ok need some relationship advice...

[WilsonFamilyPicnic]

i've refrained from commenting, but my 2 cents and they ain't pretty....

living together is a good test of your relationship. everything is peachy until you've been there for a while and get comfortable and then you either realize that its going to work and i can put up with his habits or realize that if i have to sit across the table and listen to that chewing for the rest of my life one of us isn't going to make it....

you can have a good relationship, but ultimately, you want to be with this person forever and live with them. i've known people who have over the years, dated, lived together, break up move out, start dating, wonder why things didn't work out, move in, oh yeah now i remember....

sometimes you can work out your issues, but it is work. and it takes work and give from both people.

and i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but from reading your posts, it sounds like your brain is already heading in one direction.

not that i am trying to push you one direction or the other. you need to do a lot of soul searhing. if its worth hanging on and fixing find out if she's willing to do the work with you, it not, remember it takes a big person to knwo when to let go. its harder to go than it is to stay. take a tip from the gambler....

 

[mandy93]

Sorry-really late on this one. Anyway, you have already said that you are not sure that she is the ONE...and you have been with her for 4 years? I would think after 4 years you would just KNOW.... and on top of that, if you have not been with the ex in 5 years you were what? 17?! Maybe you need to remind your GF about that......this was a teenage relationship....

Anyway, I am the one who is not too secure I guess, so I can see your GF point. HOWEVER I do not voice my opinion to my husband, because quite honestly, he has been amazing with this in our life. He has let me keep in contact with several EX's. In fact, the night the one's mother passes away-he was at our house! He got the call, left to go be with her, and then came back to our house for a shoulder to cry on.....my husband has always been great in this area. He trusts me to make the right choices. (Not that he is perfect in other areas....far from it. And also not that he has not had moments, but he never worries about people from the past-because he knows that I know the reason we all split. Now, give him a brand new person and he will get jumpy. HA)

Now, when we were first dating my husband was a jerk about a male friend of mine that I had NOT dated, but they are actually friends now, and I usually get left out so they can do things! I just stood my gournd and hoped that he would come around, and if he would not, then I figured he was not the right person.

So I guess if it were me, and I knew that this person was not the "one" and I had a connection with this person from my past, I would explain it like it is, and just remind her that if you had something to hide then you would not tell her about it. You are being honest, so she should be glad that you are not sneaking around.

Hugs!!

 

[7053joanne]

I'm sorry but I would have to agree completely with Wilson on this one. And not for nuthin but I think you already know it. Sorry Ian! :?

joanne

 

[IanT]

No its ok... I feel like Im heading in that direction too but I dont want to make decisions while Im upset or mad, I think it really is at least worth seeing what itll turn out like when we are living apart...I mean I gave it four yrs whats another 4 weeks??.... Im just sick of the negativity from her, if it doesnt work out when we are living apart then Im done with it. Ill have to walk away. I was smoldering all day at work, couldnt get it off my mind... talked to my mom, she kind of said just to wait on it for a bit and see what happens. We shall see...I mean I really do love her....just got to see if this will work out as a relationship and if we can work out our differences and grow from it...ayeee...so much on the brain. I just hope I get a career started soon so at least that aspect of my life is stable...this job right now is SO boring I have to stay on teas to keep me awake (wont drink coffee..yuck!)...

still havent talked to her though, in my room with the door closed..not even sure if shes home yet, Im not ready to talk to her yet...need the cool-down period to complete before i even consider it.


aayyeee choices...choices....


I really appreciate all the advice and opinions...helps me sort my thoughts out to see different POV's

thank you all...will let you k now how tonight goes later on.

 

[gallerygirl]

:shock: What???????? You don't like coffee?????? :shock: lol. k

 

[IanT]

lol yeahh! i dont know ever since i was a kid and smelling my parents breath after they drank it....eeeew lol.... and the caffeine literally makes my eyes look like this :shock: lol for like 3 days


.... And yes, we made up tonight... so that is good. didnt really talk about it but anything is better than nothing...we will talk about it tomorrow probably...waiting to see the outcome of what happens when we move apart...