Empty nesters....help me please!

[Mooicle]

Ok this has nothing to do with soaping...or maybe it does. I don't know. But we are taking our 3rd and last child to college next Thursday. I have been going back and forth between crying my eyes out and excited about concentrating on soaping. I have been a stay at home mom for 23 years...and now it is over (eyes tearing up as I type this...I HATE crying). Guys...how can I deal with this? I am a mess inside and it is annoying the heck out of me. I do NOT want to be sad. I am so excited for all the kids but this has been what's defined me for so long that I don't know exactly how to handle this massive change. Talk about massive mixed emotions!

Don't get me wrong...I am not having such extreme emotions that I can't handle it...it's just that this new normal feels so....I don't even know HOW it feels.

I do know that as soon as we get home, I am going to make soap. I go into my happy place when I soap where nothing seems to matter but these lovely (or sometimes ugly) creations.

Thank you for letting me vent my unsoapy life stuff.

 

[Marilyn Norgart]

cry your eyes out and then start making soap. we raise our kids to be ready to move on. both mine have moved on and I miss them something awful but am proud that they have found their way in life. its not like I don't get to talk to them whenever I want. be grateful.

 

[Mooicle]

cry your eyes out and then start making soap. we raise our kids to be ready to move on. both mine have moved on and I miss them something awful but am proud that they have found their way in life. its not like I don't get to talk to them whenever I want. be grateful.

Thanks Marilyn...Sometimes when I feel that I am the only one who has ever felt this way it makes me feel kinda (massively) distraught. But when I know that other people feel the same as me, it somehow is a comfort.
Those stupid tears are ready at a moments notice which drives me absolutely crazy!!! I hate crying and being sad so much. I know that it will all come to a head when we start to head back home and I am NOT looking forward to that at all.
Learning how to soap has come at a perfect time in my life...I am very grateful that I somehow fell in to it.

 

[Dragonfly Soaps]

Ok this has nothing to do with soaping...or maybe it does. I don't know. But we are taking our 3rd and last child to college next Thursday. I have been going back and forth between crying my eyes out and excited about concentrating on soaping. I have been a stay at home mom for 23 years...and now it is over (eyes tearing up as I type this...I HATE crying). Guys...how can I deal with this? I am a mess inside and it is annoying the heck out of me. I do NOT want to be sad. I am so excited for all the kids but this has been what's defined me for so long that I don't know exactly how to handle this massive change. Talk about massive mixed emotions!

Don't get me wrong...I am not having such extreme emotions that I can't handle it...it's just that this new normal feels so....I don't even know HOW it feels.

I do know that as soon as we get home, I am going to make soap. I go into my happy place when I soap where nothing seems to matter but these lovely (or sometimes ugly) creations.

Thank you for letting me vent my unsoapy life stuff.

I was the same way when my youngest went off to college 6 years ago. Empty nesting is very real! I cried a lot too. My husband helped by getting me gardening and chickens. This was before i found sewing and soaping. But the key is to stay busy. You may still have some sadness, but over time it will be less and less. Hang in there! We empty nesters can get through this together

 

[Mooicle]

I was the same way when my youngest went off to college 6 years ago. Empty nesting is very real! I cried a lot too. My husband helped by getting me gardening and chickens. This was before i found sewing and soaping. But the key is to stay busy. You may still have some sadness, but over time it will be less and less. Hang in there! We empty nesters can get through this together

Thank you Dragonfly...this transition stage I think will be the worst...but it also seems like the stage that lasts FOREVER! I have been frantically ordering last minute things from amazon and it seems so weird that I am ordering all this stuff. Then I start thinking about things and BOOM the tears want to come. So then I go look at my soap and go into my happy place. I don't want to have a crying headache again...those things last a long time.

 

[Cellador]

I am far from being an empty-nester (I am a stay at home mom to a 7 & 4 year old), but I can only imagine how strange it must be for you to no longer have the kids in the house. It makes me weepy just thinking of it...
But, like Marilyn said, as parents, we hope that our kids will be capable of caring for themselves one day. Your job isn't done either. They will still need you for many, many things ...
So, make your soap and enjoy the quiet. Have some fun with your "me" time.

