Funerals_Big big Business

[cmzaha]

Goodness gracious they are expensive. I knew they are expensive but I did not know they were as bad as they are, and now realize why some folks cannot afford to bury their loved ones without help.

My step-dad passed away last Sunday so we have been working on the funeral. It is a simple one with no frills just a service in the smallest Chapel at Rose Hills, no graveside. We are now up to 9k not including the plot, which my parents already owned. Casket and Flowers were not purchased from the Cemetery.

My mom is not doing the greatest so we had to keep it as simple as possible. Oh yes, she did finally blame me for placing him in a facility, knew it would come. What she forgets it was my sister that did not want to take care of her dad anymore. Sadly I had planned on bringing him home the end of Jan just before his birthday and surprise mom and him. God apparently had other plans...

 

[Snowbell]

I am so sorry for your loss. They are crazy expensive now. Here we also have to have a metal liner to make sure the dead don’t contaminate the soil, and they cost more then the casket. Just remember it’s her grief that’s speaking right now and since it sounds like you were the closest to them you get to be the whipping boy.

 

[shunt2011]

Oh Carolyn, I’m so very sorry for you and your family’s loss. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[penelopejane]

So sorry for your loss Carolyn.

Here you have to shop around for funeral directors as some are outrageously expensive.

 

[SaltedFig]

You have my sympathy Carolyn - funerals are terribly expensive here too

It doesn't seem like the entrenched thinking is going to change anytime soon, but fingers crossed one day your Mom will see just how much you have put into helping her and your stepDad ...

 

[dibbles]

I'm so sorry for your loss Carolyn. When some time passes I hope your mom will be able to remember all you did for them. You know you did everything you could, and much more than many other people would. I have often marveled at your strength.

 

[Meena]

Deepest sympathy, Carolyn. So sorry for the drama you're experiencing. Easy to say, I know, but try not to let it affect you.

 

[cmzaha]

Thankyou all, I know she is just grieving and she did not know I was going to bring him home against my sister's wishes. As I try to tell my mom, he is no longer suffering. This last year he had such horrible falls resulting in staples, and he had 3 compression fractures of the spine (old), but he was in excruciating pain with his back. It was time for him just not for us that are left.

My daughter did a beautiful memorial video that took her a long time to do. Neither of us do anything of this kind of thing anymore, so actually I spent all day yesterday helping with it. She was able to finish it earlier today and did a lovely job

It is all okay, at least it was until my sister informed me she is moving here to take care of mom. This worries me because I do not trust my sister. My mom will give her whatever she wants... Just gotta love families. All families have drama

 

[Cellador]

I'm sorry for your loss, Carolyn.

 

[Dawni]

Huuugs @cmzaha

They're terribly expensive here too.. Slightly cheaper if you manage to get a... Umm.. What should I call it? A "death plan?"

Well, yeah, if you get one of those while you're younger, payable in so n so years, it tends to be cheaper than shelling out cash after the fact. But you're limited to the choices that come with that package, casket choices, flowers, etc.

And that's not including the plot yet. There are plans for those too. Like buying a condo. Buy the land cheap before they start building and by the time you need it you'd have paid it in full. If you're lucky and someone wants or needs that particular plot you can sell it to them 3-6 tines what you spent.

I went to school with a girl whose parents own a funeral parlor, with a flower shop next to it, and a cafeteria on the other side. All siblings went to expensive private schools, were driven in expensive cars, had outrageous allowances, etc.. Makes you really think lol

Yep. Big, big business.

 

[lsg]

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this time of grief and stress. Hope things smooth out as time goes by. Referring back to the cost of funerals, my daughter took a class on economics in which she had to budget a funeral. She found out that caskets can be bought from superstores such as Walmart and Costco for much less than the price from the Funeral Home.

 

[amd]

So sorry for your loss, Carolyn. Funerals are ridiculously expensive.

 

[Clarice]

Carolyn, I am so sorry for your loss. Grieving takes time and tremendous energy. I hope you and your family can find closure and indeed joy.

I experienced the sticker shock of a basic funeral a couple of years ago when my Mom died. Over $11,000. Insane.

I personally believe that the funeral industry preys on grief and guilt. I do not mean to offend anyone. I just think that it is so difficult to make decisions under stressful situations, and I think the whole "environment" is designed to make you feel as if you are disrespecting the deceased if you question expenditures / options. (Or perhaps I should say that is how my family was meant to feel.)

I have put in writing my wishes for the least expensive options. If you have the time to do the research, you will find that many of the standard practices are in fact optional.

I prefer to leave my "funeral money" to my favorite charity.

 

[dixiedragon]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for your family. Maybe after the wounds have healed some, you and your mom can attend counseling or a grief support group together?