Life Changing 3 Weeks

[MKLonestar]

Cree, my condolences for the loss of your beloved husband, Jim. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you start this new chapter in your life.

I fully agree that it was a blessing for both you and Jim that the cancer was never given the chance to make him suffer to the end, so this was a blessing. It was truly a blessing, as well, that you were able to care for him in his final days....Hospice is such a godsend for just this reason.

His soul is whole without pain or suffering and he will be waiting on the other side for when you, too, join him one day (hopefully, in many, many years).

May God bless you and comfort you in the days, weeks, and months ahead. Be sure and take one day at a time and take time for yourself.

 

[Zany_in_CO]

@Dawni: Thank you for your insightful comments. But, ya know, it wasn't all lovey-dovey for 44 years. Far from it! LOL We were just an average couple with our ups & downs like everyone else... maybe "love" is just hanging in there through the tough times.
@ Cellador, MKLonestar: Thank you.

UPDATE: I'm doing okay. I go from keeping busy, making calls, waiting for call-backs, to slacking as needed. (Orders from a hospice night nurse -- God bless them all!) I've never lived alone before. Takes a little getting used to. I walk in the door from running errands (which Jim always did) and say, "Hi honey, I'm hoooo-ome" just because it comforts me. Shoveled snow for the first time in ages. Felt good to be outside in the cold air and sunshine which I love. Today I unclogged the drain in the bathtub -- such a mundane task seems to keep me grounded. I have it on my To Do list to change a light bulb in the kitchen ceiling tomorrow. LOL Doesn't get any more exciting than that!

 

[Lin19687]

Keep making small lists. It will help with things you need to do and help with the mind to Do something.

Don't forget to sit down with a friend and actually talk, cry get mad about it all. Once you get it out and the crying it will help with other tasks.

My eldest Brother was killed in 2010 (age 50) and it was so hard for my Folks. Mum died in 2014 we didn't know she had Lung cancer and neither did she. 9 months later she died on Thanksgiving. It was so hard on my Dad, he passed May 2017 and had a very hard time struggling with everything. His death was a blessing for him. Being able to talk out loud to someone helped all of us kids deal with it.

Rememeber that Life goes on and Jim would have wanted you to do that. There is nothing wrong with still Talking out loud to Jim too I still do that to my Mum and Dad

 

[Susie]

I am so very, very sorry to hear of your loss. I know it is quite an adjustment, but you will be OK, you have exactly the right attitude of doing what you need to/can and slacking when you need to do that. YOU are the person that determines how you handle the next while. Not anyone else, no matter how many well-intentioned platitudes they sling at you. Take each day as it comes. Don't get overwhelmed by too many tomorrows, or too many yesterdays, and you will be fine. It will take a bit, but eventually you will adjust to the new normal.

 

[deb8907]

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, but I am happy you found comfort in caring for him in those final weeks. You are in my prayers.

 

[loriag]

Truly sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing your heart with us. My prayers will be with you.

 

[beckster51]

My sincere condolences. It is such a blessing to be able to experience sharing someone's final journey. I am my husband's only caregiver, and it is an up and down process for both of us, but since his problems are chronic, it has gone on for many years. Some people feel sorry for both of us, but there is no need. We have made accommodations and feel blessed most days just to be together. I think you are very wise to take good care of yourself and take things at your own pace. I hope the feelings of peace and love continue for you. My thoughts are with you.

 

[penelopejane]

So very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband.

A year after my father died my mother rang to tell me she’d changed the lightbulb in the oven all by herself.
So pleased to hear about your list.

My thoughts are with you.

 

[Dawni]

@Dawni: Thank you for your insightful comments. But, ya know, it wasn't all lovey-dovey for 44 years. Far from it! LOL We were just an average couple with our ups & downs like everyone else... maybe "love" is just hanging in there through the tough times.

Exactly..... But we've all seen average couples..... And I doubt all of em can write about "an ending" like you did coz it just isn't so. I have a few horrible stories of people I know lol

If it'll help you some.. You can keep telling us about your day, or just whatever... I for one, like reading about what someone else might be doing on the other side of the world hehe..

You take care when you're shoveling snow, though!

 

[sarasvati]

I am so sorry for your loss and you have my deepest sympathy. You must have had a wonderful life together. I hope that the peace that comes from the memories of love shared and Jim's spirit around you comforts you now and in the days ahead.

 

[Megan]

I'm sorry for your loss. Your heartfelt story of his last days is truly beautiful. It is clear that you two shared a special bond.

 

[jcandleattic]

Oh Cee, I just saw this. So sorry for your loss, but as others have said, I'm so glad you were able to take comfort and get peace with taking care of your Jim.
Blessings to you. You will be in my thoughts.

 

[jangmb]

Please accept my deepest condolences. It was a blessing for you both to have had the last few months of preparation for his passing. It probably helps you with the grieving process. Continued prayers for you as you walk this new path alone.

 

[Zany_in_CO]

If it'll help you some.. You can keep telling us about your day, or just whatever... I for one, like reading about what someone else might be doing on the other side of the world hehe..
You take care when you're shoveling snow, though!

UPDATE: For breakfast this AM, I had a portion of the 6-egg Denver omelet I made a few days ago -- ham, sweet peppers, onions, parsley -- cooked in butter. Rye toast on the side. We have a jar of individual packs of condiments. I grabbed a grape jelly from the jar and smeared it on toast. One bite and I said, "ACK! What is this?!" Somehow I grabbed a pack of Ketchup instead. Dumb. It's a good thing I like Ketchup... I ate it any way. Not bad.

