Convicting a Child Molester

[lenarenee]

Thank you, and the jury, Carabou.

I'd like to say that you and the jury just made a MASSIVE, MASSIVE, MASSIVE impact on that girl. You believed her. You listened to her story, you didn't punish or blame her, you defended her and made a legal record that said she was right, he was wrong. This will be a pivotal boost to her recovery.

I was that little girl once. My father, uncle, a doctor. Yeah, it sure obliterates any feeling of trust or self worth.

But while it does leave a lasting impact - don't assume it's only a negative one! It's a long hard road conquer it, and the phrase "survivor" is not some politically correct term meant to quell child adovocates. Some don't survive; drug/alcohol abuse, more violent relationships, depression, suicide. But many do. I'm in child care and am very, very good at what I do. Part of that is making sure a child knows their rights- whether it's the right to refuse to obey an adult, refuse Aunt Linda's hug, refuse to finish the food on a plate....my kids are looked square in the eye and listened to. When age appropriate - the tougher no's are discussed. They have rights, they have power, and those to don't respect it are the "bad" ones.

That's where we are now with our "little" one - a 10 year old. She's completed her Sisterhood event so knows the facts of life - just doesn't have the knowledge of how and why sex is out there, and what it could hold for her future.

The recent news items have been a fantastic gateway to have good discussions. The fact that victims' names aren't mentioned is brought up too; the shame and fear that female or male victims have - being blamed, losing jobs. etc. is discussed. I surely hope that this helps her - if something ever happens to her - she will know that it happens to lots of people, that is wrong, not her fault....well....that's what I hope. Dear God help us all.

But when this awful thing happens to you...you are truly injured. And know this - it doesn't take a single touch or word to victimize and assault someone. All it takes is that knowing, salacious look...the one that says you were just turned into an object for someone else's selfish enjoyment.

Please teach your kids power. Please teach them they can say no to adult. That an adult has to obey the rules and will be punished if they don't.

 

[CaraBou]

I'm thinking they didn't mention his relationship to protect the child's identity.

You're probably right, scard, I should have thought of that. I must say I have not been thinking clearly today. In fact, I worked only a few hours today and took the rest of it off. This trial has undoubtedly altered my life, and I am still processing through what I learned the last few days.

I was that little girl once. My father, uncle, a doctor. Yeah, it sure obliterates any feeling of trust or self worth.

I'm in child care and am very, very good at what I do. Part of that is making sure a child knows their rights- whether it's the right to refuse to obey an adult, refuse Aunt Linda's hug, refuse to finish the food on a plate....

The recent news items have been a fantastic gateway to have good discussions.

Thanks for sharing your history, lenarenee. I can't imagine what that was like. I am glad you chose a profession to help children avoid such awful experiences. Thank YOU for what you do!

I agree that we are in a game-changing time. Tolerance for sexual abuse of persons any age or any gender is going way, way down. It's about time!

 

[SunRiseArts]

I hope there is a special hell for child molesters because the innocence and trust they steal is forever damaging.

*This*

 

[Susie]

Thank you, and the jury, Carabou.

I'd like to say that you and the jury just made a MASSIVE, MASSIVE, MASSIVE impact on that girl. You believed her. You listened to her story, you didn't punish or blame her, you defended her and made a legal record that said she was right, he was wrong. This will be a pivotal boost to her recovery.

I was that little girl once. My father, uncle, a doctor. Yeah, it sure obliterates any feeling of trust or self worth.

But while it does leave a lasting impact - don't assume it's only a negative one! It's a long hard road conquer it, and the phrase "survivor" is not some politically correct term meant to quell child adovocates. Some don't survive; drug/alcohol abuse, more violent relationships, depression, suicide. But many do. I'm in child care and am very, very good at what I do. Part of that is making sure a child knows their rights- whether it's the right to refuse to obey an adult, refuse Aunt Linda's hug, refuse to finish the food on a plate....my kids are looked square in the eye and listened to. When age appropriate - the tougher no's are discussed. They have rights, they have power, and those to don't respect it are the "bad" ones.

That's where we are now with our "little" one - a 10 year old. She's completed her Sisterhood event so knows the facts of life - just doesn't have the knowledge of how and why sex is out there, and what it could hold for her future.

The recent news items have been a fantastic gateway to have good discussions. The fact that victims' names aren't mentioned is brought up too; the shame and fear that female or male victims have - being blamed, losing jobs. etc. is discussed. I surely hope that this helps her - if something ever happens to her - she will know that it happens to lots of people, that is wrong, not her fault....well....that's what I hope. Dear God help us all.

But when this awful thing happens to you...you are truly injured. And know this - it doesn't take a single touch or word to victimize and assault someone. All it takes is that knowing, salacious look...the one that says you were just turned into an object for someone else's selfish enjoyment.

Please teach your kids power. Please teach them they can say no to adult. That an adult has to obey the rules and will be punished if they don't.

I am so sorry that happened to you! I am glad, though, that you are being proactive about what you teach the kids. Please tell them that bad people lie. They lie when they tell you that bad things will happen to other people if you tell. That is THE single most used tactic to keep kids from talking.

 

[lenarenee]

Please know that I am absolutely okay now.

You made a very good point Susie - You used the word "lie", while I use the word "trick" when talking about predators using lures like "I lost my puppy". Language is very important I need to use the simplest, most accurate words, and LIE is the best word and easiest for them to relate to. "trick" can have positive connotations to it so could be confusing for kids.

Years and years ago when my oldest boy was about 5, I went to the basement for something, and reminded him to not let anyone in the door. Something in my mannerism had led Michael to believe I meant the front door and front door only. I came back up from the basement to find him opening the garage door for a neighbor to come in! Big eye opening lesson for me there - my adult perception doesn't matter - you got to understand how your kids perceive things. Even go so far as to physically act them out to practice and find the loop holes!

Btw, anyone else having issues with typing posts? I have no cursor showing on SMF, and letter don't always appear in a timely manner.

 

[Susie]

Yes, my forum seems to be laggy every once in a while. Usually if I go away for an hour or two, it clears right up. Other times it keeps it up for a few days.

 

[jules92207]

So proud of you and the other jurors, such a wonderful act you did for that amazing brave girl.

 

[Susie]

Please know that I am absolutely okay now.

You made a very good point Susie - You used the word "lie", while I use the word "trick" when talking about predators using lures like "I lost my puppy". Language is very important I need to use the simplest, most accurate words, and LIE is the best word and easiest for them to relate to. "trick" can have positive connotations to it so could be confusing for kids.

Years and years ago when my oldest boy was about 5, I went to the basement for something, and reminded him to not let anyone in the door. Something in my mannerism had led Michael to believe I meant the front door and front door only. I came back up from the basement to find him opening the garage door for a neighbor to come in! Big eye opening lesson for me there - my adult perception doesn't matter - you got to understand how your kids perceive things. Even go so far as to physically act them out to practice and find the loop holes!

Btw, anyone else having issues with typing posts? I have no cursor showing on SMF, and letter don't always appear in a timely manner.

I am very well known for lack of tact, infamous even! However, when speaking to children about bad people in this world, you need to be sure that you use the most "bad" words to describe what they say and do. They LIE to you and tell you that something bad will happen to your mom/dad/sister/brother! or They LIE to you and tell you that they have candy/puppies/etc in their car/van/truck. They then tie you up and put something in your mouth so you can't yell. So you RUN and SCREAM if you don't know them, you TELL THE TRUTH to your mom/dad/teacher/policeman! This firmly sets in their minds who is bad and who is good. Because those ___________ are going to try to confuse them right up front if they want an ongoing "relationship" with that child.