Calling me Hun

[Zany_in_CO]

@glendam Oopsie!

 

[Hope Ann]

(Change of subject: "y'all" is fine if you really are Southern, but the current overuse of it by people trying to sound cool is galling. Stop. Just stop.)

And double that for yonder and far yonder. Measurements I picked up from my granddaddy.

Hope

I've never understood being upset that someone called you sir or ma'am. It's a sign of respect. I was raised southern military so those automatically come out of my mouth. I do wish people would stop being offended at every little thing and instead look at the heart and intent of the speaker and give them grace. (Not saying this specifically about this thread but our nation in general). I'd rather not be called Hon but I recognize the intent. Ditto for my Chinese coworkers who also use Dear, as mentioned above.

Hope

 

[Emulsion]

In todays climate I pick my battles carefully and this isn’t one of them. Glad to be back to soaping.

 

[dibbles]

The mother of a dear friend has always called everyone 'honey' and I'm pretty sure it's because she is afraid to call someone by the wrong name. She is in her 90s now, but I've known her for 40+ years. I always liked it. But I know this is a personal connection and completely different than a stranger or, worse yet, a work colleague calling someone 'hon'. But when this happens (stranger - not colleague), I usually don't infer ill intent and let it go. The first time I was called ma'am was when I was all of 20 or 21. I was at McDonald's and the cashier was a HS student. That one did hurt a bit. On my 27th birthday, a younger work colleague (maybe 21 or 22) told me she hoped she looked as good as I did when she got to be my age.

 

[AliOop]

Yesterday at the grocery store, the cashier asked me, "Hon, do you qualify for this?"

She pointed to the sign which offered a 10% discount on second Thursdays for anyone 55+yo.

Me: "Yes ma'am, and where's your supervisor so I can tell him you are the BEST cashier in this store?"

Given that the big 6-0 is merely weeks away, it was a total compliment that she asked. Plus, after living in Texas for a few years, I am immune to hun, darlin, sweetheart, and all the rest.

I do agree, it is context-dependent. However, even if someone is using that language for the wrong reasons, that only makes me more determined not to let them get under my skin. Not going to let their issues ruin my good day.

 

[TheGecko]

I do on occasion refer to my boss as "Oh Great One", but never when a client is present. I am quite a bit older than my boss or my workers...twenty to almost forty years older. The younger ones were fairly casual, but have picked up on my formal terms of addressing clients as Sir or Ma'am...especially helpful as we have a lot of clients from other cultures and names can be hard to pronounce.

Now I do have my "boys" and a few others that are around the same age as my kids and so I am a little less formal with them, but a lot of that has to do with the amount of time that I have known them.

And back to my boss...he's the same as as my youngest daughter and his children call me "Auntie", but he is still the boss and even though his parents are my age, they are still my boss's parents.

 

[paradisi]

It's so cultural! And generational.

To people of my generation, ma'am and sir are usually signs of respect (Dad was a drill sergeant in WWII). Heck, he taught us to call Mom "Mother Dear Sir" and was only half joking. People my age called our teachers, bosses, elders sir or ma'am.

Cashiers now, seeing my white hair, often call me Hon or Dear, and that's fine. It's not a status competition, it's a brief human interaction over groceries.

I haven't had a business contact use Hon or Dear, if I did I wouldn't be offended so much as find it weird and a sign of bad judgment.. and rethink them as suppliers.

I am put off by business people I don't know addressing me by my first name instead of Ms. Paradisi... I find that impertinent. After we get to know each other, then you can use my first name. At least ask if it's ok.

And the same goes for me; if I don't know your name, I might call you Dear or sweetie if you're a little kid, or sir or ma'am for everyone else.

 

[MelissaG]

It's so cultural! And generational.

To people of my generation, ma'am and sir are usually signs of respect (Dad was a drill sergeant in WWII). Heck, he taught us to call Mom "Mother Dear Sir" and was only half joking. People my age called our teachers, bosses, elders sir or ma'am.

Cashiers now, seeing my white hair, often call me Hon or Dear, and that's fine. It's not a status competition, it's a brief human interaction over groceries.

I haven't had a business contact use Hon or Dear, if I did I wouldn't be offended so much as find it weird and a sign of bad judgment.. and rethink them as suppliers.

I am put off by business people I don't know addressing me by my first name instead of Ms. Paradisi... I find that impertinent. After we get to know each other, then you can use my first name. At least ask if it's ok.

And the same goes for me; if I don't know your name, I might call you Dear or sweetie if you're a little kid, or sir or ma'am for everyone else.

I was taught to always call people ma'am or sir. I loathed it when businesses tried to tell me to call people by their names. It just seems so rude. And frankly, I don't know these people, I'm ma'am, thanks. We are not friends, and I'm just spending my money with you. My friends, family, coworkers, etc are the only ones that should be calling me by my name unless asked to do otherwise.

