The "miss" part is what hit me hard when I moved here. It seems like something left over from the times of slavery. I can live with the others but that... I wish people would stop doing it.
Calling me Hun
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The South doesn’t have the monopoly on that contraction. Though technically south of the Mason-Dixon Line, I don’t think anyone would call Missouri a ‘southern’ state, but it was quite common to use it in the Ozarks. While I eventually outgrew “I ain’t done did”, I still say y’all almost 50 years later.
It has nothing to do with slavery and everything to do with simple courtesy.
Amen sister, amen.
I work in a very multi-cultural environment. And by “multi-cultural” I mean men, women, different skin colors, different countries, different languages, different religions, different politics, different ages (25 to 60), different family units, carnivores and vegans, and so on an so forth. Only once did we have an issue and that was with PC Karen…from her I learned that ‘inclusiveness’ and ‘diversity’ was just another name for racism and bigotry.
DianaMoon
Well-Known Member
OK. Then I'll change my line to this: when Northerners use "y'all" they are trying to be cool, trendy, and woke. It makes me cringe. It's as authentic as a New Yorker saying "yinz."
JMO.
Why didn't you just tell her yourself, nicely, that you don't like being called "sweetie"?
Yeah, really. I don't want to sound like I'm some kind of NYC super-patriot (I'm not, don't get me going about everything about this place that sucks) but one thing we did learn is how to get along with people of all different backgrounds. I do not, as an adult, need to be taught about cultural competence, etc.
My last experience in the regular job market before going indie was being forced to sit through diversity training. I won't describe here what happened -- too complicated, would take a novel -- but it set a horrible tone. I was out of there after two months.
People get offended easily, esp. on the internet, but I'm going to say this: learn to brush off minor things like this. They just do not matter.
Because she was trying to start a fight in public. And I value my ability to remain professional under all circumstances. I do not have to participate in every argument I am invited to. This way, only one of us looks bad.
I would never get upset with someone who called me Hun, Sweetie, Sugar, or any other term of endearment if it was either just habit or if it was sincerely meant. But the sarcastic sniping of calling me Sweetie, that I will not tolerate more than once.
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I worked for the Feds for about a year in the early 90s and had to spend two days going through 'sexual harassment' training. Prior to the training, we were a friendly office, after the training we were afraid to say "Good Morning" to each other. Nobody laughed, nobody smiled, nobody talked unless it was strictly business...it was awful.
I went back to school in 2009...local community college; they had just established a 'diversity' department the year before. I knew when I saw the flyers it was going to get bad and a year after I graduated, it had control over the college. My sister worked there and everyone was getting daily (sometimes more) email from the department filled with Dos and Don'ts...a lot of folks referred to them as the "Gestapo". Then Scholarships and Endowments started drying up and enrollment dropped...it wasn't until they started canceling classes that typically had waiting lists that the Powers That Be finally pulled their heads out of the butts and realized just how 'unfriendly' the college had become. That in their bid to be 'inclusive', they had instead become 'exclusive'.
So I've been told. I don't agree.
DianaMoon
Well-Known Member
I didn't mean you should confront her in the middle of a meeting. I didn't know that. I asked why you couldn't ask her, nicely, to address you respectfully in public, before you involved your boss and told him you were going to HR - that's a serious thing in today's world.
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And therein lies the problem.
That's not a problem, it's a disagreement. We can disagree without it being a problem. You are fine with it, I'm not. That's all.
You do realize that people move and take their "southern' with them? Also, there are a lot of southern speech pockets in northern states.
Hope
DianaMoon
Well-Known Member
Of course I realize that. I was referring specifically to hip "woke" types. I've heard people who never so much as set foot below the MD line using "y'all," virtually always to hector someone about politics.
If you want to understand the differences in American cultures, I suggest this great book, American Nations.
The elaborate social courtesies of the South come from cultural differences, which come from the ancestral homeland and the history of the South post-Revolution. Another book about this is Albion's Seed, which was a bit above my pay grade.
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It is a cultural thing indeed. In NYC, 'Miss' is what 'Ma'am' is in the south. I might want to say was in this case. I'd get called 'Miss' by strangers who don't know my name and it's way more polite than if someone called me "Lady". As a child I'd call the female teacher "Miss [whatever name here] and as an adult, I'm actually supposed to still address women old enough to literally be my mom at least "Miss" (I was raised a certain way, ya know). Sugar is not even used up here unless some lady who knew my grandmother said "come and give me some sugar". Honeypie is an unknown name I have never heard and willl only associate with people who want "Diebeetus" inducing food.
