Just as one cannot start a fire without a spark, one cannot make soap without a strong alkali, whether it be sodium or potassium hydroxide (lye), or wood ashes, etc...
From what I've read online, soda ash is a caustic enough alkali to be used in taxidermy to remove the flesh from skulls for certain mounting displays.
There's just no getting around the fact that without using some sort of strong alkali to react with the fatty acids in your recipe, you won't arrive at soap. Even melt and pour soap manufacturers use lye in their manufacturing process before arriving at their finished product.
Unless your countertops are made of aluminum, your hubby can rest assured that the lye will not harm them or put holes in them. Lye mainly reacts with fats (in a good way to make soap), but it will also react with certain metals (in a bad way to make hydrogen gas). Whatever you do, don't ever use aluminum to mix or store your lye in. Not a good combo. :shock:
Glass, ceramics, plastics, stainless steel, wood, and cloth (my apron is still holding up fine) are all acceptable combos, although things like wooden spoons will dry out over time.
And as Carebear pointed out, if you ever get it on your skin, you'd figure out you had a problem long before it could eat through your skin. If you wash it off as soon as notice the telltale tingling and itchy/burning sensation that says you have lye on you, you'll be fine.
In 2 + years of soaping, I've only gotten lye on me 3 times in the form of raw soap and I don't have a single mark on me from it. I took care of it with a spritz of vinegar followed by running water as soon as I felt a reaction on my skin, and then continued right on soaping with nary a problem.
Like everyone else has said, respect the lye and you'll be fine. I always wear protective eye-gear and gloves; and to avoid fumes when initially mixing the lye in with my water, I go a step further and hold a tightly woven cotton diaper over my mouth and nose that has been folded over on itself 4 times, whilst I stir the lye/water mixture with my other hand until dissolved.
I know this all might seem very daunting and complicated to a new soaper (it did to me when I first started out), but it's really and truly not as hard or as scary as it sounds. To tell you the truth, I feel much, much safer soaping than I do going grocery shopping alone at night.
HTH!
IrishLass