My girl friend always makes me pay and I hate it...

[Guest]

I need a solution to this problem I'm having with my girl friend right now, thanks in advance for any suggestions. So I just recently started a relationship, we been together for just 2-3 weeks. We hung out 3 times in which I payed everytime. I drive to her, pay for gas, pay for dinner, movies, and anything that we do. I end up spending at least to $200 everytime we chill. She makes more money than me, she has 2 jobs where as me...I'm a student and only have a small part time job. She has never offered to pay for anything. When we goto the movies she just stands there when she orders the tickets, I don't want to be like "hey can you pay for youself?" so I just pay and don't say anything.Even worse, yesterday she bought this dress (link removed) and asked me to pay for it. A little rediculous for sure. You know, that's a big deal to me. The first time is fine but now it's like routine for her to do this. What should I tell her, and how should i tell her about this problem? I don't want to sound poor and be like "my money is tight want to go half half next time". It'll be weird.

 

[Traceyann]

Hey you are really being taken advantage of.....and it needs to stop !!!

I really think u should talk to this girl and tell her how u feel, just tell her that money is tight and you just cannot afford to lavash her ( as much as you would love to ) .....maybe you can take turns in paying ......if this doesnt work then maybe this just isnt the girl for you as you will end up disliking her and maybe even regreting being her friend.....

So honesty is the best policy and relationships need to be built on commumication and 2 way give and take .....not just take ....

Hang in there , keep us updated

 

[AmyW]

You already can't communicate and you have issues with her, she's using you. Say good bye and take yourself out to dinner, at least you know the person you're eating with will appreciate it.

 

[Guest]

You already can't communicate and you have issues with her, she's using you. Say good bye and take yourself out to dinner, at least you know the person you're eating with will appreciate it.

But I still love her. :cry:

 

[carebear]

You have to tell her. Long ago I was doing the same thing; i wasnt taking advantage, it smply hadnt occurred to me that it was a problem. Just don't say dot in a sarcastic way and it'll be fine.

 

[nursenancy]

If you really love her, you have to tell her how you feel. If she's the one, she'll understand and love it that you're honest.

 

[AmyW]

But I still love her. :cry:

we been together for just 2-3 weeks. We hung out 3 times

True love happens when both people can talk, understand and trust each other. I've been in enough therapy to know that much about it

If she loves you as well, and not your willingness to spend money on her, then you can tell her you simply can't afford these big dates and want to go dutch from now on and she'll understand.

If she doesn't like it... well, you're better off finding someone who doesn't want to use you, regardless of your feelings towards them.

 

[nattynoo]

Agree with the going dutch thing.
If she doesn't understand and gets a bit 'how u going' about it then she might not be a good match for u.
Love.... hmmm.... you can love someone and not b compatable.
Hope u get it sorted.

 

[Sibi]

Looks to me like she's using you big time (I would NEVER ask a friend to buy me a dress!) however maybe she is just clueless. All you need to tell her is that you love spending time with her but since your budget is tight you cannot be paying her way. And then just suggest that you each go dutch when you go out. That way you can concentrate on your growing friendship and not the money (which can sour or end a relationship in no time flat). Good luck

 

[Sunny]

this dress huh.
that's some dress.


how are you spending $200 on a date? take her on a date to mcdonald's and maybe she'll catch a clue. insist she order off the dollar menu.

 

[Hazel]

You already can't communicate and you have issues with her, she's using you. Say good bye and take yourself out to dinner, at least you know the person you're eating with will appreciate it.

But I still love her. :cry:

Why do you love her?

Is she generous? Compassionate? Does she have a great sense of humor? Does she like you for who you are? Do you have the same interests? Is she supportive and encouraging when you're having problems? Do you have the same or similar life goals? Does she make you feel good about yourself?

And as Amy said - Can you communicate? Can you discuss your feelings?

From my experience - save yourself the pain and find someone who's more interested in being with you and not more interested in what you can give her.

Just my opinion but there's also a lot of different ways of going out together that is free or of minimal cost. The purpose is to be together, deepen your committment to each other and to create loving memories.

ETA: I just looked again at your subject header "My girlfriend always makes me pay and I hate it". If you hate it, then you've already realized that this relationship is not a good one. Hate can only lead to resentment which can escalate into a really bad situation. You need to talk to her. She may not know your financial situation. She may know and is just taking advantage of you. You need to talk to her and find out how she feels.

 

[Relle]

Make her some soap and eat at home, talk, that won't cost much. As everyone has said she's using you.

 

[raysofcolorado]

Sounds like a pretty 1 sided relationship. She takes, you give. It needs to be 50-50 for it to truely work. If you don't communicate it will never last anyway so let her know how you feel. If she doesn't appreciate your feelings leave her and let her realize what she lost. Good luck!

 

[ChrissyB]

Nothing more to say than what's already been said...but I hope you find a world of happiness.
It's a pretty dress, but if she wanted it why didn't she buy it herself?
Pick out something you like and send her the link and get her to buy it for you.

 

[Bubbles Galore]

It really is completely ludicrous to ask a man that you've just started going out with, to pay for your clothes.

Before you go out anywhere again, you need to clear the air because it will just get more difficult to discuss. If she doesn't like the idea of paying her share, then you'll find out soon enough.

 

[Bubbles Galore]

It really is completely ludicrous to ask a man that you've just started going out with, to pay for your clothes.

Before you go out anywhere again, you need to clear the air because it will just get more difficult to discuss. If she doesn't like the idea of paying her share, then you'll find out soon enough.

 

[Catmehndi]

If after 2-3 weeks you hate having to pay, imagine in a year or two...huge resentment building up and what comes out of that can't be pretty or good.

From what you're saying, sounds like she's using you and she'll move on to the next guy who'll be willing to pay...sorry, but I think you deserve better than that.

Start by loving yourself first!

Good luck!