“Miss” for teachers is a hold over from times when only unmarried women were allowed to teach. And the use of “Miss/Mr First Name” have been around for a very long time and predates this country. It is more common to the South and Texas, yes, but it’s not exclusive
Absolutely! I am from upstate New York (Syracuse area) and, believe me, there are colloquialism across the state that would, I guess, make you cringe. I have always found that if you merely take people as they come, things generally work out. In the south I am sometimes called “Miss Melinda” which, at first, I thought was odd but you know what - people will bet people. Call me whatever you want - just not late for dinner. Lighten up folks. Life is too short for this s… to be bothering us.
Reading this thread made me think of when I first moved to Florida. Being a New Yorker, “ma’am” is not commonly used. I looked at it as a term for an older generation. Not necessarily offensive, but not what I wanted to be called at 25 years old.
My first few months in Florida, I worked in a convenient store and one of my regular customers was a young cowboy type man who always called me ma’am. I had already realized that it was a common southern thing. One day…..just sort of messing with him, I said, “how many times do I need to tell you to stop calling me ma’am?” It was his reply that got me….”I’ve had my *** beat too many times to think it’s not right ma’am”
I still chuckle when I think of him.
My first few months in Florida, I worked in a convenient store and one of my regular customers was a young cowboy type man who always called me ma’am. I had already realized that it was a common southern thing. One day…..just sort of messing with him, I said, “how many times do I need to tell you to stop calling me ma’am?” It was his reply that got me….”I’ve had my *** beat too many times to think it’s not right ma’am”
I still chuckle when I think of him.That’s just plain adorable!Reading this thread made me think of when I first moved to Florida. Being a New Yorker, “ma’am” is not commonly used. I looked at it as a term for an older generation. Not necessarily offensive, but not what I wanted to be called at 25 years old.
My first few months in Florida, I worked in a convenient store and one of my regular customers was a young cowboy type man who always called me ma’am. I had already realized that it was a common southern thing. One day…..just sort of messing with him, I said, “how many times do I need to tell you to stop calling me ma’am?” It was his reply that got me….”I’ve had my *** beat too many times to think it’s not right ma’am”
Was he/she Australian? That is a common term that is used between people there or, in Cajun country they often use Cher (as in cherie). I have been called hon, love, dear, sweetie, m’am, cher, among other terms. It is merely a way for people to engage when they don’t know your name but want to appear friendly. I am, frankly, surprised that this offends so many people. I love interacting with people and find it heartwarming when those with whom I interact show their enjoyment of others by using terms that are endearing. Perhaps I am the odd man out here but there are many other things I would rather not be called than love or sweetie.
I have usually experienced it with older clerks. Young ones call you nothing - that is if you can get them to wait on you at all.
SoapLover1
Well-Known Member
Me, too.
When I remember that sometimes my smile or kind words might be the only ones that person receives that day, I resolve to speak up more. And by the same light, I am pleased to receive kindness.
Me, too.
When I remember that sometimes my smile or kind words might be the only ones that person receives that day, I resolve to speak up more. And by the same light, I am pleased to receive kindness.
squarepancakes
Well-Known Member
Funnily enough, in Singapore as an ethnically Chinese person, when I visit Chinese restaurants run by mainland Chinese folks, they always refer to the customers as "pretty lady, handsome guy". While it was a bit puzzling the first time I experienced it, it's just their way of being casual and friendly, so I'm not too bothered by it.
Same for the Malay run places where the makcik/pakcik (mid-age auntie/uncle) will refer to most who are younger than them as sayang, "dear/sweetie". It's nothing malicious and them being welcoming.
Also, in general, everyone middle age is an "auntie/uncle" when you're out and about in a casual setting here. Even when you have no relation whatsoever. Now that I'm in my mid-thirties, I'm also starting to get kids calling me as such when I'm out.
To be offended by either of the above is well, odd to me as it's really just their way of being at ease and friendly. I think like what everyone has mentioned, it really boils down to culture and context when such terms are being used? I had a supervisor who used to pick on me and referred to me as "dear". It was infuriating because of context and not the word used.
Same for the Malay run places where the makcik/pakcik (mid-age auntie/uncle) will refer to most who are younger than them as sayang, "dear/sweetie". It's nothing malicious and them being welcoming.
Also, in general, everyone middle age is an "auntie/uncle" when you're out and about in a casual setting here. Even when you have no relation whatsoever. Now that I'm in my mid-thirties, I'm also starting to get kids calling me as such when I'm out.
To be offended by either of the above is well, odd to me as it's really just their way of being at ease and friendly. I think like what everyone has mentioned, it really boils down to culture and context when such terms are being used? I had a supervisor who used to pick on me and referred to me as "dear". It was infuriating because of context and not the word used.