 

[Mooicle]

I am far from being an empty-nester (I am a stay at home mom to a 7 & 4 year old), but I can only imagine how strange it must be for you to no longer have the kids in the house. It makes me weepy just thinking of it...
But, like Marilyn said, as parents, we hope that our kids will be capable of caring for themselves one day. Your job isn't done either. They will still need you for many, many things ...
So, make your soap and enjoy the quiet. Have some fun with your "me" time.

Yes I am definitely looking forward to it...at the same time that I am wishing we weren't at this point. I have never experienced so complete and utter opposites in emotions before. It's mind numbing. I must say that I AM looking forward to just taking care of my hubby. It's been a long time since we have only thought about just doing things for the 2 of us. We have never been the parents that leave the kids out while we go do things. It will be a nice thing to experience.
So, soaping (or thinking about soap) during the day when he is at work, and then he gets home and we can do things together.
New normal

 

[cmzaha]

My theory is, too enjoy the empty nesting because many grown kids return to the nest.

 

[Mooicle]

My theory is, too enjoy the empty nesting because many grown kids return to the nest.

That I do agree with...our oldest has already returned once. Now she is back out in the world again.

 

[Kathymzr]

Don’t panic! Mom’s are always in high demand. Times have changed since our youth. Listen and learn about this new world. About your children’s challenges in becoming adults. Don’t stop learning. Make that bucket list and get to work it. Find supportive, active people to talk with. Time for a makeover, to reinvent yourself. That’s an active choice and will make your children proud of YOU! I’ve met sooo many vibrant women! Keep yourself smiling and your nest will never be empty!!

 

[Mooicle]

Don’t panic! Mom’s are always in high demand. Times have changed since our youth. Listen and learn about this new world. About your children’s challenges in becoming adults. Don’t stop learning. Make that bucket list and get to work it. Find supportive, active people to talk with. Time for a makeover, to reinvent yourself. That’s an active choice and will make your children proud of YOU! I’ve met sooo many vibrant women! Keep yourself smiling and your nest will never be empty!!

 

[Marilyn Norgart]

Don’t panic! Mom’s are always in high demand. Times have changed since our youth. Listen and learn about this new world. About your children’s challenges in becoming adults. Don’t stop learning. Make that bucket list and get to work it. Find supportive, active people to talk with. Time for a makeover, to reinvent yourself. That’s an active choice and will make your children proud of YOU! I’ve met sooo many vibrant women! Keep yourself smiling and your nest will never be empty!!

love this!!!!!! my boys still ask for my opinion on somethings and they both have told me they are proud of me for soaping!!! and they both have been back home to stay for awhile (shhhhhhhh i'll let you in on a secret---while I loved having them home again I was very happy they left again--you will get there too)

 

[Mooicle]

love this!!!!!! my boys still ask for my opinion on somethings and they both have told me they are proud of me for soaping!!! and they both have been back home to stay for awhile (shhhhhhhh i'll let you in on a secret---while I loved having them home again I was very happy they left again--you will get there too)

Out of all the weird things in life, this seems like it is the weirdest (empty nest and all the mixed emotions)... So far at least. I am only 51 so who knows what other weird things are around the corner.

 

[dibbles]

I was a stay at home mom of two. When the oldest left for college, I was happy for her but a mess at the same time. I cried for the first 45 minutes of the car ride home. And often during the next few days. But by the time the first week had gone by it was much easier, and I was on the way to getting used to her not being home every day. And like the others have said to you, and which you know in your heart, my husband said to me - this is what we want for our kids. We prepare them to separate from us and go out in the world to find their place in it. And hope they are successful in whatever it is they choose to do. Knowing this, however, doesn't make it any easier.

When my youngest was going off to college I thought it would be easier because I'd been through it before and knew what to expect. Nope. Just as hard. (I also thought that about the youngest learning to drive - wrong about that too LOL.) But at least I knew that it wouldn't take forever to get used to our new normal.

