Totally not soap related, sort of

[tammy sue starks]

I'm very sorry to hear of your plight... we all have crosses to bear but this one is particularly hard to deal and live with. I guess it's easy to understand why some military/police people resort to drink - it's unimaginable what they must go through and the mind is a complicated thing that just can't be shut off.
My ex was an alcoholic as was his father and 2 brothers and other than the possibility that alcoholism is genetic, I could never figure out the reason. But once addiction of any kind gets hold, it is so hard to overcome.
It's nice to see you have a place to vent here and that everyone has the compassion to let you do so.
Like your husband, it's also one day at a time for you - I hope today is a better day.

2 days with no alcohol and he is crabby, feels sick, and I can only pray he makes another go of it tomorrow

 

[tammy sue starks]

I am so sorry, @tammy sue starks, that you are having to go through this. I was with a violent alcoholic/addict and I left him for the safety of our child. He is still struggling with his demons, in and out of treatment, jails and 12-step fellowships. I have been in recovery for nearly 17 years for substance abuse and also bi-polar. It breaks my heart to watch him and see the damage it has cause in my son’s life.

I know many people who are unable to help themselves even though they desperately want to. Those moments of lucidity are clouded by a diseased perspective. It’s like I’m good when I’m taking my meds and then I think, oh, I’m doing great, I don’t need them anymore. There’s something going on in the brain that needs treated. Alcohol/drugs just exacerbated the issues.

I think Al-anon would be a great support system for you, even if he doesn’t want to get help. I know that AA/NA doesn’t jive with everyone. There are other programs to help with sobriety, even Moderation Management. Alcohol is the one drug a person can die from withdrawal.

I hope that you consider getting help for yourself and keep reaching out. (Hugs)

I go to counseling weekly because I am also bipolar and have my own PTSD and fairly severe medical history. The biggest part of my counseling is about my husband. I did try Al Anon, the group I was in was constant griping. It's fine to vent now and again, but honestly it just brought me down further. I'll be ok. I guess I just didn't realize how far along he was

 

[tammy sue starks]

I have never had to live with an alcoholic, so I have no idea what that is like especially with the serious health problems you're describing. I'm sorry to hear you are having these troubles.

Don't feel like you're whining or venting by sharing your problems here. You're not. Anyone who contributes to this thread is doing so freely. Maybe some of what we are saying are things that are not useful to you or things you can't take comfort from. That's okay too -- pick and choose what works for you from the messages people share here and gently let the rest go.

When I divorced my first husband, I too felt like I should apologize for leaning on my friends and asking for support. The best thing to do is to remember we ALL have times in our lives when we do this. We wouldn't be human if we didn't need support sometimes. The best repayment is to "pay it forward" someday by lending a sympathetic ear and shoulder when someone else needs help in the future.

For now, take comfort from the group, know you are being heard, and know you are not alone in your troubles.

That was such a sweet thing to say and hear, thank you

 

[Hinata]

Sorry for the delayed response. You mentioned delusional thoughts, manic episodes and rapid speech. As the other ladies pointed out there appears to be some sort of underlying imbalance that alcohol abuse is covering up. You mentioned that you have bipolar disorder, and there are difference variants of that as well. To treat someone with an SSRI is very dangerous if the person actually has bipolar because it increases rates of suicide. I know you won't be able to convince him to get a proper evaluation and he wouldn't go himself. However, if he ever attempts to hurt himself or someone else then you can call 911 and they will take him to the hospital. If someone tried to hurt themselves, they are not considered capable of making their own decisions and the hospital can force his treatment, as you mentioned before he has been restrained for days on a previous hospital admission. If that scenario happens and you get him in the hospital then psych will be called in and do an evaluation and give him medications to help me be more balanced.

I know its not the ideal route to choose but I too have been helpless at one point in my life. I took so much physical abuse.... endured broken bones and even lost my pregnancy. I had no choice but to call for help. He may hate you for it. Others may hate you for it. But if it is for his own good then sometimes we have to make that call.

 

[tammy sue starks]

Sorry for the delayed response. You mentioned delusional thoughts, manic episodes and rapid speech. As the other ladies pointed out there appears to be some sort of underlying imbalance that alcohol abuse is covering up. You mentioned that you have bipolar disorder, and there are difference variants of that as well. To treat someone with an SSRI is very dangerous if the person actually has bipolar because it increases rates of suicide. I know you won't be able to convince him to get a proper evaluation and he wouldn't go himself. However, if he ever attempts to hurt himself or someone else then you can call 911 and they will take him to the hospital. If someone tried to hurt themselves, they are not considered capable of making their own decisions and the hospital can force his treatment, as you mentioned before he has been restrained for days on a previous hospital admission. If that scenario happens and you get him in the hospital then psych will be called in and do an evaluation and give him medications to help me be more balanced.

