For cp soaps? I use the hand technique. Using cheap stainless steel bowls from Walmart, I heat my oils directly on a low stove setting, and I mix lye into water (in the smaller bowl) in my sink. Once oils melt, I remove from heat. Once the lye bowl cools to the touch on the outside, and the oils bowl cools down a lot to the touch (slightly luke warm, oils still fluid), I begin. You can buy fancy thermometers, but I see it as a costly investment (for me anyway), and it really isn't necessary (for me at least) imo.
Edit: on your husband being a tad particular on his tools, aren't they all lol?!
I use my hands. When the bowl is just warm to the touch, it is time to soap. I masterbatch my lyes, so they are room temperature already.
Those IR thermometers are very useful around the house, though. I paid $10 for mine at Lowe's when they had a sale, so your hubby can have his, and you can have yours. $10 is cheap enough for marital harmony.
Not only men are particular about tools, though I understand them being VERY particular about one. I am very picky about mine being put back where they came from. I have my own tool box, and get perturbed if something is missing when I need it.
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