Let yourself be sad when you need to, and know you will be okay soon enough.

 

[Mooicle]

I was a stay at home mom of two. When the oldest left for college, I was happy for her but a mess at the same time. I cried for the first 45 minutes of the car ride home. And often during the next few days. But by the time the first week had gone by it was much easier, and I was on the way to getting used to her not being home every day. And like the others have said to you, and which you know in your heart, my husband said to me - this is what we want for our kids. We prepare them to separate from us and go out in the world to find their place in it. And hope they are successful in whatever it is they choose to do. Knowing this, however, doesn't make it any easier.

When my youngest was going off to college I thought it would be easier because I'd been through it before and knew what to expect. Nope. Just as hard. (I also thought that about the youngest learning to drive - wrong about that too LOL.) But at least I knew that it wouldn't take forever to get used to our new normal.

Let yourself be sad when you need to, and know you will be okay soon enough.

Thank you dibbles!
As much as this is hurting me, it would be a MILLION times worse if all they wanted was to stay at home with me. Because then I would feel like a failure...but they want to do their own thing and are not scared. Not one of them is scared to do things and that makes me SO happy...especially because that is the exact opposite as me.

I think one of the issues I am having is that I am excited to have it just be me and hubby...so that makes me feel like I am abandoning them. Even though I KNOW that is ridiculous, being a stay at home mom and literally being there specifically for their every need and now not wanting to necessarily do that anymore makes me feel like I am abandoning them. Trust me guys...I know that isn't the case. That is just something I have to learn that I don't have to feel like that. ...hence, SOAPING. Soaping cures all I suppose.

 

[lsg]

If you are able to work outside the home, I suggest getting a part time job. There are also many charitable organizations that need volunteers.

 

[Marilyn Norgart]

If you are able to work outside the home, I suggest getting a part time job. There are also many charitable organizations that need volunteers.

very good idea!!!

 

[Kathymzr]

Wow!How lucky you are! At only 51, you have at least half your life ahead!! You just graduated from Mom School! Don’t rent out the “extra” bedroom yet! Imagine your KIDZ shock when they come home to find your curing racks in there!

 

[shunt2011]

When my daughter went away to college I cried all the way home (2 1/2 hours) and then cried for a few more days. Then I realized that she's not gone forever and I could call her anytime pretty much or her me.

Once she graduated from college, it was even harder when I moved her from Michigan to Yuma, Arizona. I was a wreck for a month. She was so far away and there was a time difference. That too passed with some time. Until, she got met someone special and they had a baby, then it was awful once again. I had a grandbaby so far away. Then a year later another little one. We go through so many emotional changes as parents (mother's take it harder most times). However, it becomes our new normal.

Three years later they moved about 3 miles from me and now I see them everyday. The cycles of life.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Soapymumma]

I’m going through this a little right now. I was a career woman and wanted to be an independent working mum and wife. We struggled with infertility. Gave up. Surprise pregnancy. It changed my world. I’ve been a SAHM for 15 years. He’s gaining his independence wings and I’m faultering. It’s driving me crazy. Beginning of the year I cried so much. He has a big commute to school so stays at his grandparents 2 nights mid week. The new routine flattened me. I didn’t understand my emotions. It seemed crazy to me to be feeling like I was when this is what we parent for. An independent, confident, young person was emerging and I was a hot mess.

I hear you mumma. I wasn’t prepared for these feeling and I feel silly because of it. Trying to make sense of it when you also see the rational side is hard. I guess it’s a transition and will pass. I see the upside where my husband and I get to live beautifully together having raised a great young man. While ours hasn’t left the nest yet, he blows in with the wind (between long school days, stays with grandparents and his part time job) so I expect the next transition when he does leaves home to be another difficult one.

For me I have enrolled at Uni. I plan to study business. Not sure of a major yet. Soaping is a hobby for me. But I have made a facial cleanser I’d like to take to the world. So I’ll start focusing on me.
You’ve. Got. This.