 

[KiwiMoose]

In New Zealand it is not culturally appropriate to call anyone Ma'am or Sir. Nor even Mr or Mrs in most cases ( except a lad about to meet his future Father in law for the first time!) People who do use the titles 'Mr' or 'Mrs' when addressing people are quickly ushered onto a first name basis. I work at a university and even the professors are addressed by their first name. Then only students who call them 'Professor' are the international ones because they can't bring themselves to be as informal as the rest of us.

 

[janesathome]

When I was a kid, I recall that once in awhile someone would call my mother “dear”. She always got frosty and would mutter “I’m not your dear!” once she got out of earshot. I learned through mom to get prickly about being called “dear” myself and for YEARS I would repeat that “I’m not your dear” phrase internally when a stranger called me dear.
finally, FINALLY it occurred to me that there are much bigger hills to die on. How nice to relax and just appreciate that being called hon or dear is much better than being called “you old bat” or words to that effect! BUT I did respond to a manager who used to call me sweetheart bu calling him honey once. He looked very startled - and after that called me by my name. IMO I t’s NEVER ok for an older man, especially a manager, to use a term of endearment when addressing a colleague - especially a younger employee - unless it’s his spouse, and then it had better be behind closed doors!

 

[artemis]

I am in Youth Ministries at my church. We had a brand new, very gentle hearted youth pastor once who called us all sweetie. He meant it in a brotherly way that was clearly just his habit with female acquaintances. And, to tell the truth, he was a little scatter-brained, so he may also have used it as a cover for when he couldn't come up with a name. Anyway, I just said, "I'm sorry, but my husband is the only person who gets to call me that." That stopped it right there. I think, as a newly married guy himself, he had to take a moment to think about how he would feel about someone else calling his own wife "Sweetie."

 

[Catscankim]

I lived most of my life in Philadelphia. We don't really have pet names for people, especially strangers, except maybe babe (I never used it, but a bf/gf might).

I'm white, my cousin is black and only a couple of years younger than I am. She used to live with us since she was a baby. Then as a toddler she was placed with a black family (It was her mom/my aunts lifestyle and a dcf thing, which we won't get into LOL). Anyway. She came back to live with us after a few years and she was calling me ma'am "because you are older than me" she said. It was very weird to me. I was a teenager being called ma'am. It was a word that never exists in Philly, at least not at the time. It used to make my mom SOOOO mad when she called her ma'am. But my dad explained to me that it was a sign of respect. Fast forward a few years. She came over to see my new baby and asked: "Ma'am, can I hold the baby?" "STOP IT we are cousins!" I wasn't offended, in my head I equated it to be called "your honor" lol. It was just how she was taught by the black family that she lived with for a few years.

YEARS later, I moved to Florida. All of that forgotten about being called ma'am by my cousin, I was called Ma'am for the first time as an adult. For a long time I had a rule: don't call me ma'am. Makes me feel old. Now being down here for 15 years, it is part of my own language now. I say it all the time because it's the culture down here and I somehow picked it up lol.

A couple of weeks ago one of our ER nurses (very southern, I forget where she is originally from), addressed our hospital priest "hey baby, how you doin?" Everybody was laughing and she was perplexed "what, what is happening?" I'm like...did you just call Father Phillip baby? "yeah, why? I call everybody baby." She truly didn't understand why we were all laughing or what was wrong with calling the priest baby.

Terms of endearment do not bother me...and I will say ANYMORE. They used to. But after I have been exposed to different people over my years...Its a cultural thing, and I think it definitely varies by state.

And...living in florida, I have learned that I am a Senora, not a Senorita LOL

 

[MiscellaneousSoaper12]

And...living in florida, I have learned that I am a Senora, not a Senorita LOL

Oh no, living in a Spanish speaking country, the whole Señora vs Señorita thing is touchy for a lot of people. I'm early 20s and I've been called señora though so I don't know what that says about my appearance LOL. I do get annoyed when people call me "amiga" (friend) which I suppose could translate to "dear" or "honey" in that it can sound demeaning. So many cultures congregate where I live that I just roll with things for the most part.

 

[Kezza#Aus]

If it's a women saying it I don't mind, as I am woman. but really don't like the man to say pet names to me...

 

[Arimara]

I love that about the South. Maybe it's because people are so polite there in general that the terms of endearment are so endearing.

I know people think of NYC as rude and hostile (because it is!) but believe it or not when you get into the boroughs (not Manhattan) people are quite friendly and use "hon" a lot, esp. working-class people, so I have a soft spot for that. And Hispanic NYers call you "mami" and "papi" depending. I love that.

