I need a hug.

[Stacyspy]

I haven't been around much lately... Life is kicking my butt right now.
I've been having residual problems from the lye burns I got... The Dr has found that I have a bacterial infection that has so far been resistant to antibiotics. Makes for an ugly, raw pair of hands, that I'm embarrassed for people to see, so I wear gloves whenever I leave home.
I did get my Christmas soaping done, I have one show I do in Nov., so I was getting prepared. Three weeks out, and they've cancelled it.
Both kids are in trouble at school, and at home. Being the stepmom isn't any fun, let me tell you. Especially since the mom hasn't contacted them in over 3 years, and it gets taken out on me.
I'm feeling guilty because my gramma (in NY) isn't doing well, and I can't go home to see her, because my uncle has hired aides for her that don't allow visitors, not to mention, I'm 1300 miles away. I call her every day, but it's not the same.
DH bought another project car, with the Christmas fund... now I have 8 weeks to figure out how to get things done.
Thanks for letting me vent a little... I'm trying to stay positive, but it's an awful lot of work.

 

[shunt2011]

Oh dear, I'm so very sorry. Big hugs to you.

Sorry you aren't closer to your grandmother. At least you are there for her, even if on the phone.

Being a stepmom can be holy hell for sure. I had 2 step daugthers and it wasn't easy. But, stay strong, it does get better when they are older. My youngest just apologized for being such a brat and so very mean as she's now in my shoes. Her boyfriend has two kids and the girl is giving her holy hell. I told her payback was a bi***.

Hoping they can get your infection under control soon. That's pretty scary.

Will keep you in my thoughts! Check in here for some sanity or just to vent.

 

[dixiedragon]

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles.

If your husband spent the Christmas fund, it's his job to figure it out. Not your job to "make it work".

Stepmothering is the most thankless job on the planet. I salute those who do it.

 

[Dahila]

Hugs going your way, I am so sorry you have to go through this, I hope the infection will clear up and the Xmas will be wonderful. Let DH work on funds for Xmas. It reminds me of my ex. He went to buy a washer, came back with a junk car.......

 

[dibbles]

Here's a hug, and here's another. There isn't much that I can say, other than I admire your determination to stay positive. If venting here helps you do that, vent away.

I hope the problems with the infection in your hands is resolved soon. There isn't anything you can do about the situation with your Grandma, so let go of that guilt. As to the rest, work on what you can change, and let go of the rest of it as well. And the kids; the closest experience I have is my cousin, who went from being 'aunt most fun in the world' to disciplinarian and care taker (at ages 7 and 10) when her sister passed away. The kids were often awful to her, but now as adults finally recognize what she did for them and their relationships are good. There is hope.

 

[lsg]

Hugs from me too. Sometimes it seems that life throws everything at you at one time. Keep your chin up and ask that husband of yours to help discipline those kids. I was chief disciplinarian with our kids and it isn't fun being the bad guy/woman. Hope your skin clears up soon.

 

[Susie]

{{{{Hugs}}}}

You are having a tough year!

Your grandmother knows you love her, and I assure you that that means the world to her! And those aides do not get to make the rules, whoever hired them gets to make the rules. They may need to be reminded of that.

Being a stepmom is indeed the most thankless job in the world, but in the long run they will recognize who stuck by them and took care of them.

As far the hubby who bought the car. You need to make it plain to him that he now gets to come up with money for Christmas. Period. And next year, put the money in an account he has no access to.

 

[cmzaha]

{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}

Hope they figure out something to help your hands. Sometimes the side affects of an injury are much worse than the injury itself.

As for the kids, they will grow up and yep step-kids are hard. I was one and I am sure my step-dad did not always enjoy me. I had problems with one of my girls, as a habitual run-away, but I never gave up on her. I spent as many hrs on the street as her. Today she is the most stable of my two girls, and thanks me for not giving up on her.

As for the Christmas money, if the hubby cannot figure out how to replace it, let him explain to the kids why there is no big Tree filled with Christmas presents. My kids and I gave up doing big Christmas years ago, and mine grew up with Huge Christmas. We get together for dinner and give handmade presents. I had to stop when we lost our business during the big crash, and now retirement is in the way.

It sucks to lose a market you were planning on, but hopefully you can find another so you can sell your Christmas supply. I lost my main market this year and at the moment have no weekly market. It really affects the extra income.

