I get flustered in public. =(

[leapinglizards]

Yeah- the last few examples you gave sound like they had very little to do with YOU and everything to do with some people acting inappropriately. A disapproving look and shaking your head at them like you would a bad child, and then turn away from them.

People touching... if it's BAD touch, like obviously being felt up or the like, that gets a slap and a call to someone in authority. If it's a POTENTIALLY innocent hand on the shoulder arm or back, it's still appropriate for you to say.... "Sorry, nothing against you but I have a big personal bubble." If they don't get it, than a direct "I'm not ok with being touched. Don't."

For YEARS I would not shake hands. I wasn't OCD about germs, I just didn't like the way some guys want to break your hand, so I got very hesitant and would bow Japanese style.

Just remember- YOU are 100% ok. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. When and if we decide it's time to strengthen one of those or build a new skill (Small talk, snappy come backs, whatever...) great for us. But in the meanwhile, no reason to feel bad about it.

You are THE perfect awesome and most divine YOU!

 

[pamielynn]

My favorite tip for starers is to look at the bridge of their nose or forehead - not directly into their eyes. You will always win a staring contest this way.

 

[hmlove1218]

Oh this is SO not ok. Out of sheer habit from martial arts classes when I was a kid, I drive my elbow into peoples solar plexus when they come up behind me and touch me. Ill even apologize and explain it away as a reflex - they only do it once! I suppose a more passive method would be to step on their instep and apologize profusely, but get a reputation for causing pain when touched without permission like that. It helps

I understand wanting to be liked, but you don't want people who touch you without permission to like you anyways, so win-win.

After years of training, I have that same reflex ha. I was actually going to ask if the OP might be able to take a few self defense classes. Blocks and escapes are wonderful for when people try to touch you without consent. Add in a few joint locks and they definitely won't do it again

 

[Susie]

Ok, remember that look I told you to perfect? Pull that out any time you start questioning if this is what you think it is. Right then. Do not wait. If it makes you uncomfortable enough to question, then it deserves the dirty look. Raise your eyebrows, set your shoulders down(stressed people raise their shoulders), and stare a hole through them.

Being touched without permission is unacceptable. I use the elbow in the stomach or the heel on the toes method of dealing with people who walk up behind me and put their hands on me. Remember that it is actually illegal for people to touch you without permission.

 

[Seawolfe]

You know what got me completely over being flustered in public? When I started working at a pub when I was 18 in London. The governess told me to act as if I owned the place, and that really helped. Just remember that you own your space, wherever it may be.

 

[wetshavingproducts]

What seawolfe said. You don't need them, kick them out.

As for the creepy staring guy, **** yeah have security kick him out. It's not only creepy but possibly stalking. 15 minutes... very scary.

Regarding the other comments, while I suppose slapping is no longer socially acceptable, it sure seems like an appropriate response. So, I suppose kicking them out of your tent is the PC response.

 

[Saponista]

The people touching you thing is really difficult to handle. I am very reserved and hate hugging, or anyone touching me unnecessarily in any way. Especially if it's someone behind me and it comes from nowhere. I have found that being open with people and letting them politely know I dislike being touched accompanied by a smile and an apology that it's my problem not theirs often works wonders. People are usually defensive if they feel like you are telling them their behaviour is inappropriate.

 

[Shalisk]

Being the jerk that I am?
Knowing that they are not there to buy?
And being a introvert-with-aspbergers myself?
I would look him dead in the face "So you want to go to your room for a demonstration? Right on, but I hope you don't mind my genital warts."
Then watch them scream and run in terror.


Know this:

There are always ash-holes. (Get it? Soap ash? ) I will draw the assumption that you are female, and likely atleast remotely attractive (Im gay, so all ladies are 'just ladies' to me.) or they would not be hitting on you.
For those that don't touch you and just stare: Stare back. Not eyecontact, not flirting /stare/ stare like you have a gun and are going to show them how it works rectially.
For those that come close and make snide remarks: Go with the anti-argument (I like shaving raspberrys)
For those that touch. Look at them, put on your sweetest smile and say "Loranna Bobbit is my hero. Touch me again and I will show you why."