(Change of subject: "y'all" is fine if you really are Southern, but the current overuse of it by people trying to sound cool is galling. Stop. Just stop.)

Thank you for putting the truth out there. It's usually some of the transplants who are rude thanks to preconceived notions but sharper ones learn that we tend to look after our own and if we get to know you, we'll have your back too. But I could just be one of the last some-what old school New Yorkers.

 

[SoapLover1]

Grrrr, just needed to vent.... it seems that long gone are the days when you would call someone by their name, now all I get from businesses is "thanks Hun", "hi babe" "sure thing sweetie"

Maybe I'm just getting old, but when a business uses a pet name in professional correspondence, i will immediately go elsewhere, especially when they know my name....

Ok vent over...

Hi! I think it’s a beautiful thing for someone to speak Positive Words over you! With the society we live in today, where people are assaulted and scorned with nasty words with meant to hurt and harm. It’s also not what you are called but what you answer to. Blessings!

 

[MelissaG]

the word "y'all" is something you pick up when you've lived long enough in the south. It's just a way of speaking. I started doing it a couple years after living here now I don't even think about it. The weird thing is that people think everyone in the south is so polite. They aren't. You want polite, you go to Canada. Southerners are great at seeming polite while they are actually insulting you. I learned that the hard way. If you ever hear a southerner say "well bless your heart", they are calling you a moron. lol And that's just to start.

I do, however, make an effort not to say "eh" anymore. Americans tease you hard about that. It's simpler to just cut it out of my language. Though my husband says I start doing it the moment I walk off the plane in Canada without even thinking lol.

 

[chigirl]

Have any of y’all just recently moved to the South (as in Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, etc…)? We call everyone honey, baby, love, sweetie, sugar, etc… down here. To anyone and everyone, friends and strangers, alike. It’s just part of the culture. We do also say ma’am and sir, and it’s all meant to be respectful and courteous. It depends on the context. In a corporate setting, “ma’am” and “sir” would be used, but retail and casual places, it would be “sweetie,” “honey,” “hon.”

And, Sugar, Miss Kim, honeypie, ...all meant with kindness and affection in the south. Up north here if you say those things people get easily offended. I think it’s just a cultural thing. We offend pretty easily as a species anymore, don’t we?

 

[Kimimarie84]

the word "y'all" is something you pick up when you've lived long enough in the south. It's just a way of speaking. I started doing it a couple years after living here now I don't even think about it. The weird thing is that people think everyone in the south is so polite. They aren't. You want polite, you go to Canada. Southerners are great at seeming polite while they are actually insulting you. I learned that the hard way. If you ever hear a southerner say "well bless your heart", they are calling you a moron. lol And that's just to start.

I do, however, make an effort not to say "eh" anymore. Americans tease you hard about that. It's simpler to just cut it out of my language. Though my husband says I start doing it the moment I walk off the plane in Canada without even thinking lol.

As a Southerner, I can say that “Bless your heart” is not always passive aggressive. That is probably the one that’s most often thought of when that phrase comes to mind, but it’s not always the intended meaning. Though Southerners do have the “art” of saying something ugly in a sweet way, “Bless your heart” can mean a range of things. It depends on context. Sometimes I’ll say, “Bless it,” for example, if a child falls down and scrapes their knee. “Oh, bless it, you poor baby, come here; I’ll give you a band-aid.” Or sometimes it’s an exclamation like, “Yikes!” Or “Darn it!” Other times it’s something you say to someone who’s going through a trial, like if someone is sick or someone has passed away. You might say, “Well, bless your heart, honey, what can we do? Do you need a casserole? Can we bring you anything? How can we help?” It can be an affirmation that someone is going through a hard time, and that you empathize/sympathize with that person, like you’re blessing them/praying for them. There are times a “Bless your heart” has been thrown out there in a “You’re a moron” way, but that’s typically reserved for special occasions. But again, tone and context are key.

 

[Susie]

It's not professional but I'm used to it. I live in the deep south. Hon, honey, dear, etc are common here. It's just part of the lexicon. Though I have to say I don't call people that unless it's my husband, well unless I'm doing the passive aggressive southern insult thing lol. I've lived in the south too long. rofl

I've lived in the deep South all of my life. I got called "sweetie" in a public chat by a co-worker. I had to explain to my boss (a native Texan) why that was bad. And I also explained to him that if she called me that again, I am going to HR. But, it was all in the context.

She is a newbie, and asked a question that had just been answered and explained the day before. And I even pinned the thread. So, if she was doing what she was told by our mutual boss, and reading the pinned items, she would not have had to ask. So I explained that it was pinned. And she snarked at me and called me "sweetie". She was also mad at me for telling her that the training we are all offered would help her a lot in her day to day work.