feeling strong throughout Buster's illness. .  But with your dread of Buster's suffering and death coupled with the lack of support from the vets for new, better palliative care - your battle was much bigger than mine. I had great support, _while you had to blaze a whole new trail!_

Sonya, do you realize that because of you and Buster....your veterinary clinic has changed?  You added pleasant months to the length of Buster's life; gave him all that could comfortably be given!  Your example will set a new standard of care for the next dog/cat with kidney disease. (And thankfully the newest vet will continue to advocate for home fluids too!)

Yes, you and Buster have done a very important thing for future kidney disease care. And you had to fight through a lot of personal pain and fear while Buster was ill in order to give him as much quality of life as possible. You're an incredibly strong person Sonya. You may not agree because of the amount of pain you feel now, but you had the strength and determination of a mother bear!

Let me repeat:  I'm incredibly proud, and a little awed. 

The rest of what I'd like to say I'll put in a pm.


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## dixiedragon (May 31, 2017)

This board is so amazing. We come here and talk in excruciating detail - but there are also real, true connections being made. Who would have thought that Lenaree, a soaper thousands of miles from Sonya, would be such a valuable resource for her?

I'm so proud of you two and of our forum!

Sonya - I am so sorry about Buster. I think what another poster said is very true - better a day early than a day late. I say this because dogs are naturally quite stoic, so when they seem "okay", or just a bit "off" to us, they can actually be very uncomfortable, even in pain. By the time they have symptoms that we non-veterinary-people recognize as "suffering" they have been suffering quietly for a while.

His life was you was good. And you gave him the blessing of an additional good year.


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## Luviesmom (Jun 1, 2017)

So sorry for the loss of your adorable boy. You can see he was very loved!


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## Arimara (Jun 1, 2017)

I'm sorry for your loss. In all honesty, I don't think you should feel guilty at all for putting down Buster if you couldn't bear with him being in pain. You had his best interests in hearts and you gave him the best time of his life while he was sick. That matters.


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## lenarenee (Jun 2, 2017)

dixiedragon said:


> This board is so amazing. We come here and talk in excruciating detail - but there are also real, true connections being made. Who would have thought that Lenaree, a soaper thousands of miles from Sonya, would be such a valuable resource for her?
> 
> I'm so proud of you two and of our forum!
> 
> ...



Such a nice thing to say Dixie, thank you. Just passing on the wisdom that someone else once gave me. Now Sonya's experience will pave the way for others now that the vets see that typical people can competently administer sub Q fluids at home.


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## Sonya-m (Jun 7, 2017)

Just catching up on this. I really hope that other people get to benefit from our experience. That would be a positive to come out of the hard year we've had. But a year we wouldn't have had if we had given up. 

We've gotten a few keepsakes of Buster. His paw print in a glass block and some key rings and rear view mirror charms containing his fur:


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## navigator9 (Jun 8, 2017)

Oh Sonya, these things mean so much to us, don't they? My sweet Mimi had the tiniest bit of white fur at the very tip of her tail, that looked like she had dipped it into something. Before I brought her to be put to sleep, I snipped that white fur and put it in a locket, and I now have some of her ashes in a locket, too. We know that we will always have them in our hearts, but it's nice to have a little piece of them that we can hold in our hands, too. You and Buster were lucky to have each other.


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