About mid-afternoon, I took one look at the snow on the back deck, remembered the 2 Aleves I took yesterday evening to ease my back and decided, "I'm not going to do that!" Nice thing about living in Colorado -- if you're patient, the sun comes out almost daily and melts the snow! I do miss sitting out on the deck, even when it's cold, and having my morning coffee.

 

[dibbles]

I grabbed a grape jelly from the jar and smeared it on toast. One bite and I said, "ACK! What is this?!" Somehow I grabbed a pack of Ketchup instead. Dumb. It's a good thing I like Ketchup... I ate it any way. Not bad.

You just made me think of my grandpa. He loved ketchup and would eat it on his eggs, and also his toast. Sunny side up eggs - with ketchup and toast with ketchup. In the morning.

 

[Dawni]

You just made me think of my grandpa. He loved ketchup and would eat it on his eggs, and also his toast. Sunny side up eggs - with ketchup and toast with ketchup. In the morning.

Me n your grandpa would get along then.. I smear ketchup on my toast, no butter though, and smack a nice runny sunny side up in there and cheese if there's any.. I smear it my omelets like pizza sauce too lol

Colorado sound nice is the sun can come up and counter the cold a bit.. It never gets too cold here. Even when it's deemed cool its still too hot for me to wear thicker stuff. I own one single sweater that's so old but rarely used haha

 

[CaraBou]

Zany, what a gift you shared ~ and likely received ~ by being 'side by side' with Jim during his last stages of life. I am happy for you both, knowing you shared that incredible experience. I'm especially glad he was not alone.

I had what I think was a similar experience with my mom, who also passed within about a month of being diagnosed with advanced cancer (which she unequivocally decided not to fight). Nothing was more important than helping her go with love, respect, humor, and dignity. Thirteen years later, I still see it as the most important thing I have ever done in 51 years of life.

I'm sorry to carry on about my experience or assume I know how you feel, but I must say I completely understand the sense of joy you said you felt afterward. I have rarely felt that emotion in life, or even used the word, but I absolutely did after she took her last breaths. This is hard to explain to people, so I perked instantly at your words. I've never in 13 years heard anyone else describe it that same way that I did.

May that peace stay with you, alongside the beautiful memories of a lifetime with Jim - ups, downs, and all.

 

[SunRiseArts]

OMG Zany, I am so sorry to hear this news. Please receive my sincere heart felt condolences.

Prayer and love for your husband in heaven, and for you to have strength.

 

[Lin19687]

I do miss sitting out on the deck, even when it's cold, and having my morning coffee.

I used to have a porch on my old house. Would sit outside in the evening, Autumn and early Winter with a hot cup of Tea and a Bear skin over my waist/legs. Would be so nice a quiet, even better when the snow was falling.

 

[Zany_in_CO]

11/15/18

What a day I had today! I started my new vitamin regimen and felt more energized, got more done mentally and physically than I have in a good long while. At last, I could think things through, organize my thoughts, and make a plan! I hope it lasts.

Over the past 3 weeks, everything landed on the kitchen table . It was piled high with books and papers from half a dozen different companies involved in palliative/end-of-life care for Jim. Stacks of unopened mail, magazines, newspapers; lotion oils, essential oils & stuff left sitting out; the filter from the fridge that Jim replaced; brackets from the ceiling fan that got replaced, etc. Cleared off 2/3rds of it. Once I could see the table top again, everything got organized, trashed or put away. Then I paid some bills and made a list and ran errands. But not before doing my morning "have-to's": deep breathing, meditation, exercises, out for a walk in the bracing air and sunshine. Cleared the rest of the snow from the back deck -- just because it pushed easily and I felt my back was strong enough to take it.

My main mission today was to try and solve the mystery of the missing wallet... When I came home after Jim was taken to the ER, I saw he had emptied his pockets on the chest of drawers near the bed. A few bills, coin purse, grocery list, etc., but his wallet was missing. I've looked everywhere for it. Our son, Jimmy looked too. Son, Tim (in Florida) made a couple of other suggestions we hadn't thought of. No luck there either. So then I got out the last Visa statement and called to get a list of the last purchases before Jim went to the ER, and made the rounds of stores where Jim had been. Didn't turn up at any of them.

Earlier this week, the first place I called was the hospital and asked if they could look for it. The nurse said she would tell Security and get back to me. That was 2 days ago. Hasn't happened. (Sigh) I plan on going over there tomorrow. The fact that he emptied everything but the wallet from his pockets makes me think he kept his wallet for the trip to the ER. I remember Jim saying, "I don't have any money," when I first got to the ER. I assured him, "You don't need any. It's okay. All taken care of." I hope someone in the ER found it or at least knows where to look. Perplexing!

Two funny other things worth mentioning. The County Coroner sent me a Sympathy card. Who does that? Then, for lunch, I ordered up my new fave fast food -- a Harvest Chicken Salad at Wendy's -- chicken, greens, bacon, walnuts, cranberries, apples, with cider vinegar dressing. An average-looking middle-aged guy with white hair, great smile and twinkling blue eyes standing behind the girl at the register asked me politely if I was over 55?! I smiled and said "I'll take that as a compliment! Yes, I'm 75." He winked and said, "Then you get a free drink!"

What a day!