Did I do the Right Thing?

[ChrissyB]

Yes, she has had the Gardasil, they did that as part of a school vaccination program.
We had a good talk...I told her it's ok to be with someone and NOT want to have sex...she said" that's why he's different, I do want to". And I told her that if she's said yes once, twice, or a hundred times, it's still ok to say no too, if that's how she feels. I told her she is a beautiful young woman, and it's her body, nobody elses, and it's her right to say no.
She said she knows now there's nothing she can't tell me, and I feel good about that.
As I said, I was a young mother, too young, I wouldn't change it for the world...but it made life hard. I graduated uni a few years after my friends because I was at home with a baby, I didn't get to travel, all those things. If nothing else, my own situation taught me the right way to handle these things. My own mother never ever ever discussed contraception with me..and looking back the knowledge that I had from magazines..friends etc was way off base.
To be perfectly honest, I wished she'd waited a little longer, but what's done is done, and it's all ok. This situation would have come up sooner or later so at least that talk is out of the way!

 

[chrissy1]

You couldn't have handled it any better. Sound like a very understanding and great mom.

 

[loveit_latherit]

Chrissy beautiful plants can only grow from great seeds!

Reading your story sounded like a Disney movie! KUDOS!! God bless you and your family ... and IMHO it is best she experience 'normal' growing up things at her age in a healthy relationship. Im sure most of us can remember a scare or two and had NO ONE to talk to or be there for us or not under such good circumstance.

You and your family are blessed

 

[ChrissyB]

Anna, thank you.
I too have thought that this turned out too well...for now. Knowing that she is so emotionally invested in this guy worries me...I remember the pain of teen heartbreak. He seems as into her as she is into him...so we'll worry about that when it happens. He has only had one other girlfriend and was with her for three years, so he's not a fly by nighter, it doesn't seem.
I'm so glad that I had you guys to talk to you about this...I haven't talked to DH (he isn't the father of my two eldest), and I figured it's a private situation between me and DD that nobody else needs to know about. I feel that she deserves some respectful privacy regarding this, and there isn't anything DH could have done/offered to do that would have bought a better resolution anyway, KWIM?

 

[Bean13]

Ok, Yes talk to her about birth control.
Yes buy them condoms
So thrilled you can talk to your daughter about this stuff and you have an open and understanding relationship. (wish I had that with my daughter)
Boyfriend sounds like a take responsible for you own actions kind of young man. The kind every young woman needs.
And you handled it very very well. I always blow up. (probably why I don't have that open relationship with my daughter)
But think about this.....was she only concerned about being pregnate? What about STD's? If she's on the pill she may (in the heat of the moment) say its ok cuz I'm on the pill. If they just use condoms then she is being protected from most STD's and Pregnancy with the added morning after pill if need be.

Take my advice with a grain of salt because I'm not the brightest crayon in the box and I never know what to say in the moment. Maybe I'm too old or naive.
Just a thought. Don't worry. I still say you handled if absolutely wonderful. Good Grace with a pat on the back and a hug.

 

[ChrissyB]

Bean, you're absolutely right.
They did use a condom, it broke...that's why they went to get the morning after pill. I told her that now she's on the pill (dr gave her that yesterday), condoms are still necessary, she can take the pill and be responsible for herself...they still have to use condoms and be responsible for each other. I've told her to only consider the pill "an extra safeguard" against pregnancy, but the condoms cover them for everything...including pregnancy. And even though that one did break, I said that's not a regular occurence, and it must have just been the odd one.
Bean, it's hard, like I said she's still my baby, inside I did want to scream and lock her up...but we all know that wouldn't work.