Aid might have gotten me into trouble? Frustrating.

[Jubilee8269]

I just started making melt and pour soap. My home health aid said she would help me out with testing it. Which I thought was great. She's been a gem so far helping me out with stuff. So I gave her a few bars so that she could test them. She said she liked them, and that she had her neighbors try them as well. Which made me a bit nervous then started asking me how much I would charge per bar because she told them around $3-$4. I told her when I started this I couldn't sell my soaps. I can't afford insurance, I'm on disability. I have to report income and if they pay me anything I would have to report that so I wouldn't be selling anything. If they wanted to get me something as a thank you I had a link tree on my Instagram of things I needed, but I would not be selling my soaps.

Well, she sits down. Starts talking to this lady about her allergies. Doesn't tell me what they are. Asks her how she liked the soap and then tells her yeah I'm selling them before she leaves for the day. And she hasn't come in in the past two days for me to correct her on that. I put all of the soaps away so she can't take any of them to the people, but it's so frustrating and I don't have any of their contacts to call them to correct them so they know she was lying. Any advice on what to do about this? My friend said to call her employer and let them know I'm getting worried about some of the things she's been doing. Because she's also been forgetting what days and times my appointments are and to turn off the stove and oven as well. I'm not sure if she's doing this on purpose or if she's getting sick. Especially when she says things like she's the entire reason my health treatment it working. And the only reason things are working out for me is because of her. Major red flags are popping up but I don't know if I'm being paranoid or not.

 

[ImpKit]

Contact her boss / the service that is contracting her to you. Request a new home health aid. Explain in detail, with any documented specific instances, what has been happening and the risks & potential damages she's causing you. Cite that it's affecting your mental health along with whatever other risks for your physical health it is having. Explain that she is taking credit for your health treatment and you are concerned about retaliation.

In short, you're seeing what sound like legitimate red flags. Respond to them appropriately. Your health is worth it.

 

[Obsidian]

The fact that she is forgetting your appointments is enough to have her replaced. Her claiming to be the reason your treatments are working and pushing you to sell/lying about your soap is just icing on the cake.

 

[Jubilee8269]

Thank you both. I honestly thought I was being paranoid. She wasn't like this a couple months ago. Then she called and said she thought she had a small stroke in her sleep end of February/beginning of March. Since then it's been not a complete change. Before that, she said I was getting better because of people praying for me and god, but she didn't take credit herself. Now it's just gotten extreme. I'll call the company in the morning before she comes.

 

[justjacqui]

Her actions are definitely throwing up red flags. Make the call to the company! She is making you uncomfortable in your own home and that is not acceptable.

 

[TheGecko]

First thing, sit down and write everything out...dates and time. It will help to clear your mind. Then call the company that employs her. Tell them about the ‘stroke’, the changes in her, the things she has done (missed your appointments, not turning off the stove, misuse of your hobby, etc) and said to you, and that you are now concerned about your physical health and well-being and and are formally filing a complaint and are requesting a new aid. And that you also be speaking to your case worker because you no longer feel safe.

 

[Jubilee8269]

I'm actually horrible at remembering exactly what day things happened unless I write them down as they happen. A history of too many blows to the head. I've had abusers use that against me in the past. Oh, you can't remember what date so you must be imagining it. I never said/did that. You don't have any proof. But I have talked to my therapist about some of the things she's been doing and she should have notes on it. i could wait until my next appointment since she's also my case worker (actually kind of love that system) and call the company together.

 

[Catscankim]

I have a very strong distrust of home aids. I had two friends...they were not a couple. She was the daughter of Bill's best friend, who he promised to take care of his daughter who had early Alzheimer's. She was only 60, but her Alzheimers was really bad, but then out of the blue she would have some lucency "oh, I am repeating myself again aren't I? Did I tell you I have cats?" Bill at the time was 92 (now 100!). Sharp as a tack...still drives. He is the chairman of the board for a time-share in the keys and drives almost 5 hours every couple of weeks to go there. He restaurant hops, bar hops, plays a little pool and cards. He and Brandi both have a little money (their own separate money). Last year he bought a car and a mobile home LOL

Anyway...He hired an agency to have a 24 hour aide at their house to help out with Brandi. He came into the pool room one night completely distraught...the aide met him at the car when he pulled up and handed him a hand-written letter to vacate the premises immediately because they deemed him "unfit" to care for Brandi, and claimed that he was stealing money from her...later to find out that the bank teller who knew Bill said that Brandi had been in a few times with her aide to withdrawl large sums of money. The letter was so poorly written...bad grammar, no letterhead, no company name, and only signed by the aide's first name. A total sham.

Me and two friends drove over there, and the aide refused to let us in. My one friend had a city badge on, and I had on my scrubs. My friend started dialing the phone, and I guess that scared the aide and she finally allowed Brandi to come to the door...who gleefully let us in. My friend who works for the city had actually called the elderly abuse hotline.

The incredibly nice house (at one time) was in shambles...dirty clothes everywhere, dishes piled in the sink, and it smelled like cat pee really REALLY bad. Cat hair covered every inch of furniture. The aide's car in the driveway had a trashbag covering the driver's window.

Brandi went on frantically about how bad Bill was and that he was stealing her money. Asked her how she knew that, and she kept saying that the aide saw him, and that he sneaks around the house stealing her money in the middle of the night....but then also kept asking us if we knew she had cats.

He didn't do any of this, he was worried sick about her. With his help we tracked down her brother in Cali.