I know its not the ideal route to choose but I too have been helpless at one point in my life. I took so much physical abuse.... endured broken bones and even lost my pregnancy. I had no choice but to call for help. He may hate you for it. Others may hate you for it. But if it is for his own good then sometimes we have to make that call.

he is bipolar hence the self medicating. I took his meds and locked them up in a safe. I give them to him every day. I don't believe he is suicidal. I think he has seen so much suicide as a cop and what it does to families that he won't do that. Today is day 3 of no alcohol. Yesterday he was a little shaky and irritable. We'll see how much of a committment to his health he has made

 

[IslandSoap]

he is bipolar hence the self medicating. I took his meds and locked them up in a safe. I give them to him every day. I don't believe he is suicidal. I think he has seen so much suicide as a cop and what it does to families that he won't do that. Today is day 3 of no alcohol. Yesterday he was a little shaky and irritable. We'll see how much of a committment to his health he has made

Has his doctor prescribed Ativan/lorazepam for the shakes? (With him being that bad, sounds like he gets DTs when he abstains.. he really should be admitted medically so they can give him what he needs if he starts having seizures.). I am so sorry for you both.

 

[SideDoorSoaps]

I go to counseling weekly because I am also bipolar and have my own PTSD and fairly severe medical history. The biggest part of my counseling is about my husband. I did try Al Anon, the group I was in was constant griping. It's fine to vent now and again, but honestly it just brought me down further. I'll be ok. I guess I just didn't realize how far along he was

I can certainly relate to the counseling being mostly about your husband. Mine was for years for my ex. That’s stinks about that al-anon group. I went to a convention awhile back and the people I met were wonderful, working the program and supportive. Not every group is the same for sure.

I’m glad that you were able to reach out here. Have you heard about Natrexone? It’s a drug that helps with cravings. I take a form of it for an eating disorder, having an addictive personality, I find it helpful. I also take Welbutrin for the other stuff. Meds and treatment are so different for people. I do hope you find something that works for him.

every day that an alcoholic doesn’t drink is a win because it is an unnatural state of being sober. It’s so easy to feel defeated when a relapse occurs, but to keep trying. I’ll be thinking of you and your husband and hold you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Susie]

That's good. Yes, the confusion and the swelling is from liver failure. Here is a good article on what is going on, and what you can and will face. It is written for non-medical people, but if you don't understand something, I am a nurse, and I will be happy to translate: Hepatic Encephalopathy: Symptoms, Stages, and Outlook

Here is a good article on cirrhosis: What Is Cirrhosis of the Liver? Symptoms,Treatment, Causes & Stages

 

[Nona'sFarm]

My husband has been really, really sick as he is an alcoholic and busy drinking himself to death. Doc says he needs more protein so for the last week I have been making meals for him and protein shakes ( the good kind, ice cream, raw eggs, muscle milk, and milk) in the morning. He swells really bad and has a lot of confusion. So of course to keep my mind off of how sick he is I clean, soap, make masks, work with the animals, basically do anything to keep my mind off how sick he is. This isn't the first time this has happened either. This morning, after 2 days of no swelling and some lucidity he comes up with lets fool around. LET'S FOOL AROUND? SERIOUSLY? I have been working my butt off, cooking cleaning, trying to convince you to stop killing yourself and you want to fool around? Is anyone else married to an ***** like this? Sorry folks, had to vent to someone because at this point I'm crying and he is sitting in the sun listening to music.

My heart goes out to you. Vent anytime. There are so many here with medical backgrounds that it appears you are getting wonderful feedback and perspectives.
By all means, take care of your health, as you can not take care of anyone else if you are not doing well. My very best regards and stay safe.

 

[Garden Gives Me Joy]

How blessed your husband is to have such a caring wife. My father's wife ignores my father who is develop Alzheimers. She used him for a comfortable life.

I'm speechless.

[Virtually sitting with you in silence and offering flowers ]

 

[Nona'sFarm]

All of this brings to mind @KiwiMoose 's quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."

 

[KiwiMoose]

All of this brings to mind @KiwiMoose 's quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle."