{{{more big hugs}}}

 

[dixiedragon]

Stacy, is there a wound-care clinic in your area? My great-grandmother had slow-healing wounds in her legs and they drew some of her blood and made her a special serum from it. We would soak a strip if gauze in the serum and change her dressing twice a day. It was amazing how fast it healed after that, considering these wounds had been slowly worsening for months.

Also, make sure you are getting good nutrition and that you are resting your hands enough.

 

[IrishLass]

((((((((((Huge hugs)))))))))))) I can relate to much of what you are experiencing right now and I'm keeping all of what you are going through in my prayers.

Like others have said- you need to give yourself permission to let go of the guilt of not being able to be physically present with your grandma. It's not your fault, and like Susie said- those phone calls most assuredly mean the world to her. I was once in the same situation with my own 2 grandmas, as well as my dad (3,000 miles heartbreaking separated us) and can relate to how much it really, really sucks, but one can only do what one is able to do. As difficult as it may seem to do, you need to refuse the guilty feelings over it.

I was once a horrible, horrible step-child to my stepdad- the kind of stepchild that makes step-parents quake in their shoes (I was in my troubled tweens at the time and hurt/angry about my parent's divorce). I was incredibly bratty and nasty to him and gave him absolutely no reason whatsoever to want to give a flying flip about me, but the man did not give up, and when I grew up and finally got a clue that the world did not revolve around snotty little me, I became his biggest champion and we had an awesome relationship the rest of his days. Whatever you do, don't give up in despair over them.

As for the Christmas money- I agree with what everyone has said- hubby got y'all into the mess and he needs to own up to it. At the same time, though- there's no shame in not exchanging the usual presents, etc... Some of the best presents are the ones that don't come from a store or that are in a box wrapped in pretty paper.


IrishLass

 

[mx5inpenn]

Sorry you are having such a rough time right now!

 

[Rusti]

What on earth went through your hubby's mind? Jeez. Tell him he needs to start mowing some lawns or waiting tables quick so he can pay back what he spent and next time, as suggested, make a separate account for the Christmas money, yikes!

I'm sorry to hear about your hands, bacterial infections in your skin are just no fun at all. As useless a phrase as it is "This too, shall pass." Hang in there!

 

[TBandCW]

Lots of big hugs being sent your way....

 

[navigator9]

Hope that things turn around for you really soon. My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

 

[maya]

Oh honey.

 

[snappyllama]

Hugs at you!!

I really think you should spend a day doing things for you. Just for you. No irresponsible husbands or bratty kids. Take yourself to a movie, go for a walk, just something... sometimes you have to tell the rest of the world to efff off.

 

[DeeAnna]

Oh, dear. You have my sympathy and understanding. Is there someone safe and loving who can give you a REAL face-to-face hug too? It sounds like you need some of the real stuff as well as our support.

 

[lenarenee]

I'm sorry Stacy, must seem like no one is pulling their weight and have left you to fix everything. If I remember right, you're in a pretty rural area; no support groups for stepparents? Even at a church?

 

[fuzz-juzz]

Hugs from me as well!

I can relate to some of your troubles too.

Being unwell when you have lots to do around family is really hard. I hope some sort of treatment can be found to help your hands. Someone mentioned good nutrition, and it is true, you need to heal those wounds from inside as well. That and less stress, I hope all troubles will be gone soon to help with the healing.
My grandmother is in Europe and lives alone, refusing to go into care. She gets lots of help from other family members but it breaks my heart not be close and not to be much help.
Stepchildren, well, the whole situation can be quite overwhelming. I've been full time stepmother to two for the past 13 years. With NO support from other parent.
It was hard at the beginning, I was only 20 something and not really ready to be a mother. But it's gotten easier over the years for sure. We were struggling with their behaviour a bit through their teenage years and financially as we had no support. But they turned out into amazing young people. One finished Uni and is working in his field, another one is finishing high school and is about to go to Uni.
It will sound cheesy, but although I haven't given birth to them, I see no difference between them and my kid. It worked out well, because I had one, almost died, got told no more kids by doctors. This way I got three.

Take care and I hope life gets easier for you soon!

 

[karenbeth]

Have you tried using honey on your hands. Put it on then put gloves on. It can be a great healer for some bugs