All is well now, but it took a lot of leg work, and this aide was so good at brainwashing poor Brandi, she still will not talk to him.

Sorry, I cannot get into a conversation without telling a story of my own LOL

Anyway...do not let this woman back in your house again. If she has keys, get the lock changed immediately. She may or may not have ill intentions, but you do not want to put yourself in a dangerous situation. IMO she has already proven herself untrustworthy. Make someone else aware of the situation...maybe a neighbor who you trust and can keep an eye out or do wellness checks on you, or call the police if something seems amiss. And definitely alert the case worker...as many people as possible.

 

[earlene]

I just started making melt and pour soap. My home health aid said she would help me out with testing it. Which I thought was great. She's been a gem so far helping me out with stuff. So I gave her a few bars so that she could test them. She said she liked them, and that she had her neighbors try them as well. Which made me a bit nervous then started asking me how much I would charge per bar because she told them around $3-$4. I told her when I started this I couldn't sell my soaps. I can't afford insurance, I'm on disability. I have to report income and if they pay me anything I would have to report that so I wouldn't be selling anything. If they wanted to get me something as a thank you I had a link tree on my Instagram of things I needed, but I would not be selling my soaps.

Well, she sits down. Starts talking to this lady about her allergies. Doesn't tell me what they are. Asks her how she liked the soap and then tells her yeah I'm selling them before she leaves for the day. And she hasn't come in in the past two days for me to correct her on that. I put all of the soaps away so she can't take any of them to the people, but it's so frustrating and I don't have any of their contacts to call them to correct them so they know she was lying. Any advice on what to do about this? My friend said to call her employer and let them know I'm getting worried about some of the things she's been doing. Because she's also been forgetting what days and times my appointments are and to turn off the stove and oven as well. I'm not sure if she's doing this on purpose or if she's getting sick. Especially when she says things like she's the entire reason my health treatment it working. And the only reason things are working out for me is because of her. Major red flags are popping up but I don't know if I'm being paranoid or not.

I would request a new home health aid. Forgetting your appointments, leaving the stove/oven on. No question. These are basic duties that when not meant are dismissal worthy. Not only can this be a safety issue, but it costs money, too.

The soap thing notwithstanding.

 

[Jubilee8269]

I talked to her boss this morning. They had actually been trying to get a hold of her for two weeks because she hadn't been giving them her clock in and out times. And she's had her phone going straight to voicemail for everyone. So I think it might not be her acting that way as a normal thing. I think she has a health issue going on and needs to be checked because they said that wasn't normal for her. Thanks for the encouragement to call them you guys.

 

[ImpKit]

I hope the best, sincerely, for you... and for her.

But I hope you still push for a new aide. While her actions might be explained by her own health concerns, you still need someone you can trust and, were I you, I would not be able to trust her any longer. A health aide also has to be willing to acknowledge and seek help for their own health concerns. If she has not... I would find them compromised and untrustworthy.

 

[Jubilee8269]

I'm waiting on the manager of the whole place to call me back. It's going from there. I don't want to just request a new one and then someone else gets her when she's doing this stuff. I want to do it properly and make sure she's going to get the help she needs along with getting a new one when they can arrange that. She really wasn't anything like this just two months ago. She was a wonderful lady, and I hate seeing her decline like this. Especially since it's so damn sudden, but I guess that's the thing about aging and strokes and/or heart attacks. They come out of the blue and someone can just change over night. Or it can be something else. I know you guys are right and I need a new aid, but I just can't stand the thought of someone going without treatment or moving onto another person and doing the same things. I always have to do what I can to help even if it's tiny things like making the phone calls and bearing with it until other arrangements are made properly.

 

[Jubilee8269]

UPDATE! She had a freakout yesterday at me not making more soaps over the weekend and demanded to know why I didn't make anymore and what I did with the other ones. Then told me there was something wrong with me and I have must be having issues since I told her she wasn't getting any more. Another call to her boss while I was with my therapist today.. They're going to find me another aid, but it's going to take a while because they're short-staffed due to covid. So I'm going to be on my own for a while since I don't know anyone who could be employed by them for a while until they could find someone else. Sucks but I'd rather make do than be badgered constantly to crank out soaps when I don't have insurance yet and only wanted to make for my friends to start with. Which I explained to her boss. Try to be nice and see where it gets you. But she said the same thing about how sometimes people get sick and their body chemistry completely changes once they reach a certain age. There wasn't anything I can do about it.

 

[ImpKit]

You have my sympathy! I don't need an aid so I can't imagine what kinds of difficulties this will cause you. But my best wishes that you will be assigned a new aid swiftly, and one who will be able to maintain their professionalism.

As for the former aid, I hope she gets the help, medical and or psychiatric/psychological, that she seems to need.

 

[Krn]

You might try calling other agencies for help, while waiting on your current agency to replace her. I hope your agency insist she gets help before allowing her to return to work. Most people doing this kind of work are doing it because they genuinely care. It does sound like she did at one time. Do not take those last things she said to you personally, none of this is your fault! Hang in there, you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Jubilee8269]

I've called around town before hunting for agencies that take my insurance. This is one of two. The other one the aids showed up once a month if that and told their bosses they were doing the work every day whether they had clock in numbers or not. And the bosses just took their words for it. My one before this lady was an absolute dream, but she turned out to be allergic to my cat. She wanted to keep coming but I insisted on switching because she kept ending up in the ER with her tongue swelling when she would get home from my place. And I didn't want her getting sick. I miss that lady like crazy.