I need to take my own advice at times
Sometimes when you've been through sh*t, you detach somewhat and forget that other people are going through stuff still. @tammy sue starks I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can only imagine that it must be truly difficult.
With diseases/situations such as this (when you walk around amongst 'normal' folk and they can't see who you are and what you are bearing/enduring because it's not evident to the eye) I know how difficult it can be that your pain is not visible to others so they would show the consideration and kindness that you might need. I wrote a poem about it some time ago. It's called "Losing a Limb" because I used to almost 'fantasize' about having something visible so that people could see and understand what I was going through.

Losing a limb




Serrated metal saws

through my pale skin

Raw and sudden

Molten ruby spurts agony



NO!



My stomach

Screams pain

My ears

Ring horror

My eyes

Burn wretched

My chest

Seethes dread



NO!



Blank faces stare

Safety in distance

Avoiding the tarnish

of my terror



No!



Some try to help

Wrap my wound

with white cotton

Bind my mouth

to stop the screams

Make the bed

to cushion my curse

Prepare tea

to swallow my grief

Wash the floor

to sterilise the ache



No.



Yet still gore surges, seeps

stagnates into bitterness



Until time stitches my wound

With memory loss

And antidepressants.

 

[Nona'sFarm]

I need to take my own advice at times
Sometimes when you've been through sh*t, you detach somewhat and forget that other people are going through stuff still. @tammy sue starks I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can only imagine that it must be truly difficult.
With diseases/situations such as this (when you walk around amongst 'normal' folk and they can't see who you are and what you are bearing/enduring because it's not evident to the eye) I know how difficult it can be that your pain is not visible to others so they would show the consideration and kindness that you might need. I wrote a poem about it some time ago. It's called "Losing a Limb" because I used to almost 'fantasize' about having something visible so that people could see and understand what I was going through.

Losing a limb




Serrated metal saws

through my pale skin

Raw and sudden

Molten ruby spurts agony



NO!



My stomach

Screams pain

My ears

Ring horror

My eyes

Burn wretched

My chest

Seethes dread



NO!



Blank faces stare

Safety in distance

Avoiding the tarnish

of my terror



No!



Some try to help

Wrap my wound

with white cotton

Bind my mouth

to stop the screams

Make the bed

to cushion my curse

Prepare tea

to swallow my grief

Wash the floor

to sterilise the ache



No.



Yet still gore surges, seeps

stagnates into bitterness



Until time stitches my wound

With memory loss

And antidepressants.

Your poem touched my heart and brought tears, thanks for sharing.

 

[Nona'sFarm]

@KiwiMoose said "Sometimes when you've been through sh*t, you detach somewhat and forget that other people are going through stuff still."
Yes, but sometimes when you're going through sh*t it's all you can do to hang on to the next day; but if nothing else, my bad days help me appreciate good days even more and have blessed me with more empathy for others.

 

[tammy sue starks]

Has his doctor prescribed Ativan/lorazepam for the shakes? (With him being that bad, sounds like he gets DTs when he abstains.. he really should be admitted medically so they can give him what he needs if he starts having seizures.). I am so sorry for you both.

Update, Rick is two weeks with no alcohol! He is doing much better, is awake most of the day. He still has some confusion and odd behavior but he hasn't left the house in two weeks and I have been with him the whole time so I know he isn't drinking. He still can't get to his meds but is working well with me on letting me know how he feels. He does not have Ativan, but I am giving him much smaller doses more often of his diazepam, and he is even down on that.

 

[tammy sue starks]

How blessed your husband is to have such a caring wife. My father's wife ignores my father who is develop Alzheimers. She used him for a comfortable life.

I'm speechless.

[Virtually sitting with you in silence and offering flowers ]

Thanks so much and I'm so sorry for your dad

 

[tammy sue starks]

That's good. Yes, the confusion and the swelling is from liver failure. Here is a good article on what is going on, and what you can and will face. It is written for non-medical people, but if you don't understand something, I am a nurse, and I will be happy to translate: Hepatic Encephalopathy: Symptoms, Stages, and Outlook

Here is a good article on cirrhosis: What Is Cirrhosis of the Liver? Symptoms,Treatment, Causes & Stages

I just have a question about the confusion if you know. Does it ever go away when the drinking stops? The doc has him on two water pills because he is still swelling but no longer in the legs, just the belly. His doctor knows I hit him pretty hard with how he is messing up our lives not to mention his own and he stopped drinking just like that. He wasn't very friendly lol, but is doing so much better. He lost 6 lbs but he is still making odd statements, sort of like A + 4 = truck ( not that exactly but statements that make us all scratch our head)

 

[Susie]

I don't know how badly his liver is damaged. Most damage is irreversible under these circumstances. On your husband's next appointment (or if there is a patient portal, use that) ask the doctor.