 

[MzMolly65]

This seemed like a good time to share my favorite poem

“Some thirty inches from my nose
The frontier of my Person goes,
And all the untilled air between
Is private pagus or demesne.
Stranger, unless with bedroom eyes
I beckon you to fraternize,
Beware of rudely crossing it:
I have no gun, but I can spit.”


― W.H. Auden

So my evil little brain thinks (doesn't really do this just thinks about it) .. about having a cup of water in your hand and sipping on it and when someone gets really disgustingly rude you spit water all over them in pretend shock while saying, "I'm so sorry .. did I just hear you correctly?"

 

[cthylla]

I ordered that book, and copied those quotes. I really like those.

Unfortunately, right now I am wearing one of those huge walking boots (sprained my ankle last month) so I can't run from people, but I CAN stomp them with my heavy boot.

I have a show this weekend, and another next weekend... so I feel better prepared to handle the onslaught. Thanks, everyone!! :clap:

 

[neeners]

If people are just trying to challenge me rather than trying to be just nasty, I've found the all-purpose, generic, easy-to-memorize question, "Why do you ask?" to be a good response. It puts them, not me, in the immediate position of having to explain. And it gives me a little time to get my head in the game and muster my verbal defenses. Depending on how they respond to my question, we can sometimes start to have a conversation between equals.

I love doing this. puts them on the defensive, and gives you time to think, assess, and give a great answer. if their response is "I just wanna know", I then retort with "like what specifically? is it the colour, the smell, the [fill in the blank for whatever they're asking about]?". it makes THEM think while you gather your thoughts and your wits. YOU already know the answer. you just need time to calm down.

As far as the sexual references, I can give you more specific examples, though it's somewhat embarrassing. I get a lot of looking, but one extreme example is a man just stood about 2 tables down and STARED at me. I guess "leered" or "oogled" are better words for it. So not close enough for me to say "can I help you?" but close enough for me to notice and feel uncomfortable. He stood there for at least 15 minutes. I kept trying to tell myself I was overreacting....or mistaken.... and to ignore it, etc.... but it was UNNERVING. Finally, I asked a neighboring male vendor to go shoo him away. He moved, but continued to do the same thing from various other locations. I didn't think I could ask security to remove someone for staring at me.

Another example is a man (after the "you do this for a living?!") said something along the lines of "I MIGHT buy a bar if you come back to our room and provide a demonstration." I'm very literal, and the first thing I do is respond literally. Sometimes, the ACTUAL meaning comes later to me. I DID just sit there and stare at him, confused. I said "why wouldn't you just use the bathroom?" And he laughed at me and said something like "we could go into the bathroom if that's what you're into HAR HAR" and just as realization was dawning, one of his friends finally spoke up and shooed him away. But I felt gross.

A third example is touchy-feeling vendors. I get a lot of the "come up from behind and hands on my shoulders/neck kind of thing." I always jump away, and then I get the "what's wrong with you- I wasn't doing anything" ****.

Other comments are things like "so you test each one yourself- I'd like to see that!" And other similar crap.

guy #1 - sounds like a stalker. I would have gotten security and if they can't kick him out, just have a security guy "hang out" in your booth for a while, staring back at the creep. sometimes a bit of muscle around will scare creeps like this away.

guy #2 - i would tell him (if i were fast enough), that the comment is inappropriate and offensive to assume that you would do that.

customer #3 - is NOT OK! no touching is allowed!!! i felt gross when i read that. why would ANYONE you don't know think they can just touch you from behind?!?!?! i would whip around, move away (if you can), put up the force shield (wish they were real....), and say to them "can i HELP you?", with a really offended look. hopefully they say sorry after this...

generally, if you tell people they're being inappropriate and they're making you feel uncomfortable, they will usually back down.

just know that unfortunately, there ARE creepy people out there. unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about it except call them out on their creepiness.

best of luck out there! you go get 'em tiger!!!