I am so very sorry to hear of your loss! I don't care how old you are when one of your parents die, you feel like an orphan. Grief is an odd process. It is not straightforward like making soap. You go through the stages, and think you are done. You aren't. You get to go through some stages over and over until you are ready to pull your hair out. And it hits at the oddest times and for the oddest reasons. There is no planning around it. It comes when it comes, and goes when it goes. This is very frustrating for anyone that likes to be in control of their lives!
The best advice I can give you is to give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you feel that day. If you are angry, be angry! Write down why you are angry! It helps! If you are sad, be sad! Write down why! Writing it down helped me tremendously. I burned those notes at the end of every day so that I would not be tempted to go back and read them. Each day holds it's own unique grief. Do not borrow yesterday's grief for today by reading what you wrote then. That was then, this is now. It is OK to be angry about the same reasons as you were yesterday. Or whatever it is you are feeling today.
Just understand that eventually you are going to figure out how to live with a "mom-sized" hole in your heart. Not today, and tomorrow is not looking good, either. But eventually. Then there will come a day when you laugh. And you will feel guilty. Don't. Your mom would want you to laugh and be happy. So you will cry. And it will be the start of having a few happy tears for having a wonderful mom that equipped you for a happy life.
