Grumpy vent

[Susie]

Want what done to you? There's a difference between being frustrated when he won't go to the doctor over something totally treatable and not knowing when to let go/pull the plug/whatever. We were perfectly happy to honor the DNR my grandmother wanted.

Sorry, there was a post above mine that was apparently deleted that I was responding to. I am not equating a DNR with your situation.

I have been in your shoes with both of my parents. I had to move in with them because of their health conditions. It is so very frustrating!!! Especially when I am an RN and KNOW what they need to do!!!!

All you can do if he is in his right mind (not that he is making good decisions, just that he is oriented to person, place, and time) is make the suggestion, tell him the consequences of his decision, and live with whatever he decides. And I know exactly how difficult that is. Especially when you know that he may end up in the hospital because of it. I ended up using the, "I have too much going on right now for you to be in the hospital, so it would be an enormous help to me if you went to the doctor to try to avoid that." reason to get my mother to the doctor a couple of times.

 

[Rusti]

Sorry, there was a post above mine that was apparently deleted that I was responding to. I am not equating a DNR with your situation.

I have been in your shoes with both of my parents. I had to move in with them because of their health conditions. It is so very frustrating!!! Especially when I am an RN and KNOW what they need to do!!!!

All you can do if he is in his right mind (not that he is making good decisions, just that he is oriented to person, place, and time) is make the suggestion, tell him the consequences of his decision, and live with whatever he decides. And I know exactly how difficult that is. Especially when you know that he may end up in the hospital because of it. I ended up using the, "I have too much going on right now for you to be in the hospital, so it would be an enormous help to me if you went to the doctor to try to avoid that." reason to get my mother to the doctor a couple of times.

I could be really sarcastic about his 'right mind', but I won't, LOL. He's well enough in himself, he's just a mule. I did threaten to wrap his hypothetical prosthesis in hot pink glitter vinyl, should his leg ever get that bad.

Fortunately I 'only' live with them at the moment due to my own previous financial situation and not because of their health, thank goodness, but that also means I'm privy to his mule-ish tendencies and share my mother's occasional abject frustration.

 

[DeeAnna]

I think I feel sadder about your mom than your dad.

My dad was often "mule-ish" something like yours. It took a lot of the starch out of my Mother to care for his many ongoing health problems and deal with his inability to talk with her about deeper matters than just the basics of life. She never shared with me how worn down she was until after he died. She always seemed to be able to handle things fairly well, but I obviously was as blind to her troubles as my dad was.

 

[lenarenee]

Only Rust knows for sure, but it may not be stubbornNess her dad is suffering from. Denial might be as much or more of the culprit. And denial is a very formidable foe. I worked with a pharmacist who was about to have a second limb amputated, who still denied he had diabetes.